.

[canadiancutie]

A woman goes to her boss, and tells her that a coworker has been sexually harassing her. He asks what the coworker did and the woman said "He always tells me that my hair smells nice."
"That's not so bad," said her boss.
"It's Bob the midget."

 

[evesdream]

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

 

[Marquis]

What's great about fucking twenty eight year olds?




THERE'S TWENTY OF EM!

Excellent.

I'm actually fucking a 28 year old, so I'll get to use this one often.

 

[Netzach]

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

Ok, I laughed. I'm going to share this with my bad joke buddy this week. We are always on the alert for jokes that can be told to old people safely, this is a little off color, but not too off color.

 

[fsmepls]

While walking through the Northern California woods a man came up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.

Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"

"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

"You gotta be kiddin' me. . "

"No, would you like to give it a try ?"

Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..."

So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took
his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the heck happened to you?" He told the guy the whole story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him behind the ear and said, "This just ain't gonna be your day honey. . . . "

 

[dexwebster]

-- So these two muffins are in the oven, and one muffin turns to the other muffin and says, "Man, it's getting kind of hot in here."

The other muffin goes, "Ah, a talking muffin!



-- What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta.



-- What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

 

[tealsphynx]

Knock, knock

 

[Marquis]

who's there?

 

[tealsphynx]

bannana

 

[Marquis]

Banana who?

 

[tealsphynx]

knock, knock

 

[Marquis]

Fuck this shit.

 

[Marquis]

Ok ok, who's there?

 

[tealsphynx]

please, I'll make it quick

 

[tealsphynx]

orange

 

[tealsphynx]

no one is asking orange who........



Orange you glad I didn't say banana?


(sorry I can be a bit of a dork)

 

[Marquis]

Who's there?

 

[graceanne]

Fuck this shit.

ROFL

I wondered how long you'd keep saying 'who's there'.

 

[tealsphynx]

I know it's a lame joke..but it IS the bad joke thread....

 

[graceanne]

So this guy heard about this new excercise plan. It was gauranteed to work, so he figured he'd try it. He signed up for their smallest plan, where they guarantee that you'll loose 5 lbs.

The next day the doorbell rings. The man opens the door and there stands a very beautiful, very naked blonde. Around her neck is a sign that says "If you can catch me, you can have me." Immediately the blonde takes off running. The man chases her, catches her, and they have amazing sex. Every day for a week this happens, and at the end of the time he's lost the five pounds promised.

The man is so impressed that he goes ahead and signs up for the 10 lb plan. The next morning a beautiful, naked brunette shows up at his door. Around her neck is the same sign. She takes off, and the man chases after her. She's a bit faster than the blonde, but eventually he catches her, and they have amazing sex. By the end of the week he's lost the 10 lbs and is feeling amazing. So he goes ahead and signs up for the 15 lb plan.

He waits till the next day, and the door bell rings. He goes to the door, excited and ready to go. Opening the door, their's a very naked, red headed MAN. Around his neck is a sign that says "If I catch you, I can have you."

 

[Aeroil]

I know it's a lame joke..but it IS the bad joke thread....

It didn't end in spanks so I liked it.

 

[graceanne]

I know it's a lame joke..but it IS the bad joke thread....

LOL Yep. I'm surprised that Marquis hadn't heard it yet. My sister and I loved that joke as kids.

 

[tealsphynx]

It didn't end in spanks so I liked it.

graceanne's joke looked like it had potential for a spanked ending....I like that "If I catchyou, I can have you" LOL

 

[tealsphynx]

LOL Yep. I'm surprised that Marquis hadn't heard it yet. My sister and I loved that joke as kids.

I told Marquis about my history and taht joke....my sister and I loved it too. It's actually the first joke i can recall learning...I was like 4, my lil' sis and I would sit in the back of the car on road trips (like the 12 hour+ Kind) the goal was to see how long we could get the other one to say "who's there?" LOL, dad got so irritated with it!!!

 

[graceanne]

I told Marquis about my history and taht joke....my sister and I loved it too. It's actually the first joke i can recall learning...I was like 4, my lil' sis and I would sit in the back of the car on road trips (like the 12 hour+ Kind) the goal was to see how long we could get the other one to say "who's there?" LOL, dad got so irritated with it!!!

LOL I think my mom taught it to us to get us to stop with the first 'joke' I learned. (I learned it a pre-school.)

It went:

knock-knock

who's there?

Mickey mouse

Mickey mouse who?

Mickey mouses underwear!

Yes, me and my sister thought this was the funniest thing we'd ever heard. I can see why my mom finally told us a new joke.