❓ PLP Inquires❓

[AlpineFresco]

I find people who say they're too nice, often end up being not very nice at all...

I once worked on a project with a guy who kept insisting he was a lover and not a fighter, and yet somehow had multiple stories of him falling out with people. After two days he got into an argument with one of the other staff members, and was sacked on the spot.

It just seems to me that there's a certain amount of narcissism that goes with talking about oneself like that.

^ Oh fuck, absolutely this.

People who tell you how nice they are, in my experience, are always raging asswipes.

 

[AlpineFresco]

01.30.20 (suggested!)

Are a sensitive person? If so, have you developed coping mechanisms to protect yourself? Thick skin, internalizing, etc. If not, how do you interact with sensitive people? Do you make a conscious change in behavior?

Ooh... that's an interesting one. I have my buttons, usually around insecurities, and people who know me well know what they are. Protecting myself, though... from what? From people who accidentally hit those buttons? That's just conversation, I probably will just take it on the chin or disengage for a bit, depending on how I'm feeling. For people who know those buttons and press 'em anyway? I'll be torn between establishing distance immediately and being curious as to why they'd choose to do that.

Now, making account for people... I've not been great at this. I try, and I have had it pointed out to me when I've been hypocritical in what I make space for. I need to remember that I don't know everyone's story, I don't know necessarily why something is especially difficult and even if I do know, I may not understand. It's quite possible they're more than I can or am willing to cope with, in which case I'll once again just put distance between them and me.

However, if I know something is a difficult point for someone and I go ahead and disregard it... no good comes of that. They won't 'toughen up' from it. I'll just be an asshole. I'm ashamed to say I've done this before now, in moments of anger (to family, no less), but I do regret it and it's not a trait I wish to display again.

 

[Karabare]

01.30.20 (suggested!)

Are a sensitive person? If so, have you developed coping mechanisms to protect yourself? Thick skin, internalizing, etc. If not, how do you interact with sensitive people? Do you make a conscious change in behavior?

Not really and I forget, a lot, that some people are. So I try to remember to hold back. Especially with my young sensitive daughter but also want her to not be too sensitive. So... tough love? Always trying to come across with humor helps. I rarely take things personally and rarely mean them that way either.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

01.30.20 (suggested!)

Are a sensitive person? If so, have you developed coping mechanisms to protect yourself? Thick skin, internalizing, etc. If not, how do you interact with sensitive people? Do you make a conscious change in behavior?

Wow...there's a lot here.

I think I have two modes.

Professionally? That's my domain, and while I am empathetic to how others feel, the bottom line is that it's a place of business and hurt feelings are not my main concern. Safety and productivity are. So...check that crap at the door. I'll work with you where I can if there's a significant issue, but otherwise do the job.

Outside of work? Much different story.

I'm naturally empathetic and sensitive to how others feel, and hate hurting or disappointing others...but I don't know if I'm "sensitive" per se. I'm not a crier, and I'm pretty stoic...but I DO feel a lot. Once I let you in...you're in, and you'll see those feelings.

But in terms of what others might say to me? Three decades of shit self-esteem means nothing you could say to me could come CLOSE to the shit I have said to myself about myself. So that's my armor. I'm harder on myself than anyone else could ever be.

 

[Fazer600]

There's a very interesting and enlightening book on the intro/extro controversy, that was actually a best seller a few years back, and if you haven't read it yet, I'll bet you'll be surprised by what you discover about yourself, those close to you, and also the nature of your workplace and those who inhabit it. I know I was. I was completely wrong about myself. And that's always fun to discover, right?

The book is "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking," and it's by Susan Cain. I guarantee you'll be amazed by some of the things you'll find out by reading it.

Good recommendation;. Thank you. I have ordered the book.

 

[minthe]

01.30.20 (suggested!)

Are a sensitive person? If so, have you developed coping mechanisms to protect yourself? Thick skin, internalizing, etc. If not, how do you interact with sensitive people? Do you make a conscious change in behavior?

Yes. I am a HSP. Highly Sensitive Person. To a T. Anxious, shy and neurotic. I have a lot of coping mechanisms. Some positive and some less so. I avoid overly loud places and people when I can. I try to make sure I have space/time just for myself each day. I do tend to pull back from people and friendships when I become overwhelmed. I am good at daily interactions, but not the every day texting and socializing. It takes a lot. I make sure to take care of myself. That means getting exercise, taking vitamins, going on drives with no music and the windows down, journaling. I have to take care of myself before taking care of anyone else. When I do that, the rest comes naturally.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

02.03.20

What are your thoughts on legalizing sex work? Would it solve problems? Create more problems? Why do we tolerate some sex work and not others? Is there a place in society for transactional sexuality?

 

[AveryElle]

02.03.20

What are your thoughts on legalizing sex work? Would it solve problems? Create more problems? Why do we tolerate some sex work and not others? Is there a place in society for transactional sexuality?

Great question.

oldest job in the world. giving sex workers autonomy would be a huge benefit. Unions, benefits, etc. I don't think we tolerate some and not others, I think society has issues with what it doesn't understand.

That said, I think to legalize it, you need to define it. And I see "sex workers" being universally unable to define sex work. Would it have to be in person? does web cam and phone sex count? I think sex work is work where you are directly, physically involved in a sexual act with someone, and when marginalized, could be incredibly dangerous. I don't think cam, phone, or writing erotica is sex work. It's just work of a sexual nature. But they'd disagree and the politics of defining what sex work is would make heads explode.

Additionally, the illegal nature of it is part of the turn on for some. And it being "under the table", while criminal, keeps some women in a space they like (people don't know what they do, they don't have to pay taxes, etc).

It's a difficult question to answer, because people would still do it illegally.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

02.03.20

What are your thoughts on legalizing sex work? Would it solve problems? Create more problems? Why do we tolerate some sex work and not others? Is there a place in society for transactional sexuality?

That is hard to answer as it would both solve and create problems. In theory, it would improve the safety and health of many of the employees and reduce the stigma. It would prevent people from being incarcerated for victimless crimes. That in itself means it would likely grow as a career choice. The biggest problem in my eyes is the moving of the line on a large scale. Accountant Bob doesn't just wake up one day and say hey, I am going to be a human trafficker. Account Bob is more likely to advice a shady person on offshore banking, then work with more shady people, then downright criminal people. The decent into darkness happens one compromise at a time. If more brothels open everywhere, more brothel management will probably turn a blind eye to that girl that looks 17, but the ID says otherwise and it is a fairly good fake. Then eventually some will just be making fake ids and forging paperwork for 13 year olds.

I guess that I believe people will always try to make more money by blurring lines and eventually be grossly crossing them. Lowering the line just means they start at a lower place and don't have near as far to go. Now, if I unicorns were real and rainbows shot out of my ass and everyone followed the law so we made prostitution legal, and the laws, checks, and balances were all well thought out, determined and implemented, sure I'd support it. However, as of today, a rainbow has still not shot out of my ass, ever, so I am just not sure it wouldn't do more harm than good.

 

[Dribble]

This is such a complicated question. I love being forced to think.

Getting accurate numbers is difficult, but if one googles "proportion of prostitutes that are drug users", we get estimates between 40 and 85%. How would legalization help these individuals? Who "protects" them from those that "use" them (no I am not talking about johns). Legalization will not stop the mistreatment.

I think it is silly it is a crime. But the issues for why so many walk this path wouldnt be fixed...unless I am totally missing something

Edit...I see legalization as only protecting the customers...why shouldn't their wives and husbands know? This is very complicated

 

[Mr_bogey]

I'm in favor of it. Then again, I'm for legalizing drugs as well. Remove the criminal element, invest in educating future generations and let law enforcement focus on true and serious sex crimes. There are so many govt dollars invested on busting rub and tug places. Legalization would allow for regulation. It would make it easier to focus on children being abused and forced into the life and the human trafficking element that is often connected to prostitution.

I believe people have a right to determine what they do with their body.

 

[Ezeerider]

I appreciate many of the questions and answers in this thread, since, for one thing, they were meant to encourage thought and therefore, articulate responses.
For another, they provide some very interesting insights into the respondents who contribute.

However, whether it be here or some other thread, one thing that I find to be profoundly disturbing is the notion that some people believe themselves to have true friends here, or to be in some sort of emotional and/or important relationship with other faceless and distant entities that they really do not know at all, but actually only know what they've been told or allowed to think by that person.

In thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that this is a truly unfortunate phenomenon that results from those who live in and for the "social media," as a substitute for the much more difficult, and sometimes dangerous, business of establishing and maintaining a real life - which would (presumably) involve establishing real friendships and relationships with real people.

Time and again we see people describe their coming here after some disastrous or frustrating relationship or event in real life has proven too stressful or disappointing for them, directly or implicitly begging the sympathy or solutions provided by anonymous voices behind a wall - or, and this is even more disturbing - simply after a normal day in which things just didn't all go their way.

By retreating from the realities of life, whether wonderful or horrible, those who rely on various "social media" or other forms of anonymous and ultimately meaningless forms of passive diversion sacrifice any real sense of perspective for the perceived safety and security of the electronic womb.

Take for instance the fervently embraced adoption of the common noun 'friend' as a verb. In my own view and experience, if you truly believe that 'friend' can be a verb, then you really have no idea whatsoever what that word actually means.

We meet many, many people in this life of ours, and therefore acquire many acquaintances of one sort or another, but in the end, we have a precious few real friends. There is so very much more to true friendship than exchanging a few similar views with an image we may never really know. True friendships - and I think we all know this in our hearts - are tested, proven and often forged in fire and adversity.

If we can accept that as a truth, then the silly notion of "un-friend" is even more pitifully ridiculous.

The saddest aspect of all this is that it has become pandemic. Perhaps then, our next question might address this and its ultimate effect upon human society. While volumes are being written about this and the vicious addiction to cell phones that enable it, wouldn't it be interesting to see what just our group thinks about it?

My apologies to PLP up front, as I had no intention of hijacking your thread through posing the question. Perhaps if you were to do so? My thanks to you for an always-interesting forum here.

 

[The_gladiator]

I appreciate many of the questions and answers in this thread, since, for one thing, they were meant to encourage thought and therefore, articulate responses.
For another, they provide some very interesting insights into the respondents who contribute.

However, whether it be here or some other thread, one thing that I find to be profoundly disturbing is the notion that some people believe themselves to have true friends here, or to be in some sort of emotional and/or important relationship with other faceless and distant entities that they really do not know at all, but actually only know what they've been told or allowed to think by that person.

In thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that this is a truly unfortunate phenomenon that results from those who live in and for the "social media," as a substitute for the much more difficult, and sometimes dangerous, business of establishing and maintaining a real life - which would (presumably) involve establishing real friendships and relationships with real people.

Time and again we see people describe their coming here after some disastrous or frustrating relationship or event in real life has proven too stressful or disappointing for them, directly or implicitly begging the sympathy or solutions provided by anonymous voices behind a wall - or, and this is even more disturbing - simply after a normal day in which things just didn't all go their way.

By retreating from the realities of life, whether wonderful or horrible, those who rely on various "social media" or other forms of anonymous and ultimately meaningless forms of passive diversion sacrifice any real sense of perspective for the perceived safety and security of the electronic womb.

Take for instance the fervently embraced adoption of the common noun 'friend' as a verb. In my own view and experience, if you truly believe that 'friend' can be a verb, then you really have no idea whatsoever what that word actually means.

We meet many, many people in this life of ours, and therefore acquire many acquaintances of one sort or another, but in the end, we have a precious few real friends. There is so very much more to true friendship than exchanging a few similar views with an image we may never really know. True friendships - and I think we all know this in our hearts - are tested, proven and often forged in fire and adversity.

If we can accept that as a truth, then the silly notion of "un-friend" is even more pitifully ridiculous.

The saddest aspect of all this is that it has become pandemic. Perhaps then, our next question might address this and its ultimate effect upon human society. While volumes are being written about this and the vicious addiction to cell phones that enable it, wouldn't it be interesting to see what just our group thinks about it?

My apologies to PLP up front, as I had no intention of hijacking your thread through posing the question. Perhaps if you were to do so? My thanks to you for an always-interesting forum here.

You do realize that many here have met some of who they interact with in person? I see your post makes no mention of that.

Additionally is what people do here really that different than when previous generations went to a bar and had friends they met at the bar. Take the show cheers for example, would any of those people have met if that bar hadn’t been there? Also, does your “friend” at the bar know any more about you than what you choose to share? My guess is no. Yes, there are fakes online, but so are there in person. I’ve seen people in the real world greet someone warmly, then talk shit about that person after they leave, how is that any different than anything that happens here, its not. I do not see internet chatting through rose colored glasses it has its issues, but, so does “real life communication” too. Whether online or in person human psychology pretty much cuts through.

 

[Dribble]

I know several people here. We talk daily through other methods. We share pictures of our kids...of our dogs...of the food we made. Of the yard. Of the project just completed. I know their birthday...their kids birthday...what their kids got for xmas. Any asshole that says I am not a "real" friend....is exactly that...an asshole.

Dude...sorry she dumped you. But look in the fucking mirror before you judge others.

Fucking asshole...

 

[beachbaby179]

And I would go a bit further, to say that just because you meet on the internet makes you no less real, and certainly not faceless. Skype and Facetime are used extensively here, between people who have come to trust one another. In my experience, for every fake, or someone who is posturing, there are 10 people here who are genuine. And, I would argue that they can be more themselves here than with many "real" friends, since propriety is not required here, and sometimes even discouraged!

 

[tnman03]

02.03.20

What are your thoughts on legalizing sex work? Would it solve problems? Create more problems? Why do we tolerate some sex work and not others? Is there a place in society for transactional sexuality?

I’m hazarding a guess that this topic is pertaining to prostitution and if so I believe it’s a good idea to legalize it. But, that’s going to open up its own can of worms as it’s likely to be heavily under the thumb of government and subject to sin or luxury taxes. So, it’s going to be very expensive. My guess is even if prostitution is legalized there’s still going to be prostitutes working in seedy, dangerous places for the clientele they service. They’ll still be pimps and drugs will continue to be a major part of it all. But…it’s a start.

 

[base10]

02.03.20

What are your thoughts on legalizing sex work? Would it solve problems? Create more problems? Why do we tolerate some sex work and not others? Is there a place in society for transactional sexuality?

In theory, yes we should legalize it. What is wrong with the transaction when there is a willing buyer and a willing sell. One party is happy to pay for sex, the other is happy to get paid to fuck them. Both are making a conscious and thoughtful decision to enter into the transaction. All good.

In practice, many (certainly not all) people attracted to the sex work industry either as a worker or a customer find themself there due to less than positive circumstances. Many workers are treated as powerless and uncared for vessels.

These two discrepancies is why I think certain things are tolerated while others aren't. It would be great for scenario one to be the reality, but often scenario two is closer to reality.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

Decriminalize it! People are always going to work under the table, if they can get away with it, but having sex for money shouldn't be a crime. I don't see how it would create more problems, but I can see where it could give sex workers some rights and much needed protection that they don't currently have.

What Indie said.

That's the top-level viewpoint. Legalize it. We'll figure out the regulation and protections for the workers...the devil is in the details but it's past time to do this.

 

[AlpineFresco]

02.03.20

What are your thoughts on legalizing sex work? Would it solve problems? Create more problems? Why do we tolerate some sex work and not others? Is there a place in society for transactional sexuality?

People will still do it illegally, but let's make it as safe as possible where we can. The details will take some hammering out, but it's definitely time to make moves on legalising. Legal unions, taxes and regulations are the way to go.

 

[minthe]

2.3.20

Cast me in with the legalizing crowd. I don't see how it's acceptable to be able to be paid for sex on camera, but not in private. Legalization means greater protections for workers. The morality of it belongs in church not in the courtroom.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

However, whether it be here or some other thread, one thing that I find to be profoundly disturbing is the notion that some people believe themselves to have true friends here, or to be in some sort of emotional and/or important relationship with other faceless and distant entities that they really do not know at all, but actually only know what they've been told or allowed to think by that person.

<SNIP>

My apologies to PLP up front, as I had no intention of hijacking your thread through posing the question. Perhaps if you were to do so? My thanks to you for an always-interesting forum here.

I wasn't sure if I was going to respond to this.

I think there is a generational divide here. I don't mean age but the ability to incorporate technology in the way you see the world and the people in it or the viewing of technology and a necessary evil.

All I'll say is that are people I've met here that know me more deeply and thoroughly than people in my "real life" and people I see and talk to every day who know nothing about me. So please don't think communication has a hierarchy.

You know people and are known by people as much as you choose to be.

 

[LegendaryALT]

I appreciate many of the questions and answers in this thread, since, for one thing, they were meant to encourage thought and therefore, articulate responses.
For another, they provide some very interesting insights into the respondents who contribute.

However, whether it be here or some other thread, one thing that I find to be profoundly disturbing is the notion that some people believe themselves to have true friends here, or to be in some sort of emotional and/or important relationship with other faceless and distant entities that they really do not know at all, but actually only know what they've been told or allowed to think by that person.

In thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that this is a truly unfortunate phenomenon that results from those who live in and for the "social media," as a substitute for the much more difficult, and sometimes dangerous, business of establishing and maintaining a real life - which would (presumably) involve establishing real friendships and relationships with real people.

Time and again we see people describe their coming here after some disastrous or frustrating relationship or event in real life has proven too stressful or disappointing for them, directly or implicitly begging the sympathy or solutions provided by anonymous voices behind a wall - or, and this is even more disturbing - simply after a normal day in which things just didn't all go their way.

By retreating from the realities of life, whether wonderful or horrible, those who rely on various "social media" or other forms of anonymous and ultimately meaningless forms of passive diversion sacrifice any real sense of perspective for the perceived safety and security of the electronic womb.

Take for instance the fervently embraced adoption of the common noun 'friend' as a verb. In my own view and experience, if you truly believe that 'friend' can be a verb, then you really have no idea whatsoever what that word actually means.

We meet many, many people in this life of ours, and therefore acquire many acquaintances of one sort or another, but in the end, we have a precious few real friends. There is so very much more to true friendship than exchanging a few similar views with an image we may never really know. True friendships - and I think we all know this in our hearts - are tested, proven and often forged in fire and adversity.

If we can accept that as a truth, then the silly notion of "un-friend" is even more pitifully ridiculous.

The saddest aspect of all this is that it has become pandemic. Perhaps then, our next question might address this and its ultimate effect upon human society. While volumes are being written about this and the vicious addiction to cell phones that enable it, wouldn't it be interesting to see what just our group thinks about it?

My apologies to PLP up front, as I had no intention of hijacking your thread through posing the question. Perhaps if you were to do so? My thanks to you for an always-interesting forum here.

I do feel more than a few people believe, everyone who's nice to them online are their real friends. I do feel people should have real friends outside of online relationships, some don't and live in small segregated communities ( meaning living large distances from other people ). In saying this, I disagree with you. People meet, put a lot into relationships.
Time
Effort
Care
Help with real life situations
Others are in real life relationships
Hobbies
Etc.Etc.

If you put yourself into something, then it becomes real to you. I used to 100% agree with you, but my experiences has changed my mind.


Not beating down your opinion, just sharing my thoughts

 

[AveryElle]

I wasn't sure if I was going to respond to this.

I think there is a generational divide here. I don't mean age but the ability to incorporate technology in the way you see the world and the people in it or the viewing of technology and a necessary evil.

All I'll say is that are people I've met here that know me more deeply and thoroughly than people in my "real life" and people I see and talk to every day who know nothing about me. So please don't think communication has a hierarchy.

You know people and are known by people as much as you choose to be.

This is so true. And true in any interpersonal interaction.

I think the flip side is that it’s SO much easier to curate yourself online. You give people an image you think is flattering (even if it isn’t...). So while on the one hand, it’s a relationship (any kind of) where you get what you give, to some degree. But face to face relationships (again, not just romantic ones) are more real in that it’s a lot harder to hide the less flattering versions of yourself, whether physically, emotionally, or intellectually. So while I think online only interactions have value/are valid, and the feelings for those people are very real - I know people rely on their online relationships - it’s just easier to ‘manage’ when face time face interaction has never happened. It’s like a woman that only puts on make up before her bed partner wakes up so they never see her on her natural state. I think it’s a lot easier to make sure the proverbial makeup is on when the relationship (not just romantic) is at a distance.

I don’t say that to rank people, or to maybe anyone with a lot of online only friends feel bad and I hope it doesn’t come across that way.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

02.06.20 (submitted)

If you have a regular play partner on Lit, are you comfortable with them having other partners also? Do you feel differently according to whether their other partners are the same or different gender/sexual identity from you? If you do feel differently, why?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

02.06.20 (submitted)

If you have a regular play partner on Lit, are you comfortable with them having other partners also? Do you feel differently according to whether their other partners are the same or different gender/sexual identity from you? If you do feel differently, why?

Oooo, good question! Ouch.