Major Mindfucks

I had an incredibly intense mindfuck on Friday night. Daddy started it by tossing out the line "maybe I was wrong about you" which immediately terrified me. I begged to know what that meant (I wasn't supposed to speak, but I risked it because I was so shaken by that line), and before long Daddy was ordering me to cry. I couldn't produce tears on command right away, so my mind just got fucked harder and harder. I finally did cry - a lot - which obviously pleased Daddy. I really believed Daddy didn't love me and didn't want me anymore - that I was just a fuckhole, when to now I've been both a fuckhole and a lover for Daddy. I was afraid to hug or even put my arms around Daddy and I couldn't bring myself to say "I love you" which normally comes very readily to me. I said I wanted to hurt Daddy, to pound Daddy's head on the bedframe and even hit (although I acknowledged that I couldn't, that all I could do was pound with my little fists ineffectively) Daddy. So Daddy climbed back on top of me and fucked me as well as my mind, until I was sobbing and couldn't move anymore. I actually said "I want to hug you, but I can't" - meaning I physically couldn't make myself to do it - and suddenly Daddy said "so hug me." I repeated that I couldn't, and Daddy said "Hug me. Tell me you love me." And then it was all over - it had all been a game. I was totally in another space, and I couldn't believe the pain I was in, and how relieved I was to find that it was over. I was allowed to kiss and hug Daddy (and was given plenty of kisses and hugs and nuzzles myself, as a reward for my suffering), and I was emotionally exhausted so we fell asleep quickly.

That's my story (though I didn't tell it very well, as usual I'm too clinical in my descriptions)...now I'm curious - what other tales of major, serious mental mindfucks are out there?

Can't blame you for being exhausted after that ordeal!! Haven't any to relay myself as it is a limit we both have to not play with each other's heads and emotions in that way. You deserve a gold star for tenacity f hanging in there....think I would have totally disintegrated to a point recovery would not be possible as trust would have been too seriously undermined. I am an emotional one to the extreme, but then so is he, so we understand perfectly the power that gives each of us and don't wish to risk it.

Catalina

Some people are easier to mind fuck than others. Some just don't respond to it at all, whereas others will completely fall apart because of it.

Rejection, humiliation, and jealousy seem to be the most popular themes to the mindfuck.

Wow, girl. That is really intense. I have to go with Catalina on this one- there is no possible way I could deal with that. I admire your strength, however, I am glad that N is not like that. I couldnt love someone who did that to me.

This scares me. This really scares me...i think i need a hug now...

jeez, i couldn't handle something like that. I'm way too damn insecure, i'd fall to pieces.

Wow, I hadn't expected compliments! http://www.amanita.net/images/smilies/inlovegrin.gif

I think I was able to come back from it because of how deeply I trust Daddy. I'm pretty easily convinced of things - it was easy to believe that I was being rejected, but I was previously secure enough in Daddy's love that all I needed was to be told I still had it, and I was immediately reassured.

It wouldn't be exaggerating to say I cried with happiness at the relief of being allowed to hug Daddy and say "I love you."

I have found that people, and not all by no means, that instigate mind-fuck games, often times are hinting at, if not blatently expressing insecurities of their own.

the most intense mind fuck experience i ever had involved a white Dominant i was seeing casually before i met my Master...we did a lot of talking before actually playing, and one thing he asked my feelings on were the use of the word "nigger", by a white Dominant to a black submissive...of course, i said i thought it was awful, despicable, no place for that, would be crossing the line, etc...and he not only agreed but he seemed to be MORE adamantly against it than myself. He said he knew Dominants who used that word and how he thought they were just the most vile human beings.

so fast forward to our first night together physically, our first time "playing"....he is on top of me, inside of me, pulling my hair so hard that my eyes must have been bugged out...and he says, so calmly and quietly and seriously..."you're my little niggerwhore, aren't you?"....and i just froze in total shock and horror....i said nothing, i couldn't say anything...only just lied there as he continued to use me...and then he said it again, "i just love helpless little nigger sluts"....and laughed this dark, cold laugh, forcing me to look into his eyes. He called me different variations of the "n" word over and over again, and then he began to ask me, "what are you?" i knew what he wanted me to say, but refused to say it...my dignity and pride wouldn't allow it...i was hating this man at this particular moment, just wanting it to be over with and to never see him again. He slapped my face and asked, more firmly, "what are you?"...after being slapped twice more, i finally said, through tears of pure shame, "your nigger slut, Sir". and of course, he made me call myself that several times.

i was truly humiliated. offended to the utmost degree. furious at having been deceived like that....and ashamed of myself for just taking it, like i always do. but i felt something else....deep deep down....i was aroused by it. not physically, not directly...but being so degraded...was just erotic for me. i wouldn't go so far as to say i liked it, but rather i APPRECIATED it...on some level, i needed it. for me the arousal comes in the reality of it...i knew that to that man, i was indeed his little piece of nigger fuck meat. that wasn't some dirty little name he was calling me for kink, it was what he truly felt i was. and what i was, at that moment i was with him. it sounds confusing as heck, but that's what mind fucks are all about right?

After reading your tale ownedsubgal... I have to wonder, did you ever see him again? Or were you out the door the second he let you up, never to see him again?


I was also wondering (and this is for anyone that cares to answer) what are the key ingrediants to a mind fuck? ownedsubgal's story didn't seem like a mind fuck to me until I thought about it for a bit. I've always felt a mind fuck was something that kinda went against the grain... got you thinking and doubting yourself... got you believing something you felt was false, but in the end, there was always something that showed you, that you were just being fucked with and everything was alright. I'm not really sure how to describe what I'm thinking, so hopefully ya'll understand that ramble. LOL

forgive my naivety, then what your saying is a mindfuck could be a training tool. I suippose that is where the mega-trust comes into play. Knowing that what is being done, what is being said is for a subs own good, in the long run?

I sat here for ten minutes thinking of how to reply. I do not judge others, and you definitely cannot form strong opinions about things you know nothing about....

But the posts by Etoile and ownedsubgal sound very intense. Some lines that I would personally never cross, but that is me.

Okay, my story will sound very tame in comparison, so I call my post a Minor Mindfuck

I had discussed many things with a former submissive girlfriend. She was very close to me and things were fine, but at times she would be shy about watching herself in action....

I made her stand in front of a bathroom mirror and told her to look directly at her reflection. I laid underneath her and used a dildo on her. It was very intense for her but she began to feel more comfortable.

Okay, now getting to the mindfuck: She did not object to being on camera but was way too shy and felt she could not be natural. One night I tied her spreadeagle to the bed with a blindfold. I surrepticiously setup a camcorder on a tripod and then we went at it. We had a great fuck and I hid the camera before releasing her. I put the tape in her drawer of the dresser. (She was not a livein girlfriend, but she did spend the nights on the weekends and kept a few items at my place.) She was very relaxed and said it was the best in several years for her. Before I could say anything or create a reason for her to go look in the drawer she added: "That would've been the time to tape us!" So I told her to get the tape out of her drawer. She was incredulous, wanted to know if I was for real....I just told her we would watch it tomorrow.

She later told me it was quite a mindfuck and she went to sleep having no idea if I was bluffing or not. It was a great way for her to end the evening. The next day we watched the tape, then watched it again fastforwarding to different parts before dubbing over the tape it erase the whole thing. It was fun for me and it really did help her feel more comfortable. Not only that, she said it was nice to watch me or my facial expressions to see how attentive I had been with her. So yeah, I am not the sort of guy to videotape girls without permission but the one time I did it things worked out great.

I think the elements of a mindfuck are some surprise, some uncertainty and then some sort of "resolution" to the scenario where both partners feel okay afterwards.

P. B. Walker said:

After reading your tale ownedsubgal... I have to wonder, did you ever see him again? Or were you out the door the second he let you up, never to see him again?


I was also wondering (and this is for anyone that cares to answer) what are the key ingrediants to a mind fuck? ownedsubgal's story didn't seem like a mind fuck to me until I thought about it for a bit. I've always felt a mind fuck was something that kinda went against the grain... got you thinking and doubting yourself... got you believing something you felt was false, but in the end, there was always something that showed you, that you were just being fucked with and everything was alright. I'm not really sure how to describe what I'm thinking, so hopefully ya'll understand that ramble. LOL

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i think mindfucks can come in different forms. sometimes it can be sort of a put you on guard/keep you in your place role play kind of thing like Etoile's Daddy did with her...making you believe it's real and then at the end knowing that it was "all a game". for me personally i can't hold onto anything that is fake or staged, so in order to be truly mindfucked i have to not just believe but KNOW that the scary/degrading/humiliating/painful thing is true and real...but something in me has to fight/rebel against that truth. the way my mind fought against being thought of as a nigger...NEVER in my life had anyone called me that word before, and i grew up in the most rural, backwoods tobacco pickin rednecksville county in virginia. i was always taught that i was above that, that people who used such words (black or white) were the true niggers, ignorant and classless. another part of the mindfuck was the deception involved...how he made me believe he felt a way he did not...he got me comfortable in the faith that he was a modern thinker, morally upright, etc...only to show me that he was the very opposite once we were alone and i was under his control. it was a "WTH?" mixed with a burning shame and humiliation....a slap in the face, literally and figuratively.

a mind fuck does what it says....f*cks with your mind...confuses you, maybe frightens you, maybe humiliates you...but always tense and shocking and forcing you to reassess things within yourself.


did i ever see him again? yes, once. there was no physical use involved but he made up for it by refusing to call me by name and only referring to me as nigger-something (bitch, slut, whore, whatever), even in the upscale restaurant we dined at...i met Daddy shortly after that and just stopped returning his calls/emails. at that point in my journey, it was a little too much.

OSG, that's pretty heavy stuff. Thanks for sharing it. I think those sorts of things really test and reinforce submission. (my personal view being that when submission is just a routine pattern it loses its potency; it's 'yes sire' and ho hum.)

omg, that's rough. there's NO way i'd be able to recover from an experience like that! i'd be in tears for weeks!

There are levels of mf's (mindf*cks) that are different for each of us.

The use of this technique is risky and thrilling ... well, thrilling after you (the sub/slave/bottom) realize it was just the Dominant/Top fulfilling that particular need to manipulate and squeeze the psyche maliciously.

Sadistic? Absolutely. Edge play? Without a doubt. Enjoyable? Depends on the sub/slave/bottom. Whatever it is, an mf is so frightening/darkly pleasurable that the relief felt when it is over is akin to being allowed to breathe again (not in the literal sense ... just a lifting of the pressure from all the fear, shame, horror and degradation). It seems the key to a good mf is to tap into a raw, sensitive place within the sub/slave/bottom and exploit it.

The trick is to make sure no permanent damage occurs and that is always the risk. If done successfully, the trip there and back is without a doubt a journey not to be forgotten. If permanent damage is a result .... well, i will just say i hope no one engages in a mf without the knowledge that emotional/mental scarring is not as easily healed as a welt.

Thanks etoile and osg for being so honest. Glad to see you both came through all right.

lara

s'lara said:

The use of this technique is risky and thrilling ... well, thrilling after you (the sub/slave/bottom) realize it was just the Dominant/Top fulfilling that particular need to manipulate and squeeze the psyche maliciously.

Sadistic? Absolutely. Edge play? Without a doubt. Enjoyable? Depends on the sub/slave/bottom. Whatever it is, an mf is so frightening/darkly pleasurable that the relief felt when it is over is akin to being allowed to breathe again (not in the literal sense ... just a lifting of the pressure from all the fear, shame, horror and degradation). It seems the key to a good mf is to tap into a raw, sensitive place within the sub/slave/bottom and exploit it.

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This is truly excellent insight, s'lara - I wouldn't have come up with such detailed understanding on my own.

I think it was wise of Daddy to put me through this experience on my first night in town - that gave me the rest of the weekend to experience the love our relationship is normally marked by.

Hmmm, if anyone tried that on me it would pretty much ruin the relationship. How can you give your consent for something you don't know is going to happen?

Never said:

Hmmm, if anyone tried that on me it would pretty much ruin the relationship. How can you give your consent for something you don't know is going to happen?

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Typically, a set of limits are established between the participants. If a mf is explicitly outlined as a "do not pass" or the responsible Dominant deems it too risky for His/Her sub/slave/bottom, it generally will not happen (or shouldn't happen).

It isn't for everyone understandably.

lara

I do not know what Etoile's relationship with her Daddy is. Still, what about ownedsubgal's experience? She specifically stated she did not want the term "nigger" used but it was. That's an explicitly stated boundary crossed. To me, the fact that ownedsub is fine with it doesn't change my problem. What's the use of having a boundary if a dominant is free to respect or ignore them at their whim?

I think that because this is a mental instead of a physical experience, it's natural to devalue any offense. I ownedsub had said, "I told him I didn't like blood play and he agreed we wouldn't do that but then he blindfolded me and did it anyway – but, I liked it." Would that still be okay?

S'lara, I understand that it's not for anyone. The reason that I am comfortable with BDSM is the fact that it's always between consenting adults. If a sub doesn't know they're being played with then they can't give consent implicitly or explicitly, nor can they express when things have gone too far for them.

As you say, "If permanent damage is a result .... well, i will just say i hope no one engages in a mf without the knowledge that emotional/mental scarring is not as easily healed as a welt."

Here is where I have trouble even when consent has been previously given. How does a Dom/me know the limit of someone's mind? I'm certain that in a BDSM relationship, you can get to know a sub well but if you're going for a major mind fuck, how certain can you be? I suppose it's up to every Dom/me to decide on their own but, if someone were going to open themselves up to me and make themselves that venerable, I would feel irresponsible doing something like that. Unless I were a psychic.

Never said:

I do not know what Etoile's relationship with her Daddy is. Still, what about ownedsubgal's experience? She specifically stated she did not want the term "nigger" used but it was. That's an explicitly stated boundary crossed. To me, the fact that ownedsub is fine with it doesn't change my problem. What's the use of having a boundary if a dominant is free to respect or ignore them at their whim?

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ownedsub has also said (in other posts) she agreed to be a slave whose boundaries need not be respected
her choice
she also likes boundaries being pushed to what most of us consdier an unsafe or unhealthy extent
in that respect her Sir was giving her what she craves

James G 5 said:

ownedsub has also said (in other posts) she agreed to be a slave whose boundaries need not be respected her choice she also likes boundaries being pushed to what most of us consdier an unsafe or unhealthy extent in that respect her Sir was giving her what she craves

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I see nothing wrong with pushing boundaries. I have read many posts here were people 'pushed their boundaries' and engaged in unsafe or unhealthy practices and while I was, perhaps, worried I did not see it as a problem. When I used the term boundary in my post I wasn't talking about a 'soft limit'. I was talking about an explicitly stated and agreed upon boundary.

Okay she likes soft limits pushed but does she like it when her Doms lie to her? If she told him before that, "I crave being deceived," then that's fine.

Never said:

I see nothing wrong with pushing boundaries. I have read many posts here were people 'pushed their boundaries' and engaged in unsafe or unhealthy practices and while I was, perhaps, worried I did not see it as a problem. When I used the term boundary in my post I wasn't talking about a 'soft limit'. I was talking about an explicitly stated and agreed upon boundary.

Okay she likes soft limits pushed but does she like it when her Doms lie to her? If she told him before that, "I crave being deceived," then that's fine.

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She doesn't HAVE limits, hard or soft, according to her own posts...she lives as property, with no choices or boundaries save what her Master sets

She might've said she NEVER wanted to be called that, but I doubt he said "Ok, I won't do it"

I can't believe I'm explaining this, as I don't agree with how she lives her life LOL
But I can see the point of someone living as a SLAVE and being subject to what her Master desires regardless of how she feels

James G 5 said:

She doesn't HAVE limits, hard or soft, according to her own posts...she lives as property, with no choices or boundaries save what her Master sets

She might've said she NEVER wanted to be called that, but I doubt he said "Ok, I won't do it"

I can't believe I'm explaining this, as I don't agree with how she lives her life LOL
But I can see the point of someone living as a SLAVE and being subject to what her Master desires regardless of how she feels

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James G5,
I don't believe she was a slave when this happened. This was the man she saw before her current master and, yes, he did explicitly say he would not use that word and that he found its use to be vile.

Never said:

James G5,
I don't believe she was a slave when this happened. This was the man she saw before her current master and, yes, he did explicitly say he would not use that word and that he found its use to be vile.

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This is what I get for posting on no sleep about a thread I read while half asleep
Point taken, you're correct
And yeah, it was out of line for the guy
However, he sensed she had some desire that would be aroused by it and she offered no contradiction or protest, thereby encouraging him
Still wrong, but she should've done somthing too

Ugh
I am going away now *sigh*

James G 5 said:

This is what I get for posting on no sleep about a thread I read while half asleep
Point taken, you're correct
And yeah, it was out of line for the guy
However, he sensed she had some desire that would be aroused by it and she offered no contradiction or protest, thereby encouraging him
Still wrong, but she should've done somthing too

Ugh
I am going away now *sigh*

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Look, I can admit when I am wrong!