Rape, I can't believe.................

the number of women I've talked and/or have known intimately that have been raped. This included my exwife (which may have explained her lack of enthusiasm, as far as sex was concerned), as well as several ladies that I've dated, and two of my friends wives. The majority of their explanations seem to be in the category of date rapes, usually alcohol was envolved. Of the 12 women I've discussed the rape issue with, 5 have claimed they were raped. A claim, I certainly believe, but God, thats an awful high percentage, isn't it? Each one of them, in relating their story to me, mentioned how guilty they felt , and, only 1 of them actually told anyone, at the time the incident occurred. Most seem ok now, but, much like a combat veteran, their memory of the event can be triggered at any time. My heart goes out to each and every one of you who has endured this horrible experience. I hope, in one form or another (therapy,etc.), you've gotten thru the worst, and been able to move on.

The sad truth is that 1 in 4 women will be raped or be the subject of attempted rape at one point in their life.

It happenned to me, and I'm generally ok, but triggers suck. And I wish I could say otherwise, but a lot of close friends of mine have had it happen to them as well.

Check out the "It Just Fucking AMazes Me" thread in this forum... it's overwhelming how many of the ladies on these boards alone have been assaulted.
I'm one of them, and am getting better, for the most part. The other day, I actually put on the dress I was raped in, and wore it out (it had been taken off of me before he raped me, so that there would be no evidence.. even though he wore a condom). I've tried to put the dress on a few times, and it was just too painful.. but I put it on the other day, and I decided I was going to wear it... and it looked good on me. I actually have pictures up of me in it...

slowly, I'm getting better, but it's a hell of a journey.

And yes, 1 in 4 people will be raped in their lifetime... I know at least 20 women (I go to university, so it's kinda common in my age-group) who have been assaulted, if not raped...

So sad.

Rape is a word that always leaves me cringing, as it would anyone.

I was raped by three men who I thought were my friends, one was a boyfriend. And did not tell anyone for the longest time which was a big mistake. One of them ended up raping a friend of mine as well. Talk about feeling guilty, if I had only told maybe this would not have happened to her.

Remember the sooner you tell someone the sooner the healing process takes place.

I know this is going somewhat off topic but feel it warrants being mentioned; Fantasizing about rape is okay for those that find that a turn on. As long as it is left as a fantasy or are role playing with a partner.

For any of you that have raped someone FUCK YOU ASSHOLE(S), get help!!!

Sorry folks for the outburst.

Sorry forgot to add something.

Ladies/Men, for any of you that have been raped, hold your head up there is no need to hold your head in shame. YOU DID NOT ASK TO BE RAPED! The one that raped should be the one holding his head in shame.

Well either no one talks about it or I happen to live among the percnetage of women that have not been raped. Perhaps it is that no ones wants to talk about it, but i do not know anyone personally that has been. My heart does go out to those that have had to endure it .
One thing that does bother me a lot , is in lit chat they will not allow the word rape or rape room to be used, non-consent is ok though( rolls eyes)..however they allow the stories on their site, Just doesn't make sense to me! *getting on my soapbox* (knowing i will catch hell for this) Now they don;t allow anything with minors here, even stories implying one is under 18 years of age. why? because it is illegal. Well my question is why are non consent stories allowed, last i heard that was illegal too. I find it hard ot beleive it is the fantasy of many women to be raped. *getting down off soapbox*

Okay, throwing in my 3 cents here... Yes, I've been raped, by both male and female. Yes, same sex rape does happen.

Anyways... here is a good link.

No Rape

I will be discussing rape in the link in my sig line soon, I just haven't gotten around to it yet. Been very busy. Mistress Hecate's article is a good one. Everyone needs to read it I think.

The numbers are heart breaking, huh? I am a member of many message boards, and over the last 2 years, every single time this topic comes up, one after another eventually admits that they too, were raped. In my personal life, including myself, and about 30 friends, only ONE has not been raped, yet she was physically abused for years by her husband. At one message board, I started a thread on this topic, and it had close to 90 replies, one person after another...and some were men.

Rape is a stain on the soul that never truly leaves. Its in every encounter, no matter how much you heal. It could be in the things that you might have conquered to the point that you can do them, yet, still not completely...you can't give yourself to it with your all. It can be in the things that you may never be able to experience, such as total trust and/or surrender. Rape affects us in a myriad of ways.

It took me 30 years and a total loss of my sexuality before I finally realized all that I lost, and just snapped. I needed to live, I needed to live as a woman. I needed to live without shame and guilt. I'm there now. I have come so far, and am in such a beautiful place now. I still have the trust and intimacy issues, but I have finally realized I can only deal with that alone to a certain degree, and then, at some point, I have to let someone in a little....

I think the very best thing we can ever do to deal with rape is educate ourselves to the symptoms of sexual abuse, and to teach our children how to protect themselves. So much can be done to prevent this, and to save these little souls who will not have the tools to deal with such a trauma. Please, just think about educating yourself, your friends, and your little ones.

Thank you for your compassion, iwmqqw...its helpful and touching.. and I echo it to any of you that know this hell. My heart aches...

Nomadic Lady said:

Sorry forgot to add something.

Ladies/Men, for any of you that have been raped, hold your head up there is no need to hold your head in shame. YOU DID NOT ASK TO BE RAPED! The one that raped should be the one holding his head in shame.

Click to expand...

Agreed. But when you are raped as a child, thats a bit difficult to process. All I could think was that I must have been very, very bad for a family member to rape me. That just feeds on itself throughout your life, and I lived mine totally consumed by guilt, and the shame totally destroyed my sexuality.

intrigued, you said: Agreed. But when you are raped as a child, thats a bit difficult to process. All I could think was that I must have been very, very bad for a family member to rape me. That just feeds on itself throughout your life, and I lived mine totally consumed by guilt, and the shame totally destroyed my sexuality.

It's bad enough being raped as fifteen year old, can't even imagine how devastating it would be for a child.

i'm even tempted to think the 1 in 4 higher just because there are so many women that don't tell when it happens

Kat-44 said:

One thing that does bother me a lot , is in lit chat they will not allow the word rape or rape room to be used, non-consent is ok though( rolls eyes)..however they allow the stories on their site, Just doesn't make sense to me! *getting on my soapbox* (knowing i will catch hell for this) Now they don;t allow anything with minors here, even stories implying one is under 18 years of age. why? because it is illegal. Well my question is why are non consent stories allowed, last i heard that was illegal too. I find it hard ot beleive it is the fantasy of many women to be raped. *getting down off soapbox*

Click to expand...

some of them aren't entirely rape stories although they start out as non consent. yes, in real life, how many women start enjoying their rape but these stories are more the fantasy type.

now, there are others that are definitely RAPE in capital letters and shouldn't be here... although all the stories on lit usually focus on the sex rather than the power trip rape is about...

my final opinion? careful editing/filtering of submissions to weed out the truly nasty ones that should never see the light of day but allowing some harmless fantasies to survive (besides... forbidden fruit always seems sweeter )

Some never report

From my college days I knew of many women who were raped on-off campus, usualy it was what's considered date-rape by popular opinion. Very few reported it as the fear of shame and scandel prevented them from going public as far as making a police report or even letting Student Services (campus courts) be aware of what happened. On the obverse, I knew a young woman who was a frequent 'rape' victim, sometimes several times a month she'd be assaulted by male friends or co-workers. At least that how she explained it to her longtime boyfriend when she felt he was neglecting her. Her usual routine was to pick up a man, have sex and immediately go to an emergancy room to have a rape kit done, the hospital near the college knew her by name as well as did the campus police department. Somehow over 47 rapes inside of three years defied the odds enough to make them take her serial victim role with nothing more than doing the paperwork and making only the most superficial of investigations. The true crime here was the resources squandered to placate this obviously disturbed girl, resources that might have been better spent on those who were truely victimized by the brutal act of rape......

i recently found out my mother was raped when she was young , and one of my friends was raped and had a child by it makes me angry that there are people like that in the world, but then i accepted that the world is pretty fucked up and there isnt a lot i can do about it

Nomadic Lady said:

intrigued, you said: Agreed. But when you are raped as a child, thats a bit difficult to process. All I could think was that I must have been very, very bad for a family member to rape me. That just feeds on itself throughout your life, and I lived mine totally consumed by guilt, and the shame totally destroyed my sexuality.

It's bad enough being raped as fifteen year old, can't even imagine how devastating it would be for a child.

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Well, rape is rape, no matter who, what sex, what age. The only difference for children is that without the support and help they need, they don't stand a chance in hell. Children instantly feel guilt, much like they do when their parents are upset with them, or when their parents divorce...they blame themselves. If children, or anyone cannot get help, the damage can be insurmountable.
I did not tell until I was 20 years old, as he threatened me repeatedly through the years of all the horrible things that would happen if I did. He was very wrong, nothing happened, nothing was said. It was swept under a rug. See, if that happens to a child...what do you think that tells that child???
For me, it meant I wasn't worth squat. Over time, you begin to believe it.
This is what we can do, for those of us that feel so helpless and sad and angry. We can reach out and be there, we can support, we can hold someone and tell them they are beautiful and special and that they matter. We can look for the signs, we can educate, and we can do our damnest do protect.
Sometimes, it just matters to not feel so alone in it. Don't feel helpless, don't feel that because it didn't happen to you that there is no way you can help because you cant understand it. Listen, hold, share your feelings. Educate yourself...listen to the littlest carefully...and don't discount something they say as "your imagination gone wild". Listen to your instincts.

OK, I think I'm rambling now. Thanks very much Nomadic Lady.

AmatoriuS said:

i recently found out my mother was raped when she was young , and one of my friends was raped and had a child by it makes me angry that there are people like that in the world, but then i accepted that the world is pretty fucked up and there isnt a lot i can do about it

Click to expand...

You can be different.

That's what you can do about it.

Sexual assault of a child is even worse than sexual assault of an adult... Adults have a lifetime of experience and knowledge and defenses to draw on... Children are defenseless.

Kat-44 said:

Well either no one talks about it or I happen to live among the percnetage of women that have not been raped. Perhaps it is that no ones wants to talk about it, but i do not know anyone personally that has been.

Click to expand...

Ditto, other than people I know from Lit who have posted about it.

thanks

to those of you who've shared your thoughts,experience, and pain.......thank you. My two sons, my daughter, and I had an interesting and very open discussion about this thread and its topic. I knew that there is, in some ways, a big differance between generations regarding sex, (now, it can kill you, no definately means no, and be extremely careful what you say to members of the opposite sex, in the workplace.) I also know that things I did then................I wouldn't do now. It really takes some of us men a period of time to unlearn, and learn to respect all women. One other thing............to rape a child, and effectively ruin their joy of life................that, would be a reason for the death penalty. My heart, and best wishes, go out to all of you.

For those that have been raped I urge you to go take a self defense class. It does WONDERS for you. The best thing I have found it to write it all down, draw pictures, say it into a recorder, what ever then watch it burn. Very healing.

Re: thanks

iwmggw said:

to those of you who've shared your thoughts,experience, and pain.......thank you. My two sons, my daughter, and I had an interesting and very open discussion about this thread and its topic. I knew that there is, in some ways, a big differance between generations regarding sex, (now, it can kill you, no definately means no, and be extremely careful what you say to members of the opposite sex, in the workplace.) I also know that things I did then................I wouldn't do now. It really takes some of us men a period of time to unlearn, and learn to respect all women. One other thing............to rape a child, and effectively ruin their joy of life................that, would be a reason for the death penalty. My heart, and best wishes, go out to all of you.

Click to expand...

Thank you very much, this is sincerely appreciated.
He effectively gave himself his own death sentence. he took his life 6 years ago,
That guilt just about did me in, and is what forced me into the decision that something had to give, and is what started my healing, and down the road, into this journey.

I am extremely happy that you spoke to your children about this. This is a most excellent place to start...keep those lines of communication open, and while you're at it, ask them to talk to everyone they know about it, too.

The past no longer matters, you live today, unlearn what you can, and know that you are helping. You're helping me.

Purrde Flower...wow! I have never thought of such a thing, but I can only imagine the benefits of both confrontation, and this type of purging. Thanks so much....excellent.

There's no reason to thank me intrigued, but your welcome all the same. By the way your not rambling. Talking about it, as you know, is good.

Oh yes, agree with you guys about educating yourself as well as others.

Iwmggw you mention talking to your kids about this. Now my question is when do we start talking to our kids about such issues? My son is three years old, and pretty much from the time he was born I have been constantly wondering 'what if' this happens to him. It scares the living shit out of me. I scared that my paranoia will rub off on him.

Purrde Flower, have thought about putting my son into self defense classes and now you have sparked that idea into my head to take classes as well.

Came out on the scene as he told her to beep him
Saw his man Sam with the blunt in his hand
(Aww Shhh...!!!)You know the transaction
Brothas gettin lost in the weed satisfaction
Comin down the block man loud as (fuck)
You would swear Redman was inside the trunk
As the night seemed darker, cops is on a hunt
They interrupt ya cipher, and crush ya blunt
See you left your work at home, so they pat you down for nuthin
Why in the hell does 10-4 keep frontin?

I was going to say somehting but decided against it. The purpose of this post right here is so that i will have the first post right after THAT reply.

*edited out everything. The asshole doesn't deserve a response.