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Sex & Shenanigans

crazychemgirl said:
Ok so here’s something I’m curious about …


If you were suddenly single and back out in the dating world ..,

Would you date someone who is transgender… would it matter if they were pre- or post-op?
Click to expand...
I'm pretty traditionally straight, but there have been a few women that gave me butterflies over the years. I'd like to think I'd be more open minded if I were to date again. I know the politically correct thing to say is that I would, However, I'm not sure my obsession with a nice set of shoulders would lead me to Trans men. Most I know have a slight build. So, I guess my answer is "maybe". Also pre-op, post-op isn't as important as carrying yourself with confidence. Confidence is sexy AF!
 
MindYaBitness said:
I'm pretty traditionally straight, but there have been a few women that gave me butterflies over the years. I'd like to think I'd be more open minded if I were to date again. I know the politically correct thing to say is that I would, However, I'm not sure my obsession with a nice set of shoulders would lead me to Trans men. Most I know have a slight build. So, I guess my answer is "maybe". Also pre-op, post-op isn't as important as carrying yourself with confidence. Confidence is sexy AF!
Click to expand...
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with acknowledging you need to feel attracted to someone. I wouldn’t data anyone I wasn’t attracted to. But someone’s gender identity isn’t something that impacts that evaluation by itself for me.

The bigots are the ones who are attracted to someone UNTIL they find out they have a different gender than assumed.
 
MindYaBitness said:
I'm pretty traditionally straight, but there have been a few women that gave me butterflies over the years. I'd like to think I'd be more open minded if I were to date again. I know the politically correct thing to say is that I would, However, I'm not sure my obsession with a nice set of shoulders would lead me to Trans men. Most I know have a slight build. So, I guess my answer is "maybe". Also pre-op, post-op isn't as important as carrying yourself with confidence. Confidence is sexy AF!
Click to expand...
All these altruistic answers and now I feel goofy about my response....yes yes yes the person is more important and stuff ..
 
My curiosity in this extends in scenarios …

Like imagine you’ve met someone you’re into and early on find out they are trans .. but it’s early so you don’t discuss the pre- or post-op situation cuz you’re still getting to know one another…

It goes on until you finally come to the intimacy portion of the relationship… now.. you find out they are pre-op and sex isn’t going to be like the usual cis-sex you’ve been accustomed to …
 
MindYaBitness said:
I'm pretty traditionally straight, but there have been a few women that gave me butterflies over the years. I'd like to think I'd be more open minded if I were to date again. I know the politically correct thing to say is that I would, However, I'm not sure my obsession with a nice set of shoulders would lead me to Trans men. Most I know have a slight build. So, I guess my answer is "maybe". Also pre-op, post-op isn't as important as carrying yourself with confidence. Confidence is sexy AF!
Click to expand...
We are attracted to who we are attracted to, and so much makes that up, physical and not. And the "you should date transgender people even if you are not attracted to them or you are a homophobe" (and yes, I have heard that argument far more than twice) argument makes no more sense than people who say you should never date a transgender person. Being open to "maybe" is a beautiful thing.
 
crazychemgirl said:
Ok so here’s something I’m curious about …


If you were suddenly single and back out in the dating world ..,

Would you date someone who is transgender… would it matter if they were pre- or post-op?
Click to expand...
Considering that's where I am right now, I likely wouldn't have an issue. I've never had the experience of dating or courting a transgender woman so I can't say 100% how I'd feel in the exact moment, but thinking about it I don't believe I'd have a problem.

As a person who relies heavily on past and current experience to judge my response to something it's hard to say for sure.
 
crazychemgirl said:
My curiosity in this extends in scenarios …

Like imagine you’ve met someone you’re into and early on find out they are trans .. but it’s early so you don’t discuss the pre- or post-op situation cuz you’re still getting to know one another…

It goes on until you finally come to the intimacy portion of the relationship… now.. you find out they are pre-op and sex isn’t going to be like the usual cis-sex you’ve been accustomed to …
Click to expand...
once you realize/are told that they're trans, you have to know that cis-sex may be off the table. If you're not down with that, move on before they catch feels. Otherwise, keep an open mind and have fun with it
 
UnquietDreams said:
We are attracted to who we are attracted to, and so much makes that up, physical and not. And the "you should date transgender people even if you are not attracted to them or you are a homophobe" (and yes, I have heard that argument far more than twice) argument makes no more sense than people who say you should never date a transgender person. Being open to "maybe" is a beautiful thing.
Click to expand...

MindYaBitness said:
once you realize/are told that they're trans, you have to know that cis-sex may be off the table. If you're not down with that, move on before they catch feels. Otherwise, keep an open mind and have fun with it
Click to expand...
Yeah my thoughts are a blend of these two. I have to be physically attracted to them somewhat to even start the relationship, and I’m going to have to have the sex convo before we get to that point to be mindful of what’s going on.
 
crazychemgirl said:
My curiosity in this extends in scenarios …

Like imagine you’ve met someone you’re into and early on find out they are trans .. but it’s early so you don’t discuss the pre- or post-op situation cuz you’re still getting to know one another…

It goes on until you finally come to the intimacy portion of the relationship… now.. you find out they are pre-op and sex isn’t going to be like the usual cis-sex you’ve been accustomed to …
Click to expand...
I don’t think most trans people are going to let it “just be a surprise”.

But even if so, part of the point of emphasizing enthusiastic, informed, consent is to eliminate all sorts of possible surprises when people become intimate.
 
MindYaBitness said:
once you realize/are told that they're trans, you have to know that cis-sex may be off the table. If you're not down with that, move on before they catch feels. Otherwise, keep an open mind and have fun with it
Click to expand...
What she said. I was still trying to articulate but then she just flops it out like it's easy
crazychemgirl said:
I love you so much girl.
Click to expand...
 
SalaciousMonkey22 said:
I don’t think most trans people are going to let it “just be a surprise”.

But even if so, part of the point of emphasizing enthusiastic, informed, consent is to eliminate all sorts of possible surprises when people become intimate.
Click to expand...
Yeah I imagine not … just trying to work through scenarios in my head … how I’d feel in that situation .. how most people would react / feel


I guess in this space … where we have a very open and wonderful crew of people … there isn’t much to discuss as everyone probably has the same thoughts
 
crazychemgirl said:
Yeah I imagine not … just trying to work through scenarios in my head … how I’d feel in that situation .. how most people would react / feel


I guess in this space … where we have a very open and wonderful crew of people … there isn’t much to discuss as everyone probably has the same thoughts
Click to expand...
And yet this space is EXACTLY where we need to keep having these discussions to validate and educate and evolve in a safe environment.
 
crazychemgirl said:
I appreciate the honesty of this … because preference is a thing in sexual connection.
Click to expand...
This may be a bad analogy, but I'm going to make it anyway. My entire life I've had pretty specific type: Brown, nice shoulders, 5'10"- 5'7". However, Lit is a different place, it allows space for unexpected attraction. Here I am, into tall white boys after 40+ years of brown boy tunnel vision.

You're right though, there is a preference, there needs to be a spark. I guess my point is, if you feel a spark, explore it. Don't allow your pre-existing notions to stop you
 
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MindYaBitness said:
This may be a bad analogy, but I'm going to make it anyway. My entire life is had pretty specific type: Brown, nice shoulders, 5'10"- 5'7". However, Lit is a different place, it allows space for unexpected attraction. Here I am, into tall white boys after 40+ years of brown boy tunnel vision.

You're right though, there is a preference, there needs to be a spark. I guess my point is, if you feel a spark, explore it. Don't allow your pre-existing notions to stop you
Click to expand...
* bathes in tea and tanning spray with fingers crossed
 
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