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Sex & Shenanigans

vagrantx said:
I drunk texted a fling when I was at the club. She was keen. Didn't want to seem to eager, since I was young and dumb, so I said I'd swing by after closing time. Clubs and pubs in Sweden close at 3am. She lived an hour away. 4am. Yeah, she was fast asleep, didn't pick up once I got there, of course...

Ever had a walk of shame without getting lucky? 😫
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I got cock-blocked by her male roommates who took her aside for what seemed like forever, leaving me alone in her room long enough to go into her purse and learn her name.

Never did have sex with her, but at least I looked like a gentleman saying goodbye and addressing her by name.
 
__Nathan1968 said:
I got cock-blocked by her male roommates who took her aside for what seemed like forever, leaving me alone in her room long enough to go into her purse and learn her name.

Never did have sex with her, but at least I looked like a gentleman saying goodbye and addressing her by name.
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Your first foray into stalking? How cute! Look how far you’ve come!
 
__Nathan1968 said:
I got cock-blocked by her male roommates who took her aside for what seemed like forever, leaving me alone in her room long enough to go into her purse and learn her name.

Never did have sex with her, but at least I looked like a gentleman saying goodbye and addressing her by name.
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You mean she lived with a bunch of male “friends” who were trying to block any new males from attempting to conquer the girl they think of as theirs even though she has absolutely no interest in them whatsoever?

Typical.
 
crazychemgirl said:
You mean she lived with a bunch of male “friends” who were trying to block any new males from attempting to conquer the girl they think of as theirs even though she has absolutely no interest in them whatsoever?

Typical.
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Sums it up. Although it was only 2 guys. And I think only one of them had unrequited feelings for her.

Good story, though. I almost knifed two guys as I walked her home. It was a two plus mile walk to her apartment and at one point two guys on the other side of the deserted 4-lane road started yelling like they wanted me to start an altercation. I ignored them and we kept walking. Before you know it they’d crossed over and one of them grabbed her arm and yanked her away from me. Without thinking I flipped out my knife and lunged at them. Some words were exchanged, they let go, and I started chasing the two of them down the sidewalk. They got several paces ahead of me, which was fortunate because they didn’t seem to notice when I tripped and landed spread eagle on the sidewalk with the knife several feet in front of me. They kept running for their lives, and I got up hoping I was still going to get laid.

You’ve already got that spoiler.
 
vagrantx said:
On this note....

What's the bigliest horny-dumb you've ever been?
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Oh, man, I could make a list...

Surfing during a high shark activity warning. Or surfing a set I had no business being near.

Mentholatum is not a substitute for lube when masturbating.

Standing on the passenger seat of a Volkswagen Baja, up through the sunroof, at 80 down I-5 after Rocky Horror, after being told "if you beat us, you can eat us." Spoiler: we did neither after passing a cop who had pulled someone over. We instead hid in Denny's.)

But my favorite left a mark. Her dad was the "meet you at the door in an NRA shirt and try to crush your hand shaking" guy. Did not like me for no reason I could ascertain. She calls me one night when Dad was in the basement watching the NBA finals. Cue "Mission: Impossible theme." Climbed the fence. I was brilliant, and brought hot dogs to throw for their dog to chase. Across the yard, up a tree, across the roof and into her room. Perfect. On the way out I realized I had thrown all the hotdogs I brought with me getting in. Dog caught me by the foot on the way over. I am trying not to scream or panic hanging over the fence. Managed to get my shoe off, then fell on my head on the other side and had to limp home. She brought my shoe, in three pieces, to me the next day. 40 years later, I still have the scar on my foot.

Totally worth it
 
UnquietDreams said:
Oh, man, I could make a list...

Surfing during a high shark activity warning. Or surfing a set I had no business being near.

Mentholatum is not a substitute for lube when masturbating.

Standing on the passenger seat of a Volkswagen Baja, up through the sunroof, at 80 down I-5 after Rocky Horror, after being told "if you beat us, you can eat us." Spoiler: we did neither after passing a cop who had pulled someone over. We instead hid in Denny's.)

But my favorite left a mark. Her dad was the "meet you at the door in an NRA shirt and try to crush your hand shaking" guy. Did not like me for no reason I could ascertain. She calls me one night when Dad was in the basement watching the NBA finals. Cue "Mission: Impossible theme." Climbed the fence. I was brilliant, and brought hot dogs to throw for their dog to chase. Across the yard, up a tree, across the roof and into her room. Perfect. On the way out I realized I had thrown all the hotdogs I brought with me getting in. Dog caught me by the foot on the way over. I am trying not to scream or panic hanging over the fence. Managed to get my shoe off, then fell on my head on the other side and had to limp home. She brought my shoe, in three pieces, to me the next day. 40 years later, I still have the scar on my foot.

Totally worth it
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You've lived such a vivid life 😍 I can't even imagine what went through your mind to try using menthol cream as lube!! Thank you for trying it out on yourself before dragging an unsuspecting companion into the mix 😅
 
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