Women of Lit: A Safe Place To Share

[lil_jenni]

So I’m new to the site, and I’m wondering.. why do so many men think that I want to send them photos or be their “sub” right out the gate?
Like… yes I’m a sub but I don’t just do it for shits and giggles.

It is a common experience, here, and not just for those of us who identify as subs. However, I will say the online wannabe "Doms" are some of the most egregious offenders.

I'd suggest putting your limits in your profile. It won't stop the nonsense, but my experience is it reduces it. Also, you can use invisible mode (it's a setting in the privacy settings... it was discussed earlier in this thread). I find a receive fewer nonsense PMs because a lot if these guys send PMs when they see you are online.

Of course, you'll still get asshats. I recently got rid of a big one by talking about his bullshit on this thread. I have another who tried to neg me, but I called him in his bullshit, leading to a post in which he said I was not worth the effort. I replied with . Last night he PMed me with "please stop replying to me," to which I responded with . If he keeps it up, I'll keep replying with emojis. I mean, why not have a little fun with the asshats, right?

 

[v_indigo]

It is a common experience, here, and not just for those of us who identify as subs. However, I will say the online wannabe "Doms" are some of the most egregious offenders.

I'd suggest putting your limits in your profile. It won't stop the nonsense, but my experience is it reduces it. Also, you can use invisible mode (it's a setting in the privacy settings... it was discussed earlier in this thread). I find a receive fewer nonsense PMs because a lot if these guys send PMs when they see you are online.

Of course, you'll still get asshats. I recently got rid of a big one by talking about his bullshit on this thread. I have another who tried to neg me, but I called him in his bullshit, leading to a post in which he said I was not worth the effort. I replied with . Last night he PMed me with "please stop replying to me," to which I responded with . If he keeps it up, I'll keep replying with emojis. I mean, why not have a little fun with the asshats, right.

You are my hero

 

[Strixaluco]

There's no limit to the amount of men feeling entitled, or to how entitled they may feel themselves. And that kind of men are WAY more likely to PM women than the good kind.

The message from the good kind pretty much never come totally out of the blue - they are normally from someone you've interacted already. And very often they have a question in the topic, such that you already know it's not a request for a photo or a dicpick. It may even be "Are you ok?" at times.

 

[SofiaLaFrench]

I often use the line from @InCNCestBangPie: no, you're not as witty as your testosterone tells you.

 

[Zrosey]

Last night he PMed me with "please stop replying to me," to which I responded with . If he keeps it up, I'll keep replying with emojis. I mean, why not have a little fun with the asshats, right.

I love this gotta enjoy "twisting the blade" a little when you get the chance!

 

[stickygirl]

This happened to me too and it honestly turned me off. The whole BDSM thing did because I kept coming across men who thought they could own me and control me almost instantly. I didn't feel like they truly cared about me as a person. There's some Doms who only focus on the sex and nothing more and it's much more than than. Their supposed to care about your sexual needs, emotional needs, support you and guide you slowly. Just be weary and trust your gut feelings.

It seems to me that the rightful order should be: meet a hot guy, develop a good rapport, introduce a mutually agreed BDSM relationship. Cut the middle bit out and you've got coercion and rape.

 

[v_indigo]

It seems to me that the rightful order should be: meet a hot guy, develop a good rapport, introduce a mutually agreed BDSM relationship. Cut the middle bit out and you've got coercion and rape.

This. All this. But, of course, predators aren't fond of this process.

 

[Strixaluco]

This happened to me too and it honestly turned me off. The whole BDSM thing did because I kept coming across men who thought they could own me and control me almost instantly. I didn't feel like they truly cared about me as a person. There's some Doms who only focus on the sex and nothing more and it's much more than than. Their supposed to care about your sexual needs, emotional needs, support you and guide you slowly. Just be weary and trust your gut feelings.

Those who try to impose themselves and start to control off the bat are often not even in the bdsm community. Often they also know very little, if anything about the basics of BDSM - like the need to aftercare. The ones that claim to be "experienced Doms" are usually totally unexperienced wannabes.

The actually experienced ones know enough to not start like that. They know how much can go wrong. How you should even be careful with whom to start anything with.

 

[Strixaluco]

It seems to me that the rightful order should be: meet a hot guy, develop a good rapport, introduce a mutually agreed BDSM relationship. Cut the middle bit out and you've got coercion and rape.

This worked well: go to a local bdsm munch, meet a nice guy there - who appears to a Dom, chat nicely with the group all evening, get asked to a date. Actually meet several times in the munch, among other people but focusing on each other and...
Discuss limits. Limits, especially those of the sub. And yet refining the critical parts of some limits. Discussing wants and needs, too.
Spend time approaching each other slowly, like testing how it might be to be together. Even the first "real date" still in a public place.

And then after almost 4 weeks, finally meeting in private. Definitely some D/s, but not even loosing panties yet. The slow approach continues, no jumping straight to the deep end.

Admittedly, we didn't talk about feelings for many months - the procedure above would have been the same for someone only wanting the bdsm part in the relationship, and there are many such. But that was over 18 months ago. I introduced him to my parents last summer. And he calls me the most important person in his life.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

So I’m new to the site, and I’m wondering.. why do so many men think that I want to send them photos or be their “sub” right out the gate?
Like… yes I’m a sub but I don’t just do it for shits and giggles.

In addition to what these other ladies are saying, there's also the elephant in the room of some guys specifically flocking to new accounts that claim to be women. Take this thread for example. We know how unnecessarily shitty some of these guys can be on here. But the new women don't. It's amazing how your PMs can get filled without any AV pic & barely any posts; the strength of your genitalia, alone, does that.
So, why not be disgustingly demanding to the newbie? After all, you're only on here for sex, right?

You couldn't pay some of these fools to get a clue.

 

[BadAmy]

I super ready with my cashapp. At least let me buy lunch with their bullshit.

 

[Strixaluco]

the strength of your genitalia, alone, does that.

Indeed, out genitalia must be filled with strong magic forces, as they believed back in time!

 

[v_indigo]

Oh, your genital genies won’t work on this lesbian!







Iz occasionally ensorcelled

 

[RaineDrops]

I never visit the general boards and wasn’t aware this thread existed.

 

[Strixaluco]

I never visit the general boards and wasn’t aware this thread existed.

The same, I found this purely by chance.

 

[cowboyup6977]

Some of us somewhat normal
I hate that word who wants to be normal

 

[neci]

I never visit the general boards and wasn’t aware this thread existed.

The GB is actually a decent place once you get past the jagged edges. crazy good peeps float through here.

 

[Fortressa99]

It's amazing how your PMs can get filled without any AV pic & barely any posts;

Experiencing that now. It's frustrating because one or two sounded okay and might have been worth some effort. But now I'm too weirded out to risk it.

(Nice thread, btw. Been lurking a bit.)

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Experiencing that now. It's frustrating because one or two sounded okay and might have been worth some effort. But now I'm too weirded out to risk it.

(Nice thread, btw. Been lurking a bit.)

Yep, it never fails. I'm sorry to hear that. Try not to get hung up on the what if's of PMs. "What if I hadn't just been a little brief with this guy because the last 5 guys were obscenely pushing past my stated boundaries?"
It happens.
 I feel like the good ones who are meant to have a positive impact will certainly do so. They'll check on you without ulterior motives or just genuinely try to have a normal conversation. It's okay. You'll get a kind of flow to things, so to speak. And you'll certainly learn the assholes from the kind hearted. It does take a bit of risk on your part, but it's all your decision. You don't get to feel pressured in either direction.

 

[Yesok1]

Yep, it never fails. I'm sorry to hear that. Try not to get hung up on the what if's of PMs. "What if I hadn't just been a little brief with this guy because the last 5 guys were obscenely pushing past my stated boundaries?"
It happens.
 I feel like the good ones who are meant to have a positive impact will certainly do so. They'll check on you without ulterior motives or just genuinely try to have a normal conversation. It's okay. You'll get a kind of flow to things, so to speak. And you'll certainly learn the assholes from the kind hearted. It does take a bit of risk on your part, but it's all your decision. You don't get to feel pressured in either direction.

Try not to get too emotionally attached to the people you do connect with, too quickly. This is my problem. As IRL, I fall really quickly for girls I've just met, the girls that message me on here, and seem genuine I also crush on.

I think its a genuine need to feel wanted, it let's me down a lot as I try to see the good in people. But, on here, just IRL they have ulterior motives, or just aren't as serious as you hope/want them to be.

 

[Tigersman]

I'm a 76-year-old male. I don't send pictures and I don't request any pictures. I was raised by two parents who taught me good manners and how to treat girls. My mother was a true lady. She not only taught me how to clean house properly, to cook, the proper way to wash and dry clothes. Both of my parents taught me when a girl says no it doesn't mean maybe or yes. They taught me to keep my hands to myself as no girl wants to fight off an octopus. I've only chatted with two women on Lit and that was in regard to being their editor for their stories. I took on their stories but limited my interaction with them to emails in regard to their stories. With my early teaching in mind, I can spot a guy that is a predator or who is fake. I credit my mother for this skill.

 

[Tigersman]

My mother also taught me how to sew buttons on and repairs seams and how to iron clothes.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Indeed, out genitalia must be filled with strong magic forces, as they believed back in time!

Sheela na gig FTW

 

[v_indigo]

My mother also taught me how to sew buttons on and repairs seams and how to iron clothes.

She should have taught you that not all spaces are for you.

 

[Strixaluco]

I was raised by two parents who taught me good manners and how to treat girls.

And yet you've entered the ladies room.

Don't try to make this thread about you.