Boner Killers

[Lord Pmann]

“My role model is Lorena Bobbitt”

Hey, at least she’s grabbing your dick. #SilverLinings

 

[Rapharider]

Just go easy. My haemorrhoids are playing up.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Just go easy. My haemorrhoids are playing up.

It me

 

[Rapharider]

It me

Just call me if you need to borrow some Anusol.

Borrow is probably the wrong word. You can keep it. Particularly the applicator.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Just call me if you need to borrow some Anusol.

Borrow is probably the wrong word. You can keep it. Particularly the applicator.

Cheers!
I'm at Botox phase

 

[Rapharider]

Cheers!
I'm at Botox phase

You can Botox haemorrhoids?!

 

[aussiegeekygal]

You can Botox haemorrhoids?!

Have, you can Botox anything

 

[nicechat]

44 years ago, never will forget it. We'd driven to a secluded spot beside a stream for a picnic and time alone. It was beautiful autumn day, the stream was crystal clear and pebbled. The banks were grassed, about a foot tall and our blanket with our weight had flattened the grass below and so it gave the sense of even more seclusion. As we enjoyed our picnic lunch we thought how great this spot was, you couldn't see the car from the road, even less chance our blanketed nook. Now I know this thread is called "boner killers" but we hadn't been a couple for very long and this lady who is still my bride is 6ft tall, captivating smile and a body to die for has the ability to get me rock hard with just a phone call. We are alone and becoming increasingly undressed and I think you could have bent steel around my cock I was so stiff and she now was so wonderfully silky. Such preoccupations tends to make one less aware of the rest of the planet and she felt a touch that wasn't mine, it was a 10ft carpet python. Now a boner killer is one thing but we took of at such a rate I also drew my balls back inside as we headed for the car. It was then I realised this girl was for me, she said back seat, took control and in little time she had me. Some afterglow was enjoyed before I was dispatched to fetch our blanket, picnic and clothes. Years later when that car was sold you could still see slight traces of loving on the back seat cloth, we blamed the snake, but in reality, that seat had taken a punishing.

 

[AlexBailey]

Sleigh bells. No joke.

One Christmas season when the oldest of my kids first became teens, my wife decorated the house including a strap of sleigh bells hung from the front doorknob.

Every time the door opened we could hear it from anywhere in the house. We realized its usefulness as it slowed the kids from sneaking in and out. Sneaking out the back door required jumping fences or walking past our bedroom on a noisy gravel driveway.

As the kids got older and spent more time at friends houses the bells also let us know when they got home - which was often at an inconvenient moment for mom and dad.

So yeah, the kids have all move on now but a quick jingle can still make us jump.

 

[PMarky2]

For me it is the wife saying something like, 'You are thinking of me, aren't you?' At which point I get the urge to shout, 'Who the fuck is thinking at this stage?' But never do. The blessing and the curse of our marriage is that because I never seriously think of cheating, I never seriously think about hiding it when I am attracted to another woman. When we were younger this worked to my advantage because when the Missus thought she had some competition she'd take me home and blow my dick and then my mind. These days I get the green eyed monster, as she can only handle close contact with the 'one-eyed monster' when the planets are in the right alignment thanks to her autoimmune issues.

 

[Dalelaw2164]

Our lovely little cat wandering in and jumping on the bed

 

[thefishfryer]

Small child poking head round the door and asking "Why are you hurting mummy?"

 

[Bry1313]

View attachment 2247955

Alright, I’m turned off for the rest of the week.

 

[Deleted member 6607120]

One night we were getting hot and heavy on the floor in the middle of watching a movie. What movie you ask? Blazing Saddles. Do you know the campfire scene in that film? My partner was going down on me and I was so close to a huge orgasm... and then... the campfire scene started. It totally killed both of our boners and sent us into fits of laughter, because farts are hilarious, and I'm a child.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Chainsaw Play. Not sexy at all.

 

[Bry1313]

Partner to me “hey, do you want to watch “the Secretary”?”

 

[Pad_Foot]

Front door opening bringing “me time” to hurried end

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

Me: "You have really pretty eyes."
Her: "Yeah A LOT of people tell me that."

Fucking hate this energy. Ughhhhhh

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

Also thanks to the person who posted that Trump pic. My boner is probably dead forever now.

 

[FunLi]

Me: "You have really pretty eyes."
Her: "Yeah A LOT of people tell me that."

Fucking hate this energy. Ughhhhhh

guilty

As long as you don’t use the pickup line surrounding how much of the world’s population has green eyes, though, you’re good haha

 

[Seadog777]

Liberals.

 

[Jeb56]

Also thanks to the person who posted that Trump pic. My boner is probably dead forever now.

Melania has to be getting some on the side.

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

guilty

Okay YOU get a pass. Just cuz.

As long as you don’t use the pickup line surrounding how much of the world’s population has green eyes, though, you’re good haha

Lol Oh yeah, no pickup lines and definitely no name-dropping either. My good friend Chris Evans taught me that.

 

[sixfoot4]

One night we were getting hot and heavy on the floor in the middle of watching a movie. What movie you ask? Blazing Saddles. Do you know the campfire scene in that film? My partner was going down on me and I was so close to a huge orgasm... and then... the campfire scene started. It totally killed both of our boners and sent us into fits of laughter, because farts are hilarious, and I'm a child.

Best movie ever!

 

[Mo_Bandy]

If you dont respond fast enough to my dick pics