Boner Killers

[Lord Pmann]

Flipping the circuit breaker.

That really stops the sparks from flying.

Thanks. I’ll be here all week.

 

[alwaysaway]

Flipping the circuit breaker.

I thought this was a euphemism for female masturbation at first.

On that note, anyone who refers to the act as “flicking the bean” makes mine retreat in record time.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

She told him no, that he was a bad boy for using that kind of language with her. It didn’t have the desired effect.

Then I changed your diaper, gave you your binky and tucked you into bed.

Fucker

 

[alwaysaway]

Then I changed your diaper, gave you your binky and tucked you into bed.

Fucker

You know he’s off wanking now, right?

http://media4.giphy.com/media/3o6EhD3Fz024ouM4PS/giphy.gif

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Then I changed your diaper, gave you your binky and tucked you into bed.

Fucker

Did you pat his butt?

 

[Lonelywife1205]

Did you pat his butt?

No, but only because he has a nasty rash.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

No, but only because he has a nasty rash.

I got cream for that. But I'm using a spatula to apply it.

 

[alwaysaway]

I got cream for that. But I'm using a spatula to apply it.

This only encourages him.

https://media.tenor.com/lUCCu_DMfv8AAAAC/spanking-bad-boy.gif

 

[ReadyForMore22]

Wife and going at it during floor sex. We're really in the zone. Screams, curses, moans and it's awesome. We're in missionary. We had a puppy that had been sleeping behind us, who had apparently woke and came over to investigate the commotion. First thing he does is lay a cold nose on my asshole. I let out a yelp and popped up like I'd been shocked. My wife still laughs about it 25+ years later.

Got that t-shirt as well

 

[Lord Pmann]

I thought this was a euphemism for female masturbation at first.

On that note, anyone who refers to the act as “flicking the bean” makes mine retreat in record time.

If your bean is the size of a circuit breaker…

Then I changed your diaper, gave you your binky and tucked you into bed.

Fucker

You wish!

 

[Sinstories]

Bad tacos

 

[Lonelywife1205]

Bad tacos

I thought there was no such thing as a bad taco?

 

[Btq97]

When the scab comes off

 

[Ingenue844]

Fake Doms

 

[Btq97]

Fake Doms

KNEEL BEFORE ME (if thats ok with you, i do not want you to think that i am exerting while male privilege )

 

[Mnkinkcpl]

When you mom calls. Sure you can just ignore the call....but you know it's there. And now mom is in your head....may as well just give up and watch TV.

When Anne and I were first dating I was going down on her when her mom called, they had a several minute conversation and I gripped her thighs so she couldn't pull away and just kept going at it. Within moments of hanging up she exploded.

Exactly this. Even hearing those cockblockers moving around will kill the mood because I know they’re seconds away from destroying something or trying to murder each other.

A few weeks back Anne and I were just getting warmed up, our youngest is staying with us again and just as things were getting interesting he knocked on the door "Hey can one of you call my phone, I can't find it."

Fucking kids.

Anne and I used to like hiking some of the local trails. One day we were out and we had found a beautiful spot off the trail, it was raining lightly but it was warm enough that it didn't slow us down. Then as we were getting close lightning struck a tree a few hundred yards away.

 

[Ingenue844]

Blunt Force Trauma
Punching or slapping

I don’t care if sex workers in your favorite porn like getting slapped. Never strike me in any way.

 

[Lady2020]

Men who don't appreciate setting a time to meet.

 

[Oshkosh60]

We were at a retreat with other couples in a dorm style room trying to sneak in a quickie. In the moment of passion, I made a joke about another couple at the retreat and we both started laughing so hard that there was instant deflation. Yeah, lesson learned. I try not to think of anything humorous while doing the deed.

 

[Bbl87]

Well, just the other night actually... she'd gotten off, I hadn't. Just as we were changing positions, baby starts crying in the other room. She went to soothe her back to sleep. Intermission kind of killed the mood and I never did end up finishing myself.

 

[thefishfryer]

Nosebleed.

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

Tell us about those moments when you were in the heat of the moment (with a real life partner, e-boning, taking care of yourself or whatever) and something happened that made it come to a screeching halt.

Or maybe that has never happened, but what would be a total boner killer for you?

https://media3.giphy.com/media/LIzmN5oIcHdCM/giphy.gif?cid=5e214886dhiq8ixc8vslkuds8jpvqubhn24ada4arhdeephs&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

Oh, it has happened to me.
Went down and did not bounce back up.
She mentioned my wife.
I can still hear her words.

"That's a nice piece of meat you have there. I bet your wife really likes that."


Obviously, we are meeting on line because I don't want to cheat on my wife in RL, but I do want to experience a fantasy that, well, that does not involve my wife. Why the hell would she bring up my wife in a moment like that?

 

[AmberLGreen]

The accidental Skype butt dial has happened a couple of times and is a sure fire way to kill your boner.

That wasn’t a butt dial. I saw you were quiet and thought you would be at it so deliberately called you

 

[ydahecnot]

“My role model is Lorena Bobbitt”

 

[Lord Pmann]

Skype Butt dials sounds like a new TV series.

And Skype Butt sounds a bit more like a Lit related e-bang injury.