Seductive First Sentences

[yowser]

Many of us like to attract readers to our precious works. After the title (with some debate about tags and short descriptions here on Lit) one of the fastest ways to lure a reader into our story world is a good first sentence.

Mainstream literature supplies many sterling first sentence examples:

Call me Ishmael (Melville)

In the afternoons it was the custom of Miss Jane Marple to unfold her second newspaper. (Agatha Christie)

I have been afraid of putting air in a tire ever since I saw a tractor tire blow up and throw Newt Hardbine’s father over the top of the Standard Oil sign. (Barbara Kingsolver)

A good first sentence can do a number of things: suggest character, establish setting, mood or tone, but most importantly, generate interest for readers and make them ask the essential question: “okay, you’ve got my interest, what’s next?”

What’s your best first sentence, and what did it do for your story? (I know, sometimes the best first sentence is the second one, right after the short punchy leading one, but for the sake of this exercise let's limit examples to two lines maximum? Or someone can start a ‘first paragraph’ thread.)

What’s the best first sentence bait you left out there for your reader?

 

[ElectricBlue]

She was hot, smoking hot. If she was on fire, she'd burn.

A Girl on the Bus
A 750 Word anthology, first chapter. 60% of the readers hung in there until the sixth chapter, where they get the pay-off. Which is a pretty good retention rate for a 750 word exercise.

It was the movement that first caught my eye.

Garter Belts and Cigarettes
Introduced one of my personal favourites, Ruby.

"Excuse me, can I get past?"

I'll Need to Change the Sheets
My highest viewed story 4.84/416. In Fetish, what's more. This story proves the argument that you can have a child for plot purposes in a Lit story, provided they're out of the house with Grandma when the protagonists get down to sex.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Two for your consideration. One did very well; the other not so, but I still like it.

They exist. One Night in St Jean - Pour Nos Péchés

and

The clock on the shelf said quarter past five; it was time to prepare myself, for He was always punctual. Dianne

 

[MelissaBaby]

Hard to beat starting a Christmas story with the first line of White Castle Christmas:

"Fuck Christmas," Clover shouted, "and fuck you, Tony."

But, in remembrance of Harry Belafonte, I'm compelled to point out that the first line of Mary and Alvin Chapter 27: Kaddish is:

"Day O!"

 

[Candy_Kane54]

It was a dark and stormy night.

from My Chevy Van

 

[Kumquatqueen]

My favourite is Iain Banks' "It was the day my grandmother exploded." from the brilliant The Crow Road.

From my own humble offerings?
Wheelchair Bound? and "It was the door-frame incident that had really knocked Ali's confidence."

For setting the scene, this worked well: "I looked round the fetish club, full of friends and, presumably, friends-of-friends, there for celebrating someone's birthday-ending-in-zero." - Tell me what you want

 

[Trionyx]

"You want to fuck my sister, don't you?"

By far not my highest score but the views and numbers of votes skyrocketed.

From: Ashley’s Sister
https://literotica.com/s/ashleys-sister

 

[EmilyMiller]

What’s the best first sentence bait you left out there for your reader?

“Literotica is a bad place, populated by bad people, a few of them are my good friends.”

- Desire

—

“Fragile.”

- Fragile

—

“Recently, I came to the startling realization that I had not fucked a guy in months.”

- Something Has Come Up

 

[MrPixel]

I'll play. From New Year's Eve:

The dress we selected for the evening was absolutely stunning -- a long, slinky Calvin Klein design in a thin fabric clinging to every curve, bold blue-and-white diagonal stripes all but demanding focus on said curves.

From Off Campus 04 Pt. 08:

Jessica is sitting in my lap, and the others are all giggly because, as usual, we're surreptitiously screwing.

And here's one from Consequences, an I/T story I'm working on but not sure yet I'm going to submit:

"Daddy, I'm late."

 

[NotWise]

From A Christmas Tart:

"I could taste her. I could smell her. It was all in my imagination, of course, but it still made my cock stir."

 

[SimonDoom]

"The panties were always the last to go."

https://literotica.com/s/i-know-what-you-want-2

 

[EmilyMiller]

How could I forget?

“I straddled my lover and sucked avidly on his cock that had just been deep in my ass, while pushing my pussy down onto his face and extended tongue.”

- Because I Deserve It

 

[NoTalentHack]

I've found that it's usually the little things that are our undoing, the small details that go unnoticed or uncommented upon: the ruinous fine print; the subtle, seductive glance between a spouse and an admirer; the vows that seem so easy to keep that they are included almost as an afterthought.

- In Health

I never expected to be a barfly, but it turned out to be a pretty good life choice.

- Meat Market

 

[Smuttyandfun]

This line probably got a few people reading to see what came next:

It was all fun and games, at least until Deana felt a strange cock sliding into her pussy. From: Hot Fun with a Stranger

 

[BobbyBrandt]

Following are a few that I think worked well to draw readers in:

1990

"Damn, damn, damn," Suzy groaned to herself after closing the front door.

Betting on the Aces

"We need to talk..."

Change

JR could hear the couple arguing even before he reached the gate to his patio.

Elements

It defied all logic.

Toby panted and attempted to calm his breathing. The beautiful creature smiling up at him with love and adoration was a logical anomaly that he had been unable to explain for almost a year.

Heavy Traffic

Some men deserve to die, but these three deserved to spend the rest of their miserable lives wishing they were dead.

Little Differences

"Are you shooting to be viewed more as a Geek or a Nerd?" Janelle asked.

Made

There are rules in life that are undeniably black and white, and many of these are enshrined in the laws of society. Murder is bad, and saving a life is good. Adultery is bad, and faithfulness is good. Stealing is bad, and giving is good. Lies are bad, the truth is good. The list goes on.

No Names Necessary

"Fucking engineers," he muttered as he shut the front door with a bang. He walked into the apartment and tossed his jacket on a chair. She looked up at him with a smile.

Our Love Saga

As the saying goes, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

Searching

She noticed him immediately. She had been taught.

 

[onehitwanda]

I know this violates the sentences part of "seductive sentences" - feel free to tar and feather me if you must - but I have to share what is one of my favorite openings of any book I've read.

Shadow had done three years in prison. He was big enough and looked don't-fuck-with-me enough that his biggest problem was killing time. So he kept himself in shape, and taught himself coin tricks, and thought a lot about how much he loved his wife.

- Neil Gaiman, "American Gods"

I always try to emulate that sort of style - I love it when the opening of a story gives backstory and context enough to get me interested.

Here's the opening of one that's not yet done.

I ran my fingers over the lace border of the bra. I loved the colour - a deep, luxurious wine-dark burgundy - but I wasn't entirely convinced that it would look good on me. After a moment's indecision I draped it over my arm with the two other that I'd already selected.

Three would do. I couldn't be greedy.

 

[yowser]

It was a dark and stormy night.

Ha, clever.

I imagine a slight variation could be the beginning of another tale:

"It was a dark and Stormy Daniels."

 

[Bramblethorn]

I don't have a lot of zingy openers, but I'm pretty happy with this one:

"I'm thinking of becoming a kept woman," said Anjali, as calmly as if she'd been commenting on the quality of the café's coffee.

By contrast, this might be my most banal:

"So," I said to Sigrid, "we're cutting our travel budget but increasing training. By the way, have I mentioned how good that coat looks on you?"

But I think the banality serves a purpose in that story.

 

[djrip]

How could I forget?

“I straddled my lover and sucked avidly on his cock that had just been deep in my ass, while pushing my pussy down onto his face and extended tongue.”

- Because I Deserve It

No, no, no, it's "I'm Emily."

 

[djrip]

I know this violates the sentences part of "seductive sentences" - feel free to tar and feather me if you must - but I have to share what is one of my favorite openings of any book I've read.


I always try to emulate that sort of style - I love it when the opening of a story gives backstory and context enough to get me interested.

Here's the opening of one that's not yet done.

If we're doing those I'll have to go with:

The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.

 

[djrip]

Upon review it seems my opening lines do not tend to be very striking. Perhaps I'll work on that going forward... They tend to be dialog, usually. This one from my earliest, and (deservedly) lowest scoring submission is nicely portentous, though:

"Ok, honey, I'm heading to my appointment. I'll be back soon."

 

[onehitwanda]

The sky above the port was the color of television, tuner to a dead channel.

Oh, you bastard. I know this one and I don't want to have to google it!

It's Neuromancer. I had to google to confirm, but it's Neuromancer. Curse you! Now I'm going to have to go and read it again because I love Molly so much.

 

[djrip]

Oh, you bastard. I know this one and I don't want to have to google it!

It's Neuromancer. I had to google to confirm, but it's Neuromancer. Curse you! Now I'm going to have to go and read it again because I love Molly so much.

I don't even feel bad about it

 

[onehitwanda]

I don't even feel bad about it

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

 

[EmilyMiller]

No, no, no, it's "I'm Emily."