Feedback on Character Profile - Believable? Relatable?

[LongDraw]

So I'm working on building out the character profile for the Reproductive Medicine doctor that married into House Owens, the house for the main character Braedon.

What I am asking is for everyone to take a look at the generated PDF file containing the elements and details I have entered and let me know if something seems off.

Dr. Beccy Owens - House Owens Chief of Reproductive Medicine

 

[Bramblethorn]

Might want to give people a heads-up that the material involves a description of a character being sexually molested as a teen. Not everybody wants to be surprised by that kind of content.

A few things that I noticed:

- I have no idea why one would need a suprailiac fold measurement as part of character development, but maybe this is an artefact of the template?
- "Won't let anyone else drive his or her car" but also "She used to drive to work in a flashy new 2018 Tesla Model 5. After moving to In Processing and later, Owens House, she now no longer has need of a car."
- "Doctor of Reproductive Medicine" but also "Has exceptionally long nails" - OW OW OW OW OW. Just no.
- Measurements seem a bit incongruous. If you google "5'9" and 220 lbs woman" you can find examples of what people at that height/weight might look like; obviously different people have different shapes, but the rest of the physical description seems rather more extreme than those numbers would suggest. OTOH, if this is a fantasy fetish story some exaggeration might be appropriate.
- Mentions "finding a lifelong partner" and "conceiving a child with a partner" as major life goals, but also "Helping couples to have children has been very rewarding with every successful live birth". These things aren't necessarily incompatible, but seeing other people have children can often be very hard for somebody who's not yet been able to have children of their own - it might take some work to show how she reconciles them.

The biggest gap, IMHO, is that she's very much defined by one thing. She was molested as a teenager, pretty much her entire personality is a reaction to that. There's some mention of hobbies but these seem superficial, with little if any influence on her personality. One line mentions that she's married but there's no sense of how she relates to her husband or the other people in her life - does she still have a relationship with her parents? Siblings? Any kind of formative experiences in between "teenager" and "completed medical specialty"?

For a supporting character you might not need so much depth, but if she's going to be an important part of the story it might be worth looking beyond that one incident for defining her.

 

[KinoKe]

So I'm working on building out the character profile for the Reproductive Medicine doctor that married into House Owens, the house for the main character Braedon.

What I am asking is for everyone to take a look at the generated PDF file containing the elements and details I have entered and let me know if something seems off.

Dr. Beccy Owens - House Owens Chief of Reproductive Medicine

Why don't you just write the story? If you need other people to tell you what to write, it might be time to head back out to the woodshed for a while.

Good luck

 

[SimonDoom]

My response is that unless I know what the story is about I have no way to answer this. This exercise seems like overkill to me, but I don't know because I don't know what the point of the story is or her purpose within the story, or how long the story is.

My personal attitude about character development in a short story is there's no need to work everything out to the nth detail. The only details you need are the ones that are essential to the story, and if it's a short story then you don't need many details.

 

[windar]

Long Draw-I'm going to try to be diplomatic here. You've posted 3 chapters of this VY thing. You asked for feedback in the Feedback thread (which I gave and got no response to), you attempted to revive the dead Story Discussion thread to no avail. You asked for voice narrators, you asked for illustrators, you offered co-authorship. Now you made a multi-page character profile for a character that frankly you have given us no reason to care about.

Take it easy, my friend. Write the story and see what happens. Most of what you're spending time on is peripheral. Shakespeare said, "The play's the thing," and in your case, the story is the thing. Relax and go slow...

 

[Voboy]

Just write.

And, frankly, the spelling of "Beccy" would be annoying enough that I would move on to another story. Hey, you asked!

 

[yukonnights]

RE: OP LongDraw post; As windar implied, it seems that you really do enjoy / prefer collaboration in your writing. I don't think there is anything wrong with this, but it may be that you simply need to find another author to build such a relationship with. I've "helped" quite a few others with their stories over the years — it takes getting to know the other and how they write in order to get into a creative groove that might work. So, my advice is to concentrate on finding that one other person to collaborate with.

As many have said here in various ways; It's very hard for a person unfamiliar with you and your style to even begin to know where you want to go.

 

[LongDraw]

Might want to give people a heads-up that the material involves a description of a character being sexually molested as a teen. Not everybody wants to be surprised by that kind of content.

..

Okay, so first off thank you for all the feedback here Bramblethorn. The measurements are just copied over from a 3D body calculator so that I can refer back to the calculator for certain results I used to validate aspects in storyline waiting for approval on Lit for Ch04-07. The part about the car is because I intend the story to take place in the Midwest overall, and Chicagoland as this character's home town. In the first published section of the novel, there is reference to her long acrylic nails, "exceptionally long nails" is a pre-formatted checkbox in fingernail category. Thank you for catching that one, that should be 320 lbs., was a typo, but I'll re-run body calculator with correct weight, thank you. For her, I envisioned her wanting children one day, but that it would have been extremely difficult to find a good man that doesn't obsess over her BBW or macromastia breast size (she's self-conscious about her size, not her weight necessarily), so helping other struggling couples helps her feel that bond until that day comes for her.

Yeah, you're right, her having been sexually molested in the past is a defining aspect of her thoughts and actions as an adult, but I also know Lit's rules and how they can go overboard. It's actually why I haven't made mention in the story about it, but her actions in the story mirror her thoughts and behaviors stated in the character profile. The profile is sort of a pre-VY picture, only occasionally as required referring to her life after joining House Owens. I do think her family relationships and history needs some work, but I wanted to make sure I was going in the right direction for the audience hopes first.

I can see how it would look like overkill going this in depth in building a character before completing the story. The process is based on the same process I have used for writing complex computer programs, Object Oriented Programming you could relate it to, where characters are modules interacting with each other. It's just how I make sense of it all. Hard to explain.

Sorry to hide part of your post. Forum says post is too many characters.

Why don't you just write the story? If you need other people to tell you what to write, it might be time to head back out to the woodshed for a while.

Good luck

I know the prevailing thought is that authors should just write what they think, polish themselves first, polish with an editor 2nd and then publish. For me, I am trying to find my "method" that will work best for me. I already knew the entire story the first morning I woke with it in my head 3 years ago, but getting it down on paper without elements getting mashed together and mixed around in my head wasn't possible because I don't type that fast. Add to that, that I would like the novel to appeal to a larger audience for more reasons than just I want it to be popular or make lots of money, it's more like I would hope to share the emotional depth that isn't obvious until you read the entire story, and then you ball your eyes out "for the characters". Difficult to explain, but it is the goal.

My response is that unless I know what the story is about I have no way to answer this. This exercise seems like overkill to me, but I don't know because I don't know what the point of the story is or her purpose within the story, or how long the story is.

My personal attitude about character development in a short story is there's no need to work everything out to the nth detail. The only details you need are the ones that are essential to the story, and if it's a short story then you don't need many details.

I get that you would like context, and more of that context will be available once my second section is approved for publishing on Lit. This is actually likely to be around 120k-150k words total once the remaining chapters are all typed out. It's about 47k words right now, but only about 9 of 25 chapters written completely.

Long Draw-I'm going to try to be diplomatic here. You've posted 3 chapters of this VY thing. You asked for feedback in the Feedback thread (which I gave and got no response to), you attempted to revive the dead Story Discussion thread to no avail. You asked for voice narrators, you asked for illustrators, you offered co-authorship. Now you made a multi-page character profile for a character that frankly you have given us no reason to care about.

Take it easy, my friend. Write the story and see what happens. Most of what you're spending time on is peripheral. Shakespeare said, "The play's the thing," and in your case, the story is the thing. Relax and go slow...

Okay, first off, I'm sorry if I gave the impression I ignored your feedback before. I can assure you 100% I definitely read your feedback and I take all feedback seriously as long as it doesn't resemble something like "You suck, go back to school" or something like that. I do frequently get pulled away with the needs of my two young children and tasks around the home, so there are times when I forget what I was doing. Not personal, but I am sorry if I turned you off with that. As for the threads I've started asking for assistance for narrators, illustrators, etc, I've been told I need to be more vocal about when I need help, rather than bottling up my frustrations inside, which I have done for a long time. Sorry if the threads have turned you off. Hopefully I have answered your feedback effectively about the profile for a character that hasn't had much relevance yet for published sections. I want the next section published probably even more than you do, I could be wrong and if I am then I say awesome!

I get it, I really do, but I feel the depth of the character building will pay off. I wish I could show you why right now, but that would spoil what I have planned for the future of the VY series. I will try to keep a healthy perspective though of what is important to getting the story enjoyed by the reader (they can't read what isn't published).

Just write.

And, frankly, the spelling of "Beccy" would be annoying enough that I would move on to another story. Hey, you asked!

The name and the way it is spelled is the suggestion of the volunteer editor helping me on VY. It was different and unexpected, though I didn't hate it myself. If other readers feel as you do, there are certainly numerous variations of that name that I think they would accept more. I'll continue looking to feedback for that. Thank you.

RE: OP LongDraw post; As windar implied, it seems that you really do enjoy / prefer collaboration in your writing. I don't think there is anything wrong with this, but it may be that you simply need to find another author to build such a relationship with. I've "helped" quite a few others with their stories over the years — it takes getting to know the other and how they write in order to get into a creative groove that might work. So, my advice is to concentrate on finding that one other person to collaborate with.

As many have said here in various ways; It's very hard for a person unfamiliar with you and your style to even begin to know where you want to go.

Your feedback is taking some time for me to phrase this in a way that won't confuse everyone. You're sort of right, but sort of not here. I would say that it is more of I am attempting to complement the aspects of my cognitive processes with that of what is referred to as a "normal" person. If you've seen and read my prior replies to threads, you'll hopefully understand what I'm talking about here. To put it another way, I'm aware of a segment of personality that I lack, and for the life of me never understood in just about everyone I've ever met in life. I need a "writing partner" to bridge that gap, and ideally they would possess superior narrative style writing skill to complement my technical writing style.

I've actually asked my wife to help with the story, but she declined because she isn't confident in her ability to write a novel like this. And the only other people I regularly interact with is my 1 year and 4 year old, so I'm limited in co-author prospects.

 

[windar]

I need a "writing partner" to bridge that gap, and ideally they would possess superior narrative style writing skill to complement my technical writing style.

I've actually asked my wife to help with the story, but she declined because she isn't confident in her ability to write a novel like this. And the only other people I regularly interact with is my 1 year and 4 year old, so I'm limited in co-author prospects.

I have worked with a co-author on at least two dozen published novellas over the past several years (none of them on this site). But before we collaborated we chatted a lot in PM about unrelated things and found a lot of common interests. These relationships can't be forced and can't be developed in public threads IMO. Sending out a sort of general appeal for people to work with you on one or another aspect of what is your vision for a long story, not theirs, begs the question of "Why should they do it?" Most writers have more ideas for their own stories than they have time to execute those ideas, so why should they want to devote their efforts to your story? It's a big ask and can't just be thrown out there in the way that you are doing with any expectation of someone taking you up on the offer.

And if you were to find a collaborator, you had best be prepared to accommodate their ideas on an equal basis to your own ideas. I don't see how anyone would agree to work with you under "It's my story but your writing" unless you are prepared to fork over money to hire them as a ghost writer (and that won't come cheap). I sure wouldn't.

 

[lovecraft68]

Long Draw-I'm going to try to be diplomatic here. You've posted 3 chapters of this VY thing. You asked for feedback in the Feedback thread (which I gave and got no response to), you attempted to revive the dead Story Discussion thread to no avail. You asked for voice narrators, you asked for illustrators, you offered co-authorship. Now you made a multi-page character profile for a character that frankly you have given us no reason to care about.

Take it easy, my friend. Write the story and see what happens. Most of what you're spending time on is peripheral. Shakespeare said, "The play's the thing," and in your case, the story is the thing. Relax and go slow...

For whatever reason I have been binge watching Shark Tank segments on you tube and your post sounds like one of the Sharks going on about demands before declaring "I'm out"

 

[LongDraw]

For whatever reason I have been binge watching Shark Tank segments on you tube and your post sounds like one of the Sharks going on about demands before declaring "I'm out"

Okay, I'll offer you $1 for 90% of your company

 

[windar]

For whatever reason I have been binge watching Shark Tank segments on you tube and your post sounds like one of the Sharks going on about demands before declaring "I'm out"

I'm not sure whether that was meant as a complement or an insult...

At least on Shark Tank, real money is at stake (though I understand many of the handshakes fall through in the end). Here we're talking smut on a free site. The angst I see on these boards-not just from the OP by any means-seems excessive. Write the story, read it over a couple of times and hit the "Post" button. Not so hard. Whatever you do, some people will like it and some won't.

No matter how many top lists you make, the Nobel Committee won't be calling and Colbert won't be inviting you on his show. If you choose to publish them on a pay site, we're talking, if things go reasonably well, a nice dinner out, not a yacht sailing through the Caribbean accompanied by bikini clad supermodels (don't I wish). And no, no story here is going to influence Federal Reserve policy. At least I hope the hell not.

 

[lovecraft68]

I'm not sure whether that was meant as a complement or an insult...

At least on Shark Tank, real money is at stake (though I understand many of the handshakes fall through in the end). Here we're talking smut on a free site. The angst I see on these boards-not just from the OP by any means-seems excessive. Write the story, read it over a couple of times and hit the "Post" button. Not so hard. Whatever you do, some people will like it and some won't.

No matter how many top lists you make, the Nobel Committee won't be calling and Colbert won't be inviting you on his show. If you choose to publish them on a pay site, we're talking, if things go reasonably well, a nice dinner out, not a yacht sailing through the Caribbean accompanied by bikini clad supermodels (don't I wish). And no, no story here is going to influence Federal Reserve policy. At least I hope the hell not.

I meant it as a joke. I like the follow ups on the show where they show how big some of the entrepreneurs get, but they never show that like you said, many fall through after a more detailed look into the business and person is conducted.

I agree with your point, for as long as I've been here I have stressed the importance of what I feel are the three most powerful words in advertising and motivation
Just do it.
If anything I don't think through enough during a story which leads to some gutting later on, but the story gets done and once its done, tweaking is easier than having never gotten started.