Loss

[looking4it]

I am a recent widower and I was wondering if anyone here has experienced the loss of a spouse and if so, what did you do to help deal with that loss and how has time helped (if it has)?

One of the reasons I am posting here is because Lit is where we met and our friends and community here at the time were very important to us and is very much a part of our story.

 

[SissySalina]

Once sissy had such a loss, it was a marriage that lasted 7 years before the loss. It has always stuck in the mind. You start by remembering the good times and then the bad time sneak in also, but it is the journey that you both traveled that matters. All relationships have ups and downs, that is being human. Over time some of it fades away but not all, like childhood memories some stick with you forever. The main idea is that the lost one would want you to move on and not get stuck but do remember.
This is a sissy opinion from experience.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Sorry for your loss.

There is no end of grief, love or remembrance, What there is is the knowledge that life is for the living and your spouse wants you to live. Engaging in it is the only way forward.

That sounds like toxic positivity but it isn't. Meet people. Start a project. Learn something. Engage in life.

While continuing to honor, love and miss your wife. Talk to her when you want. Look at photos when you want. Grieve all you want.

But then be alive.

 

[Erosfan]

Sorry for your loss.

There is no end of grief, love or remembrance, What there is is the knowledge that life is for the living and your spouse wants you to live. Engaging in it is the only way forward.

That sounds like toxic positivity but it isn't. Meet people. Start a project. Learn something. Engage in life.

While continuing to honor, love and miss your wife. Talk to her when you want. Look at photos when you want. Grieve all you want.

But then be alive.

The above comment says a lot in a nice way.

I lost my wife earlier this year (not covid). I won't say I know how you feel, I don't. I know how I felt and feel today.
It is a very painful journey that is different for every one.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's personal and you will do it your way.
Take care of you is first and foremost. Don't deny your feelings. Talk with friends and family. You might find some relief talking with a therapist. Find what works for you.
A quote from above, "Engage in life." Words well spoken.
You will never forget, but each day that passes eases the pain in very small increments.
I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Harrypalm]

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago. It was the first time in our forty year marriage that I had ever considered losing her. I didn't know what I was going to do if she died. I sat with her in the oncologist's office with tears running down my cheeks. I was scared shit less.

Currently she is doing very well. I read the posts in this thread with great interest. I'll assimilate what I've read here and take it into the future if needed. I'm sorry for the loses the people in this thread have suffered.

 

[looking4it]

Thanks

You have posted some things that I’ve pondered and some that are new. Thanks for your suggestions.

 

[46n2]

I would very much disagree that the passing decreases over time.

I lost my father (just prior to pandemic; thankfully). It might be that he was so fucking enormous of a person that a void has been left too substantial, to counter for; to balance out.

I knew that I would lose too much but… I cannot really manufacture what he was for me, from nothing. It isn’t there without him.

-I got it right, in helping him through.

Again, we were lucky enough how it went that… we could be there with him for the moment when it happend (I simply cannot conceive nor grieve enough for the loss that millions of people across this country and beyond have been subjugated to suffer through - in separation. I cannot even grip that having now known what that ending moment is like. It’s been stolen from you, and it pains me beyond comprehension).

But he ain’t there no more, in whatever form he could even manage near the end.

And that’s a loss I cannot… balance out.

I’ve taken a lot of hits to the head. And I’ve paid for shit I've done to myself. (I'll pay more, as we must.)

But I miss my father to a degree I cannot compensate for.

I was lucky he was here at all.


-DCL: Nice. Good on ya there.