What Are You Nosey About Today?? 🦝

[Daisy_Love]

Truth? Probably goes back to the "Don't want to put effort in" thing. Those who don't have a problem with conversation/humor etc, will put forth that effort and not have a problem with it. Those who struggle, will be offended.

Those people are fools. Turning on someone's mind is 1000% more intense than turning on someone's body. But what the hell so I know?

It all starts in the mind

 

[SassySheDevil]

It all starts in the mind

This!!! Totally this.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

It all starts in the mind

That quote is dead on

 

[TunnelKing089]

Private messages are exactly that,private messages but nosey people tend to spread and show yours here.I don't play that game at all I'm a private,quiet person who likes privacy between me and someone else.I understand you have to show something to verify you're real though and I've done that 3 or 4 times.

I'm not interested on going on the Lit meat market assembly line for everyone here to see all my private posts/pics I send to someone that should be private,so if that's your intention or been caught you can just forget about me.

Finding ladies to trust is super hard but have found a few.Best thing I should do is just chat and make friends and no playing but we'll see.

MY 2 cents today.

 

[hotcpu]

It all starts in the mind

So very true ... The climax begins long before in her mind before her body is ever touched. And bummed I missed the new hairstyle. I'm sure it's stunning

 

[Wand3rlust]

I'm going to throw a small curveball in this conversation -

I think the men of Lit often get a shit reputation (often justifiably) but I think just as many things could be said about the women of Lit.

I'm not taking playing or "slutty" behavior because I think that argument has been had a hundred times and explained suitably but...

I'm nosey why there does seem to be a separate set of rules for men and woman. First, let me say I am not pointing the finger at anyone in this thread so far. I don't know most of you well at all. Secondly, I want to avoid the "crazy girl" stereotype. But I have had experience with these three things with the ladies of Lit, as a friend or partner in the past.

1. Unreasonably high expectations.
2. Manipulation/Reputation Tarnishing
3. Ultra jealousy - and by this I mean more than a reasonable level, that's normal but the kind of Seek and Destroy attitude of anyone they see as in their orbit.

Again, no finger pointing but, as a feminist, turn about is fair play.

Also, as far as conversations go, how many of you ladies initiate the PM? Personally, I'm terrible at it and my ADD often has me replying to messages a week later but I do my best. Just curious!

I have sent the first PM a few times - sometimes it has been as part of your PM challenges, and I have had a nice conversation with some. A couple have gone on to be what I would class as friends. Others fizzle out for whatever reason. I try not to take it personally. Unless they tell me it's personal!

I think that stereotypes exist for a reason. And you should always be careful when conversing with a 'name' on an internet forum. For me, anyway. I post mainly in the audio thread, and it always surprises me when someone sends me a message that references that. But I think there are just as many reasons for a man to be on his guard as a woman. But it all depends on clear communication.

 

[Chillygirl]

I'm going to throw a small curveball in this conversation -

I think the men of Lit often get a shit reputation (often justifiably) but I think just as many things could be said about the women of Lit.

I'm not taking playing or "slutty" behavior because I think that argument has been had a hundred times and explained suitably but...

I'm nosey why there does seem to be a separate set of rules for men and woman. First, let me say I am not pointing the finger at anyone in this thread so far. I don't know most of you well at all. Secondly, I want to avoid the "crazy girl" stereotype. But I have had experience with these three things with the ladies of Lit, as a friend or partner in the past.

1. Unreasonably high expectations.
2. Manipulation/Reputation Tarnishing
3. Ultra jealousy - and by this I mean more than a reasonable level, that's normal but the kind of Seek and Destroy attitude of anyone they see as in their orbit.

Again, no finger pointing but, as a feminist, turn about is fair play.

Also, as far as conversations go, how many of you ladies initiate the PM? Personally, I'm terrible at it and my ADD often has me replying to messages a week later but I do my best. Just curious!

I’ve gotten horrible messages from women because I responded to a post or gotten a response to a post and it’s “their man” and I need to keep my hands to myself. Annoying.

I send out a lot of PMs. If I want to talk to someone I say hi. Guys like PMs too.

 

[Punkrockchick]

Those people are fools. Turning on someone's mind is 1000% more intense than turning on someone's body. But what the hell so I know?

This is why you are such a doll

 

[Lonelywife1205]

I'm going to throw a small curveball in this conversation -

I think the men of Lit often get a shit reputation (often justifiably) but I think just as many things could be said about the women of Lit.

I'm not taking playing or "slutty" behavior because I think that argument has been had a hundred times and explained suitably but...

I'm nosey why there does seem to be a separate set of rules for men and woman. First, let me say I am not pointing the finger at anyone in this thread so far. I don't know most of you well at all. Secondly, I want to avoid the "crazy girl" stereotype. But I have had experience with these three things with the ladies of Lit, as a friend or partner in the past.

1. Unreasonably high expectations.
2. Manipulation/Reputation Tarnishing
3. Ultra jealousy - and by this I mean more than a reasonable level, that's normal but the kind of Seek and Destroy attitude of anyone they see as in their orbit.

Again, no finger pointing but, as a feminist, turn about is fair play.

Also, as far as conversations go, how many of you ladies initiate the PM? Personally, I'm terrible at it and my ADD often has me replying to messages a week later but I do my best. Just curious!

I will own that my expectations are probably unreasonably high, but every time I’ve compromised I’ve regretted it.

I have never engaged in the behaviors in #2 or #3 though I have been the target of both by people here.

I initiate the PM’s a good bit of the time. Usually in response to a comment they made or reaching out because it seems like they could use a friend or a sympathetic ear. If it’s a man I’ve wanted to E-bone (in the past) I typically wait for them to message me. I’ll flirt with them publicly enough that they should feel reasonably certain I will respond favorably...I guess I’m old fashioned like that.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

I’ve gotten horrible messages from women because I responded to a post or gotten a response to a post and it’s “their man” and I need to keep my hands to myself. Annoying.

I send out a lot of PMs. If I want to talk to someone I say hi. Guys like PMs too.

Now I’m nosey about whose been sending chilly nasty PM’s although I’m 99.9% certain I can guess who it is.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I’ve gotten horrible messages from women because I responded to a post or gotten a response to a post and it’s “their man” and I need to keep my hands to myself. Annoying.

I send out a lot of PMs. If I want to talk to someone I say hi. Guys like PMs too.

This is why I rarely send PMs anymore. I've gotten those before also. For this reason. I often steer clear of guys who either are, or appear to be "coupled up"

I have initiated PMs before. But more often than not. They are just off now.

I take word of mouth from women with a grain of salt. A lot of times, a woman will say something bad about a guy, because they don't want you to talk to him.

 

[AmberLGreen]

I'm going to throw a small curveball in this conversation -

I think the men of Lit often get a shit reputation (often justifiably) but I think just as many things could be said about the women of Lit.

I'm not taking playing or "slutty" behavior because I think that argument has been had a hundred times and explained suitably but...

I'm nosey why there does seem to be a separate set of rules for men and woman. First, let me say I am not pointing the finger at anyone in this thread so far. I don't know most of you well at all. Secondly, I want to avoid the "crazy girl" stereotype. But I have had experience with these three things with the ladies of Lit, as a friend or partner in the past.

1. Unreasonably high expectations.
2. Manipulation/Reputation Tarnishing
3. Ultra jealousy - and by this I mean more than a reasonable level, that's normal but the kind of Seek and Destroy attitude of anyone they see as in their orbit.

Again, no finger pointing but, as a feminist, turn about is fair play.

Also, as far as conversations go, how many of you ladies initiate the PM? Personally, I'm terrible at it and my ADD often has me replying to messages a week later but I do my best. Just curious!

I can honestly say I like people and I like chatting. I post on way too many threads and send too many PMs for anybody to not know what I am about. I will more often than not initiate a PM because the person is posting things that either make me laugh a lot or stimulate my mind. If conversations start to quickly go where I don’t want them to, I will say so and hope that the guy respects that. If they don’t then the conversation ends. I PM as many women as guys (probably more in reality).

To the three points.

I don’t have expectations. If I message somebody and they don’t respond then that is their choice. Also, with people I chat to regularly, I don’t expect immediate responses - we all have lives.

Manipulation is one thing that I cannot stand. To me it is a form of power and control and should not be part of anything you consider a friendship. Reputation tarnishing is a no go area. People live their lives however they want to and should be admired for being who they are. If at any point I had a problem or a falling out with anybody this would be discussed in private with them. However, if a person is treating me wrongly and after being asked nicely to stop doing that and they don’t, I will out them publicly.

Jealousy is the ugliest personality trait anybody can have in my opinion. I don’t think I have ever been jealous of anybody for who they are, what they have achieved, how they look, how well liked they are, etc. Like I have said before, I admire people for who they are. Everybody has that something about them that we would all like and things that we wouldn’t. We are all different and should embrace that fact because life would be boring without it. I will often say to people “I wish I had your confidence or quick wit or body” but that doesn’t mean I want to have it instead of them. It is my way of telling them that I think what they have is great.

That is just me!

 

[hairball18]

LOL Totally. I'm weak in the knees now.


Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the personals area. Not because I'm looking, but sometimes, great conversations can be had there. The ones who take time to say something are fun to converse with.
Sometimes the playground threads can be hard to jump in and feel like one belongs.

But I just like seeing a person interact because it gives you a feel for who they are.

I wondered who was feeling me. Fess up come on.

 

[Daisy_Love]

I'm going to throw a small curveball in this conversation -

I think the men of Lit often get a shit reputation (often justifiably) but I think just as many things could be said about the women of Lit.

I'm not taking playing or "slutty" behavior because I think that argument has been had a hundred times and explained suitably but...

I'm nosey why there does seem to be a separate set of rules for men and woman. First, let me say I am not pointing the finger at anyone in this thread so far. I don't know most of you well at all. Secondly, I want to avoid the "crazy girl" stereotype. But I have had experience with these three things with the ladies of Lit, as a friend or partner in the past.

1. Unreasonably high expectations.
2. Manipulation/Reputation Tarnishing
3. Ultra jealousy - and by this I mean more than a reasonable level, that's normal but the kind of Seek and Destroy attitude of anyone they see as in their orbit.

Again, no finger pointing but, as a feminist, turn about is fair play.

Also, as far as conversations go, how many of you ladies initiate the PM? Personally, I'm terrible at it and my ADD often has me replying to messages a week later but I do my best. Just curious!

I’ve sent pm’s a fair few times too. Some as part of your PM Challenge, some have been for advice or reaching out. I’ve made some great friends through this. I’d say a few have fizzled out which is normal, I think. I’ve been ghosted which is never nice, it was only friendship but still hurt.

I think I have fairly high expectations of how you should treat another human being. But I don’t think to be respectful and genuine is unreasonable.

As for 2 & 3 definitely not. It’s unattractive and just sad that a person feels they have to resort to that kind of behaviour.

There will always be stereotypes and judgments, it’s part of human behaviour whether we agree with it or not. I think you see the true person in how they treat others. I think guys have to be just as careful, as much as we may think they don’t have deeper emotions, attachments etc that’s not always the case. I think they just mask it better and deal with it in a different way. And as Wander said….Communication needs to be Crystal clear from both parties. If you as a male or female want to e-bone the Lit community then be clear about that. It saves people’s feelings in the long run.

 

[AZDryHeat]

The three points

The three points under discussion are well taken. But it is a mistake to assign them to one gender. They are in fact unisexual. But I would like to make one addition. Unreasonably high or low expectations. Many times I look at an extremely attractive avatar and think there is no way she would want to talk to me. Physically I am not a match for all of those bare and hairy masculine chests on display. Only with time will I get over such inferiority feelings.

 

[AmberLGreen]

This is why I rarely send PMs anymore. I've gotten those before also. For this reason. I often steer clear of guys who either are, or appear to be "coupled up"

I have initiated PMs before. But more often than not. They are just off now.

I take word of mouth from women with a grain of salt. A lot of times, a woman will say something bad about a guy, because they don't want you to talk to him.

Sassy I am going to jump on your comment here because it highlights a couple of things that have started to bother me since this thread started.

The first is to do with people who are “coupled up”. I wouldn’t have a clue because when I see stuff on the boards, unless it is blatantly obvious, I assume people are just flirting with each other. However I have had a couple of messages in which the people assumed I was “coupled up” with WerdNerd. I can honestly say we are not coupled in any way. So that worries me somewhat in that does my flirting with him prevent other women from messaging him? I would hate to think that was happening.

The second thing that bothers me is the women saying something bad about a guy just to stop other women talking to him. Does that really happen? Who would do that? Well I will use WN as an example again. There are a lot of guys I see big themselves up as gentlemen and then I think their idea of a gentleman is different to mine. WN on the other hand doesn’t big himself up that way but I can hand on heart say he is one of the most respectful, caring, witty, attentive, gentlemen that I have ever chatted to on here. Totally love him in the most platonic of ways (and seriously hope he doesn’t kill me for this)

 

[SassySheDevil]

There will always be stereotypes and judgments, it’s part of human behaviour whether we agree with it or not. I think you see the true person in how they treat others. I think guys have to be just as careful, as much as we may think they don’t have deeper emotions, attachments etc that’s not always the case. I think they just mask it better and deal with it in a different way. And as Wander said….Communication needs to be Crystal clear from both parties. If you as a male or female want to e-bone the Lit community then be clear about that. It saves people’s feelings in the long run.

This song always pops up when I think of something like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVdWLxY7CyA

 

[StacyLeigh]

I'm going to throw a small curveball in this conversation -

I think the men of Lit often get a shit reputation (often justifiably) but I think just as many things could be said about the women of Lit.

I'm not taking playing or "slutty" behavior because I think that argument has been had a hundred times and explained suitably but...

I'm nosey why there does seem to be a separate set of rules for men and woman. First, let me say I am not pointing the finger at anyone in this thread so far. I don't know most of you well at all. Secondly, I want to avoid the "crazy girl" stereotype. But I have had experience with these three things with the ladies of Lit, as a friend or partner in the past.

1. Unreasonably high expectations.
2. Manipulation/Reputation Tarnishing
3. Ultra jealousy - and by this I mean more than a reasonable level, that's normal but the kind of Seek and Destroy attitude of anyone they see as in their orbit.

Again, no finger pointing but, as a feminist, turn about is fair play.

Also, as far as conversations go, how many of you ladies initiate the PM? Personally, I'm terrible at it and my ADD often has me replying to messages a week later but I do my best. Just curious!

I agree that the expectations of men here are much higher than they should be. For a site that isn’t a dating site the idea that there are any expectations beyond respectful and courteous is kind of confusing to me.

I can’t speak to #2 and #3. If I felt the need to manipulate or feel jealous, I would be more concerned about what that says about me than the man.

As for sending a first PM…. I’ve done so many times for purely friendly comments - but if I’ve found myself prematurely smitten I suddenly clam up

 

[AmberLGreen]

The three points under discussion are well taken. But it is a mistake to assign them to one gender. They are in fact unisexual. But I would like to make one addition. Unreasonably high or low expectations. Many times I look at an extremely attractive avatar and think there is no way she would want to talk to me. Physically I am not a match for all of those bare and hairy masculine chests on display. Only with time will I get over such inferiority feelings.

But those other guys don’t have the same level of cactus

Women have those same insecurities you know

You are a nice guy who has never been anything more than pleasant to me. Just be yourself and let people like you for you.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Sassy I am going to jump on your comment here because it highlights a couple of things that have started to bother me since this thread started.

The first is to do with people who are “coupled up”. I wouldn’t have a clue because when I see stuff on the boards, unless it is blatantly obvious, I assume people are just flirting with each other. However I have had a couple of messages in which the people assumed I was “coupled up” with WerdNerd. I can honestly say we are not coupled in any way. So that worries me somewhat in that does my flirting with him prevent other women from messaging him? I would hate to think that was happening.

The second thing that bothers me is the women saying something bad about a guy just to stop other women talking to him. Does that really happen? Who would do that? Well I will use WN as an example again. There are a lot of guys I see big themselves up as gentlemen and then I think their idea of a gentleman is different to mine. WN on the other hand doesn’t big himself up that way but I can hand on heart say he is one of the most respectful, caring, witty, attentive, gentlemen that I have ever chatted to on here. Totally love him in the most platonic of ways (and seriously hope he doesn’t kill me for this)

You are right. This is not always the case. Some are just extra flirty. Years back. EndlessNameless and I did this. We enjoyed the rumors that suddenly started because of how we flirted. Publicly. We thought it was funny, and kind of stupid. But eventually, we cut it out, because of that. People were not talking to us as much, because they thought we were a couple. We rarely even talked outside of public threads. He was one of my closest friends. But I saw the damage it was doing. Now he talks that way with everyone lol

 

[Ratchetman1982]

.

Is there a double standard? Or is just more women talking.
In my mind these things being discussed are not confined to gender, nor the three particular behaviours you’ve listed; they are around personality.

Much of the time guys get a bad rap, because guys behave badly and treat women badly. Much of the time women get a bad rap just because they’re women and exist under the male gaze in a world built for the male gaze.

I have one set of rules for all genders and it’s basic premise is be a good human.

I see many people forget that humans are behind the keyboards here and act according to that. Not men, not women, just people being somewhat shitty humans.

Well said. There are heartbeats attached to these posts. There is no need for anyone to be a dick

 

[SassySheDevil]

The three points under discussion are well taken. But it is a mistake to assign them to one gender. They are in fact unisexual. But I would like to make one addition. Unreasonably high or low expectations. Many times I look at an extremely attractive avatar and think there is no way she would want to talk to me. Physically I am not a match for all of those bare and hairy masculine chests on display. Only with time will I get over such inferiority feelings.

I've been guilty of this too.

 

[Mei5ter]

.

Much of the time guys get a bad rap, because guys behave badly and treat women badly. Much of the time women get a bad rap just because they’re women and exist under the male gaze in a world built for the male gaze.

I agree with this completely. And men are often completely oblivious to the fact that the world is still built in this way.

But sometimes women can also behave badly, to men and also to other women. And that certainly happens here sometimes, and it's not okay.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I agree with this completely. And men are often completely oblivious to the fact that the world is still built in this way.

But sometimes women can also behave badly, to men and also to other women. And that certainly happens here sometimes, and it's not okay.

Women can be horrible to other women. It can be brutal. They can often be your best friend, or your worst enemy.
Word of mouth can be bad too.
all it takes is one person to say.. So and so is mean to me
and their friends now hate that person.
Without ever having asked that persons side of the story or questioning why.

 

[hairball18]

Women can be horrible to other women. It can be brutal. They can often be your best friend, or your worst enemy.
Word of mouth can be bad too.
all it takes is one person to say.. So and so is mean to me
and their friends now hate that person.
Without ever having asked that persons side of the story or questioning why.

This.