Okay, here's a wacky one...

[BiscuitHammer]

While debating with some friends about which version of the Olympic anthem was our favourite (mine is Lillehammer 1992, btw), I receive a commission request from someone. And even for my readership, it's a little odd.

They want a story involving stone-age/prehistoric humans living and surviving alongside dinosaurs and other extinct creatures. The wacky part is that they are asking for sex with said extinct animals to be included.

Time out...

Okay, they're offering to pay me, which is all well and good, even if I'm no expert on dino sex. I mean, I imagine if you're a girl getting rogered by a T-Rex, you don't ask him to pull your hair with those tiny arms, you'll just hurt his feelings.

But they also want to see this published. I'm no doubt gonna turn this one down, despite the pay, but out of curiosity, do you folk out there in AHville think that a story involving sex with extinct creatures floats along the same line as mythical creatures? Or is it closer to our current world animals and therefore violates the zoophilia prohibition? (which I don't object to)

Yes, yes, I could message Laurel and ask, but she's a busy lady with better things to do than answer my questions about my weird-ass readers' fetishes and quirks. I'm just curious about what you all think, where this falls on which side of that line.

Just don't bore us by quoting the house rules, because this is pretty much an interpretation exercise. Any monkey can quote the rules or say 'refer to'. Don't be boring.

Is dino sex mythical or bestiality? I wanna message the person with the request back and give them some sensible answer.

Why do they always find me? XD

 

[SimonDoom]

Is sex with dinosaurs bestiality? Good lord, that's a question I never thought about. This place never ceases to amuse and surprise.

I have no idea what the answer is. I don't think there's an obvious answer. It all depends on what Laurel says.

One way of trying to avoid the prohibition is setting it in an alternative universe. You know, in a galaxy far, far away. It's kind of like that anyway, because dinosaurs and humans did not overlap on this planet. Plus a world in which dinosaurs and people would want to have sex with each other would be totally different.

Bottom line is, I'm sure there's a way to pull this off, but I'm not sure exactly how far you have to go to do it.

 

[BiscuitHammer]

Is sex with dinosaurs bestiality? Good lord, that's a question I never thought about. This place never ceases to amuse and surprise.

I have no idea what the answer is. I don't think there's an obvious answer. It all depends on what Laurel says.

One way of trying to avoid the prohibition is setting it in an alternative universe. You know, in a galaxy far, far away. It's kind of like that anyway, because dinosaurs and humans did not overlap on this planet. Plus a world in which dinosaurs and people would want to have sex with each other would be totally different.

Bottom line is, I'm sure there's a way to pull this off, but I'm not sure exactly how far you have to go to do it.

Simon, I always love your answers to questions. You're helpful but also ready to say you don't know, and that's refreshing. Never change, dude.

And maybe if this guy stops asking it to be published in here, I'll consider an alt-u idea, as you suggested. It was decent money he offered for a weird story. I try not to judge too much.

 

[NotWise]

Simon, I always love your answers to questions. You're helpful but also ready to say you don't know, and that's refreshing. Never change, dude.

And maybe if this guy stops asking it to be published in here, I'll consider an alt-u idea, as you suggested. It was decent money he offered for a weird story. I try not to judge too much.

The story would be a complete fantasy. I doubt it would be treated as bestiality.

Seeing how dinosaurs (at least the therapods) were a lot like birds, I expect sex with them might have required display, ritual dancing, and the like. Good luck with that.

 

[TadOverdon]

Is sex with dinosaurs bestiality? Good lord, that's a question I never thought about.

Not a Chuck Tingle fan, then?

https://i.imgur.com/T6qwqVX.png https://i.imgur.com/kgiCjGh.jpg

 

[BiscuitHammer]

The story would be a complete fantasy. I doubt it would be treated as bestiality.

Seeing how dinosaurs (at least the therapods) were a lot like birds, I expect sex with them might have required display, ritual dancing, and the like. Good luck with that.

Now I'm picturing a T-Rex trying to do a dainty mating dance while flinging his little arms around, attempting to attract the cavegirl so he can give her the ol' thickasaurus.

*tip-tip-tip-tip-tipple-tipple-tipple- SLAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!*

Annnnnd his tail just swung around and squashed her. Well done, Greg.

 

[Rustyoznail]

Coming out for summer - “Jurassic Porn”

I’d say it would be ok but it should go into fantasy. My issue is the logistics. Having sex with something as large as a house? Or with a raptor who would happily slice you into bits?

Have fun!

 

[PBAnnie]

Mythical creatures are fair game, like unicorns, leprechauns, and chupacabras. I suppose that means that the Loch Ness monster is also fair game. There are some believers who think that Nessie is some sort of survivor plesiosaur, and plesiosaurs are dinosaurs, so it makes sense that dinosaurs are fair game.

Now for the tough question... Are thylacines fair game?

 

[TadOverdon]

Mythical creatures are fair game, like unicorns,

https://i.imgur.com/IxD3nMA.jpg

 

[BiscuitHammer]

The eternal dread I live with is that someone will bring MLP porn to the site and then we'll be overrun by those damn cloppers.

Maybe we should have a 'can't be published' rule for stories that just fall under the category of 'In Terrible Taste'.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Bottom line is, I'm sure there's a way to pull this off, but I'm not sure exactly how far you have to go to do it.

"Great, just great," moaned the tyrannosaurus. "Just when it looks like I get to shag Suzie in her cave-girl bikini, bloody Simon comes along and reminds me my arms are too damn short to masturbate.

"Fuck this, Biscuit, you'll have to figure this one out on your own."

He stomped off.

A brachiosaurus looked up. "Bloody carnivores, never fucking happy."

Far out in space, an asteroid was nudged by a smaller rock and changed orbit.

 

[MillieDynamite]

"Great, just great," moaned the tyrannosaurus. "Just when it looks like I get to shag Suzie in her cave-girl bikini, bloody Simon comes along and reminds me my arms are too damn short to masturbate.

"Fuck this, Biscuit, you'll have to figure this one out on your own."

He stomped off.

A brachiosaurus looked up. "Bloody carnivores, never fucking happy."

Far out in space, an asteroid was nudged by a smaller rock and changed orbit.

Any Star Wars or Star trek story has weird sentient creatures, and I have read plenty of smut stories about those franchises. After all, they have cat people in the Star Trek world, biped humanoids that are fucking cats. How cool is that?

 

[BiscuitHammer]

Any Star Wars or Star trek story has weird sentient creatures, and I have read plenty of smut stories about those franchises. After all, they have cat people in the Star Trek world, biped humanoids that are fucking cats. How cool is that?

And let's not forget the eternal and ubiquitous catgirls of anime, right?

 

[MillieDynamite]

And let's not forget the eternal and ubiquitous catgirls of anime, right?

Meeeeowww

 

[NotWise]

The eternal dread I live with is that someone will bring MLP porn to the site and then we'll be overrun by those damn cloppers.

Maybe we should have a 'can't be published' rule for stories that just fall under the category of 'In Terrible Taste'.

Maybe My Little Pony's are real enough to trigger the rule. God, I hope so.

 

[MillieDynamite]

God save us from the full grown men fans of My Little fucking Pony.

 

[BiscuitHammer]

God save us from the full grown men fans of My Little fucking Pony.

https://tenor.com/view/preach-preacher-woo-hoo-gif-5688699

 

[NotWise]

https://tenor.com/view/preach-preacher-woo-hoo-gif-5688699

Maybe the brony's would have to put their pony's into fan fiction, and there's a lot of stuff that doesn't fly in fan fiction.

 

[BiscuitHammer]

Maybe the brony's would have to put their pony's into fan fiction, and there's a lot of stuff that doesn't fly in fan fiction.

Bronies are bad enough, but the cloppers, the bronies who sexualize and fetishize MLP into pictures and stories are absolutely terrifying. When I lived in the States, I heard a ruckus one morning and came rushing out of my house to see my neighbour knocking his son around their property.

Turned out the dude was a clopper, writing MLP sex stories and putting them on a website. Dude was in his late 20s and dad caught him on the computer with his stuff. Dad got carted off for assault, but not before the officers making the arrest told the son they personally thought justifiable homicide was not out of line in this case.

Apparently there's even a furries branch of these yahoos. The mind doth boggle.

 

[TadOverdon]

The eternal dread I live with is that someone will bring MLP porn to the site and then we'll be overrun by those damn cloppers.

Maybe we should have a 'can't be published' rule for stories that just fall under the category of 'In Terrible Taste'.

Was it here that someone mentioned that one forum somewhere had as a bannable offense "any behavior that requires the moderators to add a new bannable offense to the list?"

 

[RejectReality]

Meeeeowww

Show of hands: Who else heard this in Colin Mochrie's voice?

 

[NotWise]

Show of hands: Who else heard this in Colin Mochrie's voice?

Can't raise my hand. I had to look up Colin Mochrie.

 

[BiscuitHammer]

Show of hands: Who else heard this in Colin Mochrie's voice?

I heard Vivian Blaine. And then Eratha Kitt. But I'm a weirdo...

 

[Rustyoznail]

I heard Vivian Blaine. And then Eratha Kitt. But I'm a weirdo...

I heard Adam West from The Simpsons.

“Oh, I guess you're only familiar with the new Batman movies. Michelle Pfeiffer? Ha. The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether or Eartha Kitt.”

 

[BiscuitHammer]

I heard Adam West from The Simpsons.

“Oh, I guess you're only familiar with the new Batman movies. Michelle Pfeiffer? Ha. The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether or Eartha Kitt.”

https://imgur.com/gallery/azKjg