❓ PLP Inquires❓

[Pervy_Sage]

I would wonder if being too humble would be a sign of someone not seeing their own worth. For example, if I compliment someone, I want them to internalize it and accept it, and when someone’s first reaction is to explain away the compliment, I feel their humility is getting in the way of them realizing what gifts they have. A little humility is a great thing but too much can make that person miss out on their own strengths.

This. I can explain away any compliment. Accepting them has never been my strong suit, and I’ve dealt with issues surrounding a lack of self worth for much of my life. Something I have forced myself to start doing is only saying “thank you” when I’m complimented. Nothing more or less. It honors the person who has blessed me with the words while also forcing me to accept them in the spirit in which they were given without explaining them away or making some kind of joke about it.

 

[AveryElle]

I would wonder if being too humble would be a sign of someone not seeing their own worth. For example, if I compliment someone, I want them to internalize it and accept it, and when someone’s first reaction is to explain away the compliment, I feel their humility is getting in the way of them realizing what gifts they have. A little humility is a great thing but too much can make that person miss out on their own strengths.

Flip side, some people can’t take compliments. It’s not about being humble. Compliments make me very uncomfortable and it’s not an attempt to explain anything or humble brag. They make me uncomfortable because I don’t like to be in the center of anything. I’m not sure that’s an issue with humility. YMMV.

 

[Dribble]

Humility can be a tough pill to swallow. It is life's way of saying you aren't as important as you think you are.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

09.08.20

Is there such a thing as being too humble? What are the drawbacks of humility?

There is such a thing as TOO humble. But there is a difference between humility with regard to deserved praise and skepticism with regard to praise/compliments/etc that may not be deserved in the recipient's mind.

Professionally, when I receive praise how I accept it depends on how proud *I* am of the accomplishment. If I'm happy or proud myself, that validation is welcomed. If I'm kinda meh about it, then even a rave review is gonna make me shrug.

In the rest of my life? If there were some reality where I received a compliment on my appearance, I'm almost certain to disbelieve it as I don't believe it myself at all...and can't imagine anyone else doing so.

I guess that is the baseline of it - do I believe it worthy of praise or no?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

09.08.20

Is there such a thing as being too humble? What are the drawbacks of humility?

This is a question that came to me when I couldn't sleep at 3am and my mind wandered down those dark paths that only appear when no one with sense is awake.

The idea of compliments being genuine and being able to accept them as intended is interesting. And probably deserves a question all to itself. I rarely "believe" compliments unless they are specific to a circumstance or I know and trust the person giving it. There is a major difference between a compliment and flattery. What you get on Lit is mostly flattery and that's nice and definitely has a place.

What was crossing my mind was something slightly different. There is a community thing that I was involved in with teenagers (this is also something that happens at work), that I had to step away from. When I directed this activity I always was careful not to make a big deal of how much time and effort things took and to direct all the praise towards the students. Now that I'm not involved it seems like the new directors didn't really anticipate the amount of work and seem to think these students are somehow defective. I feel like if I had made a slightly bigger deal of how much sweat equity went into it, they would have been more prepared and my kids wouldn't be getting short changed.

At work, I quietly work hard and handle problems without making a big deal of much but then, my achievements just become expectations and there's no way to make my boss understand that I'm going above and beyond. I'm actually awful at talking myself up - I was born with a genetic deficiency in tooting my own horn. It's literally impossible.

Clearly a sex site isn't the best place to vent this or worry but I really don't have a place that's not connected to the wider situation. Thanks for listening to whoever is unlucky enough tto have finished this!! I own you.

 

[AveryElle]

I think the emotional labor aspect of what you mention above, PLP, would be an interesting discussion in terms of cis men and cis women. Women are clearly more conditioned to be skeptical of compliments, possibly because from an early age they’re usually more about physical characteristics. Men seem to be more willing to accept them than women. Interesting thing to look at in terms of responses here.

 

[Orchidea73]

I would wonder if being too humble would be a sign of someone not seeing their own worth. For example, if I compliment someone, I want them to internalize it and accept it, and when someone’s first reaction is to explain away the compliment, I feel their humility is getting in the way of them realizing what gifts they have. A little humility is a great thing but too much can make that person miss out on their own strengths.

I agree with you, SB.
Furthermore, I think whether you think you deserve those compliments or not, learn to accept them. It is a kind of gift. It's a nice thing. Just accept it and enjoy.

After all, when you make a gift or pay a compliment to somebody else it gives you pleasure and joy. Making other feels good it makes you feel good in return, so why not the other way around? Just take a deep breath, smile and receive graciously. It is a love language and it does wonders to your positive energy. Personally, I find that very attractive and it also helps in a relationship.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

This is a question that came to me when I couldn't sleep at 3am and my mind wandered down those dark paths that only appear when no one with sense is awake.

The idea of compliments being genuine and being able to accept them as intended is interesting. And probably deserves a question all to itself. I rarely "believe" compliments unless they are specific to a circumstance or I know and trust the person giving it. There is a major difference between a compliment and flattery. What you get on Lit is mostly flattery and that's nice and definitely has a place.

What was crossing my mind was something slightly different. There is a community thing that I was involved in with teenagers (this is also something that happens at work), that I had to step away from. When I directed this activity I always was careful not to make a big deal of how much time and effort things took and to direct all the praise towards the students. Now that I'm not involved it seems like the new directors didn't really anticipate the amount of work and seem to think these students are somehow defective. I feel like if I had made a slightly bigger deal of how much sweat equity went into it, they would have been more prepared and my kids wouldn't be getting short changed.

At work, I quietly work hard and handle problems without making a big deal of much but then, my achievements just become expectations and there's no way to make my boss understand that I'm going above and beyond. I'm actually awful at talking myself up - I was born with a genetic deficiency in tooting my own horn. It's literally impossible.

Clearly a sex site isn't the best place to vent this or worry but I really don't have a place that's not connected to the wider situation. Thanks for listening to whoever is unlucky enough tto have finished this!! I own you.

I think a site like this is oddly suited for this kind of thought process. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your heart. I think you’re pretty swell.

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

I would wonder if being too humble would be a sign of someone not seeing their own worth. For example, if I compliment someone, I want them to internalize it and accept it, and when someone’s first reaction is to explain away the compliment, I feel their humility is getting in the way of them realizing what gifts they have. A little humility is a great thing but too much can make that person miss out on their own strengths.

It’s easy to let the meaning of humility be tinged by humiliation, but humility doesn’t really fit alongside insecurity or a lack of self-regard. It suggests a quiet modesty, and perhaps a sense of humor, about one’s place in the world. It is an antidote to feelings of self-importance. Here's a quote from C.S. Lewis (which I just grabbed off Wikipedia, of course—I don't actually read anything):

Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call "humble" nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.​

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I think the emotional labor aspect of what you mention above, PLP, would be an interesting discussion in terms of cis men and cis women. Women are clearly more conditioned to be skeptical of compliments, possibly because from an early age they’re usually more about physical characteristics. Men seem to be more willing to accept them than women. Interesting thing to look at in terms of responses here.

The truth in this statement.
Im honestly jealous.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

The truth in this statement.
Im honestly jealous.

As a whole, that is probably true. I happen to be in that minority.

 

[AlpineFresco]

It's not uncommon for cismen to not receive much in the way of compliments, even from partners, especially if we spend time mostly around other cismen - we're (broadly) pretty bad at complimenting each other. When, under those circumstances, we do get them, we tend to ascribe rather a lot of meaning to them. This isn't always amazing, and can often lead to misinterpreting a compliment as flirting.
It's also true we might just accept compliments more easily as we're less likely to analyse emotions as much. And yes, I know that's talking in very very broad terms.

 

[Orchidea73]

It's not uncommon for cismen to not receive much in the way of compliments, even from partners, especially if we spend time mostly around other cismen - we're (broadly) pretty bad at complimenting each other. When, under those circumstances, we do get them, we tend to ascribe rather a lot of meaning to them. This isn't always amazing, and can often lead to misinterpreting a compliment as flirting.
It's also true we might just accept compliments more easily as we're less likely to analyse emotions as much. And yes, I know that's talking in very very broad terms.

I tend to agree with this. At least based on my personal experience and what I've observed.

 

[Mr_bogey]

I think it can come off as fake when you push it too far.

 

[tnman03]

Humility is an attribute but shouldn’t detract you from knowing your own worth in an organization, relationship or family. It can come into conflict with confidence as well as others perceptions of you when those individuals lack objective observational abilities. Being a humble person doesn’t mean you have to allow others to take advantage of you or the circumstances you might be involved. And it also doesn’t mean that you should continue on in a position or circumstances which are toxic to you. I guess overall I’d say don’t let your humbleness to rob you of your self worth; there’s a balance there for each of us.

 

[AveryElle]

It's not uncommon for cismen to not receive much in the way of compliments, even from partners, especially if we spend time mostly around other cismen - we're (broadly) pretty bad at complimenting each other. When, under those circumstances, we do get them, we tend to ascribe rather a lot of meaning to them. This isn't always amazing, and can often lead to misinterpreting a compliment as flirting.
It's also true we might just accept compliments more easily as we're less likely to analyse emotions as much. And yes, I know that's talking in very very broad terms.

I didn’t mean from partners. I think in relation to what pulpy wrote, I meant professionally. Men are conditioned to accept praise at work, which is part of why they make more money. Whereas women are more likely just to take on the additional tasks - especially the emotionally laborious ones (like Office birthdays...what men are organizing and planning those?!). Those tasks are less likely to be complimented and part of a financial incentive unlike areas men handle. Whether it’s our fault or not, this is just something I’ve always thought about in relation to my own work and my own work ethic. I was once asked to plan an office baby shower for a coworkers wife. Nope. No man would be asked to do that nor would it be on my performance review. Fuck that.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I didn’t mean from partners. I think in relation to what pulpy wrote, I meant professionally. Men are conditioned to accept praise at work, which is part of why they make more money. Whereas women are more likely just to take on the additional tasks - especially the emotionally laborious ones (like Office birthdays...what men are organizing and planning those?!). Those tasks are less likely to be complimented and part of a financial incentive unlike areas men handle. Whether it’s our fault or not, this is just something I’ve always thought about in relation to my own work and my own work ethic. I was once asked to plan an office baby shower for a coworkers wife. Nope. No man would be asked to do that nor would it be on my performance review. Fuck that.

Yes yes yes yes YES!

I know this is work site specific but YES!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Pretty much.
I'm also increasingly realising that this is a world where the squeaky wheel does actually get the grease.

This is probably the most truthful statement.

I didn't mean for the conversation to get gendered because, while that is part of a problem, it's a small part and I don't want to be reductive. I think bigger than that demographic is the group of competent, modest people who just get shit done. These people don't get or generally want a lot of praise but...that also means people who deserve it less but demand it more often get it.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

This is probably the most truthful statement.

I didn't mean for the conversation to get gendered because, while that is part of a problem, it's a small part and I don't want to be reductive. I think bigger than that demographic is the group of competent, modest people who just get shit done. These people don't get or generally want a lot of praise but...that also means people who deserve it less but demand it more often get it.

This. A million times this.

 

[AveryElle]

This is probably the most truthful statement.

I didn't mean for the conversation to get gendered because, while that is part of a problem, it's a small part and I don't want to be reductive. I think bigger than that demographic is the group of competent, modest people who just get shit done. These people don't get or generally want a lot of praise but...that also means people who deserve it less but demand it more often get it.

My fault.
I get to see how MY behavior is because I live in a gendered society. Would my personality - not wanting to be the center of anything or be complimented - be different if I were a guy. I personally think gender as we are raised influences basically everything we do and how we act. Apologies for derailing.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

My fault.
I get to see how MY behavior is because I live in a gendered society. Would my personality - not wanting to be the center of anything or be complimented - be different if I were a guy. I personally think gender as we are raised influences basically everything we do and how we act. Apologies for derailing.

It's a good and valid point. It just deserves a question unto itself, i think.

 

[Mei5ter]

This is the problem with going first—maybe I steered us in the wrong direction with my answer. That was just the first thing I thought of.

Obviously, the ability to accept compliments, especially about looks, is far from the only place one demonstrates humility. I was not suggesting anything about humiliation, and I actually hadn’t even thought of a connection between those two words until it was pointed out in a post above.

I liked this quote about humility

https://forum.literotica.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=2103957&stc=1&d=1599591231

Actually, I thought your answer was pretty much spot on. Especially about too much humility preventing people from seeing their own worth, as well as affecting how they are perceived and valued by others.

Humility, shyness, and being self-effacing can be interconnected, but they're not synonymous.

*edited to add the suggestion that SexyBritches may be displaying an excess of humility herself here

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

09.08.20

Is there such a thing as being too humble? What are the drawbacks of humility?

ah, this is killing me. Yes, there is such a thing. It is glaring and a serious issue in my world. However, I am left with no argument to support my stance without my gender. You should at least pull my hair when you tie my hands (joke) Seriously though, It is quite interesting to me that I can not produce an single experience to support my stance that is separate from me being a woman or other knowing women. You have me at a loss for words.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

ah, this is killing me. Yes, there is such a thing. It is glaring and a serious issue in my world. However, I am left with no argument to support my stance without my gender. You should at least pull my hair when you tie my hands (joke) Seriously though, It is quite interesting to me that I can not produce an single experience to support my stance that is separate from me being a woman or other knowing women. You have me at a loss for words.

Is it bad that I chuckled at your joke?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

ah, this is killing me. Yes, there is such a thing. It is glaring and a serious issue in my world. However, I am left with no argument to support my stance without my gender. You should at least pull my hair when you tie my hands (joke) Seriously though, It is quite interesting to me that I can not produce an single experience to support my stance that is separate from me being a woman or other knowing women. You have me at a loss for words.

No. Of course if that's your experience, share away.

I just didn't want to make it a men v women thing and I was letting myself get there. That's all