❓ PLP Inquires❓

[bigtallman]

09.05.20

When you are talking to someone, do you consider the truth, the impact, or the necessity of your words?
In other words, do you filter or do you just let them flow?

Absolutely, probably too much. Somehow it still comes out wrong

 

[Dribble]

Why did you hesitate?!

Why did you ask? Did you already know the answer? And now you are looking for a fight as a diversion? See...i know very well when not to say what is on my mind. That isn't empathy. Empathy is placing yourself in their shoes. Knowing what is really going on in their mind...and taking their misdirected anger without saying anything more.

 

[StrokeOfThePen]

While I'll be the first to acknowledge that words can be powerful in ways that transcend the paper upon which they're written, for the sake of art, literature, and cultural expression, I can never condone censorship... but that doesn't mean a speaker or poster of inciendiary speech deserves societal or personal approval for the things they say. Freedom of speech does not equate to freedom from criticism for it and especially shouldn't guarantee freedom from rebuttal. The debate concerning whether certain speech should be shouted down or banned is currently deepening a schism between classical liberals like myself, who believe in a free and open exchange of philosophies, and neoliberals who have determined that the damage certain words can do outweighs the sense of liberty a person can feel in knowing they can speak without fear of legal reprisal. It's only natural that a society which produces a Donald Trump, someone who rattles off every idiotic observation and insult that flits through his mind and pushes the limits of common decency at the expense of actual human emotion, would also have to balance itself by producing a subculture that feels it has no choice but to impose filters to lessen the damage. Ultimately, I think we all owe one another the services of respect and consideration when we converse - this means applying appropriate filters when necessary: not because we're told to, but because we respect one another's sense of engagement and comfort. At any rate, most of us have unconscious filters in place, anyway: you probably don't talk to your boss the same way you talk to your mom, your buddies, your lovers, or that friendly girl at the checkout counter, and this filtration probably requires no effort whatsoever - it's a self-conditioned personality mode. The internet is what throws a wrench into the whole thing, as the prospect of anonymity emboldens many who typically speak in softer tones, face to face.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Why did you ask? Did you already know the answer? And now you are looking for a fight as a diversion? See...i know very well when not to say what is on my mind. That isn't empathy. Empathy is placing yourself in their shoes. Knowing what is really going on in their mind...and taking their misdirected anger without saying anything more.

I think she was joking.

And I also don't think everyone woman asking how they look is looking for a fight.

 

[BlondeAmbition4RP]

Why did you ask? Did you already know the answer? And now you are looking for a fight as a diversion? See...i know very well when not to say what is on my mind. That isn't empathy. Empathy is placing yourself in their shoes. Knowing what is really going on in their mind...and taking their misdirected anger without saying anything more.

I was just joking, and poking fun at those kind of questions. They're loaded questions and I don't think anyone has to answer them.

Though, since you brought up empathy. The definition of empathy is putting yourself in another person's shoes as you said, but it doesn't mean you have to just sit there and take a person's misdirected anger. I know a lot of people that think that "empathy" is letting someone walk all over you because you understand the pain/anger/etc. where the behavior is coming from. Not true at all. You can understand where someone is coming from and still set healthy boundaries on how they are allowed to treat you, letting them know that you respect their feelings but their behavior and how they choose to act upon those feelings is not acceptable.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

No. Sometimes we just want the man who loves us to tell us we look beautiful. And sometimes, in this hectic world, we have to ask each other.
That’s okay, as long as we don’t forget for long.

Yes, this. But also... please don't let me go out looking crazy.

 

[BlondeAmbition4RP]

Yes, this. But also... please don't let me go out looking crazy.

Haha! Very true! I do check in with someone about this kind of thing sometimes, but I don't think I've ever phrased it "does [insert clothing item] make me look fat?". Usually just something like "is this outfit okay?", "is my hair alright?", "does this match?", "what do you think about this?", etc.

 

[Orchidea73]

The definition of empathy is putting yourself in another person's shoes as you said, but it doesn't mean you have to just sit there and take a person's misdirected anger. I know a lot of people that think that "empathy" is letting someone walk all over you because you understand the pain/anger/etc. where the behavior is coming from. Not true at all. You can understand where someone is coming from and still set healthy boundaries on how they are allowed to treat you, letting them know that you respect their feelings but their behavior and how they choose to act upon those feelings is not acceptable.

So much this!

 

[StrokeOfThePen]

Your reference to Trump is exactly how I feel when I see people who want to speak their mind all of the time... without empathy to understand what struggles another may be going through or how their words may impact that person. It shows no respect or care for anyone other than yourself. There is a time and place for brutal honesty, but it's not all the time. And it goes a long way in knowing that your opinion does not necessarily equate to the truth. This world can be pretty ugly, no reason to make it uglier.

Couldn't have said it better, myself! As with all things, forethought makes all the difference.

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

I was just joking, and poking fun at those kind of questions. They're loaded questions and I don't think anyone has to answer them.

Though, since you brought up empathy. The definition of empathy is putting yourself in another person's shoes as you said, but it doesn't mean you have to just sit there and take a person's misdirected anger. I know a lot of people that think that "empathy" is letting someone walk all over you because you understand the pain/anger/etc. where the behavior is coming from. Not true at all. You can understand where someone is coming from and still set healthy boundaries on how they are allowed to treat you, letting them know that you respect their feelings but their behavior and how they choose to act upon those feelings is not acceptable.

Empathy is as useful to the sociopath as it is to the altruistic. It should not be confused with sympathy or compassion. Yale psychology professor Paul Bloom writes extensively and persuasively on the subject. This may be of interest . . .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVCwjjT_CVY

 

[BlondeAmbition4RP]

Your reference to Trump is exactly how I feel when I see people who want to speak their mind all of the time... without empathy to understand what struggles another may be going through or how their words may impact that person. It shows no respect or care for anyone other than yourself. There is a time and place for brutal honesty, but it's not all the time. And it goes a long way in knowing that your opinion does not necessarily equate to the truth. This world can be pretty ugly, no reason to make it uglier.

I knew I liked you.

Very well said, beautiful. Personally, I struggle with this. I do have a lot of empathy... it's both a strength and a weakness. It allows me to understand where another person is coming from and offer forgiveness. But some things aren't forgivable - or, at least - they shouldn't be, ya know? I tend to still offer forgiveness and welcome people back in my life who probably shouldn't be there.

I've struggled with this before, but I feel I'm pretty good about it now thanks to lots of practice. I'm a very empathetic person too, so it's definitely a careful balancing act and it can be hard sometimes to know when to draw that line and remove yourself from the situation.

One important thing I've learned about forgiveness though is that you can forgive someone and still decide they're not good to have around in your life. Forgiveness is for past wrongs. It's you choosing not to be bitter and hold resentment towards the person over what they've done in the past. If the person hasn't changed though, like you can see it's a pattern with them, you can still forgive them for what they did and for how they are and choose for your own well being to remove them from your life, and that's totally okay. That's not unforgiveness or lack of empathy. That's just setting healthy boundaries, creating healthy relationships, saying no to toxic people, and taking care of yourself emotionally.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

I wish I had time and privacy right now to say everything I want to say in this thread right now.

It's a lot.

 

[BlondeAmbition4RP]

Empathy is as useful to the sociopath as it is to the altruistic. It should not be confused with sympathy or compassion. Yale psychology professor Paul Bloom writes extensively and persuasively on the subject. This may be of interest . . .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVCwjjT_CVY

Very true. I'll admit I've used empathy in manipulative ways before. Though I try to use my powers for good and not for evil (overall), haha!

 

[Mr_bogey]

Wish I had something productive to add to this discussion. It was a great read from some beautiful minds, hearts and souls, so all I can add is thank you.

 

[BlondeAmbition4RP]

Yeah. Stop that.

This made me think of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw&ab_channel=JoshHuynh

 

[Mr_bogey]

Put a proper bra on, Missy.

Or don't and then post a picture.

I defy you to find a thread that couldn't be improved by boobs.

 

[StrokeOfThePen]

Very true. I'll admit I've used empathy in manipulative ways before. Though I try to use my powers for good and not for evil (overall), haha!

I think we've all caught ourselves doing that once or twice, and found ourselves feeling terrible about it in reflection. These feelings, hopefully, encourage us to be more conscientious in the future. That's "most" of us, but the absence of these feelings in ambitious sociopaths forms the foundation of their power, as these types often view empathy as a weakness in others that can be exploited, guilt-free. If you've ever felt awful about the means you've used to achieve an end, the good news is this: you're probably not a sociopath! That has to count for something, right?

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

I could have wrote the book on Learning to Love a Sociopath. When someone creates a false reality of what really is with no remorse, it does so much damage to your self worth. When they are so good at manipulating you because they lack empathy and they know what buttons to push to make you feel vulnerable and like you've done something wrong. When they are wolves in sheep's clothing and it's hard to see who they really are because they've never shown you before, and like most, you assume the best out of people and not the worst. When it hurts so bad because you thought they cared when really all they care about is themself.

❤❤...

 

[StrokeOfThePen]

I could have wrote the book on Learning to Love a Sociopath. When someone creates a false reality of what really is with no remorse, it does so much damage to your self worth. When they are so good at manipulating you because they lack empathy and they know what buttons to push to make you feel vulnerable and like you've done something wrong. When they are wolves in sheep's clothing and it's hard to see who they really are because they've never shown you before, and like most, you assume the best out of people and not the worst. When it hurts so bad because you thought they cared when really all they care about is themself.

Nothing in the world hurts as badly as realizing that someone you've built your entire life around views you as inconsequential, unremarkable, or (even worse), simply useful in some way and of value only for that use. It's just another form of objectification; in a way, it's the worst kind, because there's always a component of dishonesty behind it. While I'm ever wary of wolves in wolves' clothing, there is, at the very least, some honesty in it - it's the ones who dress as sheep that pose the real dangers, especially those of us with chinks in our emotional armor.

I'm so sorry you were badly burned - it's hard to find that place where you can trust again. Some sociopaths are such good actors that it's hard to do.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

Sadly, this isn’t only romantic/sexual.
It also occurs in friendship. Family.

Sad but true. And hurts like hell.

 

[Dribble]

Vampires are very real. Very misunderstood creatures. What would you do if you had to wear their shoes? The real world isn't a Hollywood movie.

There are many reasons why we keep destructive people in our lives. 99% of the time, it is for our kids. Rightfully so. When an individual has made the choice they have...like myself...where telling the truth...even sugar coated...yields only more issues with that person...and they feel unheard and unloved...they seek control that they may not have there...elsewhere. That means I don't mince words where I do have a choice.

 

[Dribble]

Stake through the heart, I say.
I’m done feeding unless I choose it.

I've got the ways and means
To New Orleans
Going down by the water
Where it is warm and green
Gonna have a drink
And walk about
I've got a lot to think about
Oh yea

https://youtu.be/ILleWEWfM8s

 

[tnman03]

https://img.ifunny.co/images/19be187905b537a870c43a28f1a6dfcf6038d6305246d514420e70bbd5a56de3_1.jpg

Umm... stereotypical bloodsucking...who'd have thought...

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

09.08.20

Is there such a thing as being too humble? What are the drawbacks of humility?

 

[AlpineFresco]

I would wonder if being too humble would be a sign of someone not seeing their own worth. For example, if I compliment someone, I want them to internalize it and accept it, and when someone’s first reaction is to explain away the compliment, I feel their humility is getting in the way of them realizing what gifts they have. A little humility is a great thing but too much can make that person miss out on their own strengths.

Pretty much.
I'm also increasingly realising that this is a world where the squeaky wheel does actually get the grease.