Meeting someone organically?

[Spins]

There seems to be a prevalence of thought with the women I talk to (both here, at work, in my dating life) who want their relationships to happen organically.

No sets up, no dating apps, not in any way, shape, or form where it appears that the two people had to make it happen.

I am fairly certain men do not think this way. Never once have I thought, "Well, if this goes anywhere I am going to need to think up a story about how we met."

My question, my thought process is trying to determine why?

How is it better to meet someone at the grocery store, or a bar, or through mutual friends who have a party than on a dating app where you know going in that he is not right for you because he is too childish with his hobbies, or is not interested in spending all their time and money Instagram fame?

And if meeting someone organically is really for the better, why are women (my time is spent mostly figuring out women and I have no real experience trying to find any other group, or sub group) actively trying to stop people from ever approaching them out in the wild?

Does it have to do with insecurity about not being able to find someone without "help"? Is it a concern that a person will be judged harshly by their friends/colleagues? Is it simply a leftover part of the various 20th century movements that have not yet caught up with 21st methods? Do we just not know how to interact with people anymore to discover what they may be like?

Curiosity on a Sunday morning.

 

[Cyberbella]

There seems to be a prevalence of thought with the women I talk to (both here, at work, in my dating life) who want their relationships to happen organically.

No sets up, no dating apps, not in any way, shape, or form where it appears that the two people had to make it happen.

I am fairly certain men do not think this way. Never once have I thought, "Well, if this goes anywhere I am going to need to think up a story about how we met."

My question, my thought process is trying to determine why?

How is it better to meet someone at the grocery store, or a bar, or through mutual friends who have a party than on a dating app where you know going in that he is not right for you because he is too childish with his hobbies, or is not interested in spending all their time and money Instagram fame?

And if meeting someone organically is really for the better, why are women (my time is spent mostly figuring out women and I have no real experience trying to find any other group, or sub group) actively trying to stop people from ever approaching them out in the wild?

Does it have to do with insecurity about not being able to find someone without "help"? Is it a concern that a person will be judged harshly by their friends/colleagues? Is it simply a leftover part of the various 20th century movements that have not yet caught up with 21st methods? Do we just not know how to interact with people anymore to discover what they may be like?

Curiosity on a Sunday morning.

So these are my thoughts... and this is just my opinion. (you have a great voice by the way) I think that women might be afraid of the actual pool of men they might meet on a dating app. They might worry how many people he's talking with... even if he's interested in them... would something better come along? Possibly someone more attractive? If you meet face to face and he finds you attractive and shows interest it might be a little more meaningful. I do also think there is a stigma about meeting someone online. I've dated guys I've met online. I heard gasps from friends and weren't you afraid? What if they were some kind of predator or murderer? I usually got the same reaction each time. So it could be a combination of both. *shrugs*

 

[Mr_bogey]

I’m older than you, and no one I know has any qualms about meeting on a dating app.

The rough part is telling someone you met your man on a sex site. Yes, my mom knows.

You told your mom about me? Does that mean I have to meet her now? What about Thanksgiving?

 

[Spins]

So these are my thoughts... and this is just my opinion. (you have a great voice by the way) I think that women might be afraid of the actual pool of men they might meet on a dating app. They might worry how many people he's talking with... even if he's interested in them... would something better come along? Possibly someone more attractive? If you meet face to face and he finds you attractive and shows interest it might be a little more meaningful. I do also think there is a stigma about meeting someone online. I've dated guys I've met online. I heard gasps from friends and weren't you afraid? What if they were some kind of predator or murderer? I usually got the same reaction each time. So it could be a combination of both. *shrugs*

The gasps from folks...something leftover from outmoded idea about technology, or truly a fear that people who spend time on the internet are somehow less than normal when it comes to being social?

The pool of men... could you expand on that? Do you think women feel that those men on a dating app or somehow less than a man they meet outside of the internet?

Also, having met many women that started either through a dating app or otherwise online, I do find making that first jump into a in person meeting is difficult. It is scary. You could be putting yourself in danger, but then I know plenty of guys who use Tinder and other hookup apps and those women seem to be fine just meeting and fooling around.

Maybe it has something to do with the intended purpose of the app. <ponders>

 

[Spins]

I’m older than you, and no one I know has any qualms about meeting on a dating app.

The rough part is telling someone you met your man on a sex site. Yes, my mom knows.

Qualms is a good word. Do these folks you know prefer to meet people organically, though? I also wonder if being older makes you give less fucks?

And it being rough to tell your Mom...would you have preferred not to have to tell her where you met him? Would you rather have a grocery store chance meeting story?

 

[LikeableMe]

..... might try again another time

 

[Modern_drunkard]

I have never met anyone from online and probably never will but I would like to nail my neighbor I just met for the first time today. How is that for organic muh fucker?

 

[Cyberbella]

The gasps from folks...something leftover from outmoded idea about technology, or truly a fear that people who spend time on the internet are somehow less than normal when it comes to being social?

The pool of men... could you expand on that? Do you think women feel that those men on a dating app or somehow less than a man they meet outside of the internet?

Also, having met many women that started either through a dating app or otherwise online, I do find making that first jump into a in person meeting is difficult. It is scary. You could be putting yourself in danger, but then I know plenty of guys who use Tinder and other hookup apps and those women seem to be fine just meeting and fooling around.

Maybe it has something to do with the intended purpose of the app. <ponders>

I can only speak from my experiences of course, but.... most of the men I met while dating online had lied about something. Whether it was their age, what they looked like, or even their mental or marital status. Ugh. Meeting a friend of a friend you don't have that problem. Your friend knows that person... they can probably even vouch for them about what kind of person they are.

I found that meeting publicly helps. You can also check them out via live video with Skype or something. Video normally doesn't lie. I feel like I always did a little investigating. It always made me feel better about taking that meeting face-to-face step. However, even with that you aren't always guaranteed about who or what you might meet.

 

[barefootgirl69]

My first thought is this: it's more romantic to meet someone in the grocery store where your carts crash into each other or you both reach for the same cereal box. When you're with friends at a restaurant and you look up and...there he is looking at you, too.

Also, it's less intimidating. There are easy "outs".

I mean what if you're on an app and you indicate an interest, but he doesn't? (I'm not sure how they work because I've never done it)
Some people may not care, others might see that as embarrassing.

I think I'm rambling.

 

[done_got_old]

So these are my thoughts... and this is just my opinion. (you have a great voice by the way) I think that women might be afraid of the actual pool of men they might meet on a dating app. They might worry how many people he's talking with... even if he's interested in them... would something better come along? Possibly someone more attractive? If you meet face to face and he finds you attractive and shows interest it might be a little more meaningful. I do also think there is a stigma about meeting someone online. I've dated guys I've met online. I heard gasps from friends and weren't you afraid? What if they were some kind of predator or murderer? I usually got the same reaction each time. So it could be a combination of both. *shrugs*

For me, you hit the nail on the head. I've dated men I met online and everything was fine. I don't (well, only once) allowed friends to set me up on a blind date. It was a disaster and he was a maniac!

Before online hook-ups, I met people at parties, at work, at bars and yes, even at the grocery store.

 

[Spins]

I have never met anyone from online and probably never will but I would like to nail my neighbor I just met for the first time today. How is that for organic muh fucker?

I have no response that seems appropriate. Good luck in the fucking?

I can only speak from my experiences of course, but.... most of the men I met while dating online had lied about something. Whether it was their age, what they looked like, or even their mental or marital status. Ugh. Meeting a friend of a friend you don't have that problem. Your friend knows that person... they can probably even vouch for them about what kind of person they are.

I found that meeting publicly helps. You can also check them out via live video with Skype or something. Video normally doesn't lie. I feel like I always did a little investigating. It always made me feel better about taking that meeting face-to-face step. However, even with that you aren't always guaranteed about who or what you might meet.

There is no guarantee. True enough. I have met any number of women who, after 10 minutes, twenty, thirty, have said this isn't going to work out and left. Some of those women I had talked to for weeks and after just a brief interaction they made a decision I wasn't what they wanted/needed. You'd think after chatting, phone class, etc they'd have known that beforehand.

Of course...I could just be too ugly to date.

I have also met women who after the fourth of fifth date have admitted to being married, having children, or revealed some other lie. Usually with a response that they didn't think I'd have met them if they told the truth.

So, perhaps the idea of a friend of a friend who can vouch for certain aspects is a big deal. I wonder how many of us really have enough close friends that we could vouch for nowadays? <more ponders<

I liked shocking her.
She was aghast: “FARA ANN!”
It is funny, because we met on a music thread over in BDSM. Just chatting. So, it was organic FOR LIT. If that makes sense.

And, yes, being older allows less fucks to give. I was unhappy for a long fucking time. Fuck anyone who wants to judge me, now.

ETA: Yes, I like meeting people organically. I have no problem. I talk to people, say good morning, make eye contact. I made a friend last week at the nail salon. We exchanged numbers and are meeting next week at the same time. I had never seen her prior to that day.

That is organic for Lit. No doubt.

It is good you have the ability to meet folks that way. I am very reluctant to chat with anyone out in the wild. The number of fuck off looks one gets nowadays is crazy!

 

[Modern_drunkard]

I have no response that seems appropriate. Good luck in the fucking?

Rad...

 

[Cyberbella]

I have no response that seems appropriate. Good luck in the fucking?



There is no guarantee. True enough. I have met any number of women who, after 10 minutes, twenty, thirty, have said this isn't going to work out and left. Some of those women I had talked to for weeks and after just a brief interaction they made a decision I wasn't what they wanted/needed. You'd think after chatting, phone class, etc they'd have known that beforehand.

Of course...I could just be too ugly to date.

I have also met women who after the fourth of fifth date have admitted to being married, having children, or revealed some other lie. Usually with a response that they didn't think I'd have met them if they told the truth.

So, perhaps the idea of a friend of a friend who can vouch for certain aspects is a big deal. I wonder how many of us really have enough close friends that we could vouch for nowadays? <more ponders<



So ummm I'd be willing to check you out. For research purposes only of course.

 

[Spins]

So ummm I'd be willing to check you out. For research purposes only of course.

Research is important!

 

[xxxallison]

Sigh.. I guess I'm not hipster enough. I saw the title and I was like, uhh what do you mean organic? Like at a Farmer's Market or something? Not really sure how organic changed to have a deep meaning.


Anyway, I've met people from online. One was a woman from the chatrooms on here actually. Most are flakes, but you can identify them pretty quickly. If you want to meet them, don't beat around the bush about it and do it in a public place. I've also used a burner phone number at first too so if they do turn out to be a creep or weirdo chick, I can just delete the number and make a new one. No stalkers that way.

 

[Spins]

Sigh.. I guess I'm not hipster enough. I saw the title and I was like, uhh what do you mean organic? Like at a Farmer's Market or something? Not really sure how organic changed to have a deep meaning.


Anyway, I've met people from online. One was a woman from the chatrooms on here actually. Most are flakes, but you can identify them pretty quickly. If you want to meet them, don't beat around the bush about it and do it in a public place. I've also used a burner phone number at first too so if they do turn out to be a creep or weirdo chick, I can just delete the number and make a new one. No stalkers that way.

Natural evolution of language!

Basically just the idea that with technology so ever present how to things happen in a more natural way. It applies a lot to social movements, but also is making its way to business/corporate and overall interaction between folk.

And, I am not so worried about meeting people. I cannot even count the number of first dates I have had with women who I met online. It does not bother me in the least.

More just curious why women, in my experience, yearn for this idea of organically, naturally meeting someone. I do not think men generally have the same desire, or even think about it.

Though, being able to say I have a burner phone sounds pretty cool!

 

[xxxallison]

Natural evolution of language!

Basically just the idea that with technology so ever present how to things happen in a more natural way. It applies a lot to social movements, but also is making its way to business/corporate and overall interaction between folk.

And, I am not so worried about meeting people. I cannot even count the number of first dates I have had with women who I met online. It does not bother me in the least.

More just curious why women, in my experience, yearn for this idea of organically, naturally meeting someone. I do not think men generally have the same desire, or even think about it.

Though, being able to say I have a burner phone sounds pretty cool!

It is just an App on my phone called Burner. I can use it to make a fake phone number which links to my real number. But I give them the fake one to talk on the phone. And if we meet and all works out well, they get my real one. If not, that number gets deleted.

 

[Spins]

It is just an App on my phone called Burner. I can use it to make a fake phone number which links to my real number. But I give them the fake one to talk on the phone. And if we meet and all works out well, they get my real one. If not, that number gets deleted.

Ooooh.

I have learned something new.

 

[xxxallison]

This is smart. Is it textable, or just calls?

Yeah you can text with it through the app.

 

[Spins]

You’re so not ugly. You are hard to get to know.

Women love mystery!

 

[Spins]

How’s that working out for ya?

Define working out.

And, really not horrible. There are always folks interested. Just few that completely meet all the needs of each other.

 

[Mei5ter]

I liked shocking her.
She was aghast: “FARA ANN!”
It is funny, because we met on a music thread over in BDSM. Just chatting. So, it was organic FOR LIT. If that makes sense.

The whole reason for giving kids middle names is so that you can give them both barrels at moments like these.

 

[Spins]

No one completely meets another’s needs.

That is likely true, which means, maybe, we need to start looking for multiple people.

Thus more organic nonsense!

 

[beachbaby179]

No one completely meets another’s needs.

And some of us don't meet anyone's.

It depends on the site, really. I try not to be shallow. But the dating sites I've been on... the men either try too hard or not at all. Many of them answer the stock questions but don't say anything about their interests, how they spend their free time, etc. So all I have to go on is looks. Others are all in, and let you know right away that they're looking for a wife. Is there no middle ground? I just got out of a 30+ year marriage. I'm looking for middle ground.

I would love to be able to meet someone local. But I feel like a fish out of water where I am. It's not happening, I don't think. I've had much better luck finding like minded men here on Lit. Problem is, 90 percent have been married or living on another continent, or both.

 

[Spins]

And some of us don't meet anyone's.

It depends on the site, really. I try not to be shallow. But the dating sites I've been on... the men either try too hard or not at all. Many of them answer the stock questions but don't say anything about their interests, how they spend their free time, etc. So all I have to go on is looks. Others are all in, and let you know right away that they're looking for a wife. Is there no middle ground? I just got out of a 30+ year marriage. I'm looking for middle ground.

I would love to be able to meet someone local. But I feel like a fish out of water where I am. It's not happening, I don't think. I've had much better luck finding like minded men here on Lit. Problem is, 90 percent have been married or living on another continent, or both.

The number of women's profiles who have nothing but pictures who say that they will fill this out later, or put almost no effort in their profiles with the same likes as everyone (traveling is my passion!) is maddening.

I think people just are horrid at talking to each other now