Favorite written guide on being a sub?

[SimonDoom]

Are there particularly good/useful books to help explain to a new sub what being a sub entails? Do you have a favorite, and what is it that makes it your favorite?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I really connected with The Ethical Slut and Screw the Roses, Bring me the Thorns.

There are lots of books on this thread that have been recommended in the forum over the years. Clicky.

 

[SimonDoom]

I really connected with The Ethical Slut and Screw the Roses, Bring me the Thorns.

There are lots of books on this thread that have been recommended in the forum over the years. Clicky.

Thanks. I'll do some research.

 

[AnnieLit]

Are there particularly good/useful books to help explain to a new sub what being a sub entails? Do you have a favorite, and what is it that makes it your favorite?

Explain exactly what? How to be a sub in general or how to be your sub? As was mentioned many times on many threads here, there are as many types of D/s relationships as there are different people. How to address Him? What to wear or not to wear? And when -- when with him? when with his friends? when on her own? Is being your sub a full time thing or only when you two are together? What type of sub is she to begin with? A little? A slave? A princess? A pain slut? How much of this are you interested in and how much you are just going to tolerate?

I don't think there can be a complete book on all of that and if there is it will be an encyclopedia in 10 volumes.

If you are a Dom with some experience, then you know for the most part what you want. Talk about that, see where it goes, what she can accept right away and what will be left for later. It's a process of getting to know each other, why skip it? Enjoy the early times together, talk to her, teach her. YOU want to be her teacher, not some guy that wrote a book.

At least this is my take on this. I don't want to do any fucking research, even less I want to do it as an assignment. I am interested in you, you thoughts and ideas. So, talk to me! You want to teach me? Go ahead and teach, I am listening. If and when I have questions, I will find the books that will help me with the answers on my own. Or maybe I will even ask you what I can read about XYZ. But only when I have some specific questions and "how to be a sub" is not one of them.

 

[Ropebunny]

I dunno, I’m of the mind that any sub worth having (for myself at minimum) would already have seen the need to educate themselves to a certain extent - be familiar with the terms and ideas involved and have an understanding their relationship with this part of their sexuality. Short answer - I’d rather see the sub turn up looking for recommendations than their dom. The dom doesn’t really need to be involved in this part at all, unless both parties enjoy fetishising the process (and this I can see the appeal of!)

Sorry I have no practical recommendations as I’ve learnt what I’ve needed from mostly online sources. The library here used to be an excellent source of links for various interesting things but over time a lot of these sites have become unhosted and disappear as their people move on so I do realise the there is probably a greater need to consult published literature than there used to be, especially in those beginning stages. I’ve heard nothing but good things about the two books ToPleaseHim recommended so that sounds like a pretty good place to begin.

 

[KimGordon67]

I've actually found the conversations I've had on Lit to be the best source of 'information', using that term in the very loosest sense. But I've never really approached being on the s side of the d/s equation as a role. It's more something that just evolves over time with someone who likes being on the d side of the equation. So I think Annie is right, in that what 'being a sub entails' is probably about as variable as there are people with submissive tendencies. I'm sure a great many people would say I'm not even 'actually' submissive for various reasons. I'm OK with that.

Have you thought about suggesting she read around the boards in Lit? There's so much great real experience in here (as opposed to lists of rules) ... it's an amazing resource.

 

[phil1955]

Being older and new to the BDSM world, I have learned a great deal just from reading various threads and asking a few questions on here. One thing I have noticed is that there appears to be a wide spectrum for every activity or role. An individual or couple needs to determine where they want to be on that spectrum. I have not read any books but can not imagine that they could not provide more than basic information and you still are going to need to experiment.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

SM 101 by Jay Wiseman is an intro to and survey of BDSM, and as good an introduction to the whole as I've ever run across. I suggest this rather than 'Screw the Roses' or other similar books because IMO it gives a better, broader overview. In my experience, it's best for someone new to BDSM to get the broadest overview possible to help them learn what part or parts initially interest them, and which they don't want to experience at first.

YMMV, 'course.

 

[DaveLoveAss]

SM 101 by Jay Wiseman is an intro to and survey of BDSM, and as good an introduction to the whole as I've ever run across. I suggest this rather than 'Screw the Roses' or other similar books because IMO it gives a better, broader overview. In my experience, it's best for someone new to BDSM to get the broadest overview possible to help them learn what part or parts initially interest them, and which they don't want to experience at first.

YMMV, 'course.

I second this, a very interesting read. Definitely recommend you try it