Subspace question

[Catshadow]

So i don't go into subspace easily. It's very hard to get me completely out of my head. So here's my question....
Have any of you ever had a subspace hangover the next day. I'm not sure how long I slept don't really remember getting to bed. Sir took care of that.

 

[Nubbin2Declare]

I don't mean to be a wet blanket, but subspace seems to me to be purely theoretical concept, not a reality.

On the other hand, just as some people can be hypnotized and others can't, it is possible that you've achieved this state of being or place of mind when I have not.

I have not.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

I'm sorry that you've not experienced it, but may of us have.

My own experiences with subspace have had some commonalities between them. I know the components that typically put me there, but those are between my partner and I to know.

It is hard for me to get completely out of my head too, but it is the greatest gift he can give me.

I have to say, I laughed out loud at "subspace hangover" <3
I guess that is a good way of explaining it! For me, it is like the complete calm that emotional catharsis brings on. Yes, I experience this, though it may not be the next day, and it may not last that long. It depends. There are phases to subspace, and coming out of it takes time. This is why aftercare is incredibly important.
Beware, some people experience what is known as subdrop (or Dom drop) after a BDSM experience. You may experience it every time, never, or rarely. Whatever you experience is real and fine and normal. I'll come back to post some articles dealing with what you need to know about subspace, aftercare, and subdrop/dom drop.

<3 Faithfully His,
Angie

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

So i don't go into subspace easily. It's very hard to get me completely out of my head. So here's my question....
Have any of you ever had a subspace hangover the next day. I'm not sure how long I slept don't really remember getting to bed. Sir took care of that.

I don't mean to be a wet blanket, but subspace seems to me to be purely theoretical concept, not a reality.

On the other hand, just as some people can be hypnotized and others can't, it is possible that you've achieved this state of being or place of mind when I have not.

I have not.

It's completely a thing.

It takes a lot to get me completely out of my head. But that space - that gooey, empty, contented, pliable feeling come with a nice mixture of pain, mantras, obedience and need. It's indescribable to someone who hasn't experienced it. And a feeling worth chasing.

The hangover is real and the sub drop is real. I'm usually exhausted and euphoric afterwards and it really is like a high. I'm also finding that sub drop it coming much later than it used to - 4 or 5 days later.

Good luck and congrats!

 

[littlebirdjoy]

I don't mean to be a wet blanket, but subspace seems to me to be purely theoretical concept, not a reality.

On the other hand, just as some people can be hypnotized and others can't, it is possible that you've achieved this state of being or place of mind when I have not.

I have not.

Thank you, PLP, for your reply <3

As promised, I'm back with some SCIENCE for you! I hope you will come back to read, and I hope this will help you (and anyone else who happens to stumble across this) in your journey.

I took some time last night to decide how personally I was going to go here, how much I'm willing to share and I decided in usual me fashion... why not!

So: First off to the OP re: subspace hangover what is it and why does it happen? In short, the hangover you felt was how you experienced subdrop. This is the body's natural reaction to the tapering off of the hormones produced and very real physiological reactions as well as deeper psychological ones, to the scene you experienced.

So, I'm going to hand you over to some people who can explain the science better than I would be able to. I hope you will read these and feel more empowered by understanding what is really going on during a scene (and after).

Your brain on BDSM
Physiological subspace vs psychological subspace
bad girl's Bible; subspace all you need to know
subspace and what it feels like

All of those articles do a great job explaining what it feels like, what is really going on in your body, and most importantly what to expect AFTERWARDS.
I will say that one of the articles irked me a bit asserting that subspace was the ultimate goal of submission. >.> No. It may be the goal of bottoming, or bedroom submission... but it is not always the goal. For my own relationship it is never the goal. It is awesome if he wants to put me there (Thank you very much for those times <3) but it is not at all expected, or a given, or my goal. My goal is pleasing Him, whatever that entails.

As for my own experiences;
I've had great dives into subspace on more than a few occasions. The feeling of everything else disappearing is my first clue. Then comes the floaty warm feeling, which is immediately followed by an inability for me to really communicate. All that is left is *do*. It is a very useful tool for my Dominant to get over any of my fears. Anything that I'd normally feel afraid of or concerned about kinda goes *poof* and I'm very receptive. At the same time, because of allll those hormones, anything experienced in subspace will continue to hold all of those positive emotional markers when remembered, so it is wise for him to approach things I'd be hesitant to while I'm in that headspace. BECAUSE OF THIS I only play with people I trust to not trample allllllll over my boundaries/limits when I'm there. Negotiation is key, as is self awareness.
My first experience with subspace I didn't even know the name for it yet. It was the first time I'd actually met a D-type for anything and there was not planned play. I am lucky he was a safe and good man with good intentions. The short version is he ended up handing me a copy of a checklist I'd filled out just for fun and asked me if it was accurate. I replied that it was. He asked if he could tick off a few of my "never been done, curious about" items. I gave the green light without even asking which they might be or how he planned to go about that. <<< DONT DO THAT. That was not safe. Again, I was LUCKY.

Well, the next God knows how many hours are a bit of a blur for me, but the very last coherent thought I had was when I was on my knees with a collar and leash on for the first time basically climbing a wall because he was rimming the ever living heck out of my ass which I'd never experienced... and fingering me at the same time and I just flat out lost it LOL. I couldnt speak AT ALL. The next thing I remember is him marveling at the fact he was um... balls deep in my ass... and I was loving every GD minute of it. I could hear the shock in his voice (though at the time I had no idea WHY he was shocked/proud). ^___^ to this day that specific sound of his voice is one of the greatest true "good girl" 's I've ever gotten. Yeah I was waaaaayyyyyy deep into subspace at that point. I have no idea how much time passed and i have no idea when I fell asleep. I have no idea how i go into PJs... but I woke up very much dressed in pjs and held tightly in his arms with him fast asleep holding me. The next day I was still very floaty and happy and I couldnt quit grinning for a week I swear. Though I do remember being a bit shaky as well. I didn't have any negative effects associated with subdrop at that point. For myself, when I experience that is when a scene is cut short or I'm unable to connect with my partner afterwards. I need to be able to talk things out a few times over the days afterwards. I will have questions. i will need to know how my partner feels about things. i will need to ask what I did well and what could have been done differently. I will need to ask and be reassured repeatedly that my partner is okay and happy and that it was positive.

This is important to me.

I hope this has been at all helpful.
Feel free to PM if either of you (or anyone else) ever wants to discuss.
Faithfully His;
Angie

 

[Catshadow]

Thanks for the helpful info.... Just what I needed. As we are both relatively new to the lifestyle and are figuering it out mostly by our selves, having somewhere I can ask questions is wonderful.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

You are very welcome, Catshadow♡. I'm here if you need anything, as are many other wonderful people on the boards, like PLP ^up there^

 

[AnnieLit]

I don't mean to be a wet blanket, but subspace seems to me to be purely theoretical concept, not a reality.

On the other hand, just as some people can be hypnotized and others can't, it is possible that you've achieved this state of being or place of mind when I have not.

I have not.

I know exactly where you are coming from, but there is a big difference. With hypnosis you expect it to work, going in you know that this is what supposed to happen, you are ready and waiting. Or very sceptical and waiting for it to fail as the case might be.

With sub-space... Most of us either never heard about it before it happened, or did not pay much attention to the description because it always seemed as something for those people, those with more experience, more enlightened, more I don't know what else.

To the OP: I have been there 1.5 times (0.5 is for the time when it was just for a few min, He changed the activity too soon and that got me back to reality), but did not have any drop or other aftereffects. I do know how sub drop feels for me, but to get that shit I don't need to go into sub space during the play. It seems that these two are not correlated for me at all.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

I do know how sub drop feels for me, but to get that shit I don't need to go into sub space during the play. It seems that these two are not correlated for me at all.

That was really an important note, Annie! Thank you for adding.

 

[Lascivity]

It seems pretty reasonable that any intense experience might result in a slump afterwards, or need some time to recover from. That's true whether doing kinky stuff has a physiological effect on you, or just a mental one.

While I'm sure it won't be the case for everyone, I'd say something like a hangover is nothing to worry about. It's useful to come up with some strategies for dealing with it, though - a little light self-care never goes astray.

 

[AliceLittle]

A thought from a purely physiological perspective.

Endorphins are our happy feel good chemicals in our brain. Orgasms release them, but they can also be released in a variety of other ways. For example, the prolonged pain that comes from child birth, tattoos, a good solid spanking/whipping, etc.

Regardless, they are a chemical that releases and then needs time to replenish.

Adrenaline also exhausts the body, but comes from a place of nervousness, apprehension, anticipation, "threat sense" or fear.

Submission may activate one or both of these systems. Therefore, subs may need recovery time for their bodies hormones to stabilize after a session (particularly an intense one). The lack/overstimulation of both of these items can result in people making decisions they wouldn't normally, "brain fog", and exhaustion after the fact. It may also hit on delay for some people.

"Sub Drop" can be an emotional/physical crash resulting from a physiological need as the "feel good" chemicals replenish and the body resumes homeostasis. This goes for both subs, and doms.

Therefore, it is VERY important to take care with ones partner. You may not be able to ascertain exactly how far they are depleted or if they are at all. That is why it is best to have an aftercare place in routine to bring everyone back to their emotional/physical normal.

 

[Master_Doctor]

So i don't go into subspace easily. It's very hard to get me completely out of my head. So here's my question....
Have any of you ever had a subspace hangover the next day. I'm not sure how long I slept don't really remember getting to bed. Sir took care of that.

I hope no one minds a Dominant commenting on the subject. Obviously, I myself am incapable of going into subspace myself. But I have had some successes with some, not all of my previous submissives.

@Nubbin2Declare it is most certainly a thing. a VERY big thing. That being said. Not all submissives can obtain this state. Also there are different methods to get ones submissive there. To hear submissives in the community (any local community I assure you) talk about it as if its the holy grail of submissiveness. On a sidebar. Its a daunting pressure if as a Dom you have difficulty in helping your submissive to obtain it.

Many assume that the only way to get into subspace is through pain. A very common belief even in experienced BDSM communities. This is a popular method obviously, but trust me, its not the only one. I would suggest the connection between Dom and sub is much more critical than the method. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are a unique individual just as the connection you have with a dominant is just as unique. So no two couplings are going to be the same.

In my experience, subspace is directly tied to the subconscious. Which makes sense. The utter euphoria a submissive experiences while in this state, coupled with their suggestibility(many) make it important to not go into it lightly. A trusted partner is crucial.

I had a slave for 3 years. She was exceedingly special to me and I doubt I will ever have that connection with another person again. She was my soul mate. For us. She was able to go into subspace quite easy with me (not the same at all with many of my other submissives (been doing this for more than 2 decades) As evidence to my above comment, when SHE went into subspace she was highly suggestible. I could get her into a low level trance. We experimented with this (completely consensual and agreed upon beforehand) and I was able to implant a couple of fun suggestions after she entered subspace during play (no pain in this example)

In another case. Another young lady who was very special to me. We couldnt get there for the longest time. I sought out suggestions from members of my community to whom I trusted. One of the steps we took to help our connection: When she would go back home for the week (usually spent weekends together as she was a college student at the time) she would go home with one of my warn sweaty t-shits. She would cover her pillow with it and smell me very night while she slept. This would imprint on her mind and senses that I was hers. The sense of smell is a huge hard connect with the mind. We rarely conceptualize how unique a persons smell is. As we did this and other ways of deepening our connection and trust... we were eventually about to get her into subspace. I will say, once you do obtain it, its easier to get back there.

In the end. Yes Subspace is a real thing and an experience that can be different for most. Once you obtain the state, its easier to repeat. Not all submissives/ Dominants can get there. There is no shame in either if you cant. In the end, the most important thing in s D/s or M/s dynamic is the connection between the two individuals. In addition if you want/are trying to get into subspace only do so with someone you seriously trust.

Hope this was helpful

MD

 

[Master_Doctor]

A thought from a purely physiological perspective.

Endorphins are our happy feel good chemicals in our brain. Orgasms release them, but they can also be released in a variety of other ways. For example, the prolonged pain that comes from child birth, tattoos, a good solid spanking/whipping, etc.

Regardless, they are a chemical that releases and then needs time to replenish.

Adrenaline also exhausts the body, but comes from a place of nervousness, apprehension, anticipation, "threat sense" or fear.

Submission may activate one or both of these systems. Therefore, subs may need recovery time for their bodies hormones to stabilize after a session (particularly an intense one). The lack/overstimulation of both of these items can result in people making decisions they wouldn't normally, "brain fog", and exhaustion after the fact. It may also hit on delay for some people.

"Sub Drop" can be an emotional/physical crash resulting from a physiological need as the "feel good" chemicals replenish and the body resumes homeostasis. This goes for both subs, and doms.

Therefore, it is VERY important to take care with ones partner. You may not be able to ascertain exactly how far they are depleted or if they are at all. That is why it is best to have an aftercare place in routine to bring everyone back to their emotional/physical normal.

Excellent comments. You are absolutely right. Aside from Sub drop. The rest of your comment is why after any intense play, a Dom should be well versed in "After Care". In my experience a sub NEEDS to ensure that she as sufficient after care after any intense play/ scene. This definitely needs to be a point of negotiation before play/ scene. I pride myself on my aftercare skills. Not all Dominants provide this service. But it is crucial. As you indicated. The Submissive is burnt, drunk, literally not in her right mind until she recovers. Hence the danger of allowing a stranger to play/scene/ put you into subspace. You should never as a submissive to make any sort of agreement or commitment while under these conditions!

I hate to make a parallel with sex. But just like after (good) sex, many submissives want to cuddle, be wrapped up in a soft blanket (or better yet the strong arms of her Dom. This is what after care if all about the Dom watching over and protecting the submissive while they recover and are again in their normal stable state of mind.

I appreciate your comment on Drop. Being applicable to both sides of the slash. It is rarely talked about that a Dom is equally vulnerable to drop as the sub. But it indeed happens. However, allow me to add that in my experience Drop happens AFTER the person has stabilized. Not right away. Usually the next day or days later. Normally the sub feels empty and craves the feelings/sensations they experienced during the scene/play or subspace. This also can cause a sub to go into sub frenzy. Which is a state where she will throw caution to the wind to feel that way again or want to try EVERYTHING.

Drop can also have more intense and far reaching emotional effects on a relationship level. Both sides of the slash can seriously and dangerously drop at the end of a long deep connected relationship. A submissive who had known what it feels like to be completely taken care of and her submissive needs met for years... suddenly doesnt have that anymore and finds herself once again in a vanilla world where no one understands.... or a Dominant who after years of caring for and being served by a wonderful submissive who gets him completely suddenly finds himself with out someone to control/care for and cherish. Both feel empty, alone and difficult to function. Please remember the entire purpose of D/s or M/s dynamics is for all parties to get their needs meet.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

I hope no one minds a Dominant commenting on the subject. Obviously, I myself am incapable of going into subspace myself. But I have had some successes with some, not all of my previous submissives.

@Nubbin2Declare it is most certainly a thing. a VERY big thing. That being said. Not all submissives can obtain this state. Also there are different methods to get ones submissive there. To hear submissives in the community (any local community I assure you) talk about it as if its the holy grail of submissiveness. On a sidebar. Its a daunting pressure if as a Dom you have difficulty in helping your submissive to obtain it.

Many assume that the only way to get into subspace is through pain. A very common belief even in experienced BDSM communities. This is a popular method obviously, but trust me, its not the only one. I would suggest the connection between Dom and sub is much more critical than the method. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are a unique individual just as the connection you have with a dominant is just as unique. So no two couplings are going to be the same.

In my experience, subspace is directly tied to the subconscious. Which makes sense. The utter euphoria a submissive experiences while in this state, coupled with their suggestibility(many) make it important to not go into it lightly. A trusted partner is crucial.

I had a slave for 3 years. She was exceedingly special to me and I doubt I will ever have that connection with another person again. She was my soul mate. For us. She was able to go into subspace quite easy with me (not the same at all with many of my other submissives (been doing this for more than 2 decades) As evidence to my above comment, when SHE went into subspace she was highly suggestible. I could get her into a low level trance. We experimented with this (completely consensual and agreed upon beforehand) and I was able to implant a couple of fun suggestions after she entered subspace during play (no pain in this example)

In another case. Another young lady who was very special to me. We couldnt get there for the longest time. I sought out suggestions from members of my community to whom I trusted. One of the steps we took to help our connection: When she would go back home for the week (usually spent weekends together as she was a college student at the time) she would go home with one of my warn sweaty t-shits. She would cover her pillow with it and smell me very night while she slept. This would imprint on her mind and senses that I was hers. The sense of smell is a huge hard connect with the mind. We rarely conceptualize how unique a persons smell is. As we did this and other ways of deepening our connection and trust... we were eventually about to get her into subspace. I will say, once you do obtain it, its easier to get back there.

In the end. Yes Subspace is a real thing and an experience that can be different for most. Once you obtain the state, its easier to repeat. Not all submissives/ Dominants can get there. There is no shame in either if you cant. In the end, the most important thing in s D/s or M/s dynamic is the connection between the two individuals. In addition if you want/are trying to get into subspace only do so with someone you seriously trust.

Hope this was helpful

MD

I'm not sure why you say as a Dominant it is something you are incapable of"... there is the complimentary existence of Dom headspace which is yes, different in form and function but every bit analogous.

I've also never heard it touted that pain was the only way to access subspace. I'm glad you addressed it as, yes, that is bologna. For myself: sensory overload was the original way it was done, but it in no way involved pain. It was just pure awesome that took down every bit of inhibition. The greater quality by far was certainly one attained just by being around my Partner. Yes, I personally find myself more suggestible in that state, so he is right it must be well intentioned.

~ Faithfully;
Angie

 

[Master_Doctor]

I'm not sure why you say as a Dominant it is something you are incapable of"... there is the complimentary existence of Dom headspace which is yes, different in form and function but every bit analogous.

I've also never heard it touted that pain was the only way to access subspace. I'm glad you addressed it as, yes, that is bologna. For myself: sensory overload was the original way it was done, but it in no way involved pain. It was just pure awesome that took down every bit of inhibition. The greater quality by far was certainly one attained just by being around my Partner. Yes, I personally find myself more suggestible in that state, so he is right it must be well intentioned.

~ Faithfully;
Angie

My meaning is that as a Dominant, I can only refer to subspace from the descriptions given to me by the submissives ive known and even cherished. While My Dom Headspace might be similar, it is also completely different. I personally will never know what subspace feels like for myself. My effort was to make it clear that I have no clue what it 'feels like' because I literally am incapable of knowing that feeling for myself.

Humbly submitted;

Master Doctor