❓ PLP Inquires❓

[Coranhorn]

02.06.20 (submitted)

If you have a regular play partner on Lit, are you comfortable with them having other partners also? Do you feel differently according to whether their other partners are the same or different gender/sexual identity from you? If you do feel differently, why?

I am totally comfortable with either. It's not like we are exclusive, and besides, this is the internet, so who is to say they didnt already when we started playing. As long as we make time for each other, I'm cool.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

02.06.20 (submitted)

If you have a regular play partner on Lit, are you comfortable with them having other partners also? Do you feel differently according to whether their other partners are the same or different gender/sexual identity from you? If you do feel differently, why?

I do have a couple people that are/were/are sometimes a regular thing. Not only am I comfortable with them playing with others, I prefer it. It keeps things from getting weird. However, gender is a factor for me in most cases. No matter how open I try to be, and I have tried extensively, I am more attracted to straight men. The more I must acknowledge their bisexuality, the less attractive they become to me as time goes on. I don't like it, because I am well aware it makes me a huge ass hypocrite to be over her saying "you must conform to the standards of the heterosexual male gender role, while I will just hang out over here doing whatever the hell I want, gender roles be damned". The double standard I apply irks the hell out of me, how can I ask something of someone else that I won't ask of myself, but it is true, no matter how hard I try to change that thought process, it doesn't work. I don't give a damn if she is like me identifying as predominately heterosexual but swings the other way from time to time, or if she is strictly heterosexual, if she is fully balanced on bisexual, or hell, even a full on lesbian (though I'd be confused and very curious). It is the "she" part that does matter to me on the regular. Women on the other hand, I don't give a happy rat's ass who they are playing with, what identity, whatever, though I have never maintained what I would categorize as a regular female partner.

 

[Karabare]

02.06.20 (submitted)

If you have a regular play partner on Lit, are you comfortable with them having other partners also? Do you feel differently according to whether their other partners are the same or different gender/sexual identity from you? If you do feel differently, why?

Such a good question!

I'm fine with them having others, I just don't want to know. Even if asked I won't tell them about mine. My focus is on them in that situation and theirs should be on me.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

02.06.20 (submitted)

If you have a regular play partner on Lit, are you comfortable with them having other partners also? Do you feel differently according to whether their other partners are the same or different gender/sexual identity from you? If you do feel differently, why?

Multiple partners is a given for probably 97% of people here, so whether or not I'm comfortable with it isn't part of the equation.

What's important to me is discretion and quality uninterrupted time. If he can make those two things happen, then i don't care how many other men, women, or mythological creatures he wants to stick his willy in.

 

[Booboobear84]

02.06.20 (submitted)

If you have a regular play partner on Lit, are you comfortable with them having other partners also? Do you feel differently according to whether their other partners are the same or different gender/sexual identity from you? If you do feel differently, why?

I am comfortable but don’t want to know. I am not comfortable with my doing that. I have almost slipped into continuing to look and then caught myself.
That said sometimes I still think about it. I’m a long way from perfect.

 

[Booboobear84]

I do have a couple people that are/were/are sometimes a regular thing. Not only am I comfortable with them playing with others, I prefer it. It keeps things from getting weird. However, gender is a factor for me in most cases. No matter how open I try to be, and I have tried extensively, I am more attracted to straight men. The more I must acknowledge their bisexuality, the less attractive they become to me as time goes on. I don't like it, because I am well aware it makes me a huge ass hypocrite to be over her saying "you must conform to the standards of the heterosexual male gender role, while I will just hang out over here doing whatever the hell I want, gender roles be damned". The double standard I apply irks the hell out of me, how can I ask something of someone else that I won't ask of myself, but it is true, no matter how hard I try to change that thought process, it doesn't work. I don't give a damn if she is like me identifying as predominately heterosexual but swings the other way from time to time, or if she is strictly heterosexual, if she is fully balanced on bisexual, or hell, even a full on lesbian (though I'd be confused and very curious). It is the "she" part that does matter to me on the regular. Women on the other hand, I don't give a happy rat's ass who they are playing with, what identity, whatever, though I have never maintained what I would categorize as a regular female partner.

I can’t call that hypocrisy. It’s not that you’re choosing to feel that way. You just do.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

02.06.20 (submitted)

If you have a regular play partner on Lit, are you comfortable with them having other partners also? Do you feel differently according to whether their other partners are the same or different gender/sexual identity from you? If you do feel differently, why?

I do have a regular Lit partner. And while I'd prefer he keep is partner circle small, like...very small, I've always said he can talk to me about anything he wants. Now, if he wanted to try the same gender, that would be a big talk because as far as I know he's pretty firmly straight but I think he's been very generous with me so I can't imagine not being the same way with him.

 

[Mei5ter]

02.06.20 (submitted)

If you have a regular play partner on Lit, are you comfortable with them having other partners also? Do you feel differently according to whether their other partners are the same or different gender/sexual identity from you? If you do feel differently, why?

Lots of interesting comments, especially from Justa. I like the idea that having multiple partners can stop things becoming weird - that hadn't occurred to me, and I see how it sets boundaries.

I guess my take is different. If your interaction is long distance, you need to believe that the person on the other end of the cam or text is being authentic about what they're saying or doing. Imagine I spent an hour telling you exactly how I'd like to lick your pussy (Pretty Little or otherwise), and then did more or less the same with another girl the following evening. How would you feel if you knew that? Wondering whether I'd told her that her thighs were perfect, just like I'd told you? Wondering if I'd asked you both to dress the same way? Wondering if I'd used the same words to wish her goodnight after she'd cum? Wondering if called you both Kitten or Princess?

That's recycling, of scenes and the feelings you claim to feel.

If my female partner would like to try another girl, the scenes, feelings, dynamic and actual mechanics of the sex would be fundamentally different from what she and I shared. So the recycling issue wouldn't arise, whatever else might. So yes, it would definitely be different, and I'd probably be okay with it. Who knows, watching my gorgeous girlfriend with her face between another girl's thighs might be rather more than okay...

 

[Mei5ter]

Happy for your girl WITH NO MERCY

/truth

 

[Mei5ter]

<gulp>

Hot in here, anyone?

Any girl wishing to have their thighs considered, please send pics for assessment and consideration.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I can’t call that hypocrisy. It’s not that you’re choosing to feel that way. You just do.

That is probably the most annoying part. Usually if I decide my feelings do not match my logic, I change my feelings. I think for much of the time we do choose to feel how we do, maybe not consciously, and maybe it is even a long ingrained pattern that we don't see the choice being made but we can choose to change our feelings and perspective. Thus I also annoyed by my feelings refusing to fall in line my logic on this point. Like, how dare they.

Lots of interesting comments, especially from Justa. I like the idea that having multiple partners can stop things becoming weird - that hadn't occurred to me, and I see how it sets boundaries.

I guess my take is different. If your interaction is long distance, you need to believe that the person on the other end of the cam or text is being authentic about what they're saying or doing. Imagine I spent an hour telling you exactly how I'd like to lick your pussy (Pretty Little or otherwise), and then did more or less the same with another girl the following evening. How would you feel if you knew that? Wondering whether I'd told her that her thighs were perfect, just like I'd told you? Wondering if I'd asked you both to dress the same way? Wondering if I'd used the same words to wish her goodnight after she'd cum? Wondering if called you both Kitten or Princess?

That's recycling, of scenes and the feelings you claim to feel.

If my female partner would like to try another girl, the scenes, feelings, dynamic and actual mechanics of the sex would be fundamentally different from what she and I shared. So the recycling issue wouldn't arise, whatever else might. So yes, it would definitely be different, and I'd probably be okay with it. Who knows, watching my gorgeous girlfriend with her face between another girl's thighs might be rather more than okay...

yes, your description on my preference sums it up. It sets boundaries without having to hammer out the explicit details of those boundaries and helps to insure they stay in place.

I see how someone might be bothered by thoughts on overlap in conversations, but that isn't me. Your posed scenario doesn't bother me and I don't wonder about those sort of things. That fact is, overlap would already happen even if they were only talking to one person at a time. Most of us aren't young. We have had many relationships and developed techniques. Many here are not creative writers. If I describe a blowjob, it is not a creative piece, as I struggle with that. It is how I tend to give a blowjob and what I would do, thus it is something people have experienced or heard before this moment. We are a sum of our experiences and we often repeat what works while adapting. The new boyfriend will be trying things that worked for his ex girlfriend, and the one before that, and the one before that. You will go places your partner has been with some ex and some point. There will always be repeating scenarios with different people. Does it really matter if the repeating scenario was last night or three months ago or three years ago? Not to me. I don't really care what someone is doing with someone else yesterday. Well, unless it is really funny, twisted, interesting, or impactful, then I want to know. I don't care who, I just want to hear. Please share all the stories that will make me laugh or make me think, even if it was last night. Otherwise, I don't really wonder about what is going on outside of our interactions unless something seems very unique, unusual, or out of character. Same with real life. Either way, it is more a curiosity type thing. Like damn, where did you learn that? I like that. As for trying to run whole scripted scenarios, I am not the best person for that anyway. Their script probably won't stand up long without some major on the fly improvisation. I am not good with creative, so I respond how I respond, and I am bit of an odd one. Overall, I believe monogamy is highly overrated, that belief stands in life and in lit.

 

[minthe]

2.6.20

I have a primary partner outside of Lit. He knows I am here and knows I like to play. He can do what he wants to do as well. We come home to each other. We have talked about this and decided that this is what works for us. He is the person who I say goodnight to every night, and he is the person I wake up with every morning. He is my family. He is my person. I am not looking for another primary person. I have that. I am not looking to change that.

On lit, there are people I talk to on a regular basis, banter with and occasionally exchange passionate responses with. They help me explore parts of my sexuality I have always wanted to explore, but am not doing with my partner for reasons that are no ones business outside of our relationship. They are friends I talk to. Not all of the conversations are sexual. For me, it feels like a betrayal to my partner to have a primary online partner. Those relationships become deep and involved in a way I am not looking for. I don't expect fidelity from any of my relationships. Who people talk with, male, female, trans, straight, bi or gay, it honestly does not matter to me. I am not a jealous person. I don't want to tell you how to live your life. I do not want the responsibility of being someone's everything. If it is Friday night, and you need your cock cyber sucked, I do not want to be responsible for providing that. I hope you can get your needs met by someone else.

That's me. I know everyone is different, and comes from different situations. We are all out there looking for something, filling some hole, or simply exploring different things. What matters to me is respect and discretion. I am not looking for controversy or to see my name splattered all over the boards. I am just looking for a little escape from the day to day. I am looking to explore new worlds and have a relatively safe time doing so. I like diving into a new person and figuring out what makes them tick. What makes them who they are, and what they are passionate about. I find it exciting and thrilling. Occasionally I find a person I want to be friends with, and for those friendships, I am grateful.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

02.10.20 (submitted)

Do you like to send a new Lit friend a pic of your fine visage within minutes of meeting them, after getting to know them a while, or never ever? How does showing your face square with the anonymity of a site like Lit?

 

[whenagain]

02.10.20 (submitted)

Do you like to send a new Lit friend a pic of your fine visage within minutes of meeting them, after getting to know them a while, or never ever? How does showing your face square with the anonymity of a site like Lit?

After a while. There’s a few folks I have/would send my face to.

 

[AveryElle]

Lots of interesting comments, especially from Justa. I like the idea that having multiple partners can stop things becoming weird - that hadn't occurred to me, and I see how it sets boundaries.

I guess my take is different. If your interaction is long distance, you need to believe that the person on the other end of the cam or text is being authentic about what they're saying or doing. Imagine I spent an hour telling you exactly how I'd like to lick your pussy (Pretty Little or otherwise), and then did more or less the same with another girl the following evening. How would you feel if you knew that? Wondering whether I'd told her that her thighs were perfect, just like I'd told you? Wondering if I'd asked you both to dress the same way? Wondering if I'd used the same words to wish her goodnight after she'd cum? Wondering if called you both Kitten or Princess?

That's recycling, of scenes and the feelings you claim to feel.

If my female partner would like to try another girl, the scenes, feelings, dynamic and actual mechanics of the sex would be fundamentally different from what she and I shared. So the recycling issue wouldn't arise, whatever else might. So yes, it would definitely be different, and I'd probably be okay with it. Who knows, watching my gorgeous girlfriend with her face between another girl's thighs might be rather more than okay...

Too much personal detail aside, you don't really know, do you? To trust someone you've never met with big emotions is huge risk - some might be more willing than others to take that risk. The thing is, we all know people - on lit or otherwise - that are lying to a primary partner to be with someone else - on lit or otherwise (including yours truly). And to me, if they're willing to lie there, they're going to be willing to do it elsewhere. And ultimately, someone saying goodnight to "you" (not you, specifically), they're also saying "goodnight" to someone else. Some people are very good at compartmentalizing. I'm very good at compartmentalizing physical sex, which is why I prefer NSA partners.

I'm horrible at compartmentalizing emotions - because I don't know for sure that someone I am in a relationship with isn't saying similar things to their wife or partner, or using their belt on their wife or partner that they've used on me, and if a partner tells me I'm beautiful, I'm assuming they've also told their wife or partner they are beautiful as well - and to me, personally, it makes me feel less beautiful to know that. Less special. Especially once cohabitating with a primary partner, things are not so cut and dry. There are only so many ways to say good morning or good night, or to tell someone they're lovely. I know I'm not special at all in that regard. I know they don't MEAN to do it, which makes it less uncomfortable, but a huge reason why I'm not poly. To love multiple people means an overlap in love, however unintentional.

On Lit, it's far easy to get get caught up in a few aspects of being in a lit relationship....but it's also easy to hide a lot of things from the person you're with. If it weren't the case, the drama of, "we're together, but I found out they've played with my friend!" wouldn't happen all. the. time. Boundaries matter, of course, but over distance and time zones and private message, it's more difficult to stay within what you've agreed upon, and the fallout when one doesn't can be miserable.

ETA: I know the bottom line is trust. But the counter take, however unhelpful, is that it's easier to break that trust on (and around) lit.

 

[AveryElle]

02.10.20 (submitted)

Do you like to send a new Lit friend a pic of your fine visage within minutes of meeting them, after getting to know them a while, or never ever? How does showing your face square with the anonymity of a site like Lit?

I think like 10 people on lit have seen my face, and I'd never do it without seeing the other person first and prefer skype where I can delete it if I want. But putting a face to a name - even if it's a fake name...(cough Jim Jones cough). Even fewer have my real name or my real name's skype account. Ice cold!

 

[AlpineFresco]

02.10.20 (submitted)

Do you like to send a new Lit friend a pic of your fine visage within minutes of meeting them, after getting to know them a while, or never ever? How does showing your face square with the anonymity of a site like Lit?

Well, you're one of the entire 3 people on this site who knows what I look like, so you know I don't give that easily, and I have to feel like I can trust the person. Admittedly I gave it to the first person much more quickly, but circumstances were different there.

Basically, we have to know each other well enough that I'm comfortable stepping outside the bounds of Lit. And mostly I'm not.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Too much personal detail aside, you don't really know, do you? To trust someone you've never met with big emotions is huge risk - some might be more willing than others to take that risk. The thing is, we all know people - on lit or otherwise - that are lying to a primary partner to be with someone else - on lit or otherwise (including yours truly). And to me, if they're willing to lie there, they're going to be willing to do it elsewhere. And ultimately, someone saying goodnight to "you" (not you, specifically), they're also saying "goodnight" to someone else. Some people are very good at compartmentalizing. I'm very good at compartmentalizing physical sex, which is why I prefer NSA partners.

I'm horrible at compartmentalizing emotions - because I don't know for sure that someone I am in a relationship with isn't saying similar things to their wife or partner, or using their belt on their wife or partner that they've used on me, and if a partner tells me I'm beautiful, I'm assuming they've also told their wife or partner they are beautiful as well - and to me, personally, it makes me feel less beautiful to know that. Less special. Especially once cohabitating with a primary partner, things are not so cut and dry. There are only so many ways to say good morning or good night, or to tell someone they're lovely. I know I'm not special at all in that regard. I know they don't MEAN to do it, which makes it less uncomfortable, but a huge reason why I'm not poly. To love multiple people means an overlap in love, however unintentional.

On Lit, it's far easy to get get caught up in a few aspects of being in a lit relationship....but it's also easy to hide a lot of things from the person you're with. If it weren't the case, the drama of, "we're together, but I found out they've played with my friend!" wouldn't happen all. the. time. Boundaries matter, of course, but over distance and time zones and private message, it's more difficult to stay within what you've agreed upon, and the fallout when one doesn't can be miserable.

ETA: I know the bottom line is trust. But the counter take, however unhelpful, is that it's easier to break that trust on (and around) lit.

Just to rebut a bit - you never know about anyone. You're right but after months and years - either it's the truth or you're an idiot for falling for blatant or bad lies.

I think plenty of people are not being open with their real life partner (waves) and for various reasons good and bad. Some people can balance because the two provide such drastically different things for their partner. The whole "your lying to him so you're probably lying to me" thing is the most basic line of defense for someone who is never going to trust anyone and resents other people for being able to trust. Or simple is incapable of trusting at all.

To constantly compare a compliment given to you that's been given to someone else is so self defeating. I think art is beautiful, I think a child's smile is beautiful, I think M&Ms arranged by color is beautiful. They are and for all different reasons. To say beauty is <this> is so narrow. It's got to suck the enjoyment out of everything.

I think the point being - you do you however makes you the happiest. If you're not happy with what you're doing and who you're doing it with, stop doing it. People that stay miserable and then complain about how miserable they are maddening and exhausting. However, if you're happy and whatever you're doing works for you? Fuck every single other motherfucking person and be happy. Enjoy it while and for as long as it lasts. Period.

I can relate to what Justa and Minthe said... I never really wanted anything serious or restricting.... until I did. Sometimes people sneak up on you and you chose to let them in all the way and enjoy the beauty, joy, and complexity of that or you dont. Halfway in is also halfway out.

Just a differing opinion.

ETA - and of course that's the general You.

 

[hotwords229_A]

02.10.20 (submitted)

Do you like to send a new Lit friend a pic of your fine visage within minutes of meeting them, after getting to know them a while, or never ever? How does showing your face square with the anonymity of a site like Lit?

The anonymity is key to my "oversharing" ideas and images here. If my identity was out there I would be much more reserved here. I once Google imaged my face and it lead right to my business stuff. I have an online presence for work that also has my personal contact info and I don't need that getting out.

It would ruin Lit for me, so I don't share my face much at all.

 

[AveryElle]

Just to rebut a bit - you never know about anyone. You're right but after months and years - either it's the truth or you're an idiot for falling for blatant or bad lies.

I think plenty of people are not being open with their real life partner (waves) and for various reasons good and bad. Some people can balance because the two provide such drastically different things for their partner. The whole "your lying to him so you're probably lying to me" thing is the most basic line of defense for someone who is never going to trust anyone and resents other people for being able to trust. Or simple is incapable of trusting at all.

To constantly compare a compliment given to you that's been given to someone else is so self defeating. I think art is beautiful, I think a child's smile is beautiful, I think M&Ms arranged by color is beautiful. They are and for all different reasons. To say beauty is <this> is so narrow. It's got to suck the enjoyment out of everything.

I think the point being - you do you however makes you the happiest. If you're not happy with what you're doing and who you're doing it with, stop doing it. People that stay miserable and then complain about how miserable they are maddening and exhausting. However, if you're happy and whatever you're doing works for you? Fuck every single other motherfucking person and be happy. Enjoy it while and for as long as it lasts. Period.

I can relate to what Justa and Minthe said... I never really wanted anything serious or restricting.... until I did. Sometimes people sneak up on you and you chose to let them in all the way and enjoy the beauty, joy, and complexity of that or you dont. Halfway in is also halfway out.

Just a differing opinion.

ETA - and of course that's the general You.

I understand this, and you explain it very well - and I know I'm more rigid when it comes to trust, and I'm perfectly fine not trusting everyone (I don't think I'd be happy to feel that way about my primary relationship, though).

 

[AveryElle]

02.10.20 (submitted)

Do you like to send a new Lit friend a pic of your fine visage within minutes of meeting them, after getting to know them a while, or never ever? How does showing your face square with the anonymity of a site like Lit?

I generally don't share. I think ten people have seen me, and it's usually after I've seen them. Very few have my real name, some previous lit partners don't have my real name or my real location (and in retrospect, I feel bad about that...but, safety first!). I shared it with Alpine to create a level of trust. And after I shared with him, I felt like it was much harder to share with anyone else.

One creeper is enough.

 

[minthe]

J

I think the point being - you do you however makes you the happiest. If you're not happy with what you're doing and who you're doing it with, stop doing it. People that stay miserable and then complain about how miserable they are maddening and exhausting. However, if you're happy and whatever you're doing works for you? Fuck every single other motherfucking person and be happy. Enjoy it while and for as long as it lasts. Period.

I can relate to what Justa and Minthe said... I never really wanted anything serious or restricting.... until I did. Sometimes people sneak up on you and you chose to let them in all the way and enjoy the beauty, joy, and complexity of that or you dont. Halfway in is also halfway out.

Just a differing opinion.

ETA - and of course that's the general You.

I am all for finding happiness.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

02.10.20 (submitted)

Do you like to send a new Lit friend a pic of your fine visage within minutes of meeting them, after getting to know them a while, or never ever? How does showing your face square with the anonymity of a site like Lit?

I am now rather fast and loose with the face shots. Honestly, I think sharing other features are far more counterproductive to my anonymity than my face. Until recently, I had varying shades of rainbow ombre hair (and it will be back). How many 40 year old women with rainbow ombre hair and fetish porn type tits are out there. If you knew me, you knew me before the face shots. If you recognize me on the street, it isn't the face that is being recognized. I lost plausible deniability before the face shots. I do think, in theory, photos do reduce anonymity however, in actually, outside of being famous, or sharing the same image in more than one place, the risk to anonymity is much lower than what might be said in just the conversation being had.

 

[Mei5ter]

Too much personal detail aside, you don't really know, do you? To trust someone you've never met with big emotions is huge risk - some might be more willing than others to take that risk. The thing is, we all know people - on lit or otherwise - that are lying to a primary partner to be with someone else - on lit or otherwise (including yours truly). And to me, if they're willing to lie there, they're going to be willing to do it elsewhere. And ultimately, someone saying goodnight to "you" (not you, specifically), they're also saying "goodnight" to someone else. Some people are very good at compartmentalizing. I'm very good at compartmentalizing physical sex, which is why I prefer NSA partners.

I'm horrible at compartmentalizing emotions - because I don't know for sure that someone I am in a relationship with isn't saying similar things to their wife or partner, or using their belt on their wife or partner that they've used on me, and if a partner tells me I'm beautiful, I'm assuming they've also told their wife or partner they are beautiful as well - and to me, personally, it makes me feel less beautiful to know that. Less special. Especially once cohabitating with a primary partner, things are not so cut and dry. There are only so many ways to say good morning or good night, or to tell someone they're lovely. I know I'm not special at all in that regard. I know they don't MEAN to do it, which makes it less uncomfortable, but a huge reason why I'm not poly. To love multiple people means an overlap in love, however unintentional.

On Lit, it's far easy to get get caught up in a few aspects of being in a lit relationship....but it's also easy to hide a lot of things from the person you're with. If it weren't the case, the drama of, "we're together, but I found out they've played with my friend!" wouldn't happen all. the. time. Boundaries matter, of course, but over distance and time zones and private message, it's more difficult to stay within what you've agreed upon, and the fallout when one doesn't can be miserable.

ETA: I know the bottom line is trust. But the counter take, however unhelpful, is that it's easier to break that trust on (and around) lit.

The OP's question was phrased so as to refer to Lit only. I am sure that there are many people here who have real world partners (though plenty don't). The depth of lying or betrayal involved, if any, is going to vary greatly from case to case. But I would be very surprised indeed if anyone came to Lit to replicate directly a relationship they were already having in person with someone else. What would be the point? So I don't accept that having emotions for more than one person necessarily involves an overlap - at least, not to the degree you imply. My friendships have different dynamics, so I guess relationships can too?

I wonder whether kink is a factor here? Is it harder to play casually with someone if you've admitted you want to be dressed as a schoolgirl and be caned while being forced to repeat the mantra "I was wrong!" with a plug stuffed in your butt? Is a good blowjob just a good blowjob in comparison - something which costs nothing emotionally to enjoy giving or receiving?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

02.10.20 (submitted)

Do you like to send a new Lit friend a pic of your fine visage within minutes of meeting them, after getting to know them a while, or never ever? How does showing your face square with the anonymity of a site like Lit?

I used to share pics frequently, both on and off the boards. If i hit it off with someone (platonic or otherwise), it might be as soon as the first day, but certainly within the first week. As far as i can remember, it was almost always face for face. If they didn't want to share their face that was fine, i understand the desire for privacy, but that pretty much ruled them out as a partner. If they didn't trust me enough to share their face, name, and basic information, then we weren't going anywhere beyond friendly acquaintances.

Nowadays i am less open to forming the kind of relationships that would lead to any sort of intimacy, so it almost never comes up off the boards. And i am less inclined to share pics if they don't, something that didn't used to matter to me, but does now. I don't want to be more vulnerable, more invested than they are being.

On the boards, i still throw my face up in profile once in a blue moon, usually late at night when no one's around.