❓ PLP Inquires❓

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

While almost all of this resonates with me, as well as making me smile, I'll just say that everything I know about baking and icing cupcakes I learned on an amateur porn site. And Cricut machines.

Haha. I need to find those threads. Baking, frosting, cricuts, and porn, those sound like awesome threads. Now if nail polish is included, I might never leave.

 

[TheSilverLining]

01.25.20

This may be a bit biased towards older members but...

We've all discussed what brought us to Lit BUT why are you still here? What keeps you or brings you back?

I am a single parent who works A LOT.
I have the most amazing work family, but they just don’t share my fetishes (and we share almost EVERYTHING).

I’m not here with enough regularity to keep the friendships that I used to keep here, and I find that I read more than I post these days. But it’s still nice to know that I’m not alone.
You perverts keep me sane.

 

[Dribble]

Depends on the day...and the forum. I have always poked fun at stupid people...and there are many of them on the General Board. Does this make me an asshole? Don't care. My chest is big enough to hold that medal.

But here, I am a very different person. Because people like you PLP...deserve people like me to step up and show our real selves. So when I post in a thread you started...it is done with honesty. I respect you immensely. You make me a better person, just by you being you.

I was thinking about pre-dribble days not too long ago. Fuck...I had 2 other accounts before coastal-boy. So it is habit I come here. 2002, was a long time ago.

 

[Stillrandy]

01.25.20

This may be a bit biased towards older members but...

We've all discussed what brought us to Lit BUT why are you still here? What keeps you or brings you back?

I have been on and off of Lit for several years. After a time away, I miss it and come back. So why do I stay?

-Lit feels like a friend.

-Lit is free.

-Lit is safe, accepting, moderated (for the most part) – that keeps a reasonable amount of law and order around here.

-Lit is stimulating (aka titillating).

-Even though there are more men than women participating, the number of women is impressive, and most are quite intelligent, well spoken, and fun.

-The variety of sexual expression is amazing; almost anything that is legal and meets the Lit guidelines.

-I can express my own erotic/sexual thoughts in a comfortable environment.

-You have your choice of Forum Threads, the huge story archive, and the Lit Chat rooms; lots of ways to interact in a sexy way.

-The pictures posted in the Forums are, more or less, curated. That is, the poster has no doubt seen many erotic images and chosen this one to post. It keeps the quality high.

-Lit people are (mostly) sociable and reasonable. Yes, there are some nuisance people which brings me to another reason to stay on Lit:
-The Ignore Button. Saves a lot of wasted energy and time.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

01.28.20

Is there such a thing as "too nice"?? Discuss.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

01.28.20

Is there such a thing as "too nice"?? Discuss.

Yes. **Looks in mirror**

I'm far more worried about other people's needs than my own. I've always struggled with conflict. I have rarely initiated conflict because I dislike upsetting people intensely unless pushed to do so.

I'm nice by default and personality...but in the past it has ventured into passivity and willingness to accept an outcome less than satisfactory to me if it made someone else happier.

There's a difference between caring for others and not taking care of yourself. That is where "nice" and "too nice" fork, at least for me.

I had to learn that the hard way. And I'm still learning.

In the bizarro world of Lit, that doesn't apply as much. Because I'm just a nice guy in general, and that doesn't make a massive difference in terms of how I see things or how I'm treated other than not trolling.

Off-Lit? It makes a huge difference.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

01.28.20

Is there such a thing as "too nice"?? Discuss.

Indeed, there is. In my personal opinion, there are several unique ways someone could be "too nice".

first, the universal too nice, ie the gullible too nice. The person who is so nice that they can not see they are being used. You see this all the time, the man who keeps giving the stripper money every time she has a problem and calls and asks with whatever excuse she invents. The woman who is always asking you to babysit her kid for just an hour, which is really 5 hours, and she never pays. The person always asking for rides somewhere, etc etc, and the too nice person letting it continue even past the point of typical self preservation to the point it is hurting their career, finances, interpersonal relationships, and futures. The one doing the taking will keep taking until there is nothing left to give, then they will move on to someone else, and the gullible too nice person is left surprisingly confused.

Then there are my personal too nice sentiments, not really universal, but I am sure shared by some.

The "what do they want" or "what did they do" too nice. The person is not gullible, is not too nice, but is being too nice. They are wanting something or making up for something. If I know what that is, it is fine. It is then more of a traditional execution of a typical social contract and not "too nice". An example may be a husband forgetting an important date, then giving a gift more substantial than they would have the following day. The gift is too nice, but it is being used not only as a gift, but as an apology. The subordinate kissing your ass as review times near. It is obvious,they are hoping that your review is then done with rose tinted glasses. Treating a client to extravagant outings hoping to gain their business. When it becomes "too nice" is when you don't know why it is happening. I have heard many women say a signal that their husbands were having affairs was being too nice, too generous, too attentive. They are making up for the "wrong" that you don't know about. When my kid is being too nice and I don't see why, I am looking for what he broke or checking his backpack for notes from school, if I can't find it, I am waiting for him to ask for what he wants. When the coworker is being too nice, do they want something, or are they trying to make up for something to make themselves feel better? What don't I know? I will come out and ask why are you being too nice or it will drive me crazy trying to isolate the why.

Then the "he is too nice". That would be said about a man as an explanation for a lack of attraction. He is not gullible too nice, or I would have said that. It isn't a facade too nice because he wants something, it is something deeper. I basically mean he is too chivalrous or too much of a good guy, most notably to women, simple by default, because that is how a woman should be treated. This can be a good thing for many women, but not for me. I am just not into being put on a pedestal, being "taken care of", always agreeing with me, not having to lift a finger etc etc. It feels like they are saying I am not capable of functioning like a normal person such as themselves and need "special" handling. It even feels like it could cause me to become that person they see as I might let them take care of me to the point where I lose the ability to do it myself. Also, I don't want to have to move through life more slowly just so they can beat me to the door so they can be the one to open the door because that is how they need it to be. That might be a bit crazy, but that is how I feel. I know that is not their intention but that is my take, and he becomes "too nice"

 

[TheSilverLining]

01.28.20

Is there such a thing as "too nice"?? Discuss.

Absolutely.

People who are “too nice” at face value make me uneasy:
1. I don’t believe it
2. I don’t trust it
3. I genuinely don’t want that in my life

There’s a time and a place for nice, but it’s certainly not all the time.
Time has taught me to surround myself with people that have an edge. They are the nice AND the antithesis of nice in equal measure.
50% selfless rainbows & unicorns, 50% dead inside.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Absolutely.

People who are “too nice” at face value make me uneasy:
1. I don’t believe it
2. I don’t trust it
3. I genuinely don’t want that in my life

There’s a time and a place for nice, but it’s certainly not all the time.
Time has taught me to surround myself with people that have an edge. They are the nice AND the antithesis of nice in equal measure.
50% selfless rainbows & unicorns, 50% dead inside.

This is amazingly put.

 

[Karabare]

Haha. I need to find those threads. Baking, frosting, cricuts, and porn, those sound like awesome threads. Now if nail polish is included, I might never leave.

And makeup.

 

[Suz_anne]

Usually the people that are “too nice” are simply without backbone.
Also, those who tell you they are nice, usually aren’t.
Let us tell YOU that you are nice.
Walk the walk. Quietly live with character. Try to be kind every day, and if you fail, try again.
Sometimes to be kind, we must be tough, and say things you may not want to hear. I would rather be kind than nice.

All of this, but especially that one part.

 

[Karabare]

01.28.20

Is there such a thing as "too nice"?? Discuss.

Absolutely.

People who are “too nice” at face value make me uneasy:
1. I don’t believe it
2. I don’t trust it
3. I genuinely don’t want that in my life

There’s a time and a place for nice, but it’s certainly not all the time.
Time has taught me to surround myself with people that have an edge. They are the nice AND the antithesis of nice in equal measure.
50% selfless rainbows & unicorns, 50% dead inside.

^almost exactly what my answer would be. Justa also got it right.
Maybe not selfless unicorns but helpful within reason and also sharp tongued and self deprecating.
I like a little asshole in my people, makes me feel less like the asshole I can very much be.

 

[Stillrandy]

Absolutely.

People who are “too nice” at face value make me uneasy:
1. I don’t believe it
2. I don’t trust it
3. I genuinely don’t want that in my life

There’s a time and a place for nice, but it’s certainly not all the time.
Time has taught me to surround myself with people that have an edge. They are the nice AND the antithesis of nice in equal measure.
50% selfless rainbows & unicorns, 50% dead inside.

It would help me to understand what the terms 'rainbows & unicorns' refer to in the context of this thread. Can someone illuminate me? Thanks!

 

[Karabare]

I think it comes with the job. And yes.

It does. Be thick skinned or be eaten

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

No.

Usually the people that are “too nice” are simply without backbone.
Also, those who tell you they are nice, usually aren’t.
Let us tell YOU that you are nice.
Walk the walk. Quietly live with character. Try to be kind every day, and if you fail, try again.
Sometimes to be kind, we must be tough, and say things you may not want to hear. I would rather be kind than nice.

I have met one person here who is truly very, very, very nice. That is an adjective I would use to describe her, in a real sense, and I love her just the same as my not so nice friends.

oh, I was recently laughing about the whole "I'm a nice person" thing. Friend on facebook starts with "I am a nice person but" Now you know something seriously horrid is going to come out when anyone leads with that. Even more amusing, anyone who knows her reading that is like, wtf, you aren't a nice person. You are a total bitch. People are singing the South Park Kyle's mom is a bitch song about you. People in other countries, who don't know you, have heard what an epic bitch you are. Then I noticed my preferred people are actually people who claim right up front to be giant bitches and men walking around singing the Dennis Leary Asshole song. They are much more pleasant than people starting anything with "I am a nice person" and not intending sarcasm. I don't think most of the "I am a nice person" people are intending to be deceitful. I think they are just that self absorbed that they can't see reality as such walk around that way. Where as the "I am a bitch or asshole" people are more self aware, maybe even too much so, that the see their tendency to lean towards harshness, and therefore often do make attempts to mitigate that, as such are actually much more pleasant in the long run than "I am a nice person" people. That is my theory anyway.

And makeup.

oh, now I want a girl talk thread.

 

[hotwords229_A]

01.28.20

Is there such a thing as "too nice"?? Discuss.

Yes, there is. That’s why, every now and then, I go to Sea World and punch a dolphin—it helps remind everyone that I’m a total badass

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Yes, there is. That’s why, every now and then, I go to Sea World and punch a dolphin—it helps remind everyone that I’m a total badass

Omg. Haha. Well, at least I've confirmed that I am not too nice as I laugh about jokes involving dolphin punching.

 

[Ask For More]

I find people who say they're too nice, often end up being not very nice at all...

I once worked on a project with a guy who kept insisting he was a lover and not a fighter, and yet somehow had multiple stories of him falling out with people. After two days he got into an argument with one of the other staff members, and was sacked on the spot.

It just seems to me that there's a certain amount of narcissism that goes with talking about oneself like that.

 

[Dribble]

There is a difference between being nice and compassionate or empathetic. At least in my book. I would rather be good than nice

 

[Mr_Underground]

01.28.20

Is there such a thing as "too nice"?? Discuss.

I dont know maybe. I tend to tell people I’m an asshole upfront so they are not super bummed when I do something pretty fucking inconsiderate.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

01.28.20

Is there such a thing as "too nice"?? Discuss.

I think "nice" is the most shallow and generic compliment you can give someone. I'd rather be good or kind or thoughtful.

I agree that to be my friend you have to be more than nice. Edge and humor and honesty and intelligence are a must.

"Too nice" feels almost manipulative.
- they're so nice I should trust them
- they're so nice I dont want to hurt their feelings

Nothing will put me on edge faster than the "too nice".

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

01.30.20 (suggested!)

Are a sensitive person? If so, have you developed coping mechanisms to protect yourself? Thick skin, internalizing, etc. If not, how do you interact with sensitive people? Do you make a conscious change in behavior?

 

[Dribble]

Define sensitive.

By my definition, I would say no. I am empathetic. I do care if someone is hurting. But if something needs to be said...I will say it. No sugar coating.

I am also far from stupid. No one does anything without a motive. I understand my motive is not theirs. So I guess I am "sensitive" to reality.

 

[Mr_Underground]

01.30.20 (suggested!)

Are a sensitive person? If so, have you developed coping mechanisms to protect yourself? Thick skin, internalizing, etc. If not, how do you interact with sensitive people? Do you make a conscious change in behavior?

Alcohol for me. I know the rest of the world relies on dope and Anti-Depressants but I am a hard core, old school muthafucka!

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

01.30.20 (suggested!)

Are a sensitive person? If so, have you developed coping mechanisms to protect yourself? Thick skin, internalizing, etc. If not, how do you interact with sensitive people? Do you make a conscious change in behavior?

PLP, you always have such interesting questions. Am I a sensitive person? Well, once upon a time, in a land far away, in a time long ago, I was. I did develop a series of coping mechanisms to build a thicker skin to a variety of situations, and it was successful. These have been in place for so long, that I am simply no longer sensitive.

Yes, I do make an effort to account for more sensitive people. I am more than willing to compromise, bend, and adapt in order to increase the comfort of another, and do so in many ways, for many types, not just sensitive people. Social interaction often involves compromise. It might be little, such as avoiding certain topics, or bigger, such as carefully choosing words. The problem I may find is compromise also involves the other party too. Whether I can enjoy their company or instead find it to be exhausting with the constant eggshell walking and emotional black hole thing also depends on them. This is generally not an issue outside of mental illness. Internet based communications is more challenging because I can't see the body language change or hear the change in tone to know I am triggering something. They also can't see mine or hear my tone so are more likely to misinterpret my words. Thus I often find sensitive people more difficult online. Additionally, sometimes I get sucked in by crazy pants without seeing it, and I hate when that happens. The less fun crazy anyway. The fun kind and I mix well.

I will also admit to a huge gender bias on this subject. I do not make the same adjustment with men. I simply flat out tell them upfront there are two things I'd prefer not getting on me and those are nature and feelings. No, I do not want to spend a month hiking and camping on the Appalachian trail. I do not wish to get that much nature on me. And no, I do not want to sit with you crying through This is Us, please don't. If I have to give a poor performance review, where the amount of tardiness is not acceptable and needs to be rectified, well, I have never had a man look like he was going to cry on me. Life experience has led me to find men to be durable, and I respect this.