Kinks We Don't Understand: Humiliation 😲😞😈

[Wild_Honey_66]

Questions? Answers? Comments? Speak up, and let's get this ball rolling!

(I actually have a pretty good grip on this kink, it's one of my favorites! )












**Inspired by BongoGal, that sexy freak!

 

[ydahecnot]

As someone whose threads generally die quickly, I am familiar with humiliation. Maybe I should reimagine it as a kink.

 

[BongoGal]

It's funny how if, say, a co-worker somehow happened to see me nude, it would be far less humiliating than if he or she were to somehow discover my fantasies.

 

[Mr_bogey]

It's funny how if, say, a co-worker somehow happened to see me nude, it would be far less humiliating than if he or she were to somehow discover my fantasies.

<---volunteers to play the "victim" co-worker in the role play.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

Subscribed.

This is one I do not understand even a little. The basic concepts? Yes. The why? Not so much.

So...learning is never bad.

 

[pmichael]

I'm with Lurking Phoenix
While I do find some aspects of humiliation erotic. I don't understand a persons desire to be humiliated.
The repercussions IMHO could be more costly than mere pride.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Two thumbs up with a trusted partner who knows exactly what things mean, has spent time in your head, and knows how to rebuild you.

Humiliation also has LOTS of different flavors so there are definitely things under the umbrella I don't like.

 

[Acktion]

Short version (and I retain the right to be just as wrong as the next doofus and welcome correction from those that think they know better), humiliation as a sexual ploy allows the receiver to shut the voices in their head that would argue with a compliment down and rationalize that the giver sees them as they truly are, accepts them as they truly are, and still wants them enough to continue to be there doing all the debauched things to them, with them, and for them.

 

[tnman03]

This kink and degradation are mysteries to me and at first, glance seems much the same, but likely aren't. I'll be reading along as those with articulable, first-hand insight offer insight. But honestly, it's outside of my comfort zone so I'll just be reading along.

 

[Mr_bogey]

Question - do facials fall under this heading? Initially, that's how I felt about them. Most of my BJs had ended with a swallow and I didn't get the pleasure of facials for either party. Over time, I've come (pun intended) to learn that it might not be the case as all. There is pleasure in the feeling of the warmth on skin and there is visual pleasure. So, school me on this, where do facials fall on the fetish scale?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Question - do facials fall under this heading? Initially, that's how I felt about them. Most of my BJs had ended with a swallow and I didn't get the pleasure of facials for either party. Over time, I've come (pun intended) to learn that it might not be the case as all. There is pleasure in the feeling of the warmth on skin and there is visual pleasure. So, school me on this, where do facials fall on the fetish scale?

I can only speak for myself but I wouldnt find this too humiliating. I like a facial myself. There could be a verbiage that could add humiliation "you dont get to taste my cum... you don't deserve me in your mouth..." etc.

So I'd say it's at the beginner end if the spectrum.

 

[de_valmont]

It's funny how if, say, a co-worker somehow happened to see me nude, it would be far less humiliating than if he or she were to somehow discover my fantasies.

You nail it. My fantasies are most likely an issue for everyone in real life. But I would laugh if someone made a big deal of an open pants or something.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Two thumbs up with a trusted partner who knows exactly what things mean, has spent time in your head, and knows how to rebuild you.

Humiliation also has LOTS of different flavors so there are definitely things under the umbrella I don't like.

This.

Fara's right, it is hard to explain. There are so many layers to why something works for me. And there is a very fine line between what cranks my engine and what is too much.

At the heart of why i like this is a desire to be laid absolutely bare and completely vulnerable before my partner, spend some time in that space until every shred of defense has been peeled away, stay there and bleed a while, in fear of judgement or rejection or abandonment... and then experience the acceptance and affirmation and affection of the person whose opinion matters most to me.

Vulnerability --> acceptance --> intimacy

The vulnerability is cleansing, it's like an exfoliating scrub for the soul. Get every nook and cranny, get behind my ears, get between my toes, and don't forget my butt crack! The release of the things that cause me pain, or that i feel guilt or shame about is like a burden lifted. Yes, it's terrible to have to feel those feelings, but i have the healing and the restoration to look forward to. Not to mention damp knickers. Totally worth it.

 

[Suz_anne]

I am also in the "don't get it" camp. I feel like I would be so devastated by being humiliated by someone I love or even someone I like - it would be difficult/impossible to get past it.

I would think about why they would want to make me feel that way - what is it about them that makes them feel good to see me humiliated? I don't ever want to humiliate someone that I care about.

And I'm afraid I'd hear a loop in my head of all of the bad things said and done - like I wouldn't be able to let it go even after the affirmation part.

It may simply be that it is not my thing and I won't ever understand the appeal. And that's fine - everyone has their own freak flags to fly. But I'll be curious to learn more.

 

[Sh75]

I am also in the "don't get it" camp. I feel like I would be so devastated by being humiliated by someone I love or even someone I like - it would be difficult/impossible to get past it.

I would think about why they would want to make me feel that way - what is it about them that makes them feel good to see me humiliated? I don't ever want to humiliate someone that I care about.

And I'm afraid I'd hear a loop in my head of all of the bad things said and done - like I wouldn't be able to let it go even after the affirmation part.

It may simply be that it is not my thing and I won't ever understand the appeal. And that's fine - everyone has their own freak flags to fly. But I'll be curious to learn more.

I think I'm in this camp when it comes to this subject. I dont understand it and it would go against who i am to engage in it, so even if i was to do it for my partners sake i dont think they would enjoy it as they would feel my heart is not in it. It would just feel very foreign and awkward to me to treat someone i love or care about it this manner.
That being said, i guess the defintion of humiliation is broad and to some individuals way of thinking, i could already be engaging in that behaviour in some sense, albeit at a very low level. I was quite naive to the whole dom/sub dynamic when coming to lit n it was never something that interested me or aroused me but i have come to understand it more and explore it and to he honest now find it pretty fucking hot. Again im probably at the lower end of the spectrum in that sense aswell, but have found it to be intoxicatingly enjoyable.
While i still dont think it would be something id ever find enjoyable or understand, along with quite a few of these kinks that have been discussed, its always interesting reading seeing others descriptions or reasoning for their enjoyment of the said kink.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I get that it sound offputting for some.

I'm also completely comfortable that I like things that most people won't get. It's something so deeply intimate for me that I probably won't go into it publicly. But what's done is done with purpose and lots of communication and understanding.

I've totally seen people doing humiliation in an unhealthy, upsetting way too. But I've also seen people eat cheeseburgers that was or drive that way.

Intention is everything.

 

[Suz_anne]

I want to clarify - I don't mean to come off as Sister Mary Never Fucks. I have my kinks and I enjoy some rough play - spanking, light choking, filthy dirty name calling and stuff like that. So maybe that is on the humiliation spectrum?

I suppose that may be what is lacking for me is a more clear definition of what defines humiliation play. Because I associate humiliation with a deeper level of debasement than being called a dirty slut.

This might be asking a lot and I know YMMV, but could someone attempt to outline a scale of what could be considered to be mildly humiliating, mid-level humiliating and hard core humiliating?

 

[QuietCanadian]

I want to clarify - I don't mean to come off as Sister Mary Never Fucks. I have my kinks and I enjoy some rough play - spanking, light choking, filthy dirty name calling and stuff like that. So maybe that is on the humiliation spectrum?

I suppose that may be what is lacking for me is a more clear definition of what defines humiliation play. Because I associate humiliation with a deeper level of debasement than being called a dirty slut.

This might be asking a lot and I know YMMV, but could someone attempt to outline a scale of what could be considered to be mildly humiliating, mid-level humiliating and hard core humiliating?

I don't really get it either, but this is a good point. Maybe my version of humiliation isn't the same as what is deemed sexy by many?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I want to clarify - I don't mean to come off as Sister Mary Never Fucks. I have my kinks and I enjoy some rough play - spanking, light choking, filthy dirty name calling and stuff like that. So maybe that is on the humiliation spectrum?

I suppose that may be what is lacking for me is a more clear definition of what defines humiliation play. Because I associate humiliation with a deeper level of debasement than being called a dirty slut.

This might be asking a lot and I know YMMV, but could someone attempt to outline a scale of what could be considered to be mildly humiliating, mid-level humiliating and hard core humiliating?

Lol this is an excellent point. And yes there's a spectrum. I'm more into the mind fuckery versus say.... chaining me to an urinal. Ya know?

 

[QuietCanadian]

Lol this is an excellent point. And yes there's a spectrum. I'm more into the mind fuckery versus say.... chaining me to an urinal. Ya know?

Well, I guess I can cancel that urinal installation.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Well, I guess I can cancel that urinal installation.

I mean, you do you! But you won't trap me!

 

[Booboobear84]

This.

Fara's right, it is hard to explain. There are so many layers to why something works for me. And there is a very fine line between what cranks my engine and what is too much.

At the heart of why i like this is a desire to be laid absolutely bare and completely vulnerable before my partner, spend some time in that space until every shred of defense has been peeled away, stay there and bleed a while, in fear of judgement or rejection or abandonment... and then experience the acceptance and affirmation and affection of the person whose opinion matters most to me.

Vulnerability --> acceptance --> intimacy

The vulnerability is cleansing, it's like an exfoliating scrub for the soul. Get every nook and cranny, get behind my ears, get between my toes, and don't forget my butt crack! The release of the things that cause me pain, or that i feel guilt or shame about is like a burden lifted. Yes, it's terrible to have to feel those feelings, but i have the healing and the restoration to look forward to. Not to mention damp knickers. Totally worth it.

If I could feel I were doing this,and not actually hurting my partner maybe. It would take a very deep gut level understanding to do it. I do get that the Dom/sub should be very loving, or you're probably doing it wrong. I appreciate your trying to communicate something so tricky.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

I think, for me, I don't understand it...and I want to, because I hate things I don't understand...and it's a very real thing.

Humiliation is such a broad term, and has such a wide umbrella, that It's just hard to wrap my brain around it.

The example of facials earlier I think was a good one. I don't see facials as that kind of play...UNLESS there was something shaming added to it, verbally.

But it's the second part I don't quite understand. Is the humilation (as a spectacularly-huge generalization) simply another form of power play, but instead of (or paired with) restraints and physical pain and other d/s headspace it's mostly verbal?

If so, that makes more sense to me. At least as a surface explanation....?

I know that without experiencing this particular dynamic, it's incredibly hard to articulate both questions and answers.

Darn you, Honey, and PLP, and Fara for making me think!

 

[QuietCanadian]

I mean, you do you! But you won't trap me!

Haha. I actually couldn't do it. I mean, there might be some kinks, well there are likely, that I could do even if it wasn't my deal if it was someone else's, but I don't think this is one. I'd feel bad the entire time and thus be bad at it.

 

[Mei5ter]

Perhaps look at it this way.

Do you enjoy giving or receiving pain?

Why shouldn't that be emotional as well as physical?