Kinks We Don't Understand: Small Penis Humiliation (SPH)

[Richard_C]

I don't know if this goes with Spouse Shaming/Husband shaming. I like cheating wives and such and a lot of the memes, gifs and such associated with such always make it out like this smokin hot babe is married to a tiny dick piece of shit and she hates him and is so glad to be fucking a stallion. WTF! Why can't it just be that she wants more dick, not necessarily horse cock. It's obnoxious!!

 

[whenagain]

I don't know if this goes with Spouse Shaming/Husband shaming. I like cheating wives and such and a lot of the memes, gifs and such associated with such always make it out like this smokin hot babe is married to a tiny dick piece of shit and she hates him and is so glad to be fucking a stallion. WTF! Why can't it just be that she wants more dick, not necessarily horse cock. It's obnoxious!!

There’s a lot of obnoxious essentialism that goes with this kink. Not so much a fan of that.

 

[LizVegas79]

There is definitely such a thing as too big and you guys are absolutely right, not every woman gets a thrill out of being mean to a guy.

However, some of us do.

(but yes, it's more about us being in control for a changed and NOT being the ones judged based on our weight, or the size of our boobs and instead judging YOU based on YOUR "inadequacies". Plus, it's also fun to tease a guy who isn't small or isn't at all inadequate just because your egos (like ours) are so fragile and we can )

 

[whenagain]

There is definitely such a thing as too big and you guys are absolutely right, not every woman gets a thrill out of being mean to a guy.

However, some of us do.

(but yes, it's more about us being in control for a changed and NOT being the ones judged based on our weight, or the size of our boobs and instead judging YOU based on YOUR "inadequacies". Plus, it's also fun to tease a guy who isn't small or isn't at all inadequate just because your egos (like ours) are so fragile and we can )

I think when there’s a mutual understanding, it can be really cathartic for everyone involved.

 

[LizVegas79]

I think when there’s a mutual understanding, it can be really cathartic for everyone involved.

Definitely!

Especially when he's had enough, takes back control and decides to "teach me a lesson"

 

[whenagain]

Definitely!

Especially when he's had enough, takes back control and decides to "teach me a lesson"

Omg! This is the best. I had one girlfriend who used to tell me I was small, she’d had better, I was a boy not a man, and I’d get really worked up and hold her down and fuck her so hard.

(To he clear, she made it explicit she liked that)

I dunno if I ever actually had “control” sexually, but those moments were amazing.

 

[LizVegas79]

Omg! This is the best. I had one girlfriend who used to tell me I was small, she’d had better, I was a boy not a man, and I’d get really worked up and hold her down and fuck her so hard.

(To he clear, she made it explicit she liked that)

I dunno if I ever actually had “control” sexually, but those moments were amazing.

I like being held down after I've been super bratty - choked until I "finally" shutup too

 

[whenagain]

I like being held down after I've been super bratty - choked until I "finally" shutup too

Oh I bet.
Part of subbing I think is wanting to both do this and watch.

 

[GaltJohnson]

Men are pervs. They like some weird shit.
One of the weird things some men like is small penis humiliation. I know, WTF, right?

That's what i thought for a long time, until a conversation I had with a gentleman from another board finally made sense. It must make sense to a lot of guys, because it's a very popular kink, seemingly even more so lately.

Where does this kink come from? What's the appeal? Why does it seem to be more in demand than in the past, or was it just not as visible? What about the women who dish out these insults, what's their story? What are they getting out of it?

Here's what i know:
**This kink is primarily about humiliation, the small penis aspect is just the vehicle.
**You don't have to have a small penis to enjoy SPH.
**There is a lot of crossover with other kinks such as male submission, hotwifing, forced bi, cock and ball torture (CBT), cuckolding, chastity and more. We can talk about those related kinks, but I'd like to keep the focus on SPH for the first few pages at least.
**At least some of the men participating in this kink have a healthy self image, extending to and including their dicks - regardless of size.

The conclusion I've come to is that it's just another weird thing that makes their dick hard. (Or not, if they're in a cage. ) Some guys have a handle on the 'why,' some are unconcerned with the motivation and would rather focus on the practice. Understanding it a little better has allowed me to see this as just another way to please a partner. If i were to engage in this sort of play, i wouldn't be damaging their psyche, i wouldn't be scarring them for life. I would be getting their motor going!

So what do you all think? Got questions? Got experience? Share them with us, and let's get this freaky party started!



~~~> Here's a short thread that might be worth a read. I may post links to other threads that help to shine a light on the subject if i come across anything that shows potential.
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=21988511#post21988511

This is a great conversation and you bring up some wonderful points. I would like to offer my perspective, as a man who is both aroused by small penis humiliation and comfortable with my penis size (I am not small). "Men like weird shit..." haha...truer words never spoken. I am happily married and have been with my wife for 14 years now and it was only about 5 years ago that I opened up about my preferences for sph...precisely because I felt it might be too weird. I think I can answer your first set of questions (at least from my own preferences) with one word: competition. It may be that I am competitive by nature, but that is the specific appeal for me. I want to be the best even though I may not be as well endowed, but the desire to be competitive in general, has a lot to do with the arousal. As to what my wife gets out of it, she would say, "my reaction," as in, my penis gets harder and my passion intensifies.

I do not get aroused by most of the "sub" genre kinks that are associated with sph like many do. I am also not nearly as aroused by the more demeaning versions, as I do not believe they are as based in reality. Rather, I know that I have not always been the largest partner the women in my life have had (though I happen to be with my wife), so as a result, I am more interested in grounding the kink in reality...i.e. being told how I compare to other partners. It has been arousing to hear that I am smaller. It simply serves to induce my competitive nature, which is stimulating for me psychologically, and hopefully results in physical effects for the woman.

I'll conclude with this: I think it has come out in the open ("mainstream") more because of technology than anything. It wasn't that men didn't desire these things in the past, it is that now more men can see that other men enjoy these kinks and are less timid about discussing them and acknowledging that they share similar fetishes. It can be, after all, a slightly embarrassing thing for a man to admit that he wants to be told that he has a small penis, or that he has a smaller penis than a woman's ex/partners, etc.

Feel free to ask, comment, etc...

 

[Davagar]

Hi Honey!

For the record: I'm sure you're probably aware that there are a TON of guys on Lit into SPH. I get PM's all the time asking me to be mean to them. They all say they love that I'm tall. Guess that's a thing for them. Do you get PM's from them too Honey? You must because you started this thread. Hopefully some of them will voluntarily out themselves on this thread so that we can have some fun with them?

Hi, new to literotica and saw this thread as you said so, I'm into it and I have a small one. Hi everyone.

 

[whenagain]

Bump!

 

[CuMex1]

I’ve got a small dick and I love to be told that I do. It’s a major turn on for me.

 

[reallyunsure]

Men are pervs. They like some weird shit.
One of the weird things some men like is small penis humiliation. I know, WTF, right?

...

The conclusion I've come to is that it's just another weird thing that makes their dick hard. (Or not, if they're in a cage. ) Some guys have a handle on the 'why,' some are unconcerned with the motivation and would rather focus on the practice. Understanding it a little better has allowed me to see this as just another way to please a partner.

This has been an evergreen kink for me for a few years now, and I've thought about it a lot. And since this thread is literally about "help us understand this kink," it seems like a pretty good place to spill some tea.

First: Wild_Honey_66 is right on all counts here, all these things seem to be generally true. It's a big world and people are complicated, not much is true of 100% of everyone, but these things all have, as the medical folk say, high comorbidities.

Here's what i know:
**This kink is primarily about humiliation, the small penis aspect is just the vehicle.
**You don't have to have a small penis to enjoy SPH.
**There is a lot of crossover with other kinks such as male submission, hotwifing, forced bi, cock and ball torture (CBT), cuckolding, chastity and more. We can talk about those related kinks, but I'd like to keep the focus on SPH for the first few pages at least.
**At least some of the men participating in this kink have a healthy self image, extending to and including their dicks - regardless of size.

Some thoughts I've collected:

It does seem to be picking up in popularity.

Check out https://tags.literotica.com/sph/ - page 1 is from November going back to April of this year, and page 6, currently the last full page, goes from Jan 2012 - Dec 2016. Page 7, which is pretty close to full, goes all the way back to 2006. I don't have exact stats for Literotica as a whole, so I don't know how that breaks down as a percentage of overall Lit stories per year. But I don't get the impression that Lit is growing nearly that exponentially, with more stories submitted in part of 2021 than in the combined 5-year period of Jan 2012-Dec 2016.

It's a major taboo.

"Hey there, your dick is really small" and "honey, your dick is too small for me" are pretty serious taboos. Pretty much any taboo that could be linked to a kink, is linked to a kink. This one is pretty major, and some women have explicitly gotten the advice "Never, ever say that to a man, you never know if he might flip out and kill you." So breaking this taboo is intense, which makes it intimate... and in this case, also an especially-radical act of trust. Intimacy and trust feel nice.

A lot of men are identified with their dicks.

In dirty talk, a person's genitals are often collapsed into their identity. If someone's going down on you, you probably say "that feels so good." If someone has their dick in you, or you have your dick in someone, you probably say "you feel so good." The mouth is not the person, the fingers are not the person, but suddenly, in some weird bit of grammar sex magic, genitals are the person. The closer something is to someone's core identity, the more powerful it can be to go after it in humiliation play.

When guys try to seduce someone with photos, they usually send dicks. Our bodies aren't as scrutinized as yours, and aren't as sexualized-in-every-way-possible as yours. Yeah we hear that some of you are really into shoulders, but for the most part, we can't believe it, we can't internalize it. So it's intuitive to us that you must care about our dicks as much as we care about your breasts, or whatever our personal favorite part has to be.

Special shoutout here to arousal nonconcordance and the scientifically-measurable difference in it based on physical sex: There is strong evidence that what men think/say they're aroused by and what causes physical genital response have a fairly high correlation, and that the correlation is significantly lower for women.

For a lot of men, our dicks are kind of core to our sexual identity. This can cause some problems in a world which tells us that our job is to have as big a dick as possible (which we have no control over), and to pound you as hard as possible, for as long as possible (which is hard, evolution designed most of us to come pretty fast), until she comes all over the place (even though most women don't get off from penetration alone). And the world tells us this almost constantly, despite the fact that it's... not actually what most women want.

Small dick not required.

There are 8" long and 9" long guys who are into this. Most guys who are into this have perfectly normal dicks. I think this is the "second place is for losers" thing in action, a little bit. Also, a bunch of guys have only ever seen other erections in porn, and this leads to them thinking they're small.

The same world that tells us we have to pound you until the cows come home also tells us that second place is unacceptable, that second place is for losers, even though second place is actually pretty good, if there's more than three contestants.

So if we have anything less than the biggest, hardest, poundingest, never-coming-until-she's-satisfied-est dick in the whole world... we've failed. Even second place isn't good enough.

There are probably also extra-girthy guys into this, because part of missing the "women mostly don't care about size" memo involves also missing the footnote "and when they do they mostly only care about girth".

We can't seem to believe that size doesn't matter that much.

I don't know how much this is a porn thing, vs. a "you're obviously just saying that to be nice" thing. But a lot of us have trouble accepting this. Every sex-related site on the internet has a thread where some guy asks and 99 women say "nope, don't really care", and some of them say "yep, best sex of my life was with the tiniest dick, he's amazing and I married him, 22 years next month, wouldn't change a damn thing", and then 1 woman says "yep, love big dick, can't really get there without it"... and almost every man who reads that thread ignores the 99 and fixates on the 1. There's some extreme confirmation bias at play here, and I'm never really sure why.

(Size queens are the real 1%. Occupy Ball Street.)

It's freeing.

Like some folks have said upthread, it's freeing. If we're free of this, one of the bigger taboos, then most of the other taboos are also probably gone. If we've already failed at having the biggest, hardest, poundingest dick, then... maybe we can relax? If you say "are you in? I can't tell," then obviously we don't have to wear the impassive mask of A Man Who Is Manly And Mans About Town, and we don't have to worry about giving you the absolutely-perfect fucking, and we can chill out and just... take a moment to enjoy our bodies and the pleasure they give us, instead of burying that under a bunch of insecurities and impossible social demands.

This part is especially major for me: if my partner is insulting my dick, then obviously, I don't need to hold out and make sure I don't come too soon. And that can be nice, because who wants to spend that much of their sex life thinking "okay, be sure not to actually enjoy this... try real hard not to have a good time... baseball, baseball..." It's also nice that, since I can't change the size of my dick... it's not my fault. And I don't have to feel guilty for not trying harder, I can just relax.

And in general, a lot of humiliate-the-man kinks tend to free us from performing stoic, impassive Manly Man stuff, and that can be a huge relief sometimes too.

Some of us like to see you REALLY enjoy yourselves.

... but a lot is the idea of a confident, sexually voracious woman who loves big dick. Who isn’t afraid to put you in your place.

Some of us like to see you have a really good time, but then have some shame about the fact that your best orgasms are from toys, and not "from us". Usually this is silly, because usually we're a key part of the arousal that leads to the orgasm, and sex is about a lot more than just who can stick what where. But it's hard to accept that when you've been taught your whole life that our key to your sexual pleasure is ramming our giant cock into you at top speed, and anything less than that is weak. So in some cases, SPH can be a gateway to making sure that you have the best time possible, while acknowledging - not ignoring - the elephant in the room. Or rather, the fact that we're in the room, and we don't do a very good elephant impression.

Also, in the rare case that you actually do want a bigger dick than we have: there can be something nice about you being able to just say that, and us being able to just hear it, and the world not instantly burning down as a result.

It still works even if you're definitely not a size queen.

For most of us, it will still work even if you're obviously lying. You can be lying in a sopping mess just having squirted all over us from the fucking we gave you, and you can look us in the eye and say "god, I can't believe I came all over your tiny, pathetic cock" and that'll send us over the edge even though it makes no fucking sense at all. Even if it's completely obvious that you're just playing along... you're still freeing us from the shackles of the social contract. You're still intimately breaking a taboo with us and showing a lot of trust. You're still telling us that we can be imperfect in the most shameful of ways... and you will still love and respect us in the morning.

It's humiliation first.

I can't say enough how right this is:

**This kink is primarily about humiliation, the small penis aspect is just the vehicle.

All the buttons this kink hits for me can all be hit in other ways that don't ever refer to the size of my genitals at all. It's just easier, and more convenient for my dom, to hit those buttons this way. "You don't deserve an orgasm because your dick is too small to make me feel good" works on me, sure. But so does "You don't deserve an orgasm," and so does "I guess you deserve an orgasm after all that, but I don't feel like you having one and I'm in charge so that's that."



In case anyone was wondering: I'm not into most of the kinks that commonly appear alongside SPH and I'm actively turned off by most of them. My dick is pretty normal, and I'm extremely confident that I'm a good time in bed. I have pretty convincing proof that my dick is in fact Enough and that I've satisfied the everlivin' hell out of many partners. I still come an entire 4th of July display shooting hot multicolored fire out of my cock if my partner says something like "Are you in me? I can't tell." Hopefully some of this helped shed some light on... anything.


P.S. While I'm here: Tight vaginas are overrated. No one should feel like they have to have one, no one should feel bad for not having one. I've fucked some women with some very stretched-out and/or loose vaginas, and even putting aside all my kinks, it felt really good.

 

[Cabooseluvr]

Roger that

 

[reallyunsure]

Can I put Diaper play in here too?

That sounds like a different kink for a different thread.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

In this scenario …> Bull: The other man in a kink cuckold relationship. Could be random men, or the wife's regular, stronger, more virile lover (or treated so, for the fetish), who may or may not be kinky or interact with the husband/cuckold.

I’ve been hesitant to deep dive into this kink. But have for her pleasure and his. Playing in couples play when it’s all said and done , he’s a pal , fellow swinger with a kink. It takes a minute to get into that headspace for their pleasure as a couple.


Good bump, kudos

 

[Davagar]

I want to apologize if I've scared away everyone on here who was trying to have a serious conversation about SPH.

I never knew there were guys into this before and, well, I probably got a little cared away so I just want to say that I'm sorry and that I'll stop.

Honestly, at first I just laughed and thought it was sort of funny.

But then ... then I started getting how it's actually kind of hot. In some ways it's like guys I catch staring at my feet. I never knew so many guys had foot fetishes until I joined Lit. Now I catch them everywhere! Elevators, grocery stores, at work, out shopping, even some of my husband's friends!

I guess there's a similar command and respect and reverse power dynamic at work. At least there is from a woman's perspective. The apologizing. The over-whelming need to compensate and please. The longing for acceptance, forgiveness and the smallest shred of kindness or compassion. My inner bitch loves it!

But, that's probably not what ..... wanted to explore when he started this thread and I respect that.

So, again, apologies if I've offended anyone.

Please do come back and resume your conversation guys. I promise I won't belittle any of you anymore.

(unless some of you ask me to privately because, like I said, my inner bitch is fascinated by it, but, at the same time she respects boundaries)

Just be free, I don't think you offend anyone by playing a little. It was quite exciting! It's a pity this thread is a bit dead, I enjoyed a lot reading your replies girls, it was super hot!

 

[davalveli]

I want to apologize if I've scared away everyone on here who was trying to have a serious conversation about SPH.

I never knew there were guys into this before and, well, I probably got a little cared away so I just want to say that I'm sorry and that I'll stop.

Honestly, at first I just laughed and thought it was sort of funny.

But then ... then I started getting how it's actually kind of hot. In some ways it's like guys I catch staring at my feet. I never knew so many guys had foot fetishes until I joined Lit. Now I catch them everywhere! Elevators, grocery stores, at work, out shopping, even some of my husband's friends!

I guess there's a similar command and respect and reverse power dynamic at work. At least there is from a woman's perspective. The apologizing. The over-whelming need to compensate and please. The longing for acceptance, forgiveness and the smallest shred of kindness or compassion. My inner bitch loves it!

But, that's probably not what ..... wanted to explore when he started this thread and I respect that.

So, again, apologies if I've offended anyone.

Please do come back and resume your conversation guys. I promise I won't belittle any of you anymore.

(unless some of you ask me to privately because, like I said, my inner bitch is fascinated by it, but, at the same time she respects boundaries)

Wow....I'm new here....I've been reading the thread and you women are amazing

I want to apologize if I've scared away everyone on here who was trying to have a serious conversation about SPH.

I never knew there were guys into this before and, well, I probably got a little cared away so I just want to say that I'm sorry and that I'll stop.

Honestly, at first I just laughed and thought it was sort of funny.

But then ... then I started getting how it's actually kind of hot. In some ways it's like guys I catch staring at my feet. I never knew so many guys had foot fetishes until I joined Lit. Now I catch them everywhere! Elevators, grocery stores, at work, out shopping, even some of my husband's friends!

I guess there's a similar command and respect and reverse power dynamic at work. At least there is from a woman's perspective. The apologizing. The over-whelming need to compensate and please. The longing for acceptance, forgiveness and the smallest shred of kindness or compassion. My inner bitch loves it!

But, that's probably not what ..... wanted to explore when he started this thread and I respect that.

So, again, apologies if I've offended anyone.

Please do come back and resume your conversation guys. I promise I won't belittle any of you anymore.

(unless some of you ask me to privately because, like I said, my inner bitch is fascinated by it, but, at the same time she respects boundaries)

Wow.. I'm new here and... I've been reading the thread...gosh you women are amazing I've had a little boner reading all the comments it's tiny so

 

[jinny_jay]

This thread has examined this kink really well, especially Reallyunsure's post and Wild_Honey_66's initial post. I'm late to the thread, but I think there's even more to say! I've read lots of SPH lit of the years. While humiliation is the most important theme, two others are consistent and important: power-dynamics (closely related to humiliation) and Sexual constraint.

Sexual constraint in SPH
Any kind of sexual constraint increases anticipation and arousal. Many kinks have this element, and so does basic teasing and foreplay. The SPH kink specifically creates sexual constraint in two ways:

1. When the sexual partner or object of desire denies satisfaction to the person with the small penis because of its size. This can be denial of opportunities for sex, or denial of sex itself, similar to Dom/Sub. In SPH lit, the character with the small penis may be permanently denied, and the reader gets off on that imaginary idea. In real life SPH play, the denial is pretend/temporary and builds anticipation.
2. When penis size is an imagined as a physical constraint, similar to a chastity cage. In the lit, even if the partner or object of desire is willing, sex is "impossible" because the small penis can't reach/fit/pleasure the orifice. It's arousing for the reader to imagine permanent denial of climax because of physically limitation because then desire can build to infinite intensity.

The many genres of SPH
People who like SPH don't all have the same kinks. As others have already mentioned in this thread, a kink related to SPH that's a turn-on for one person is a complete turn-off for another. Some of those related kinks have already been mentioned in this thread. I've found all of these in SPH lit:

1. CFNM - Humiliation and power-loss plus amplified the reveal of the small penis.
2. Cuck - Humiliation and power-loss. Since the the small penis can't satisfy the object of desire, they find pleasure in a bigger partner.
3. Sissy - As masculinity (via the penis) decreases, it either reaches the point of sexlessness (rarely seen in the lit), or it continues in the opposite direction, becoming feminine (either by cross-dressing or physical change).
4. Wimp/Sub/Non-con - Humiliation and power-loss where the penis represents sexual power, so in its absence, the object of desire takes the power.
5. Small tits - Society is obsessed with breast and penis size but mostly ignoring vagina size. Readers with penises can imagine the small-breasted female character's humiliation an constraint as equivalent.
6. Penis shrinking - Humiliation and constraint increases as penis size decreases.
7. Giant penis - More exaggerated penis size comparison, and the person with the small penis may also be attracted to large penises.
8. Size transfer/theft - Might be it's own kink or just a combination of others. Can be between the same or opposite sex.
9. Premature ejaculation/impotence - Humiliation, constraint, inadequacy, lack of masculinity, and power-loss.
10. Age regression - Like age play in general, it's not about attraction to minors. It's a way to imagine the penis being smaller and losing power/agency via the reader's own memory of life before adulthood.
11. Giantess/body shrinking - I've actually never seen this overlap with SPH. Maybe because it's too redundant? Seems to have the same themes of constraint and power-loss, but I'm not sure if it's about humiliation.

Also, all penises become small
Everyone who has a penis has experienced the state of being soft, and every penis is smaller when soft than when erect. That size difference can be 5x, which is fascinating to many people who aren't into SPH. Since everyone who has a penis has seen their penis being smaller, and it's easy to imagine "what if it was that small while I was erect?" Most penis owners have experienced, at some point in life, at least some degree of anxiety, if not humiliation, related to temporary impotence, premature ejaculation, and/or not being the biggest penis in history. So the existance of SPH kink shouldn't be too surprising.