Twist a wish

[ThisNameIsntTakenYet]

I remembered a game from a forum I used to be active on, which was a lot of silly fun. I figured it was worth a shot to see if it could take off here too, since we're some creative folks.

Here's the idea: You know how in fairytales and other stories wishes tend to backfire? You wish for something, and while that wish is technically granted, it often has some drawbacks or unintended side effects.

How to play: Grant the wish of the person above you, but twist it to make the result less than ideal. Be creative, anything goes as long as it's technically what they asked for. After granting theirs, finish your post with a wish of your own.


Let me start us off:
I wish I could write faster.

 

[oggbashan]

...

Let me start us off:
I wish I could write faster.

You can. Your keyboard skills have trebled.

Unfortunately all you write is gibberish.

+++

I wish my hair would grow back.

 

[Rustyoznail]

You can. Your keyboard skills have trebled.

Unfortunately all you write is gibberish.

+++

I wish my hair would grow back.

Certainly, there you go. As long as it ever was.

In one nose hair...

+++
I wish I knew the winner of the next Melbourne Cup.

 

[Voboy]

Certainly, there you go. As long as it ever was.

In one nose hair...

+++
I wish I knew the winner of the next Melbourne Cup.

Poof. You do.

Alas, it’s merely an athletic support aid in Melbourne, Florida. Where it’s sweaty.

+++

I wish I could play the banjo.

 

[ThisNameIsntTakenYet]

Poof. You do.

Alas, it’s merely an athletic support aid in Melbourne, Florida. Where it’s sweaty.

+++

I wish I could play the banjo.

Granted. You're now able to play the banjo, in fact you're very good at it. Except, while you can play it, you've lost interest in the instrument entirely and never pick it up again.

+++

I wish my neighbor would stop yelling at his kids when I'm trying to write.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I wish my neighbor would stop yelling at his kids when I'm trying to write.

It's quiet at your neighbour's place now. Very quiet. Come to think of it, you haven't seen his kids for days now. Just him. His eyes look kind of wild, don't you think?

+++

I'd like to have my own dedicated, highly-trained masseur to work on my aching muscles whenever I want.

 

[LoquiSordidaAdMe]

I'd like to have my own dedicated, highly-trained masseur to work on my aching muscles whenever I want.

Granted. His dedication knows no bounds. He won't stop. He won't let up no matter how badly your muscles knot or ache. And he was highly trained... by the KGB.

(edited to keep politics out of the AH. sorry.)

***

I wish I had a shorter commute.

 

[AlinaX]

You lose your house and are forced to sleep at work.

I wish I had a million dollars.

 

[BelleCanzuto]

You lose your house and are forced to sleep at work.

I wish I had a million dollars.

Here you go: one million dollars. Zimbawean dollars, now worth approximately $0.00 US.


******
I wish made twice as much money.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I wish made twice as much money.

*****

Here you go, two million dollars Zimbawean dollars, value sill zip-diddly. You didn’t say twice as much as what, did you?

 

[BelleCanzuto]

*****

Here you go, two million dollars Zimbawean dollars, value sill zip-diddly. You didn’t say twice as much as what, did you?

Fairly done.

Now, TP, what's your wish?

 

[Privates1stClass]

I wish made twice as much money.

Okay, I'll restart if TP won't.

So, now your income has doubled, but your taxes have increased so much that you were better off before.

My wish: I wish my cock was two inches longer.

 

[Areala-chan]

My wish: I wish my cock was two inches longer.

You aren't positive, but you could swear your rooster looks vaguely taller this morning...

++++

I wish there was some way to turn off the voices inside my head which keep insisting that I can't, even when the evidence is overwhelming that I can.

 

[oggbashan]

You aren't positive, but you could swear your rooster looks vaguely taller this morning...

++++

I wish there was some way to turn off the voices inside my head which keep insisting that I can't, even when the evidence is overwhelming that I can.

Easy - drop a brick on your naked foot. The voices will stop but the pain won't.

I wish I could meet my first girlfriend again.

 

[Javahead]

Easy - drop a brick on your naked foot. The voices will stop but the pain won't.

I wish I could meet my first girlfriend again.

You meet her - and she’s now a rabid proselytizer for a weird religious cult.

I wish I was more consistent with my exercise routine.

 

[LoquiSordidaAdMe]

I wish I was more consistent with my exercise routine.

Granted. You've been enlisted in the Marines. PT starts at 0500 every morning, rain or shine.

***

I wish the Orioles would win the pennant next year.

 

[oggbashan]

You meet her - and she’s now a rabid proselytizer for a weird religious cult.

...

An aside:

Ouch! That was too close for comfort. My second girlfriend joined an exclusive cult and cut all contact with her brother and younger sister. She died a decade ago.

Carry on with the rest of this thread.

 

[Voboy]

Granted. You've been enlisted in the Marines. PT starts at 0500 every morning, rain or shine.

***

I wish the Orioles would win the pennant next year.

They do.

But then they merely tear it up and use it to line their nest.

I wish I was born in 1780.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I wish I was born in 1780.

Zapp! You were. And now you’re a ghost.

I wish I had knees which worked.

 

[LoquiSordidaAdMe]

I wish I had knees which worked.

Granted. You can keep them in a jar of formaldehyde and you probably shouldn't show them to anyone ever.

***

I wish I could finish this story I've been working on for months.

 

[oggbashan]

Granted. You can keep them in a jar of formaldehyde and you probably shouldn't show them to anyone ever.

***

I wish I could finish this story I've been working on for months.

You do. It is one-bombed into oblivion within hours.

I wish I could see without double vision.

 

[ThisNameIsntTakenYet]

I wish I could see without double vision.

Granted, you now have triple vision.

I wish I wasn't this obsessed with watching the score of my latest story jump up and down.

 

[Voboy]

Granted, you now have triple vision.

I wish I wasn't this obsessed with watching the score of my latest story jump up and down.

Granted. Now, it only goes down.

I wish I could have sushi for dinner.

 

[Blind_Justice]

Edit: Never mind, I'll come back when this thread is less busy. As always

 

[Blind_Justice]

Granted. Now, it only goes down.

I wish I could have sushi for dinner.

Granted. It's a lot of fugu and the chef looked kinda suspicious.

---

I wish I could write tighter, snappier stories.