Free pass

[rlaflamme]

Say you are given a free pass from your significant other, not one of those, "If this celebrity is around and you have a chance..." but a full on free pass to play with anyone you want. What would you do? Would you find someone quickly before they change their mind? Would you wait and see if the free pass is a real thing not just a "Whatever!" thing? Would you already have a person or two in mind to cash in the pass with?

It is an interesting thing, a free pass, and it has made me curious as to what others think.

 

[Tomr2527]

I’d be down the route of having a few people already lined up - they know who they are and have said a few times they’d love to.

How about you?

 

[rlaflamme]

I think I am more of a "wait and test a bit" kind of person. The free pass makes me a bit nervous, is there more to it? type of thing. I mean, there are some people out there I would love to play with, just not sure if I would jump in quickly.

 

[Tomr2527]

Interesting concept - how come you don’t just jump straight in?

 

[rlaflamme]

I don't know. Just sort of think feeling it out might be safer. You know, sort of making sure the offer is real and not something that is made to test loyalty or something like that.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

I would first have fun talking about the free pass. I would ask my SO is it anything goes or just oral? Would she want to be part of the free pass?

As I have no (and I mean zero) social circle, I have no candidates to choose from at all. Back in the USA, it might have been easier. So, I would line someone up, but unsure if it would lead to anything or not. I did not know of any 'go-to' girlfriends with benefits.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I think I would talk to her more about it. Does she want to know when I meet up with another? what are the limits? is it just a one time thing or ongoing? I would offer her one too, encourage her to meet up with someone for a sexual relationship. I think our marriage needs that diversifying, for both of us.

That being said, the hardest part about it is to actually find someone - while there are some, most women aren't that interested in a married guy who claims he has a "free pass"! I'm not interested in just a sexual relationship, there has to be some foundation for a connection. Given we both work at the same place and all our friends are mutual, I would have to search to find someone.

In the end, for me, now at this stage in my life, it is easier said than done...

 

[StarGazer58]

I would love to have a "Free Pass" and would definitely try to use it but finding someone to use the pass with would be the problem. I have a hard enough time on Lit finding someone just to chat with let alone finding someone who would actually like to meet for real. I do miss CL, that was much better for finding women interested in actually meeting.

 

[rlaflamme]

It seems that a major problem is actually finding a friend with benefits for the pass.

 

[StarGazer58]

It seems that a major problem is actually finding a friend with benefits for the pass.

That definitely is the hardest part. Not a lot of willing ladies on Lit who actually want to meet. My experience has been most want to stay in the online, fantasy world.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Yep. And as you mentioned, not much PM’ing going on.

 

[rlaflamme]

There would be a bunch of other ways you could try to use your free pass, clubs, parties, events, could even pay for it. So it could happen if you wanted it to.

 

[Booboobear84]

Not for me

I just wouldn’t. Emotional attachment is just a big part of it for me. If I went down that road it would put my marriage at risk. A few times women have tried to pick me up at dances despite my ring (one was confused that I was married).

 

[dashie33]

I just wouldn’t. Emotional attachment is just a big part of it for me. If I went down that road it would put my marriage at risk. A few times women have tried to pick me up at dances despite my ring (one was confused that I was married).

I gotta agree with this. For the last few weeks, I've genuinely thought about the idea of visiting a prostitute for sex (since Amsterdam is literally twenty minutes away from where I live). The thing that stops me isn't the morality of cheating, it's ... would I actually enjoy having sex with someone I didn't care about? I'm not trying to sound wanky, but I love getting to know people inside and out, and sex is really a secondary thing on my list.

 

[rlaflamme]

I just wouldn’t. Emotional attachment is just a big part of it for me. If I went down that road it would put my marriage at risk. A few times women have tried to pick me up at dances despite my ring (one was confused that I was married).

I gotta agree with this. For the last few weeks, I've genuinely thought about the idea of visiting a prostitute for sex (since Amsterdam is literally twenty minutes away from where I live). The thing that stops me isn't the morality of cheating, it's ... would I actually enjoy having sex with someone I didn't care about? I'm not trying to sound wanky, but I love getting to know people inside and out, and sex is really a secondary thing on my list.

That does play quite a bit into it doesn't it? Can it be "just sex" without an attachment in any way? It brings a lot of things into the head.

 

[KarenS1975]

Say you are given a free pass from your significant other, not one of those, "If this celebrity is around and you have a chance..." but a full on free pass to play with anyone you want. What would you do? Would you find someone quickly before they change their mind? Would you wait and see if the free pass is a real thing not just a "Whatever!" thing? Would you already have a person or two in mind to cash in the pass with?

It is an interesting thing, a free pass, and it has made me curious as to what others think.

My husband and I have been swinging for years and I would never accept a pass from him, nor would I grant a pass to him; although we have both had sex with dozens of other people since we have been married. That is going to sound damn strange to those of you outside of the Lifestyle so I’ll take a moment to share my perspective.

When we swing, we follow a set of rules that are in place to protect our primary relationship. When I hear the word “pass”, I envision an extra marital sexual encounter with no rules, and no safeguards against damage to the primary relationship. Even though I’m open to my husband fucking other women, there is no way in hell I would turn him lose with no rules and no oversight. I know he feels the same about my extra marital sex life. Too many things can go wrong without some guidelines to keep the marriage safe.

 

[Shi_One81]

My husband and I have been swinging for years and I would never accept a pass from him, nor would I grant a pass to him; although we have both had sex with dozens of other people since we have been married. That is going to sound damn strange to those of you outside of the Lifestyle so I’ll take a moment to share my perspective.

When we swing, we follow a set of rules that are in place to protect our primary relationship. When I hear the word “pass”, I envision an extra marital sexual encounter with no rules, and no safeguards against damage to the primary relationship. Even though I’m open to my husband fucking other women, there is no way in hell I would turn him lose with no rules and no oversight. I know he feels the same about my extra marital sex life. Too many things can go wrong without some guidelines to keep the marriage safe.

^
Agree 100%

 

[rlaflamme]

My husband and I have been swinging for years and I would never accept a pass from him, nor would I grant a pass to him; although we have both had sex with dozens of other people since we have been married. That is going to sound damn strange to those of you outside of the Lifestyle so I’ll take a moment to share my perspective.

When we swing, we follow a set of rules that are in place to protect our primary relationship. When I hear the word “pass”, I envision an extra marital sexual encounter with no rules, and no safeguards against damage to the primary relationship. Even though I’m open to my husband fucking other women, there is no way in hell I would turn him lose with no rules and no oversight. I know he feels the same about my extra marital sex life. Too many things can go wrong without some guidelines to keep the marriage safe.

That makes sense. It is hard to know how one will be when not with the "norm" of the relationship. When you swing you are together, but with a free pass the one that has it can do whatever and the results can be more dangerous and destructive. Right?

 

[bondagegirl007]

Nothing in life is free lol.

No, but seriously, I don't think anyone can really promise someone the idea of a "free pass," because neither of you knows the actual consequences that will come from it. I can agree to a free pass, i can even think I really and truly mean it, maybe I even get off on the idea of my SO going out and sleeping with someone else, but until it happens I don't know how I'm actually going to feel. Maybe when it's over I find myself obsessing over it, wondering if he felt more connected to her, if he thinks about her still, if he wonders about her while he's with me, if he's picturing her as he pushes into me. I could have the very best intentions in mind when I give him his free pass, and still have it come back to bite us in the ass in the end.

So I'd have to weigh the possible consequences and decide if the chance to step out of my relationship would be enough to risk the future unknowns that doing so could bring.

 

[rlaflamme]

Nothing in life is free lol.

No, but seriously, I don't think anyone can really promise someone the idea of a "free pass," because neither of you knows the actual consequences that will come from it. I can agree to a free pass, i can even think I really and truly mean it, maybe I even get off on the idea of my SO going out and sleeping with someone else, but until it happens I don't know how I'm actually going to feel. Maybe when it's over I find myself obsessing over it, wondering if he felt more connected to her, if he thinks about her still, if he wonders about her while he's with me, if he's picturing her as he pushes into me. I could have the very best intentions in mind when I give him his free pass, and still have it come back to bite us in the ass in the end.

So I'd have to weigh the possible consequences and decide if the chance to step out of my relationship would be enough to risk the future unknowns that doing so could bring.

The fear of an emotional connection growing with the other person that is deeper than the emotional connection you two have could make things a bit rough. And the thoughts of them thinking about the other person when you get intimate could have a profound effect as well. Thank you for your input.

 

[bondagegirl007]

The fear of an emotional connection growing with the other person that is deeper than the emotional connection you two have could make things a bit rough. And the thoughts of them thinking about the other person when you get intimate could have a profound effect as well. Thank you for your input.

As we see on this thread, some people need a deeper connection to someone just to want to be intimate with them... and I think in that situation you're looking at trouble. I think you're better off if you can just go out and pick up some random person at a bar for a one night stand... at least in terms of how it could affect your relationship. But for some people, that just isn't an appealing situation. Catch-22

 

[eatmeslowly75]

Does years of sexual neglect count as a free pass in Lit's world? 'Cause I'm at the end of my tether with my husband now.

 

[rlaflamme]

Does years of sexual neglect count as a free pass in Lit's world? 'Cause I'm at the end of my tether with my husband now.

I guess that would be a reason to be handed a free pass. If your SO is not pleasing you and will not for some time, does that warrant a Free Pass to be given? In some states 6 months of withholding sex is grounds for divorce because it is considered emotional neglect.

 

[rlaflamme]

As we see on this thread, some people need a deeper connection to someone just to want to be intimate with them... and I think in that situation you're looking at trouble. I think you're better off if you can just go out and pick up some random person at a bar for a one night stand... at least in terms of how it could affect your relationship. But for some people, that just isn't an appealing situation. Catch-22

So are you more likely to cash in a free or pass or give one if the stipulation states that it has to be with a stranger?

 

[bondagegirl007]

So are you more likely to cash in a free or pass or give one if the stipulation states that it has to be with a stranger?

oh, well I am unencumbered atm, so I think I'd be more likely to be the free pass than to need one lol.