No Nut 19

[seela]

seela,
She use to milk sissy every week then it was every month but last year it was only twice.
sissy can positively say that the chastity is what kept sissy in control for 18 years.

I bet that would do it.

I'll just have to make do with self restraint. Which I'm not necessarily awesome at. This will be an interesting year!

Challenge accepted!

Yay!

 

[John_Q_Public]

I know what orgasm denial does for men. It makes it so much more intense when you do go. The odd added bonus is the emotional connection that it creates with your partner. I know of only one other woman who is really into being denied. It's interesting to hear how many women are opposed to the idea...very interesting indeed.

Pardon my questions, but I am seeking understanding. Does the denial bring you closer to your partner emotionally? Does it increase your servitude? You expressed that the publicity turns you on. That's fascinating... could you elaborate on that?

I wonder, is this something you're doing on your own or is there someone "pulling the strings?"

Finally, I believe denial is sad and cruel without edging.

 

[seela]

Oh man, this thread makes me feel so much more exposed than I anticipated.

Pardon my questions, but I am seeking understanding. Does the denial bring you closer to your partner emotionally? Does it increase your servitude? You expressed that the publicity turns you on. That's fascinating... could you elaborate on that?

I wonder, is this something you're doing on your own or is there someone "pulling the strings?"

Finally, I believe denial is sad and cruel without edging.

Does the denial bring me closer to my partner emotionally? That's a good question and I'm not sure how to answer that. In my not super long term experience the denial makes me more pliable, more willing to let go of certain hang-ups and definitely more willing to go the extra mile. On some level all that translates as intimacy, but I'm not sure if I would have described as "bringing me closer to my partner emotionally" myself if you hadn't used that phrase. But maybe in a way? I definitely lower my guards as my brain goes a little mushy. (Something for you all to look forward to, no doubt. ) And no, I'm not doing this alone. I don't think I could either, because deep down I'm an impatient child with zero grasp on delayed gratification.

I don't know where I've said that the publicity turns me on, but if I did, that was either a misunderstanding or a miswording. Or is that a weird autocorrect or something? I generally operate from the standpoint that nobody needs to know my business and this feels really uncomfortably exposing. If anything, this thread has me sweating bullets, but I'm trying a new approach here. I'm hoping I'll get a little more comfortable sharing my thoughts and experiences, but nope, publicity of any kind does not turn me on.

Or was the publicity comment in relation to something else altogether? I really shouldn't post this close to bed time.

 

[John_Q_Public]

Oh man, this thread makes me feel so much more exposed than I anticipated.



Does the denial bring me closer to my partner emotionally? That's a good question and I'm not sure how to answer that. In my not super long term experience the denial makes me more pliable, more willing to let go of certain hang-ups and definitely more willing to go the extra mile. On some level all that translates as intimacy, but I'm not sure if I would have described as "bringing me closer to my partner emotionally" myself if you hadn't used that phrase. But maybe in a way? I definitely lower my guards as my brain goes a little mushy. (Something for you all to look forward to, no doubt. ) And no, I'm not doing this alone. I don't think I could either, because deep down I'm an impatient child with zero grasp on delayed gratification.

I don't know where I've said that the publicity turns me on, but if I did, that was either a misunderstanding or a miswording. Or is that a weird autocorrect or something? I generally operate from the standpoint that nobody needs to know my business and this feels really uncomfortably exposing. If anything, this thread has me sweating bullets, but I'm trying a new approach here. I'm hoping I'll get a little more comfortable sharing my thoughts and experiences, but nope, publicity of any kind does not turn me on.

Or was the publicity comment in relation to something else altogether? I really shouldn't post this close to bed time.

It's entirely possible I misunderstood what you were saying. Anyway, I think you are very brave for letting people in. That is commendable from my prospective. You are helping someone out there simply by sharing.

I appreciate you answering my questions. Thank you.

 

[Shankara20]

... because deep down I'm an impatient child with zero grasp on delayed gratification.

.

I just gotta say that I did not expect that statement given the topic

Thank you for taking the risk to express what you have said and for being honest about your feelings. I hope this conversation turns out OK for you. I have nothing to add on the topic but the discussion is enlightening.

 

[AlwaysFara]

This is me.

https://youtu.be/BwH__x6jV6A

 

[twister947]

Lol!
................

 

[seela]

I just gotta say that I did not expect that statement given the topic

Thank you for taking the risk to express what you have said and for being honest about your feelings. I hope this conversation turns out OK for you. I have nothing to add on the topic but the discussion is enlightening.

I'm pretty good at doing what I'm told, but when I'm left to my own devices, I'm absolutely useless at delayed gratification in all walks of life.

Case in point, after my first attempt at denial (2 weeks, I whined a lot) I was like "yeah, this was kinda hard but I think I want to have less orgasms in general from now on" and the answer was effectively something like "sure, just don't ask for permission to have one, I'm going to say mostly yes". The end result was me having roughly eleventy billion orgasms in the next few weeks. I'm absolutely useless.

 

[twister947]

If my partner decided to forego orgasms for a year, I would not like it very much, and would quickly lose interest. Just sayin'.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

This is me.

https://youtu.be/BwH__x6jV6A

Lmao!!
This was me like 10 minutes after reading this post.

 

[Mei5ter]

I'm pretty good at doing what I'm told, but when I'm left to my own devices, I'm absolutely useless at delayed gratification in all walks of life.

Case in point, after my first attempt at denial (2 weeks, I whined a lot) I was like "yeah, this was kinda hard but I think I want to have less orgasms in general from now on" and the answer was effectively something like "sure, just don't ask for permission to have one, I'm going to say mostly yes". The end result was me having roughly eleventy billion orgasms in the next few weeks. I'm absolutely useless.

Eleventy billion bastarding orgasms, I think?

May I say what I’m also suggesting to friends who are giving up carbs/alcohol for January? If you don’t want them, can I have yours and spare you the temptation?

 

[msub50some]

So, seela talked me into going a month with no orgasms. I'd like to make it interesting. I've found a couple if tease/denial, hypnotic videos that seem to help. Anyone have other suggestions?

 

[cookiecat]

So, seela talked me into going a month with no orgasms. I'd like to make it interesting. I've found a couple if tease/denial, hypnotic videos that seem to help. Anyone have other suggestions?

Start a thread. Like a dear diary thing. Or here. Maybe posting each day about what you've done to edge, get aroused and not cum, how you're feeling about things would keep you feeling invested, exposed, vulnerable?!? All those good scary feelings.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Yes! That ^^.
I'm super interested in mindset.

 

[midwestyankee]

Start a thread. Like a dear diary thing. Or here. Maybe posting each day about what you've done to edge, get aroused and not cum, how you're feeling about things would keep you feeling invested, exposed, vulnerable?!? All those good scary feelings.

Yes! That ^^.
I'm super interested in mindset.

I’ve seen it said that training for and running a marathon is like volunteering to be in a car crash or a train wreck. It’s thrilling and all, but the toll on the body can be brutal. My guess is that committing to a long period of no orgasms would be similar, though the toll is largely mental. After the pain subsides, those who have finished a marathon are stronger both mentally and physically and they often have useful insights into how to develop the skill of mental discipline. Perhaps that is what awaits Seela and msub50some. I hope so.

 

[Shankara20]

So, seela talked me into going a month with no orgasms. I'd like to make it interesting. I've found a couple if tease/denial, hypnotic videos that seem to help. Anyone have other suggestions?

A few years ago I did the same thing. I found it helpful to post my progress here in the Cafe. I don't remember if I used one of my ongoing threads of started a special thread but I added to the experience posting my experience and receiving encouraging comments.

Wishing all the best, errrr, outcomes....

 

[cascadiabound]

I also had a month of denial over a year ago and part of the discipline was posting about it daily. It was an intense experience. I would have to say that it worked on me on more levels than I expected it to and it deepened my connection to my partner.

 

[seela]

I originally thought about posting about this daily, but honestly, I don't think I have enough to say about it to warrant daily posting, probably not even weekly. A lot of the days are the same emotionally and physically.


What mwy said about this developing self-discipline is interesting. (In general, I have next to none.)

When I had my first two-week denial stint, I whined a lot. Like a lot. And I asked for permission to have an orgasm at least three or four times during it. I hadn't realized how much I had done it until I was asked if I had actually enjoyed the experience, because it had seemed like I hated it.

What I understood during that conversation was that I had used the whining and asking for permission to cum as a crutch. I had never really wanted to have an orgasm, but rather I wanted to be told that I can't cum, because hearing it made dealing with the situation easier. Okay, I also wanted to have an orgasm, but that wasn't the driving force behind my whiny and pretty uncharacteristic behavior. More than anything, I wanted some outwardly discipline, because my self-discipline was lacking.

That was a light bulb moment, because having understood that, I've able to go about asking for help in weak moments a lot less annoyingly and kind of in a healthier manner. It also made me have a clearer idea of my own role in this all. To take more responsibility of this whole thing myself I guess.

I know I'll have whiny days during this year and that this whole thing will suck a lot at times, but I can't really see myself using whining as a crutch in the same way as I did when I first dabbled with denial.

I've definitely gotten better at self-discipline because of this. The difference isn't huge, but to me it's noticeable. After a year I think it'll be more so. But at least at the moment the more important thing for me is having being able to identify the source of problematic behavior and change it, and especially learning to ask for help when it's needed rather than go about it in a weird, backhanded way. Both are things I haven't found easy.

Personal growth brought by orgasm denial, yay.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Bumping this.

Support for you. It makes my clit throb...

 

[SissySalina]

seela, it would be nice if you posted every day, you do not know if it would help or not until you do it. It might help someone else, the post also does not have to be much like, another day of success, or something.
Success is measured in many ways and help toward success come from many directions and in many ways.

 

[barefootgirl69]

May I ask why the jump from 1 month to 12?

I think the longest I've gone was 6 months but it wasn't related to denial as much as my ex being deployed... so, not really counting that.

I love the denial that teases and builds, not ignores.

 

[seela]

seela, it would be nice if you posted every day, you do not know if it would help or not until you do it. It might help someone else, the post also does not have to be much like, another day of success, or something.
Success is measured in many ways and help toward success come from many directions and in many ways.

True. I'll no doubt post when I need support or when I need to bitch and vent. Or when I feel especially victorious. Or when I get big revelations or have fun days. Or if something feels relevant. Or if I fail. I promise I'll own up to it if I fall off the wagon (god forbid).

I'll have to think about the daily thing though. I don't think it would be very interesting for anybody to read "another day won" type posts, and I don't know if I'd find it useful.

May I ask why the jump from 1 month to 12?

I think the longest I've gone was 6 months but it wasn't related to denial as much as my ex being deployed... so, not really counting that.

I love the denial that teases and builds, not ignores.

That is a very good question. I don't know. But No Nut 19 makes for a better thread title at least than No Nut until May 19 or something!

And I agree, teasing and building is excellent. This time it just happens over a really long time I suppose and looks a little different than what a lot of people maybe find desirable. Being ignored wouldn't be fun, I agree.

 

[Miles Long]

Only 361 days to go - the year is flying by!

 

[seela]

Only 361 days to go - the year is flying by!

Good thing I wasn't sipping on a trenta of mocha when I read that or there would be a lot more for me to clean up!

The year sure is flying by.

 

[Aphro]

I find this quite a fascinating exercise, and will check in periodically to see how you are doing, your thoughts and experiences, with such a long period of denial.

I know for myself, going without for a long period would nullify my desire for it. I'd simply "forget" I even wanted to. My brain/body seems to work on a "more I have, more I want" cycle. Like eating potato chips. One is not enough. Neither is five. Or ten. Oh, just have the entire bag and lick your fingers clean...

How will your No Nut 19 challenge be incorporated into sex with a partner? No masturbating is one thing, but it's much, much more difficult/nigh impossible to not climax if another person is attempting to make you do so. I'm wondering how you plan on incorporating it into partnered sex?