❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[cookiecat]

I don't know whether that was meant as a response to what I said but it gets across what I was thinking better than I think I was able to. There's a whole category of interactions like that where my overwhelming feeling is "I just can't". If someone I care about really needs me to help them explore a kink I'll do my very best even if it isn't necessarily my thing, but I'm keenly aware that to some degree I'm pretending and I know that's a poor substitute for real eagerness. Roleplaying, especially online, feels like it's *all* that kind of pretending and I feel like I need a script or something to do it right.

If a friendly conversation devolves into smut, to some degree we're still ourselves though I'm sure we all show different faces in different situations to some degree. But at least I'm not forced to try to keep track of the script. My favorites start with someone asking "what is it about X that you get off on?" and trying to figure it out. But I still feel like I'm just not equipped for something that is clearly worthwhile for lots of other people.

It wasn't a direct response, but your post - along with others - gave me food for thought.

Keeping track of the script is exactly the problem - that's a good way to say it.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

cookie! It's so, so good to hear your thoughts. Always.

For me, being the 'good' wife irl was a role. I wasn't allowed to have needs, to have limits, to have opinions or to say no. I came here and the world opened up for me. Someone wants to give me orgasms? What is this? Someone wants to know what i like, what i need to get off? You're kidding me! Smart men, educated men, successful men with charm and intellect wanted to talk with me as peers about... whatever i wanted to talk about! I felt like i was let out of prison and for the first time since i was too naïve to know what i was missing, i could finally begin to discover who i wanted to become.

I've been more real with the people I've met here than with anyone in person except for my daughter. The heartbreaks I've experienced here have been more devastating than my divorce in some ways, because there had been emotional intimacy within those relationships that never existed in my marriage.

The women I've met and consider friends are no slouches, either.

I'm real here. This is me.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

What I crave is real life. Legs not shaved, laundry to do, 3,000 other things pulling at us, but we find the time to be intimate, we find a way to create D/s. I want someone to lust/love/be with me.

#goals

 

[Jada59]

#goals

Yep. This past week I can't tell you how many people have told me the very same thing,

You're not "you" any more. I couldn't even really see that until it was pointed out to me. And yep. They were right. I was trying to be someone I was not. That's not good. I need to get back to being me!

 

[cookiecat]

cookie! It's so, so good to hear your thoughts. Always.

For me, being the 'good' wife irl was a role. I wasn't allowed to have needs, to have limits, to have opinions or to say no. I came here and the world opened up for me. Someone wants to give me orgasms? What is this? Someone wants to know what i like, what i need to get off? You're kidding me! Smart men, educated men, successful men with charm and intellect wanted to talk with me as peers about... whatever i wanted to talk about! I felt like i was let out of prison and for the first time since i was too naïve to know what i was missing, i could finally begin to discover who i wanted to become.

I've been more real with the people I've met here than with anyone in person except for my daughter. The heartbreaks I've experienced here have been more devastating than my divorce in some ways, because there had been emotional intimacy within those relationships that never existed in my marriage.

The women I've met and consider friends are no slouches, either.

I'm real here. This is me.

 

[midwestyankee]

Add another voice to the “I prefer being me” team.

I do get the idea that one is sort of play8ng a role in an affair, but how different is that, really, from the early stages of dating when we mostly only ever see each other at times when we can be more or less at our best?

 

[Psychprofgal]

 

[Blue]

I've had some wierd talks with my daughter lately. Heavy talks. About depression and dysphoria and how silly it is that those thing can be inherited. About just being our selves without trying to fit some stupid cookie cutter definition set for us by bullies and narrow minded people.

She's showing signs of both already, but I hope talking about it, knowing she's not alone with it, helps.

I'm finding out kinda late it's not just me. She and I come from a long line of decidedly odd ducks who didn't feel like they could possibly fit in... And just decided not to bother. My mom was a cowgirl who routinely beat highschool wrestlers just to show them she could, rode in rodeo and motor cross in an area without girls divisions for either, went into the Air Force medical to take care of wounded soldiers and their families. wound up making a career out of teaching new mothers how to breast feed, including counciling them on telling nosy assholes in public to piss off.

Realizing my mom is as deserving of 'personal hero' status as my grandfather, who also never felt like he could fit in.

Apparently he preferred the company of horses and trees to people before he went to WW2 and jumped out of planes (I've talked about him plenty).

Well you're already a better parent than both of mine so you've got that to your credit.

My parents were totally disinterested in parenting and ignored blatant psychological problems because they didn't want to be the family with the reject kid.

My granddad taught people how to drive amphibious vehicles in WW2, don't know much about him other than that.

 

[cookiecat]

Add another voice to the “I prefer being me” team.

I do get the idea that one is sort of play8ng a role in an affair, but how different is that, really, from the early stages of dating when we mostly only ever see each other at times when we can be more or less at our best?

Because eventually, you get to see the dating person at 3 a.m., the next morning, when they're not feeling well, grocery shopping, etc. In an affair, it's perpetually in the butterfly stage.

 

[cookiecat]

Speaking of role playing, has anyone ever indulged in dressing up? Setting a scene with props? School girl comes to mind?

I saw an interrogation / rape scene - girl dressed up in plaid skirt, knee socks, tight white blouse. Guy in a cop style uniform. A second guy in a suit. It was crazy watching - they had a script loosely plotted. Girl stole money. They had to inspect her orifices for drugs. They had her under a spotlight. The cop did most of the "torture" - the suit guy stood and watched, sometimes gave direction.

I was part of a pee play thing - I guess you'd call it a scene. The guy I was dating (this was the pbj/cum sandwich guy) told me to put plastic or towels down on the seats of my car and to meet him in an alley behind some stores at 10 pm. He told me where to park and wait for him by the steps of a certain store. I waited for about 10 minutes. He texted and said to walk toward this other store. As I was walking, he stepped out of this alcove where the dumpsters were. He pushed me down, took out his dick and peed all over me. Made me clean off his cock. He zipped up and told me to go home. He walked away.

I'm not sure that this was playing a role? Maybe I should put this in the what makes you squirm thread?!

Has anyone else used props? Played a part?

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

Because eventually, you get to see the dating person at 3 a.m., the next morning, when they're not feeling well, grocery shopping, etc. In an affair, it's perpetually in the butterfly stage.

What is it once you've cried on each other, held their head when they throw up, and dealt with the heavy stuff then went home to your "real" relationship?

Not trying to sound catty, so please don't take it that way lol. I agree that an affair is idyllic but sometimes it goes past that.

 

[cookiecat]

What is it once you've cried on each other, held their head when they throw up, and dealt with the heavy stuff then went home to your "real" relationship?

Not trying to sound catty, so please don't take it that way lol. I agree that an affair is idyllic but sometimes it goes past that.

Fair enough.

I was speaking more from my own experience. And it isn't really germane to the question posed; I was off on a tangent.

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

Fair enough.

I was speaking more from my own experience. And it isn't really germain to the question posed; I was off on a tangent.

Tangents are great, I was just curious about your thoughts. I give a trimmed version of me a lot. A few people here have seen more and I hope a few more show that I can trust them with that.

I haven't seen Germain used in a while I love seeing rarely used words.

 

[midwestyankee]

Because eventually, you get to see the dating person at 3 a.m., the next morning, when they're not feeling well, grocery shopping, etc. In an affair, it's perpetually in the butterfly stage.

I figure that any affair that lasts any serious length of time gets to that point, too. It only takes one weekend away together when shit goes wrong before the sheen comes off. And that, I think, is where the affair/dating-as-roleplay analogy bites the dust.

 

[cookiecat]

Tangents are great, I was just curious about your thoughts. I give a trimmed version of me a lot. A few people here have seen more and I hope a few more show that I can trust them with that.

I haven't seen Germain used in a while I love seeing rarely used words.

I wondered if the person in this example was then role playing in the marriage - or was each relationship getting the real person?? Then I decided that whole line of thinking is possibly a whole 'nother thread, so I kept my response short. I didn't want to tread in to unfamiliar water.

I figure that any affair that lasts any serious length of time gets to that point, too. It only takes one weekend away together when shit goes wrong before the sheen comes off. And that, I think, is where the affair/dating-as-roleplay analogy bites the dust.

KamaKamaS above schooled me in this, too.

I am going back to the question about role playing - wondering if anyone has used props or a "script" so to speak??

 

[cookiecat]

I guess I was thinking along the lines of the interrogation scene I mentioned, they set the scene with a table, chair, spotlight, handcuffs, he used a phone book to smack her. So a paddle isnt a prop.

I dunno.

Was just kind of curious and hoped it would keep conversation going.

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

I would think it would be OK to call any toy a prop. A prop is used to enhance a scene and to an extent all bedroom activity gets a "scene" like quality. Good sex requires you shed some of the real world. I think that is why so many people try and imitate porn now, its easier to be something when you have and idea of what your supposed to be.

If you follow that logic you can easily say that a riding crop, collar, whip, chain, even a vibrator or cock ring are all props. They all enhance the "scene". I also don't know many people who REQUIRE these to have sex and enjoy it.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Speaking of role playing, has anyone ever indulged in dressing up? Setting a scene with props? School girl comes to mind?

I saw an interrogation / rape scene - girl dressed up in plaid skirt, knee socks, tight white blouse. Guy in a cop style uniform. A second guy in a suit. It was crazy watching - they had a script loosely plotted. Girl stole money. They had to inspect her orifices for drugs. They had her under a spotlight. The cop did most of the "torture" - the suit guy stood and watched, sometimes gave direction.

I was part of a pee play thing - I guess you'd call it a scene. The guy I was dating (this was the pbj/cum sandwich guy) told me to put plastic or towels down on the seats of my car and to meet him in an alley behind some stores at 10 pm. He told me where to park and wait for him by the steps of a certain store. I waited for about 10 minutes. He texted and said to walk toward this other store. As I was walking, he stepped out of this alcove where the dumpsters were. He pushed me down, took out his dick and peed all over me. Made me clean off his cock. He zipped up and told me to go home. He walked away.

I'm not sure that this was playing a role? Maybe I should put this in the what makes you squirm thread?!

Has anyone else used props? Played a part?

Both of those sound really fun.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Because eventually, you get to see the dating person at 3 a.m., the next morning, when they're not feeling well, grocery shopping, etc. In an affair, it's perpetually in the butterfly stage.

Anybody involved with me is going to see that sheen come off pretty damn fast. I'm an intimacy junkie, and i can't get it without being authentic. I want them to see the real me, 'to know and to be known.'

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

Anybody involved with me is going to see that sheen come off pretty damn fast. I'm an intimacy junkie, and i can't get it without being authentic. I want them to see the real me, 'to know and to be known.'

I can 100% relate, it's why I brought it up. I tend to give a lot of myself to people. I keep a few things for myself until I can really trust them but I'm not afraid of giving people a real look at my good and dark sides.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I can 100% relate, it's why I brought it up. I tend to give a lot of myself to people. I keep a few things for myself until I can really trust them but I'm not afraid of giving people a real look at my good and dark sides.

This.

You'll see me posting and running around, adding in my *sits next to you * when we talk. I don't consider that roleplay, because if I were there, that's what I truly would be doing.

But, LDR and messaging and phone play might make one think role play is necessary. It's not. Those talks that evolve into messy sheets are wonderful.

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

This.

You'll see me posting and running around, adding in my *sits next to you * when we talk. I don't consider that roleplay, because if I were there, that's what I truly would be doing.

But, LDR and messaging and phone play might make one think role play is necessary. It's not. Those talks that evolve into messy sheets are wonderful.

*sits next to you
I do a lot of things this that, I've never considered that RP just adding to the conversation. I do a lot in the SRP/ China Pearl Inn, we do quite a bit of stuff like that.

If you can connect with someone even over a distance, for a night or years is amazing. RP isn't always a part of it, sometimes you just need words that entice and bond you to them. It really is beautiful when you can do that.

 

[AlwaysFara]

*sits next to you
I do a lot of things this that, I've never considered that RP just adding to the conversation. I do a lot in the SRP/ China Pearl Inn, we do quite a bit of stuff like that.

If you can connect with someone even over a distance, for a night or years is amazing. RP isn't always a part of it, sometimes you just need words that entice and bond you to them. It really is beautiful when you can do that.

Agreed.
Online...I’ve held hands.
Online...I’ve sucked cock.

But both times, I really wanted to do it. As me.

Are they different? Lending support and desire?

 

[barefootgirl69]

Agreed.
Online...I’ve held hands.
Online...I’ve sucked cock.

But both times, I really wanted to do it. As me.

Are they different? Lending support and desire?

"As me"!!! Yes, exactly!

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

Agreed.
Online...I’ve held hands.
Online...I’ve sucked cock.

But both times, I really wanted to do it. As me.

Are they different? Lending support and desire?

"As me"!!! Yes, exactly!

Would you both say that when you do it online that it doesn't feel like "you"?