Hornblende
Exploring eloquence
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We were brought up to internalise such things (at least my generation was). It's not good practice, though, as it can lead to all sorts of stress-related illness.
What's something you've always wanted to ask the opposite gender?
We were brought up to internalise such things (at least my generation was). It's not good practice, though, as it can lead to all sorts of stress-related illness.
TANSTAAFL58
Working the wood
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- May 18, 2018
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^^^What he said. I have tried to teach my son that this is not necessary, and I THINK he gets it.
Oh, yeah: now that old song by the Fifth Dimension is stuck in my head
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZcA3kiaQb0
Beardpositive77
Literotica Guru
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Most guys don't need to talk it out, and sometimes it's even difficult to put our problems into "feeling" words. Sure, we can verbally express that we are frustrated, angry, sad (which sometimes comes out as anger - I know I find anger easier to deal with than sadness), but that doesn't mean we want (or can!) to discuss why we are feeling these emotions.
For me, if there is a problem, I generally move to "fix" it right away, and keep at it until equilibrium is re-established. If it's beyond my control, then I "fix" myself so that I can endure the problem.
All of this reminds me of one of my all-time favorite short videos. It's funny, it's true, and I work hard to incorporate its lesson into my relationships: https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg
thefishfryer
Porn curious
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It seems the ladies had a drinks party while I was sleeping, which leads me into this question. Is there any point at all in approaching a woman when she is on a girls night out?
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Interested_Girl
Guest
You bet, knock yourself out
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Interested_Girl
Guest
Absolutely. I know they say if you want to get asked out, don't go out in huge numbers because men find that off-putting or intimidating. However, if you are not intimidated go for it. Most women go out as a group because they want to have a fun night, but many are single and so it makes for a good (and safe) time to mingle.
thefishfryer
Porn curious
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This is a complicated question which I think stems from evolution. Whilst male and female brains are essentially the same physically. The male brain is programmed through the DNA in male chromosomes to compete with other males for fertile females with desired characteristics. Discussing one's vulnerabilities is inconsistent with this aim and hence avoided. Conditioning also has a part to play, and there is some evidence that attitudes are changing, but it is inevitably a slow process.
LostGirlTink
Adorkable weirdo
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Depends on the women... just like just about every answer here, ask different women get different answers.
Maybe if that’s why they are there... or they’re 22, but I know if I’m out with my friends for a night with my friends it’s about the time with them not trying to pick up men. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I’d call it largely a waste of time unless someone was actively making eye contact with you.
Miles Long
Fuck victoriously!
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I don't usually talk about my problems, and here is why. My problems tend to fall into two pretty broad categories: those that can be solved, and those that cannot. If I have a problem that can be solved, my instinct is to just solve it and move on without bothering other people with it. If the problem cannot be solved, my instinct is not to burden other people with worrying about something that can't be helped.
When I have talked about my problems with others, I have found that people's reactions tend to land them in one of two groups: those who want to analyze the problem to death by talking through every single aspect of the problem ad infinitum and those who want to jump in to solve the problem or offer advice on how I can solve the problem. Sometimes people are in both groups at once. Rarely does either reaction improve my mood or how I feel about the problem at hand. My mind has already overanalyzed every aspect of the problem and rehashing it with someone else does not benefit me in any way. Quite the opposite. Help in solving the problem can sometimes be good, but only when I want help, which is rare. When I don't want help it's just really fucking annoying when someone is trying to solve it and making suggestions. So I've learned over time to be very selective about who I share with and when.
It's also fair to say that I take a fair amount of pride in being able to solve myself most of the problems that come my way in life, and not only present myself as a model of responsibility, maturity, and self-reliance, but that I also live my life in such a way as to back that presentation up. I learned long ago that one of the keys to success in life is to be able to count on myself first and foremost. I'm very picky and choosy about what people I trust to open up to, and because of that and everything listed above I end up not talking about my problems to very many people.
I have no idea if that's at all similar to why other guys don't talk about their problems, but that's why I don't.
cowslinger64
Literotica Guru
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All of this reminds me of one of my all-time favorite short videos. It's funny, it's true, and I work hard to incorporate its lesson into my relationships: https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg[/QUOTE]
Lol...that is hilarious, and so true!!
Men are problem solvers, just look at that video!! lol... and for me, I have little interest in sharing any weakness I have with a woman... it takes a lot of time and trust for me to ever share that stuff.. I've shared more with my wife than all the other women put together. There's probably been less than a handful ever here that knew much about my real life..besides, I was always here for the fun and the boobs!!
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lurkingguy1978
Guest
I think Miles and BP covered it, mostly, at least for the vast majority of us.
I'm the odd person out, I think...I tend to reach out more when I have a problem *if* that problem has an effect on other people around me. Not because I want to fix the problem, per se, but because I have zero desire to allow my issue or fuckup to affect anyone else.
If it's just a problem with myself, I'm less likely to look for advice or assistance...but I won't bail out if asked about it directly. I'm a pain in the ass, but I'm a realist that way.
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Deleted member 3041612
Guest
I get it. At times, do us women seem like natural born complainers then for venting everywhere? (If I have in other threads, please forgive me)
I know I have at times, I will appreciate your answers...and I'm not a time bomb waiting to happen when it's true.
inkandiridiumnibs
Literotica Guru
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As far back in school as I can remember, it was always pounded on me that "Men don't have problems they can't solve on their own." I am not just talking family, but Teachers and Mentors. People would make me puzzle out my problems on my own, rather than assisting me. Being hassled about my size? "Well what are you going to do about it?" Being hassled for being good at math, but can't read for comprehension? "I guess you better figure that out then" Speech impediment, "Why are you talking anyway, you're just a kid"
I got to the point that it was not worth my effort to seek help. I couldn't trust the answers or guidance I got to actually be a solution. A couple of years ago, I had an opportunity to talk to a few of my Classmates from my Graduating Class. Our discussion came around to the very high suicide rate among our class, and that it was decidedly Male in nature. All of us had the same experiences growing up. We were not encouraged at all to voice, nor seek any kind of help for our problems, but instead made to feel inadequate and incapable because we Had a problem that we hadn't solved on our own.
I went to a professional counselor at 18 because of something that happened to me at that time. A pretty traumatic experience. "According to your file, you were supposed to leave for Marine Corp Boot Camp. How do you think a Marine would deal with how you're feeling right now? A real Marine wouldn't be worried about it at all, and would have already over come this issue."
Just some food for thought based on my own personal experience. Yes, I have since found a Real Professional, who has since helped me gain the tools to deal with my problems, and one of those tools is sucking it up, and reaching out for help when the problems arise, rather than just letting them go until they stagnate...or drown them in Alcohol, one of the two evils that still doesn't fix or make the problem go away.
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lurkingguy1978
Guest
I never (ok, *very* rarely) think that a woman expressing how she feels at a given moment is whining or complaining. Part of that is that I have surrounded myself throughout my life with expressive extroverts that have little filter when it comes to talking about their emotions or feelings.
I'd rather hear what you are thinking and feeling than not to have a clue, especially if I care about you...because it's those thoughts and feelings that made me care about you in the first place.
Says someone with an over-developed sense of empathy.
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AlwaysFara
Guest
I never want anyone to fix my problems. When I vent, I do so to get it out, or for someone to say, “hey, I care about you. Can I sit with you for a bit?”
When men try to fix me, they usually don’t have me as a friend for long.
When men try to fix me, they usually don’t have me as a friend for long.
thefishfryer
Porn curious
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I don't think it's really about complaining. Hell, I complain as much as anyone. You should hear me if I have a common cold. I more that men are more likely to think they should be able to solve their problems without help and hence don't discuss them especially if it shows vulnerability.
Apisto42
Noble Moon Rabbit
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Miles answered the original question in such a fashion that I easily identify with it.
As for this one? I had to learn to listen to women and not just try to solve the problem I was hearing. It took me a while and a couple of friends to realize that a woman doesn’t want me to solve her problem (unless she’s specifically asking), she just a wants to talk about it. Primarily to have another human to use as a sounding board.
The only time I have an issue with a man or a woman talking about his or her problems is when it’s an ongoing problem that he/she isn’t doing anything about solving. Oh? Your boyfriend beats you and you don’t have any kids and you have your own money? Why is this a problem for you still?
Otherwise, everyone needs to blow off a little steam or just hear it spoken out loud.
LostGirlTink
Adorkable weirdo
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Why on earth would you apologize for expressing your opinions on a public forum?
Women apologize far too much as it is.
1. Your feelings are your feelings. Don't invalidate them.
2. If people don't want to hear it, they can move along.
3. This is a forum where no one is responsible for you or how you feel, they have zero obligation to respond to your posts or engage in any way. As such, if you choose to use it as a place to vent, then it's the PERFECT place because no one bears any responsibility and it's a good "space" to do so.
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Deleted member 3041612
Guest
I have friends who were ignored or totally dismissed on threads because of their complaints. As a result of their complaints, they were totally rejected on threads when all they wanted was to be heard. Their complaints were trivialized by others who couldn't give a rats ass about them. They now either post way less than they used to or they stopped getting on Lit altogether because of the brutal nastiness shown by others who didn't feel it necessary to take the time to listen to them or respond in a private PM.
I still am friends with them. They have a lot of calamities plaguing their lives, but I still give them friendly, caring love regardless. Everyone goes through sh*t. Some deeper than others. You may not realize the depths of it they go through.
I pick and choose my battles, this is my escape place. I will continue asking questions, but in between the massive amount of SH*T I'm going through, I won't share EVERYTHING as they did. I commend them on their honesty. These are men, who in my opinion, have high rankings of integrity and are smart as a whip. They are just in terrible situations or suffering with things beyond their control.
The please forgive me is for those who use this as their escape place too, not be reminded of the world around them. For them, I'm empathetic enough to acknowledge them in a mere few words.
Bring on more questions people...you never know. I may join in more as well.
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AlwaysFara
Guest
As Tink said in point 3, this is a public, free board, and no one is beholden to anyone else in life. That being said, I have many people here that I love, who love me back, and to whom I am accountable.
Not everyone gets along. I find the PG especially exasperating, so when I need a break I head back to BDSM. My peeps. My “klick.”
I speak my mind, but much of my support is behind the scenes. It’s why I have so many good quality friends here, maybe despite my blunt.
I don’t come here to play den mother. We are all adults. No one can make anyone leave Lit, that is each individual’s decision.
Enough of that.^^^
I think Tink was being supportive of you, rather than critical, by saying not to ask for forgiveness in your words. Stand by them. They are yours, and really, they are all we have here.
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Deleted member 3041612
Guest
I wasn't in no way rejecting her comments, encouragement and support. Yours either. Point taken and accepted.
Moving forward....
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AlwaysFara
Guest
*tags up*
Hey Guys!!!
What is the thing about us that you roll your eyes the most???
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Interested_Girl
Guest
So, Gents...
...you got any exhilarating questions for eager ladies?
Come on...
I know you must have a few burrowing holes into your mind.
...you got any exhilarating questions for eager ladies?
Come on...
I know you must have a few burrowing holes into your mind.
Apisto42
Noble Moon Rabbit
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- May 7, 2014
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- 8,945
*tags up*
Hey Guys!!!
What is the thing about us that you roll your eyes the most???
Group cattiness. It’s going on right now at work. There’s a group of women, I get along with them just fine, but a new woman joined our group recently. She’s nice, but rather socially awkward. They treat her like crap. Just nasty.
I don’t get it. I like these women, work with them, they’re nice solo and in a group, but it’s fucking mean girls from school.
What gives?
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AlwaysFara
Guest
How is she socially awkward?
