❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[AveryElle]

Follow up to #8 (because I can!)

Thinking of sensory deprivation - what senses are MOST important to you leading up to and during sex?
There are the obvious ones. But does smell factor in, for example? Sounds? Does your kink involve a sense in an surprising way? Have you ever had one sense triggered in a new way before?

Hearing. I did mention the person putting earbuds on me, but generally hearing someone is very, very important. Sounds, words, groans. Or lack of. There are words I love, and words I don’t. But....yeah.

 

[AlwaysFara]

His voice. His laugh. His groan. Gasping that he loves me.
So yes, I love hearing.

But smell is a big one for me, too. Nothing better than rubbing my face all over his cock. Mmmmm...

 

[AlpineFresco]

Follow up to #8 (because I can!)

Thinking of sensory deprivation - what senses are MOST important to you leading up to and during sex?
There are the obvious ones. But does smell factor in, for example? Sounds? Does your kink involve a sense in an surprising way? Have you ever had one sense triggered in a new way before?

Sound is very important to me, in terms of both reactionary sounds and words. Sounds make everything more exciting, but words feel like more a deeper two-way communication, even if it's one person speaking and the other reacting to the words.

But smell is important, too - from the smell of skin and hair, that's closeness represented in that sense to me, to more intimate scents which feel evocative of some more primal sexual pull. There's also that smell of the sex you've just had, which is often, in a cyclical way, itself a turn on.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Follow up to #8 (because I can!)

Thinking of sensory deprivation - what senses are MOST important to you leading up to and during sex?
There are the obvious ones. But does smell factor in, for example? Sounds? Does your kink involve a sense in an surprising way? Have you ever had one sense triggered in a new way before?

Well hello new people!!

Sound is probably the most important sense for me during sex. It turns me on the most- sigh, whimpers, growls and moans - sweet talk, dirty talk, commands, pet names. Yessss. It's probably why aural play works for me whenever I do partake. Hearing the change in a voice, especially that Dom voice, is a huge turn on. Being quietly whispered to or even teased and questioned trigger me in the best ways. I really could go on and on.
Smell is another sense that can be just as important. The smell of him when he's just out of the shower or has been sweating, the smell of him while he's in my mouth, the sex smell afterward. Yes, please, and thank you.
All senses are important but these are underrated to me.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#9

#9
Sub-drop. Dom-drop.

I hesitate to assign a definition to these ideas because after researching a bit, everyone defines and experiences it differently.
How do you define sub/Dom drop? If you've experienced it, how did it effect you and how did you handle that? This feeling is often tied to the Domspace or subspace idea - have they always been linked in your experience?

(This is a topic with which I have limited experience but lots of questions so if I'm leaving out something important let me know and I'll make an addendum)

 

[AlpineFresco]

Running by quickly, 'cause it's an interesting question - it's not a drop, for me, it's far smoother. It's pretty much always there, just below the surface, and when it's time to let it out it just feels like putting on a comfy glove. Coming back, just the same in reverse, slipping it off.

 

[seela]

Nope.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Sub drop, yes.

Subspace for me happens when there is this intensity of trust, and intimacy, and union - union and communion. It's as if we're standing facing each other, holding hands, and i know i can lean back til he's supporting my entire weight, and i can let my head hang back and close my eyes, and he WON'T drop me. I'm soul-naked and there is no hiding and i don't want to hide.

The drop comes when he is no longer holding me up and i have to re-establish my equilibrium. Aftercare for me means some serious TLC from my partner. My three big needs are time, touch, and words. I need to be coddled for a bit. The more freely i feel he is giving, the more freely i can receive, recover, and stand on my own again.

I might come back and address Domme drop, idk.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I hate to sound like a bitch, but fuck it. I have it good.
I don’t get much sub drop, anymore.
He takes care of me.

 

[AveryElle]

It’s not anything I have experienced. Maybe it’s my lack of emotions.

That said, space....yeah kind of. Because I’m so rarely able to think about nothing else, ‘letting go’ is difficult so if I can, best feeling ever. But it’s so rare it might as well not exist. But my ability to tolerate pain changes so maybe it’s better for me to consider it when pain is more pleasurable than not.

 

[AlwaysFara]

It’s not anything I have experienced. Maybe it’s my lack of emotions.

That said, space....yeah kind of. Because I’m so rarely able to think about nothing else, ‘letting go’ is difficult so if can, best feeling ever. But it’s so rare it might as well not exist. But my ability to tolerate pain changes so maybe it’s better for me to consider it when pain is more pleasurable than not.

Do you get emotional?

When I went into sub drop I could be anything. Hysterical crying. Completely shut down. In pain... meaning head aches, body aches. Wanting to DRINK, numb it.

 

[AveryElle]

With the right person, the intense highs when we're together is amazing. But when it's followed by soul-shattering lows, I often wonder if it's worth it. I also have limited experience and just wonder if it all comes down to me being needy and insecure.

It also has to do with aftercare. If someone literally drops you - leaves and doesn’t do what you need to feel secure (cuddle, make you coffee, start the shower - whatever) then it will impact you in addition to any actual chemical change in the brain.

 

[AveryElle]

Do you get emotional?

When I went into sub drop I could be anything. Hysterical crying. Completely shut down. In pain... meaning head aches, body aches. Wanting to DRINK, numb it.

Not really. I’m ice cold.
One of the many reasons daddy/little relationships aren’t for me. Among many other reasons.

 

[AlwaysFara]

It also has to do with aftercare. If someone literally drops you - leaves and doesn’t do what you need to feel secure (cuddle, make you coffee, start the shower - whatever) then it will impact you in addition to any actual chemical change in the brain.

Right.
This.

I had subdrop when I was long distance. Or, online only.
Now, no.

 

[Mei5ter]

With the right person, the intense highs when we're together is amazing. But when it's followed by soul-shattering lows, I often wonder if it's worth it. I also have limited experience and just wonder if it all comes down to me being needy and insecure.

If you’ve trusted someone to do all that, the very least they can do to be worthy of that trust is to be there for you and with you. Power comes with responsibility.

And in many ways the total intimacy afterwards is the best bit .

 

[Mei5ter]

I couldn't agree with these statements more. Emotions are a bitch and I can suddenly feel abandoned, depressed and used without any kind of aftercare.

Well maybe. But in that case I’d suggest those are entirely normal emotional responses to finding someone you trusted so deeply has betrayed that trust.

Unless it’s “dom drop.” Is that basically when you find you’ve got carried away, treated someone you care about in a way you never would otherwise, and think WTF?

 

[AlpineFresco]

I think I misunderstood the question. I took it to mean the drop into/out of sub-space, or the corresponding dom headspace.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Well maybe. But in that case I’d suggest those are entirely normal emotional responses to finding someone you trusted so deeply has betrayed that trust.

Unless it’s “dom drop.” Is that basically when you find you’ve got carried away, treated someone you care about in a way you never would otherwise, and think WTF?

I think someone did this with me, once. He didn’t expect to go there.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Can everyone define their version of "drop"? It might simplify conversation?
I found this article helpful but am curious of other people definitions.

 

[PuckIt]

#9
Sub-drop. Dom-drop.

I hesitate to assign a definition to these ideas because after researching a bit, everyone defines and experiences it differently.
How do you define sub/Dom drop? If you've experienced it, how did it effect you and how did you handle that? This feeling is often tied to the Domspace or subspace idea - have they always been linked in your experience?

(This is a topic with which I have limited experience but lots of questions so if I'm leaving out something important let me know and I'll make an addendum)

Can everyone define their version of "drop"? It might simplify conversation?
I found this article helpful but am curious of other people definitions.

[nerdshit]

There are two things that are very similar in effect, but actually have subtle distinctions.

One is an endorphin or adrenaline crash post-scene. This is what I typically think of as Dom/me or sub drop. Emotions got out of control during scene and continued to spiral out of control after. It's sort of like a sugar crash... on steroids.

The other possibility is a paraphilic drop. What is more commonly referred to as "the guilts." "Oh, my God! I can't believe I did that! I'm such a bad person! What would my mother think?!"


[/nerdshit]


For me, the distinction about just which we are dealing with isn't so important as what the fuck we do about it.


1) B-vitamins are your friend if you know something intense might eventually be coming.

2) Hydrate like you expect to quench the fires of Hell.

3) Take it down slow and easy. Sure, shit happens that an abrupt stop can't be avoided. But, if at all possible, go for less steep denoument.

4) Chocolate to fend off the dementors.

5) Watch for classic signs of depression. Befuddlement, fatigue, sense of worthlessness, unexplainable pessimism or mood swings, suicidal ideation.

6) Journal it out.

7) Sunlight and exercise.

*blink*

Holy Puck! Did I actually answer a question without two screens of stuff?!

 

[AlwaysFara]

Like I said, I'm not very experienced or entirely sure uf what I have felt is what you're referencing or not. I'm not so great with labels, but I know what I've felt. What I'm referring to is the feeling, usually the day after, of intense lows and self-doubt when I need reassurance and to feel his presence more than any thing.

I think it varies from person to person, and yes, this could definitely be it.
Hugs.

The one time sub drop was NOT addressed with me was after an “early Lit” phone sex scene, where he had to leave and I was cumming and covered in clothespins.
He texted me and told me to take care of myself, drink water, lie in bed, eat ice cream... but all I wanted was his voice to end it for me.
So, I called my experienced sub GF and CRIED. Hard. For a long long time. And she stayed with me. It felt so GOOD to cry, and not explain myself. That’s why I cherish my girls here so much. They get it.

When I told Him about this, he wasn’t happy. So, he’s always given me what I need after... whether it’s space (rarely) or tenderness. Being present is really what I need. That’s why why online thing doesn’t work for me.

Another thing? I experience more sub drop after being very submissive and controlled, rather than pain. Rough sex and pain is part of our daily, control and submission isn’t always. That breaks me down and empties me out more than pain.

I like the article. Very, very important to remember that pain wears you out, body and mind.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Like I said, I'm not very experienced or entirely sure uf what I have felt is what you're referencing or not. I'm not so great with labels, but I know what I've felt. What I'm referring to is the feeling, usually the day after, of intense lows and self-doubt when I need reassurance and to feel his presence more than any thing.

This is how I would define it, Indie.

Without aftercare, when all the endorphines have dissipated, I need reassurance, I need soft words, his voice. Without it, the self doubt starts to niggle my brain, I can be an emotional wreck.

If someone can't be around to meet all of my needs, the relationship isn't going to last because I will end up resenting them not taking the time to show me tenderness, to show how much they actually appreciate me - as opposed to what they say.

 

[LizVegas79]

This is how I would define it, Indie.

Without aftercare, when all the endorphines have dissipated, I need reassurance, I need soft words, his voice. Without it, the self doubt starts to niggle my brain, I can be an emotional wreck.

If someone can't be around to meet all of my needs, the relationship isn't going to last because I will end up resenting them not taking the time to show me tenderness, to show how much they actually appreciate me - as opposed to what they say.

Those crushing anxiety attacks are pretty much why I either sabotaged or tried to avoid any serious relationship for years.

My policy was forget about them before they could forget about me. I judged my self-worth by how many parties I got invited to. But being a party girl turned out to be the loneliest years of my life.

I was able to fool myself for so long I didn't even realize it until I started waking up not knowing where I was or who I was with more and more often. My husband literally saved me from myself just by being there for me and asking how my day (or night!) had been. Even before we started "dating" and having sex.

That "aftercare" comes in so many shapes and forms but it almost always boils down to exactly how you both described it. Tell me, but don't just tell me. Show me too so that we can melt together

 

[midwestyankee]

[nerdshit]

There are two things that are very similar in effect, but actually have subtle distinctions.

One is an endorphin or adrenaline crash post-scene. This is what I typically think of as Dom/me or sub drop. Emotions got out of control during scene and continued to spiral out of control after. It's sort of like a sugar crash... on steroids.

The other possibility is a paraphilic drop. What is more commonly referred to as "the guilts." "Oh, my God! I can't believe I did that! I'm such a bad person! What would my mother think?!"


[/nerdshit]


For me, the distinction about just which we are dealing with isn't so important as what the fuck we do about it.


1) B-vitamins are your friend if you know something intense might eventually be coming.

2) Hydrate like you expect to quench the fires of Hell.

3) Take it down slow and easy. Sure, shit happens that an abrupt stop can't be avoided. But, if at all possible, go for less steep denoument.

4) Chocolate to fend off the dementors.

5) Watch for classic signs of depression. Befuddlement, fatigue, sense of worthlessness, unexplainable pessimism or mood swings, suicidal ideation.

6) Journal it out.

7) Sunlight and exercise.

*blink*

Holy Puck! Did I actually answer a question without two screens of stuff?!

Depends on the size of the screen.

I think this is one of the better explanations of drop in its variety that I have seen. It certainly comports with my experience.

 

[Mei5ter]

You’re not being ridiculous. Absolutely not.

Paddles and crops should come clearly labelled with “Aftercare is NOT an afterthought.”