❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[Ed27R]

As a follow up to this week's question, I'd like to ask -

Have you ever been mentally/sexually attracted to someone you weren't at all physically attracted to? How did you handle it?

A long time ago, when I first came to lit and met people online I found that I would sometimes slide into being physically attracted to an image of a person I had in my head. It wasn’t quite seeing what I wanted to see but not quite square with reality. Putting them on some kind of mental pedestal I guess. I don’t know - I am not sure I ever really had to handle it as they were relatively short lived connections. But, after a few times, I stopped doing that.

 

[cookiecat]

A long time ago, when I first came to lit and met people online I found that I would sometimes slide into being physically attracted to an image of a person I had in my head. It wasn’t quite seeing what I wanted to see but not quite square with reality. Putting them on some kind of mental pedestal I guess. I don’t know - I am not sure I ever really had to handle it as they were relatively short lived connections. But, after a few times, I stopped doing that.

I did this all the time, too, with online shenanigans. I never even wanted to see a picture of who I was talking with, if I really liked their words. I just wanted to keep it all in my head (and my pussy, I suppose).

I pretty much stopped trying to connect online. It either crashed and burned or just didn't live up to what fantasy I created. There has to be some face to face connection, at some point.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I did this all the time, too, with online shenanigans. I never even wanted to see a picture of who I was talking with, if I really liked their words. I just wanted to keep it all in my head (and my pussy, I suppose).

I pretty much stopped trying to connect online. It either crashed and burned or just didn't live up to what fantasy I created. There has to be some face to face connection, at some point.

I always ask for a pic.
I guess I’m more shallow than I thought.

To be fair, I do this with my friends, too.

 

[cookiecat]

I always ask for a pic.
I guess I’m more shallow than I thought.

To be fair, I do this with my friends, too.

Shallow to ask for a pic? Not at all. Asking for a picture makes the person more real. I didn't want that at all. I just wanted surface and dirty words.

 

[KimGordon67]

Shallow to ask for a pic? Not at all. Asking for a picture makes the person more real. I didn't want that at all. I just wanted surface and dirty words.

Interestingly, I had a year long online/phone thing with someone that was really very intense, sexually and emotionally. I doubt we'd recognise each other if we passed on the street ... unless one of us spoke. I was surprised that appearance mattered so little to me, and how real it could be without that.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#8

#8
(submitted)

Sensory deprivation!
Blindfolds, earmuffs, noise cancelling headphones, even complete restraint.
It seems to be a hard limit for a lot of people. Do you have experience with SD? If yes, what do you like/hate about? If no, is there any level of SD that you would try? Why do you think it's so scary for some people?

Happy Labor Day!
Thank you again for all the submissions!

 

[PuckIt]

#8
(submitted)

Sensory deprivation!
Blindfolds, earmuffs, noise cancelling headphones, even complete restraint.
It seems to be a hard limit for a lot of people. Do you have experience with SD? If yes, what do you like/hate about? If no, is there any level of SD that you would try? Why do you think it's so scary for some people?

Happy Labor Day!
Thank you again for all the submissions!

Alright, so here's the thing. The human brain has five basic input modes. (Unless you believe in the sixth, seventh, and eighth senses. But, that's a whole nother ball of wax.) However, unlike a computer, if the brain is robbed of those input methods, it begins to create its own input. For certain personalities, this is not going to be relaxation inducing once the monkey brain begins swinging from its cage bars with all of their fears and paranoia, irrational or not.


Now, in theory, what sense dep in sexual play is supposed to do is to refocus the brain on a particular sensory input. For example, alleviating the confusing signals of sight, sound, smell, and taste is suppose to refocus attention on touch, which according to some studies the second weakest sense depending on culture. (Typically ranked just above smell, but just below taste. Of course, individual mileage will vary.)

Where the origin of tension comes from is the mental dissonance when the brain is trying to shift from it's primary and secondary chosen sensory inputs to one that is usually treated as more tertiary. Tension can change to panic in the event of either a particular traumatic episode that could have stolen that particular sense in the past or in the event that the brain is unable to find the other input channels for some reason.

This, by the way, is why sense dep is useful as a torture and brainwashing technique since... er, hell. I want to say documented cases range back to the thirties, but I can't remember without looking it up and I'm feeling lazy this morning.

Generally speaking, the furthermost I've been willing to go has been full body binding with gag and blindfold. Some of that is that I am careful not to rob the second sensory input, hearing, completely since typically it's not as much of a problem to down shift to this gear. Some of it is that I'm enough of a "something-other-than-submissive" that maybe allowing them their hearing, but then making sure they can't hear me unless I choose makes my balls tingly and warm.

And, yes, as a matter of fact, I can move silently enough that you would never know I was standing over you until I let a gentle breath touch your face to let you know I was there if you couldn't see me.


But, blindfolds can be a hard limit for some people who have relied too heavily on the sense of sight for too long to the detriment of the other four (or five) senses. And if there was a childhood trauma that is perceived to have the potential to affect sight, whether it happened to them or actually to someone else they knew, can spark that fear even higher. Even light synesthesia will, more often than not, blow this fear into an insurmountable obstacle since depriving one sense may, inadvertently, negatively impact another as well.

Speaking as "something-other-than-a-sub," coming at me with any of it will result in having a fight on your hands. Hell, I had trouble just being used a guinea pig in a non-sexual professional restraint training class many moons ago. And was never volunteered again after nearly seriously injuring a guy a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier, a former professiona football lineman, in the tussle. *shrug*


And maybe everything I said was extraneous and really can be boiled down to just that one thing. Even more than trust, it really is about giving up control that impinges into the physiological. After all, there's a world of difference between choosing to surrender control, to give it over. And knowing that you've just crossed the threshold to not being able to reclaim it if you really wanted to until and unless the person you gave it to chooses to return it.

And I should probably shut the Puck up there and give someone else the floor (and hopefully they will make sense of anything I've Pucked up too much.)

But, interesting, fun question PLP. Keep up the good work.

 

[Nzerxx]

Subscribing

Coming back to read the whole thread (not at 4.55am) and join in particularly that sensory deprivation question

 

[AlwaysFara]

Of all things, I’ve yet to be blindfolded. It seems like the simplest of all. I’m not sure why. I think we just haven’t gotten around to it.
I’m very visual. I don’t know how that would go, actually.

I have had my ears blocked while sucking his cock. All I hear is me. Slurping. Magnified. Every lick and moan and gag in my throat. I try not to make noise, and I still am. I hadn’t realized. It’s so hot.

Being restrained is easy, to a point. Hold me down and fuck me, restraints, positions where I can’t move? I love the control, I hate that I can’t fuck back the way I want to...and then he starts laughing at me, and mocking my frustration, while not budging one inch on the restraints.
I’m an active fucker. Verb
It’s fucking delicious. Frustrating and delicious.

I would also like to try a ball gag, but I’m really not sure about losing my mouth.
Ugghhhhhh. So yummy.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

OK, Finally a topic I have some concrete experience with! (Thanks again submitter!)

For me, for now, sensory deprivation is a hard limit.

My experience with it was never good and, often, downright terrifying. In my case, it was complete restraint, blindfold and gag but I'm sure if he'd thought of earmuffs that would have been included.

I understand the point of SD and can totally get why it's hot for some people but, for me, it totally brings out that scared monkey brain Puck was talking about. (Excellent post, btw Puck!) It puts me in the panic attack, claustrophobia space that is completely antithetical to arousal. Even the idea of role-playing it makes me squirm (and not in the good way).

The thing is, separately, all of those things are a go for me but together, it's just too much. I'm sure my feelings are also swayed by the person I experienced that with. He made me feel more scared than relaxed and willing. And perhaps with my newly educated brain and a partner I fully trusted, I could try that again but... I'm in no hurry.

Also, I'm with Fara... I need my mouth.

Interesting topic! Can't wait to hear all your answers!

 

[AlwaysFara]

I’m not into role playing, either.
That’s a restraint, for me. I have to submit and let go as me.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I’m not into role playing, either.
That’s a restraint, for me. I have to submit and let go as me.

True.
Incorrect word choice on my part. Phone/online play.
(It was early )

 

[Angedesoleil]

I’m not into role playing, either.
That’s a restraint, for me. I have to submit and let go as me.

Side topic. Agree. Rp as whole is not a hard limit ( with PYL) but it has to be a fictitious thing. ... hard limit is asking me to BE anyone else. Real or character. No. No no. No. I'm me. Be with me. Asking me to be someone else, thinking of someone else.. No. It comes across as rejection to me. But that's my own demons.

Daddy doesn't share. Not ever. No. Rp a real person hits me the same.

 

[AveryElle]

#8
(submitted)

Sensory deprivation!
Blindfolds, earmuffs, noise cancelling headphones, even complete restraint.
It seems to be a hard limit for a lot of people. Do you have experience with SD? If yes, what do you like/hate about? If no, is there any level of SD that you would try? Why do you think it's so scary for some people?

another great tread, PLP.
For me, total deprivation is a hard limit because of a previous sexual assault. I don't think it's a "trigger", it's just not anything I want to encounter. Hearing is important, but I've had someone put earbuds in with music while they played and that was kind of fun.

Really, blindfolds are fine - and hand binding is fine. However, there's a lot to be said for being told to stay where you are vs. being bound. Any level of SD requires trust, and I don't do that easily at all, so there is a level of hotness by trusting someone enough to partake in that (if that makes sense?).

 

[seela]

Nope.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

However, there's a lot to be said for being told to stay where you are vs. being bound. Any level of SD requires trust, and I don't do that easily at all, so there is a level of hotness by trusting someone enough to partake in that (if that makes sense?).

Welcome Avery!
I totally agree about "verbal restraints" (I think I made that term up but I like it!)

I wear glasses all the time. I'm not totally blind without them, but things are fuzzy and I feel very uncomfortable. So, being without my glasses with a new person or someone I don't know that well is a really big deal, so much bigger than anybody would ever even guess because I always try hard to play cool about it (and usually fail miserably).

Partially it's because without glasses I look different than usual, but mostly it just makes me feel very vulnerable that I can't see as well as the other person and it can be a really stressful situation for me. The funny thing is that even if know the other person's vision is just as fuzzy because they're not wearing glasses either, it doesn't really make the situation any easier for me. I'll still be one stressed out weirdo.

As a glasses girl, I totally relate. I wear contacts sometimes but I feel so weird without my glasses. On a SD level, the fuzziness would cause me a little more anxiety than just being blindfolded. Hmm... maybe that's just me?

 

[cookiecat]

I like and sometimes need sensory deprivation. It's said the brain is the biggest sex organ. Which is true. But it's also my biggest deterrent from letting go and saying "yes". Seems my 'go to' default in life is always no. (Trying to change that)

Mr. cookie bought me an amazing hood - super soft leather. It's pink! Only mouth and a little space for nose is open. For some reason, I don't freak out - instead, it allows the demons in my brain to settle down. We've used a gas mask before and that was something! I really had to focus on my breathing (in order to breathe) and that helped slow down my brain, too.

I've had my hands restrained. Touch is a sense, yes? And not just handcuffed. More like arms free but hands bound up in tape. Talk about a helpless, weird feeling.

A gag can be tough when trying to remember I have to use a signal for a safe word. That being said, with the ability to say "no" taken away - not because it's not feeling safe but because it seems like 'no' just leaps out of my mouth - it allows for me to calm down.

I've never had hearing deprived.

 

[AlwaysFara]

another great tread, PLP.
For me, total deprivation is a hard limit because of a previous sexual assault. I don't think it's a "trigger", it's just not anything I want to encounter. Hearing is important, but I've had someone put earbuds in with music while they played and that was kind of fun.

Really, blindfolds are fine - and hand binding is fine. However, there's a lot to be said for being told to stay where you are vs. being bound. Any level of SD requires trust, and I don't do that easily at all, so there is a level of hotness by trusting someone enough to partake in that (if that makes sense?).

This.
Verbal restraint, like PLP says.

 

[JaneRamsey]

Kinda late jumping in on this one...

What are your top 3 Do's and Don'ts of kink?
How would you best describe your personal philosophy/style of BDSM and why? I'm not looking for the rules we should all know (i.e. consent, communication, etc.) but your individual outlook, lessons learned etc.

Do -
1. Be open and honest about what you like and don't like
2. Keep your promises
3. I dunno don't be a jack ass lol

Do Not -
1. Try to guilt or emotionally manipulate to get what you want. (I know some people area into mind games but personally I hate them)
2. Leave marks in publicly visible places (face, neck, hands etc.)
3. Be boring

 

[JaneRamsey]

Mr. cookie bought me an amazing hood - super soft leather. It's pink! Only mouth and a little space for nose is open. For some reason, I don't freak out - instead, it allows the demons in my brain to settle down. We've used a gas mask before and that was something! I really had to focus on my breathing (in order to breathe) and that helped slow down my brain, too.

Omg...that's like my nightmare candy right there! Lol

 

[AlwaysFara]

I like and sometimes need sensory deprivation. It's said the brain is the biggest sex organ. Which is true. But it's also my biggest deterrent from letting go and saying "yes". Seems my 'go to' default in life is always no. (Trying to change that)

Mr. cookie bought me an amazing hood - super soft leather. It's pink! Only mouth and a little space for nose is open. For some reason, I don't freak out - instead, it allows the demons in my brain to settle down. We've used a gas mask before and that was something! I really had to focus on my breathing (in order to breathe) and that helped slow down my brain, too.

I've had my hands restrained. Touch is a sense, yes? And not just handcuffed. More like arms free but hands bound up in tape. Talk about a helpless, weird feeling.

A gag can be tough when trying to remember I have to use a signal for a safe word. That being said, with the ability to say "no" taken away - not because it's not feeling safe but because it seems like 'no' just leaps out of my mouth - it allows for me to calm down.

I've never had hearing deprived.

Omg...that's like my nightmare candy right there! Lol

I couldn’t do it. I get claustrophobic.

 

[LizVegas79]

I wouldn't mind being talked into wearing a hood someday. I love wearing a night mask! So hot not knowing where (or what) he's going to touch next!

 

[LizVegas79]

What are your top 3 Do's and Don'ts of kink?
How would you best describe your personal philosophy/style of BDSM and why? I'm not looking for the rules we should all know (i.e. consent, communication, etc.) but your individual outlook, lessons learned etc.

Do -
1. Be open and honest about what you like and don't like
2. Keep your promises
3. I dunno don't be a jack ass lol

Do Not -
1. Try to guilt or emotionally manipulate to get what you want. (I know some people area into mind games but personally I hate them)
2. Leave marks in publicly visible places (face, neck, hands etc.)
3. Be boring

I couldn't have answered your challenge any better - All 3 Do's and All 3 Don'ts are exactly mine too!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#8.5

Follow up to #8 (because I can!)

Thinking of sensory deprivation - what senses are MOST important to you leading up to and during sex?
There are the obvious ones. But does smell factor in, for example? Sounds? Does your kink involve a sense in an surprising way? Have you ever had one sense triggered in a new way before?

 

[elli1point1]

Follow up to #8 (because I can!)

Thinking of sensory deprivation - what senses are MOST important to you leading up to and during sex?
There are the obvious ones. But does smell factor in, for example? Sounds? Does your kink involve a sense in an surprising way? Have you ever had one sense triggered in a new way before?

I think hearing is very important for me. First of all, I really enjoy dirty talk and hearing my partner moan; second, not being able to hear anything during sex would freak me out, especially if I were tied up and blindfolded at the same time. So I guess complete sensory deprivation would be a hard limit – I need to be able to sense what's going on somehow, otherwise I think I'd probably have a panic attack.