What's in a Name?

[Maidboy]

Just wondering if there are any couples where sub hubby took on the surname of his domme wife. Would any guys here be willing to do this, as the ultimate symbol of her ownership of him? Would any ladies request/demand this of their male slave?

 

[Lascivity]

An interesting idea - not something I'd thought about. It would advertise, relatively publicly, who was "in charge" in the relationship. Maybe a little humiliating to someone of a particular mindset. Hmmm.

 

[SalvDali]

For me it's just a name. I have been married to my wife for 14 years. I told her I didn't care one way or the other if she took my name or kept hers so she kept her maiden name. Then when we had our first child and it turned out to be a boy, I told her our children could keep her name so that her family name could carry on because there are no living males younger than her fathers generation.

All these machismo rules society has mean nothing to me. I will do what is best for me and those I care for. I am also a stay at home father because it is what worked best for us. My wife has a career that she enjoys and makes a good living at so I had no reservations about giving up mine to be a full time father.

The added twist here being that my wife is submissive. Not everyone fits into societies little boxes or labels. Trying to fit into one that isn't really you will do nothing but lower you quality of life and lets face it.... I live to be happy and keep those I care for happy. I could care less what anyone else thinks about me or my life.

 

[CutieMouse]

Curious question...

If a woman marries and takes her husband's name, does it signify the "ultimate symbol of his ownership of her"? I highly doubt the majority of modern women who marry think of a name change as "ownership", any more than a hyphenated name expresses 50/50 equality.

 

[cookiecat]

For me it's just a name. I have been married to my wife for 14 years. I told her I didn't care one way or the other if she took my name or kept hers so she kept her maiden name. Then when we had our first child and it turned out to be a boy, I told her our children could keep her name so that her family name could carry on because there are no living males younger than her fathers generation.

All these machismo rules society has mean nothing to me. I will do what is best for me and those I care for. I am also a stay at home father because it is what worked best for us. My wife has a career that she enjoys and makes a good living at so I had no reservations about giving up mine to be a full time father.

The added twist here being that my wife is submissive. Not everyone fits into societies little boxes or labels. Trying to fit into one that isn't really you will do nothing but lower you quality of life and lets face it.... I live to be happy and keep those I care for happy. I could care less what anyone else thinks about me or my life.

It's good to see you! I admit I enjoy hearing about your relationship - thanks for sharing this.

 

[Maidboy]

Curious question...

If a woman marries and takes her husband's name, does it signify the "ultimate symbol of his ownership of her"? I highly doubt the majority of modern women who marry think of a name change as "ownership", any more than a hyphenated name expresses 50/50 equality.

Given that wives taking their husband's name is a centuries long established cultural norm, I also don't think modern women see this is a symbol of ownership. But I do think that hyphenated names express equality, or at least a break from patriarchal cultural norms. A husband taking on his wife's name would certainly raise eyebrows and could definitely be seen as symbolizing her ownership of him, or at least their entering into a matriarchal arrangement.

 

[seela]

Given that wives taking their husband's name is a centuries long established cultural norm, I also don't think modern women see this is a symbol of ownership. But I do think that hyphenated names express equality, or at least a break from patriarchal cultural norms. A husband taking on his wife's name would certainly raise eyebrows and could definitely be seen as symbolizing her ownership of him, or at least their entering into a matriarchal arrangement.

I have three male friends/acquaintances that have taken the surname of their wife. I've never thought of it as anything other than a couple deciding to take a common surname rather than both keeping their own, and I don't believe I'm alone in this. I think for one of them the reason was that the wife's surname is very rare and very beautiful, but I've never asked for the reason behind their decisions.

It certainly is more common for the wife to take the husband's name or for both to keep their own, but I really don't think people see the husband taking the wife's name as a sign of entering into a matriarchal arrangement. The hyphenated surnames have become less common IME.

To an individual couple that might be it, though, and I think it's cool. For me personally taking J's surname would definitely be a submissive move, even though I know nobody else would see it as such.

 

[Maidboy]

I have three male friends/acquaintances that have taken the surname of their wife. I've never thought of it as anything other than a couple deciding to take a common surname rather than both keeping their own, and I don't believe I'm alone in this. I think for one of them the reason was that the wife's surname is very rare and very beautiful, but I've never asked for the reason behind their decisions.

It certainly is more common for the wife to take the husband's name or for both to keep their own, but I really don't think people see the husband taking the wife's name as a sign of entering into a matriarchal arrangement. The hyphenated surnames have become less common IME.

To an individual couple that might be it, though, and I think it's cool. For me personally taking J's surname would definitely be a submissive move, even though I know nobody else would see it as such.

Having three male friends taking their wives' names is very rare indeed, and yes I'm sure there are different reasons for doing so for different couples. But I can just imagine macho douchebag types having apoplectic fits over sissified femboys being emasculated by lesbian feminazis. Anyway, I was just bringing this up in the context of femdom, but yes, there are obviously more aspects to this.

 

[seela]

Having three male friends taking their wives' names is very rare indeed, and yes I'm sure there are different reasons for doing so for different couples. But I can just imagine macho douchebag types having apoplectic fits over sissified femboys being emasculated by lesbian feminazis. Anyway, I was just bringing this up in the context of femdom, but yes, there are obviously more aspects to this.

All the guys I know who have taken their wives' names are in their 30s and obvs I'm not American, if that plays a role. In the older generations it is very rare indeed that a husband takes the wife's surname, but with people around my age it doesn't seem to be that uncommon anymore.

Anyways, I think changing your surname can be a very powerful tool and a sign of ownership in a D/s relationship, but it's not something that's overt or obvious to other people.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MeekMe]

Given that wives taking their husband's name is a centuries long established cultural norm, I also don't think modern women see this is a symbol of ownership. But I do think that hyphenated names express equality, or at least a break from patriarchal cultural norms. A husband taking on his wife's name would certainly raise eyebrows and could definitely be seen as symbolizing her ownership of him, or at least their entering into a matriarchal arrangement.

Depends on the culture. Some cultures honor a woman's surname over a man's if she is an only child. Some cultures automatically hyphenate surnames and in some both keep their names. My friend comes from a culture where choosing a name for their children includes choosing the last name which could be a name that isn't associated with either parent. Her siblings all have different last names. There's any number of reasons a man may choose his wife's surname including: he likes her name more, she has a profession that uses her well known name so it makes sense that she keeps her name, he doesn't care about societal norms, he wants to get away from being associated with his own last name or in your case wants to use it as an act of showing ownership.

Over time it will just be another choice that men and women have to make and it will not be a big deal at all.

 

[Maidboy]

All the guys I know who have taken their wives' names are in their 30s and obvs I'm not American, if that plays a role. In the older generations it is very rare indeed that a husband takes the wife's surname, but with people around my age it doesn't seem to be that uncommon anymore.

Anyways, I think changing your surname can be a very powerful tool and a sign of ownership in a D/s relationship, but it's not something that's overt or obvious to other people.

Learn something new every day! I'm curious as to what part of the Old World you're from (I'm guessing UK) and when this started becoming less unusual.

 

[Maidboy]

Depends on the culture. Some cultures honor a woman's surname over a man's if she is an only child. Some cultures automatically hyphenate surnames and in some both keep their names. My friend comes from a culture where choosing a name for their children includes choosing the last name which could be a name that isn't associated with either parent. Her siblings all have different last names. There's any number of reasons a man may choose his wife's surname including: he likes her name more, she has a profession that uses her well known name so it makes sense that she keeps her name, he doesn't care about societal norms, he wants to get away from being associated with his own last name or in your case wants to use it as an act of showing ownership.

Over time it will just be another choice that men and women have to make and it will not be a big deal at all.

Indeed, there's a dizzying array of traditions across various cultures, and in many cases, having surnames at all is a relatively recent development. Perhaps in some cases it's a "colonialist carry over" from when ruling European colonial bureaucrats wanted to keep better track of "the natives." This was actually how English surnames came into being shortly after the 1066 Norman Conquest, as the French speaking aristocracy needed to keep track of their Anglo-Saxon subjects. And it was not that uncommon for a husband to take the wife's name (or at least for the children to take the mother's name) for reasons of inheritance and land ownership. Some medieval occupational names reflect this; i.e. "Baxter" is a female baker, "Brewster" is a female brewer, "Webster" is a female weaver etc. Anyway...

We're living in a time of rapid cultural change, and I agree that over time, name choice will no longer be a big deal, just as same sex marriages will no longer be.

 

[seela]

Learn something new every day! I'm curious as to what part of the Old World you're from (I'm guessing UK) and when this started becoming less unusual.

I did some digging and the stats say that in about 65% of marriages the woman takes the man's surname and in a bit over 30% of the marriages both parties keep their own surname. In about 2% of marriages the man takes the woman's surname and the rest are either hyphenated surnames or the couple takes a surname that's not neither's.

So not hugely common, that man taking the woman's name business, but becoming more so especialy among the younger generations. The growing trends are both keeping their own name, man taking the woman's name or the couple taking a completely new name.

The growth of the man taking the woman's surname has been slow but steady ever since the change of the name law in the 80s. Before that the woman had to take on the man's surname by law. Although that law was only in effect for 55 years. Before that the surname situation was very open.

I was thinking about my friends and family members who have gotten married in the past 10 years or so, all now in their 30s.

3 men took the woman's name
5 women took the man's name
1 woman took a hyphenated name
The rest kept their own names

I asked one of the guys why he ended up taking the wife's surname. His answer was very practical: he wanted to get rid of the umlauted letters, which were a-plenty in his old surname.

I also did some facebook digging and it really seems like most of my married acquaintances there have kept their own surnames.

 

[Maidboy]

I asked one of the guys why he ended up taking the wife's surname. His answer was very practical: he wanted to get rid of the umlauted letters, which were a-plenty in his old surname.

Those pesky umlauts! I trust that wasn't the prime motivation for courting his future bride.

 

[SalvDali]

It's good to see you! I admit I enjoy hearing about your relationship - thanks for sharing this.

Thanks, the people here have made this journey fun. I Love having a place like this to ask questions and get information on things before I try them.

Life has been crazy lately so I have only done a little lurking and even less posting. My son brought the flu home from school and it is making its way around the house. Kids are almost over it and I assume I am about halfway through it. So far my wife has dodged it but I have the feeling Murphies law will kick in and she will get it will get it soon. I haven't had the flu in over 15 years so I have been in bed for the last 3 days. What can I say, I am a big baby when I get sick.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Dollie

I hate my first name and my husband loves it. It's a dog's name or the name used by women long ago. People call me Dorothy or Dottie.
My last name was too long. When we married it was customary to take the husband's last name. Now with my first name many think it's a stage name or working girl's name.
I don't work but now I do love my full name. Even an actress in a famous move had my full name.
I was 55 before I got my birth cirtificate and found my real name was DOLLY. I was raised DOLLIE and live with it.
If our adopted son has no boys our family name will end. He was our grandson so the bloodline remains.

A rose is still a