My Sad Story

[Dirtymind517]

Thank you for your help to everyone who offered helpful advice and insight People never know how they effect others in this world or who they have saved with what seems like minimum effort or even kind words. Thank you again.

 

[pplwatching]

Based on just this one post, it seems that you are addicted to the excitement of new sexual experiences. The trouble with that kind of addiction is first that from a strictly physical perspective, eventually we run out of new things to try (and not just in a monogamous relationship). Sexual acts that were once new and exciting become routine and mundane. Even bringing a 3rd into your bedroom will only be new and exciting for a fleeting moment, after which you'll start looking for your next 'fix' of new and exciting.

The second problem is much deeper. One of the key elements of monogamous sexual relationships is acceptance. Accepting a lover for who she is as a unique individual, sexually and otherwise is paramount. One of the cornerstones of a healthy monogamous relationship (IMHO) is not only finding a way to meet each of our individual needs, but committing ourselves to finding ways to deepen our love relationship first and foremost. Whatever my needs are, or how I perceive them, making my wife feel loved and accepted for who she is trumps everything. Telling a lover that she is not sexually exciting enough for you runs against the grain of completely and unconditionally accepting who she is. She will always feel that she is not enough for you either inside of the bedroom or out, and you will have begun pulling on the thread that will lead to your relationship unraveling completely.

To summarize, I believe that you need to do three things. First, decide why you want to be in this relationship. From this side of the virtual fence post your reasons seem very selfish. That is, you stay because of what the relationship gives to you and not because of what you can do for it or the woman that you profess to love.

Second, if you decide that selflessly committing yourself to one woman is a path that you want to travel then learn to focus on your relationship. Cut out the online persona, the sex web sites, porn, and whatever else because none of it will ever be real. Reality is the woman who is sharing herself with you. Pining over the things that she is not or that you can't do or have is not doing you or your relationship any favors. Let it all go, and focus on your relationship.

Third, realize and accept that she and the life that you have with her is a choice. Your choice, not your ball and chain. Commit yourself to making the most of that choice. Wake up every morning and re-affirm that choice. Commit yourself to being a willing and dedicated servant of your relationship, not a slave to it. Focus on the ways that you can deepen your love relationship and you may be surprised that your satisfaction with your sexual relationship grows along with it.

The reality of monogamy is that we tend to slip into predictable rhythms. Occasionally seeking new ways to spice up our lovemaking as a way to sustain and deepen our relationships is healthy, but only when the relationship itself is first and foremost. In my opinion, but from reading just one post, your motives that you've expressed are not about deepening your love relationship but are instead about feeding an addiction. After 22 years I know that my wife will never be "new and different" the way that a different lover might be, but I am always learning new things about her. In my humble experience, as our love relationship has deepened so has the satisfaction of feeling and watching her respond during lovemaking. The thrill of new and different has matured into the thrill of knowing that we are sharing ourselves in a way that is much more than physical.

Mixing things up is not meant to staunch the bleeding or revive a mortally wounded relationship. If you feel like your relationship isn't enough, that you're going to go crazy without new and different, and especially if she is not on the same page then now is the time to make some hard choices. The reality of a monogamous commitment is that it is a mutual choice. My humble suggestion is to decide if you are willing to make that commitment. If you aren't, then break off the relationship and find a woman who doesn't expect or want it from you. Let your current lover find someone who is willing to commit himself to her if that's what she wants.

 

[NightL]

for about the last 2 I've more or less completely lost interest.... And this ends my sad tale.

It is all about you isn't it? All I read is me me me.

If you really want to to experience heights unimaginable, heights that have no limit, heights that will never leave you so selfishly bored - there is a very simple solution. Think about giving instead of taking.

Just put your selfish nonsense aside for two seconds and try to learn about your partner. Learn who she really is - in and out of bed. Make everyday better for her and take every love making sessions to new heights for her. If you want a kink - then let it be concentrating on her pleasure - concentrating truly getting to know her then taking her to new heights she could never imagine. Then taking it further, then further...

It might just save your relationship. You just maybe surprised what you gain out of it all.

but hey - since you have lost all interest then let her take up a partner - you might enjoy being a cuckold.

Seriously at 24, you still don't understand yourself yet but you are old enough to start learning about relationships - you are yet a baby in that area. Make it another goal to seek out knowledge on how to make relationships successful. Talk to older happy couples - go to the library and start reading up about them - stretch it out to writings from other cultures and religions - see what you can take from that to apply to your relationship. Take your partner on a journey of love.

Learn how to give, learn your partner's body and her responses beyond even her own knowledge, learn how to love. Try to understand that sex starts well before you hit the bed naked. Learn the journey of intimacy between the two of you before thinking having a fuck outside the relationship will solve your me me nonsense.

Learn how to truly listen to your partner - beyond what you ever believe you have so far. Great sex will start with learning how to listen. Without that - walk out the door so she can have the opportunity with someone else unhindered from your boorish selfish attitudes.

The way I read your message is that you are going to lose your partner soon because you have your head so firmly jammed up your own arse.

 

[LadyVer]

I joined the site years ago because the stories are amazing and the members seem like great people (the women are gorgeous at any and every age, size, and race ) and im hoping to get some help or advice on a problem I've had for a while. So I'm a 24 year old guy in a long lasting relationship of 5 years. I've only been with 2 women sexually and another with no penetration so there hasnt been much variety but lots of fairly kinky sex over the years. On to my problem, I've been in this relationship for 5 years now and for about the last 2 I've more or less completely lost interest. I love the girl, being with her and wouldnt ever want to lose her but sexually I'm done. We've tried spicing things up with "utencils" but that got old fast. I've realized that sexually I enjoy the part where you get to explore an unknown. That trembling sensation of anticipation. The lust and craving that comes with the act of sex. I've lost all emotion that comes with it now and I have the feeling that if we were to add a 3rd party, another woman, I'd get that sensation while keeping my relationship with someone I've made a life with and dont want to lose. Someone to reconnect us sexually so to speak. That, however, isnt something shes willing to do and I cant blame her because im not into the idea of sharing her either. I see the hypocracy but I am just completely uninterested and incredibly horny for what I've dubbed the "unknown" to the point where I've developed fetishes for just about everything (seriously just about everything, I can even think of some that most people arent even aware exist) and taken to posting on sites and scouring personals with no courage to go through with cheating. So at the moment im trapped in a sexual limbo with seemingly no hope for change in sight. And this ends my sad tale.

You're young and don't have a lot of experience. And you joined the site years ago. You need to decide what exactly you want and need from a life partner, or partner of the moment, and what you have to offer. It's up to you to decide what you want and take the steps to get it. I would add that erotica is fantasy, and real life is more than sex and fantasy. Good luck!

 

[dansouthwest]

Based on just this one post, it seems that you are addicted to the excitement of new sexual experiences. The trouble with that kind of addiction is first that from a strictly physical perspective, eventually we run out of new things to try (and not just in a monogamous relationship). Sexual acts that were once new and exciting become routine and mundane. Even bringing a 3rd into your bedroom will only be new and exciting for a fleeting moment, after which you'll start looking for your next 'fix' of new and exciting.

The second problem is much deeper. One of the key elements of monogamous sexual relationships is acceptance. Accepting a lover for who she is as a unique individual, sexually and otherwise is paramount. One of the cornerstones of a healthy monogamous relationship (IMHO) is not only finding a way to meet each of our individual needs, but committing ourselves to finding ways to deepen our love relationship first and foremost. Whatever my needs are, or how I perceive them, making my wife feel loved and accepted for who she is trumps everything. Telling a lover that she is not sexually exciting enough for you runs against the grain of completely and unconditionally accepting who she is. She will always feel that she is not enough for you either inside of the bedroom or out, and you will have begun pulling on the thread that will lead to your relationship unraveling completely.

To summarize, I believe that you need to do three things. First, decide why you want to be in this relationship. From this side of the virtual fence post your reasons seem very selfish. That is, you stay because of what the relationship gives to you and not because of what you can do for it or the woman that you profess to love.

Second, if you decide that selflessly committing yourself to one woman is a path that you want to travel then learn to focus on your relationship. Cut out the online persona, the sex web sites, porn, and whatever else because none of it will ever be real. Reality is the woman who is sharing herself with you. Pining over the things that she is not or that you can't do or have is not doing you or your relationship any favors. Let it all go, and focus on your relationship.

Third, realize and accept that she and the life that you have with her is a choice. Your choice, not your ball and chain. Commit yourself to making the most of that choice. Wake up every morning and re-affirm that choice. Commit yourself to being a willing and dedicated servant of your relationship, not a slave to it. Focus on the ways that you can deepen your love relationship and you may be surprised that your satisfaction with your sexual relationship grows along with it.

The reality of monogamy is that we tend to slip into predictable rhythms. Occasionally seeking new ways to spice up our lovemaking as a way to sustain and deepen our relationships is healthy, but only when the relationship itself is first and foremost. In my opinion, but from reading just one post, your motives that you've expressed are not about deepening your love relationship but are instead about feeding an addiction. After 22 years I know that my wife will never be "new and different" the way that a different lover might be, but I am always learning new things about her. In my humble experience, as our love relationship has deepened so has the satisfaction of feeling and watching her respond during lovemaking. The thrill of new and different has matured into the thrill of knowing that we are sharing ourselves in a way that is much more than physical.

Mixing things up is not meant to staunch the bleeding or revive a mortally wounded relationship. If you feel like your relationship isn't enough, that you're going to go crazy without new and different, and especially if she is not on the same page then now is the time to make some hard choices. The reality of a monogamous commitment is that it is a mutual choice. My humble suggestion is to decide if you are willing to make that commitment. If you aren't, then break off the relationship and find a woman who doesn't expect or want it from you. Let your current lover find someone who is willing to commit himself to her if that's what she wants.

Hands down one of the best things I've read in a very long time.

 

[Dirtymind517]

It is all about you isn't it? All I read is me me me.

If you really want to to experience heights unimaginable, heights that have no limit, heights that will never leave you so selfishly bored - there is a very simple solution. Think about giving instead of taking.

Just put your selfish nonsense aside for two seconds and try to learn about your partner. Learn who she really is - in and out of bed. Make everyday better for her and take every love making sessions to new heights for her. If you want a kink - then let it be concentrating on her pleasure - concentrating truly getting to know her then taking her to new heights she could never imagine. Then taking it further, then further...

It might just save your relationship. You just maybe surprised what you gain out of it all.

but hey - since you have lost all interest then let her take up a partner - you might enjoy being a cuckold.

Seriously at 24, you still don't understand yourself yet but you are old enough to start learning about relationships - you are yet a baby in that area. Make it another goal to seek out knowledge on how to make relationships successful. Talk to older happy couples - go to the library and start reading up about them - stretch it out to writings from other cultures and religions - see what you can take from that to apply to your relationship. Take your partner on a journey of love.

Learn how to give, learn your partner's body and her responses beyond even her own knowledge, learn how to love. Try to understand that sex starts well before you hit the bed naked. Learn the journey of intimacy between the two of you before thinking having a fuck outside the relationship will solve your me me nonsense.

Learn how to truly listen to your partner - beyond what you ever believe you have so far. Great sex will start with learning how to listen. Without that - walk out the door so she can have the opportunity with someone else unhindered from your boorish selfish attitudes.

The way I read your message is that you are going to lose your partner soon because you have your head so firmly jammed up your own arse.

Well firstly, I'd like to say that the name of the thread IS "MY story" so it would make sense that I talk a bit about myself doesnt it?

Secondly, we've been together for 5 years. Its safe to say I know every inch, smell, and taste of her body because I in fact give more than I receive. After 5 years I've also heard quite a lot of what it is she has to say as well.

Thirdly, I dont see how my behavior is "boorish". When she lost her mother I was there to console her. When she lived with heroin addicts, I supported her financially. When she was evicted due to said heroin addicts being unable to pay their share of the rent, I suggested she move in with me. Maybe we have different opinions of what "boorish" is. To me, its someone who without any knowledge of a persons situation doesnt offer a shred of insight but instead slams them, tries to speak as though theyre intelligent yet attempts to disguise the word "ass" as something less then boorish itself by adding the letter R to it. But hey, thats just me.

 

[Dirtymind517]

Based on just this one post, it seems that you are addicted to the excitement of new sexual experiences. The trouble with that kind of addiction is first that from a strictly physical perspective, eventually we run out of new things to try (and not just in a monogamous relationship). Sexual acts that were once new and exciting become routine and mundane. Even bringing a 3rd into your bedroom will only be new and exciting for a fleeting moment, after which you'll start looking for your next 'fix' of new and exciting.

The second problem is much deeper. One of the key elements of monogamous sexual relationships is acceptance. Accepting a lover for who she is as a unique individual, sexually and otherwise is paramount. One of the cornerstones of a healthy monogamous relationship (IMHO) is not only finding a way to meet each of our individual needs, but committing ourselves to finding ways to deepen our love relationship first and foremost. Whatever my needs are, or how I perceive them, making my wife feel loved and accepted for who she is trumps everything. Telling a lover that she is not sexually exciting enough for you runs against the grain of completely and unconditionally accepting who she is. She will always feel that she is not enough for you either inside of the bedroom or out, and you will have begun pulling on the thread that will lead to your relationship unraveling completely.

To summarize, I believe that you need to do three things. First, decide why you want to be in this relationship. From this side of the virtual fence post your reasons seem very selfish. That is, you stay because of what the relationship gives to you and not because of what you can do for it or the woman that you profess to love.

Second, if you decide that selflessly committing yourself to one woman is a path that you want to travel then learn to focus on your relationship. Cut out the online persona, the sex web sites, porn, and whatever else because none of it will ever be real. Reality is the woman who is sharing herself with you. Pining over the things that she is not or that you can't do or have is not doing you or your relationship any favors. Let it all go, and focus on your relationship.

Third, realize and accept that she and the life that you have with her is a choice. Your choice, not your ball and chain. Commit yourself to making the most of that choice. Wake up every morning and re-affirm that choice. Commit yourself to being a willing and dedicated servant of your relationship, not a slave to it. Focus on the ways that you can deepen your love relationship and you may be surprised that your satisfaction with your sexual relationship grows along with it.

The reality of monogamy is that we tend to slip into predictable rhythms. Occasionally seeking new ways to spice up our lovemaking as a way to sustain and deepen our relationships is healthy, but only when the relationship itself is first and foremost. In my opinion, but from reading just one post, your motives that you've expressed are not about deepening your love relationship but are instead about feeding an addiction. After 22 years I know that my wife will never be "new and different" the way that a different lover might be, but I am always learning new things about her. In my humble experience, as our love relationship has deepened so has the satisfaction of feeling and watching her respond during lovemaking. The thrill of new and different has matured into the thrill of knowing that we are sharing ourselves in a way that is much more than physical.

Mixing things up is not meant to staunch the bleeding or revive a mortally wounded relationship. If you feel like your relationship isn't enough, that you're going to go crazy without new and different, and especially if she is not on the same page then now is the time to make some hard choices. The reality of a monogamous commitment is that it is a mutual choice. My humble suggestion is to decide if you are willing to make that commitment. If you aren't, then break off the relationship and find a woman who doesn't expect or want it from you. Let your current lover find someone who is willing to commit himself to her if that's what she wants.

You live up to the title of "guru". Very insightful. You've touched on a lot of things that I've realized myself and offered a few things I have yet to consider. I sincerly thank you for your input.

 

[Dirtymind517]

You're young and don't have a lot of experience. And you joined the site years ago. You need to decide what exactly you want and need from a life partner, or partner of the moment, and what you have to offer. It's up to you to decide what you want and take the steps to get it. I would add that erotica is fantasy, and real life is more than sex and fantasy. Good luck!

Thank you for your input and wishing me luck.

 

[NightL]

na - you still don't get it - you are still spouting me me me

"I did this - I did that" I I I me me me

So she owes you now...? But it is not working for you

leave or grow up - she does not need someone who is forever going to judge her against a previous life.

You just displayed you have no concept of what I was saying.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

^Possibly the best post ever made on this forum.

I scored it LAME

 

[NightL]

Well firstly, I'd like to say that the name of the thread IS "MY story"

No - the title of your thread was "Pity me". I don't - I just feel sad for your partner.

 

[NightL]

I scored it LAME

Uncle Jizzless Dry Balls, you thought it appropriate to announce how you punched your partner in the face here on Lit - so your opinion has faeces smeared all over it.

 

[LadyVer]

No - the title of your thread was "Pity me". I don't - I just feel sad for your partner.

Why do you have to be such a self-righteous ass to those looking for advice on this forum?

 

[NightL]

Why do you have to be such a self-righteous ass to those looking for advice on this forum?

Hello LadyVer,

I believe this is the first time I have engaged or responded directly to basically anything you have written.

If you disagree with me, as you often indicate, rather than take your swipes with no structure, why don't you discuss the points that cause issue for you?

Why does constructive advice have to be packaged in cotton wool? If I am of the opinion someone has displayed insensitivity toward their partner yet grumble about their relationship I will speak my mind. (now read that last sentence again)

This is a forum, not Aunt Sally's relationship column.

So, perhaps with what I have just written – take my one line you quoted and follow it back up to my original post. Pull it apart if you care, offer insights as to where you believe my offerings could be detrimental to a relationship. Surely such a discussion can only offer more ideas for the man and his “sad story”.

Maybe more directly to your question – if someone has a sign on their arse saying “kick me” I just may do that if I feel inclined – but I will always say why I did it. They have the choice to take on board what I say or not. If they then write “KICK ME” again in bigger letters I might just have another go.

I do actually care about people and relationships a lot – perhaps that is why I have hung around this place for so long. Apart from poking Uncle dribble in his pants with a stick from time to time, go back through my post history and point out where any of my offerings could be considered detrimental to sustaining positive and happy relationships. You will also observe my approach very different for those with the "help us" sign which is not followed by a whole lot of "me me me".

 

[Dirtymind517]

Actually no, in the queens English arse and ass are two different words. One's a donkey, the other is what you sit on/who you are. Sometimes both fit though.

Haha I'm aware its in the same vein as the word colour. I just wanted to take a halberd to their particular high horse. Most of what was in the comment was uncalled for on a forum where people bare their thoughts and soul.

 

[Dirtymind517]

Hello LadyVer,

I believe this is the first time I have engaged or responded directly to basically anything you have written.

If you disagree with me, as you often indicate, rather than take your swipes with no structure, why don't you discuss the points that cause issue for you?

Why does constructive advice have to be packaged in cotton wool? If I am of the opinion someone has displayed insensitivity toward their partner yet grumble about their relationship I will speak my mind. (now read that last sentence again)

This is a forum, not Aunt Sally's relationship column.

So, perhaps with what I have just written – take my one line you quoted and follow it back up to my original post. Pull it apart if you care, offer insights as to where you believe my offerings could be detrimental to a relationship. Surely such a discussion can only offer more ideas for the man and his “sad story”.

Maybe more directly to your question – if someone has a sign on their arse saying “kick me” I just may do that if I feel inclined – but I will always say why I did it. They have the choice to take on board what I say or not. If they then write “KICK ME” again in bigger letters I might just have another go.

I do actually care about people and relationships a lot – perhaps that is why I have hung around this place for so long. Apart from poking Uncle dribble in his pants with a stick from time to time, go back through my post history and point out where any of my offerings could be considered detrimental to sustaining positive and happy relationships. You will also observe my approach very different for those with the "help us" sign which is not followed by a whole lot of "me me me".

Me me me. Look, the most positive thing you can do for this thread is move on. We've seen your input and found it wanting. Youre smart enough to know that if I apparently crave pity and attention then the worst thing you could do is feed into it. Although, it IS better then feeding your own need to come off as someone who speaks their mind and the subsequent negativity towards everyone that ensues.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

LADY VER

Lets talk about why you don't keep your promises. You talk out your ass.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Colour me surprised!

I looked at my mint taking over my entire fucking garden and thought of you today.

Mint will do that.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Uncle Jizzless Dry Balls, you thought it appropriate to announce how you punched your partner in the face here on Lit - so your opinion has faeces smeared all over it.

Did I say how she pushed my severed thumb back against my wrist? She was pissed cuz I told her mama to stop parking her fat ass by the bedroom door at night. So wifey shoved me and got the severed thumb just reattached at the hospital. Hurt like a bastid. I hit her so hard the bed collapsed when she landed on it. Its called anger management tutorial.

 

[LadyVer]

Jim, next time you work with a VE, negotiate a deadline and don't send any pm's that could be misinterpreted.

 

[LadyVer]

Hello LadyVer,

I believe this is the first time I have engaged or responded directly to basically anything you have written.

If you disagree with me, as you often indicate, rather than take your swipes with no structure, why don't you discuss the points that cause issue for you?

Why does constructive advice have to be packaged in cotton wool? If I am of the opinion someone has displayed insensitivity toward their partner yet grumble about their relationship I will speak my mind. (now read that last sentence again)

This is a forum, not Aunt Sally's relationship column.

So, perhaps with what I have just written – take my one line you quoted and follow it back up to my original post. Pull it apart if you care, offer insights as to where you believe my offerings could be detrimental to a relationship. Surely such a discussion can only offer more ideas for the man and his “sad story”.

Maybe more directly to your question – if someone has a sign on their arse saying “kick me” I just may do that if I feel inclined – but I will always say why I did it. They have the choice to take on board what I say or not. If they then write “KICK ME” again in bigger letters I might just have another go.

I do actually care about people and relationships a lot – perhaps that is why I have hung around this place for so long. Apart from poking Uncle dribble in his pants with a stick from time to time, go back through my post history and point out where any of my offerings could be considered detrimental to sustaining positive and happy relationships. You will also observe my approach very different for those with the "help us" sign which is not followed by a whole lot of "me me me".

What I am saying is, if you want to put someone down who asks for feedback or advice, this is not the forum for it.

 

[NightL]

What I am saying is, if you want to put someone down who asks for feedback or advice, this is not the forum for it.

apologies Rainshine - but your post is worth quoting here

Well, you did ask for advice/opinion. Sometimes we all get ones we don't agree with or like hearing.

LadyVer while I acknowledge your 18,379 posts since 2012 makes my 2,552 seem insignificant in quantity - but I have been posting away in my usual style since I became more active around 2010. Even Uncle jimbly saggy scrote can attest to that. 99.9% of my posts have been right here at the How To... So I am not about to change just because it offends your sensibilities of what is right and proper. Particularly when the majority of your posting is made elsewhere.

It is amusing that a "tut tut tut" is coming from someone who is sharing pleasantries with Uncle Jimbo sand in the sacks.

Look, if I really cared or valued your input and efforts of interpretation for what I write for others I would have engaged you in dialogue long ago.

I do now whole heatedly invite you critique my every post in detail.

If my directness for what I write toward others somehow offends you, as it apparently does, your options are to ignore it, especially since it was not intended for you, or you could offer something of substance yourself.

I promise though, unless you directly refer to me or invite me into discussion, you will fade to the background again.

 

[Dirtymind517]

Well, you did ask for advice/opinion. Sometimes we all get ones we don't agree with or like hearing.

I understand and I appreciate your candor. Your ability to speak to me with no bias and prejudice for me personally is what I like to think sites like this and others were created for.