Discovering you are not monogamous?

[jonpatato]

Hello!

I recently discovered in the last three years, I am not monogamous.
I am polyamorous.
Are there any others here that have made the same discovery?

 

[screwher]

I know that I'm monogamous. It's now obvious that my wife is not. I'm good with that. She recently confessed to a second affair. Soon after I had a confession of my own: the idea of her having sex with another man turns me on immensely. She knows she has my approval to take another lover when she's ready.

 

[jonpatato]

I am not married, but recently met a lady that is poly and bi.
So I am going to see what happens.

 

[Conager]

I always viewed monogamy is a conscious decision. I realize that I can only speak from my own perspective but I can't imagine another perspective in this case I cannot imagine that people who have actual viable options to meet and get to know and seduce or be seduced by other people would not find that appealing. I can completely understand where a lot of sensible people would not follow through for any number of reasons whether it might be a point of honour or that it's just seems too complicated or messy or confusing but I cannot imagine that there are people on the planet who are not capable of being attracted to more than one person at the same time.

after a couple of decades monogamy it's somewhat habitual for me I start having monogamous thoughts. Even about a one-night stand when it's clearly not called for required or a good idea.

so anyway what I'm trying to say is that I think most people are capable of being polyamorous as least as it relates to your own desires. The question is why would most people want to take the risk of being the third in a Triad when you aren't the one that's having your cake and eating it too.

The statistical odds of finding three people who are all wildly attracted to each other and more or less equally so that no one's feelings get hurt seems like somewhere between slim and 0.

I have a working theory that I've been somewhat testing out that has to do with pheromones and attraction. As it relates to female male female threesomes. I maintain that the only time those ever work or when one of the girls is attracted to the other girl and the other girl is attracted to the guy and the girl but the second girl, the third wheel is really not attracted to the guy. If my theory holds ( it has so far for me) the guy is also not as strongly attracted to girl number 2 but of course given the scenario he's attracted enough for his purposes to perhaps go through with it.

here's how I diagram it out. Everyone in the world in theory according to my theory anyway is either an A or a be. Opposites Attract likes do not. So your possibilities are you get a guy who's an A and you get a girl that's a bee that's attracted to him and she's attracted to a girl that's an A but she isn't attracted to the guy that's in a. If you get the guy is an A and the girls are both B the girls aren't attracted to each other, and that thing never even gets proposed.

when it does work it's because The guy isn't that attracted to the second girl but he's attracted to the idea of two girls and it works out because he likes to watch.

I've messed that whole thing up a couple of times by simply noting that the second girl was really not that into me which made it not that interesting to me.

dictated through voice to text but not read sincerely konnagar

 

[jonpatato]

My girlfriend is bi, but we agree at this time. We will not share a person.

 

[suckonsimon]

I'm with Conager's first statement. I'm hugely attracted to the notion of sex for fun with no strings attached and a sporting approach to 'scoring'. Gimme two girls and let me do some double dipping and see if I can get them both squealing simultaneously. Oh yeah.

But ... Oh No. By personal decision. For love of my wife. Treasuring the fabulous run of loving sex we have enjoyed over the decades. Keeping my vow.

Have there been opportunities? Hell yes. Do I sometimes entertain the thoughts of what might have been? Of course. Do I regret my decision of mind and heart and lifestyle intention to be monogamous? Not one little iota.

 

[ChattyAnnie]

When I got engaged I really thought that I could go from someone who had enjoyed many sex partners to a monogamous woman for the rest of my life, and I was (for the most part anyway) until a few years ago when I realized that my craving to have sex with other partners could no longer be ignored. I can't speak for others but I do not find monogamy to be a natural human condition.

 

[jonpatato]

When I got engaged I really thought that I could go from someone who had enjoyed many sex partners to a monogamous woman for the rest of my life, and I was (for the most part anyway) until a few years ago when I realized that my craving to have sex with other partners could no longer be ignored. I can't speak for others but I do not find monogamy to be a natural human condition.

I have always had the same problem. I have never married because I never felt comfortable when trying to be monogamous.I realized I wanted to be monogamous because society had taught me to be.

 

[SquirtnBrat]

In my opinion, going into any relationship and expecting 100% monogamy for 50+yrs is setting yourself up for failure. In historical context communities that were free loving raised their children as a community and that environment was more emotionally stable. We are social animals. Nothing wrong with admitting we have urges and desires that can't be centerized around one other person.

 

[jonpatato]

It is kind of strange to me. I have had men tell me monogamy is tbe way to go. Even though some admitted to being unfaithful.
I have had women that I thought would be against non monogamous relationships, say tbey believed it was best to be non monogamous.

 

[jonpatato]

In my opinion, going into any relationship and expecting 100% monogamy for 50+yrs is setting yourself up for failure. In historical context communities that were free loving raised their children as a community and that environment was more emotionally stable. We are social animals. Nothing wrong with admitting we have urges and desires that can't be centerized around one other person.

I agree, it builds resentment sometimes to go along with social pressure.

 

[srgreene]

Hello!

I recently discovered in the last three years, I am not monogamous. I am polyamorous.
Are there any others here that have made the same discovery?

Monogamy was a big adjustment for me after I got married and always a struggle. Even in my 60's, a part of me would like to know that another man wants me.

Humans are not a monogamous species. Some of our closest animal relatives - well a chimpanzee or bonobo female comes into estrous, and she's the common property of the entire troop. Somehow I can't imagine that cavewoman didn't sneak a few quickies in on the side.

 

[jonpatato]

Monogamy was a big adjustment for me after I got married and always a struggle. Even in my 60's, a part of me would like to know that another man wants me.

Humans are not a monogamous species. Some of our closest animal relatives - well a chimpanzee or bonobo female comes into estrous, and she's the common property of the entire troop. Somehow I can't imagine that cavewoman didn't sneak a few quickies in on the side.

It amazes me, women seem to believe in non monogamous relationships
more so than men.

 

[spicedchaigirl]

My bf isn't monogamous and when we met, I was okay with that. He's a great guy and communicates 10x better than anyone I've ever known. I trust him, and he's told his gfs about me.

I'm however discovering monogamy isn't for me, either. I was in a miserable marriage for 5 years too long and my sexuality was stunted. After the divorce and meeting my bf, I've also discovered I'm bisexual too.

 

[jonpatato]

My bf isn't monogamous and when we met, I was okay with that. He's a great guy and communicates 10x better than anyone I've ever known. I trust him, and he's told his gfs about me.

I'm however discovering monogamy isn't for me, either. I was in a miserable marriage for 5 years too long and my sexuality was stunted. After the divorce and meeting my bf, I've also discovered I'm bisexual too.

I am 61 years old. I never stop learning new things about myself.

 

[srgreene]

It amazes me, women seem to believe in non monogamous relationships
more so than men.

We want to know that daddy will be there.

 

[saustin5432]

I don't know that I need to classify myself, but I like sex...any way, any partner. Monogamy would be hard for me. My perfect relationship would involve a lot of variety, women, men, groups, you name it.

 

[BadGirl420]

Polyamourous

Within the past few years I've discovered I'm polyamorous. I struggled for years with my "identity" but once I read the definition if polyamory I knew that's where I fit in. I have a girlfriend and a husband. Also other lovers.
I love this lifestyle.