Why do you like pain?

[Nezhul]

Ok, my question is for those who find receiving pain enjoyable. Not necessarily in a physical sense.

I ask this question because I cannot explain it to myself. I know I don't like pain as a feeling - pain hurts . But I still kinda like the idea of being restrained and tortured a bit. And yea, as much as I may hate the process I have to admit that with my limited experience I liked it still. There are also periods in my life where I enjoy pain-oriented porn, and I don't enjoy so much seeing someone tortured as imagining being in their place.
I still can't put it into words.

I tried searching for some articles, but they either boil down to chemistry (hormones) or address the submissive side of it (being below someone). Those answers didn't seem very good for me.

Not that it is really IMPORTANT to put the answer into words. I'm totally fine with just liking what I like and not thinking too much about it. But I write a story where I really wanted to explain it and found out I couldn't, so I thought that maybe the forum will give me some ideas.

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

Not that it is really IMPORTANT to put the answer into words. I'm totally fine with just liking what I like and not thinking too much about it. But I write a story where I really wanted to explain it and found out I couldn't, so I thought that maybe the forum will give me some ideas.

Writing can be very therapeutic if you allow it be. Yes, eventually most cases can be scientifically boiled down to dopamine, endorphins, adrenaline, etc, but if you want to define it for yourself, focus more on your own physical, mental, and emotional reactions to 'pain.' The word 'pain' carries a negative social connotation, and if you allow yourself to be wrapped up in the negative aspects, then exploring what positives you get out of it, will be more difficult.
Focus instead on what acts work specifically for you, and then observe your own physical and emotional reactions to that act. Do you feel degraded? Do you feel free to let go, and not be in control of something in your life? Do you normally have issues expressing your feelings, and your reactions allow an outlet that you normally would not be able to show? These are just some examples; one or none may apply to you, and that's okay.
Once you've reflected on your own reactions and experiences, reflect on your partner's reactions to your enjoyment. Do they seem more confident, and you like the idea that you helped to build them up to that? Do you like the idea of pleasing them? Again, just some of the many suggestions.
Happy soul searching, and good luck with your writing.

 

[Blue]

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[Nezhul]

Yea, I figured as much. I guess for my taste the loss of control is pretty much says it, but I still would be interested to hear more.

 

[Fostershm]

You and I sound a lot a like . I don't enjoy the actual feeling of the pain but the mental state I'm in, the situation and the person inflicting the pain are what I enjoy about it. Plus any marks that are left I find empowering.

When I've been asked why I enjoy pain and I respond with "I don't" it causes some confused looks until I explain that I enjoy the energy exchange between my partner and I when we play like that, I enjoy seeing his enjoyment of hurting me and then the feeling of the power exchange between us - then they understand a bit better

I haven't played like that in a while and I miss it.

 

[SpunThings]

Ok, my question is for those who find receiving pain enjoyable. Not necessarily in a physical sense.

I ask this question because I cannot explain it to myself. I know I don't like pain as a feeling - pain hurts . But I still kinda like the idea of being restrained and tortured a bit. And yea, as much as I may hate the process I have to admit that with my limited experience I liked it still. There are also periods in my life where I enjoy pain-oriented porn, and I don't enjoy so much seeing someone tortured as imagining being in their place.
I still can't put it into words.

I tried searching for some articles, but they either boil down to chemistry (hormones) or address the submissive side of it (being below someone). Those answers didn't seem very good for me.

Not that it is really IMPORTANT to put the answer into words. I'm totally fine with just liking what I like and not thinking too much about it. But I write a story where I really wanted to explain it and found out I couldn't, so I thought that maybe the forum will give me some ideas.

I'm just wired to get off pain and suffering in a safe intimate context. There's no more soul searching needed. After we started including pain into our play, I looked back on my life and it makes a lot of sense. I think it really is brain chemistry and "wiring". You were probably born predisposed to like this, just as you were born predisposed to like certain hobbies, or foods, or music, or whatever. If you'd never found S&M, maybe that predisposition would have manifested in some other way. I think hardcore athletes are wired similar. Who else would be driven to an activity that is physically intense, and often painful? Some people love the pain of vigorous exercise.

 

[Raingirl85]

A lot of it is psychological for me.. the giving up control, the excitement of punishment and being dominated. BUT there is definitely a physiological appeal also. I find that when I'm slapped or spanked the stinging, hot skin feels like every nerve is on fire so alive and all that heat suffuses me making every part of my body feel so intensely so that then when he touches me, kisses, licks, sucks, or fucks me it is completely heightened..also just love the mixing of pain and pleasure, like when cooking how you need to combine some salty to offset the sweet in a favorite dessert..or the delicious marriage of dark chocolate with cinnamon and hot pepper... it takes something great on its own (sex:chocolate) and elevates it.

 

[LallyH]

Reaction to physical stimuli varies from person to person. Some people enjoy being tickled - others don't react, or they may dislike it. Others enjoy being kissed on the neck - I find that so horrible that I will jerk away from it.

Like most people, there is a long list of sensations that I find painful and would avoid where possible - migraine headaches, breaking my leg, burns from a naked flame. You get the idea.

But there are other sensations that, in the right circumstances, and in the right mindset of relaxation and trust, I find so pleasurable that I orgasm from them, but I know that others would find them just painful. What some would feel as a horrible stinging burn gives me a deep, warm and fulfilling glow.

So I think it's how our brains deal with the physical sensations - people are wired differently. I don't think that anyone could 'learn' to enjoy pain if they are not naturally inclined that way, although I imagine that some build up a tolerance to it to please their partners.

 

[apom]

I don't like pain. It hurts. But I can't get enough of someone enjoying watching me suffer.

 

[Joeknoxville]

I like accepting what my wife wants to give me, knowing full well that what she is doing "hurts" me, but also knowing that she would never really hurt me by going too far. I give the same back to her and she takes it willingly. We both get enjoyment out of it, and nobody gets hurt (except temporarily . It works for us.

 

[CoercedAnon]

not sure if i like pain, as in the moment it sucks...but there seems to be, for me, a tie between physical pain and "letting go" on an emotional level.
maybe pain is a catalyst for release?
i wonder, does that work in the reverse? as in: someone who likes to give pain also gets a type of catharsis?
oi, midwest yankee...what do you reckon?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I am not a pain slut, but I love meeting my partner's needs. There's something just completely satisfying about letting him.

 

[Etoile]

In the words of my sadist after we took a hike and my feet hurt: "Good pain good, bad pain bad."

I want to say I'm not a masochist. I've tried to avoid the word for a long time. But pain makes me wet, at least the good pain. In some ways it's what people have mentioned - taking it for someone, pleasing someone. But it can also be about the ordeal - I have gone through heavy beatings and come through fine. I survived. Even the little pain (he bit my pinky toe the other day, OWFUCK) is, for just a moment, something to survive.

Surviving can be cathartic, but the permission to scream is also wonderfully so. Screaming and crying are not parts of our society. No matter how much mental anguish you're in, you're supposed to keep it inside. But at a public play space, where there's no one to call the cops? Oh god do I love screaming bloody murder. My sadist loves tears, and he'll push me to cry. It feels so fucking good to let that go, sometimes.

Yummy. Damn, now I need to get laid.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cascadiabound]

Why do I like pain? I would hesitate to categorize myself as a masochist, and I certainly do not require pain for sexual gratification, but I have been amazed at the effect that pain and impact play has had on my states of arousal and have given me a full on sense of euphoria akin to orgasm without actual sexual satisfaction.

I do not know how others define the term "Pain Slut" - if it is defined by becoming obscenely wet at both the idea of and the actual application of pain... well, then that is me. There is definitely pain that is too much and pain that I do not want and will not tolerate. And, for me, pain/ impact play is only okay in the context of a trusting and safe environment - with someone I trust more than I trust myself. Who loves me and would never allow actual harm to come to me. Into whose care I can utterly fall.

What does pain do for me? Why do I like it? I like that it gives me more sensation. That it stimulates me. That it warms my flesh and heats me up. I like the burn and the sting. I like that it hurts and then it changes as the intial pain fades to something different. I like that I do not have control of it. That it is something that is given to me. I like that I can take it. That my body absorbs it. I like that when my nerve endings start to be over stimulated with pain... that my brain has to quiet down. That the pain seems to wash away all of the clutter that fills me... that unsettles me... that distracts me.

I find that especially in a long session of 50, 60, 90, 120, 150 spanks... that my body just goes limp... stops fighting... the heat and the pain becomes a warmth. And this euphoria fills me... I feel so washed clean that I crave this feeling. this cleansing. I do not even need to cry, or cry out after the first couple dozen... I just cling to him...

I also love pain in combination with sexual stimulation... having my breasts or mons spanked, or ass spanked, nipples clamped, hair pulled, while being fucked... again - the combination of sensation - erotic stimulation and pain these things seems to multiple each other. And the application of pain to my body, while I am being fucked - it punctuates the fact of having given up all control - and perhaps for me this is the greatest aphrodisiac of all.

I love my the ache in my body later - the next day. The bruises on my ass and breasts... the tenderness in my nipples... soreness from having been so used. It makes me feel... possessed. And the sweetness of the residual pain of our play...this reminds me of his love for me.

cb

 

[timmyid2]

I don't like pain. It hurts. But I can't get enough of someone enjoying watching me suffer.

Yep. This. The excitement and anticipation start things off, but i LOVE being the center of attention as I'm being abused. My objective is to satisfy HIS desires. If that means bruises and welts, then that's a small price to pay.

timmy

 

[Imaverycuriousguy]

Pain

I have a very sensitive right nipple. When I am not aroused a little pinch hurts and I will pull away. As I become more aroused I want my partner to increasingly twist pinch and bite my nipple. If the pain and arousal are out of synchronize it hurts. If in synch they are complimentary sensations. As I approach orgasm my partner has free reign and honestly - my tolerance at that point has no boundaries. The pain is a complimentary sensation that amplifies the orgasm.

Many times my nipple is so tender and sore the next day but reliving that sensation leafs again to aroussl. Just amazing!

 

[Nezhul]

wow, so many different ideas and approaches. Some I can definitely sympathize with, some others - not so much, but I still find them hot. And as for the story I was writing - yea, that helped me put something into words. =)
Thank you all.

For myself, I find that "being out of control" things is the main drive. Being able to let go and relax and just take whatever is given is another thing. I find I like how it empowers my girlfriend in my eyes, it's hard to put my finger on it. Almost like she's a sexy strict teacher and has power over my punishment (but that explanation feels off because I never had a thing for teachers, and it's not like there's some wrongdoing to be punished for involved too). As I thought about it more, I can definitely say that some pain leaves a good sensation after initial sting - so I guess there's that part for me also.
I don't really like/care for bruises and marks, and I would probably dislike black and blue bruises, but I can definitely see where those of you that like them are coming from.

Again, thanks for your thoughts. =)

 

[apom]

I've been looking quietly for a long, long time and just recently fallen into an opportunity to become the play thing for a group of very creative gentlemen, and while I'm not quite ready to live it 24/7, I have to say, I sure hope more weekends like the one they showed me are in my future. I was sore for weeks afterward and think it will probably still be a while before my head is ready for that kind of intensity again, but I'm hooked. I'll definitely never look at a yardstick or garden hose the same way.

It's not about attention for me, though. I'm inferior and it feels good to be put in my place. I'd rather be treated like some thing than some one, used and put away, not valued or loved. And someone hurting me because it's fun reduces me before the world to that subhuman object, the kind of worthless that I know I am. It doesn't have to be pain. Taking whatever you want from me without regarding my consequences or ever thinking about what I feel does the trick.

I don't like hurting, but I love being hurt, if that makes any sense.

 

[Sweetemmygirl]

I think many people are too wrapped up in their memories to understand why pain feels good. We associate physical pain with emotional pain but it is completely different. For example, some of us received spankings as children as a method of discipline. Yes, they were painful but more often than not they were administered in anger. That is not what should happen in this type of relationship. I would never allow a partner to strike me in anger. I love spankings and rough play because that bite of pain makes the pleasure so much better. You have to make sure that both partners are on the same page. Make your likes, dislikes and limits clear. If you like, for example, canning, but your partner doesnt, you aren't going to get what you need. Don't allow yourself to do something you aren't comfortable with just because your partner likes it. Again, the pleasure and satisfaction won't be there. You like what you like and that's ok. Be true to yourself. That's most important. Good luck.

 

[DudeA]

Hmm, it seems like most people like the psychological aspect of pain more than the physical pain. I'm sure most people don't actually like pain, that's the whole point, you're not supposed to like pain.

And most people seem to like the feeling of being degraded, to be "put in their place", to be less than human or actually become more human, to be more tender. I think it's because most subs put check on their pride and arrogance, then try to get rid of them. If only they could be "put in their place", to have their feet on their ground then they could lose their pride and become more loving. It would also mean a sacrifice for their partner. And apparently, this is pleasurable and satisfying, in the same way for the doms that it's pleasurable and satisfying to inflict pain on others.

I don't think most people actually like inflicting physical pain on others, that's rather unhealthy. I think most doms do it because they think the sub likes it, but if they don't actually like it, then it would be a waste.

 

[SpunThings]

Hmm, it seems like most people like the psychological aspect of pain more than the physical pain. I'm sure most people don't actually like pain, that's the whole point, you're not supposed to like pain.

And most people seem to like the feeling of being degraded, to be "put in their place", to be less than human or actually become more human, to be more tender. I think it's because most subs put check on their pride and arrogance, then try to get rid of them. If only they could be "put in their place", to have their feet on their ground then they could lose their pride and become more loving. It would also mean a sacrifice for their partner. And apparently, this is pleasurable and satisfying, in the same way for the doms that it's pleasurable and satisfying to inflict pain on others.

I don't think most people actually like inflicting physical pain on others, that's rather unhealthy. I think most doms do it because they think the sub likes it, but if they don't actually like it, then it would be a waste.

Wow, you've done a lot of speaking for other people. I suggest you speak for yourself from now on. None of this is universal. We all come to this with differences. There ARE actually people who like the pain even though it still registers as pain to them, and there are also people whose brains translate all pain as pleasure.

I do not like it so I can be "put in my place". You took what we all said and constructed an incorrect story about why we all like pain. I don't see any of what you describe in what I wrote.

My partner actually does very much like causing me pain. He happens to be an ethical person who would only ever do so with another person's consent. There absolutely ARE people who truly desire to cause others pain. You may not, and you may not be able to fathom it, but that doesn't mean the experience of others isn't real.

Basically, you couldn't be more wrong.

 

[Blue]

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[DudeA]

Yeesh... can you be any more overreacting.

I'm sure that there are people who actually experience pain as pleasure ("true masochism"), but I think that's rare, and that's not what this thread is about, it's about why people like pain, and not necessarily about physical pain. And these are my possible explanations, so you can take it or leave it. If it doesn't fit you, then you can just ignore it, I didn't claim that it was universal. But some people may find the psychological explanation correct.

I didn't say no one liked to inflict (physical) pain on others, I said most people don't, and if they do, it's rather unhealthy (we all inflict pain on others from time to time, especially emotionally and psychologically). And yes, that's the whole point, consent means that both sides agree and WANT it, hence proving that doms are really doing what the doms think subs want.

 

[SpunThings]

Yeesh... can you be any more overreacting.

I'm sure that there are people who actually experience pain as pleasure ("true masochism"), but I think that's rare, and that's not what this thread is about, it's about why people like pain, and not necessarily about physical pain. And these are my possible explanations, so you can take it or leave it. If it doesn't fit you, then you can just ignore it, I didn't claim that it was universal. But some people may find the psychological explanation correct.

I didn't say no one liked to inflict (physical) pain on others, I said most people don't, and if they do, it's rather unhealthy (we all inflict pain on others from time to time, especially emotionally and psychologically). And yes, that's the whole point, consent means that both sides agree and WANT it, hence proving that doms are really doing what the doms think subs want.

I reacted as strongly as I saw fit. I don't look to you for permission to React strongly.

I still think you're wrong. It is possible to be a healthy well adjusted person and want to inflict pain on someone.