butters
High on a Hill
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2009
- Posts
- 85,935
I tried to put a harness on Pippin today. Bad move.
First of it was like the opening minutes of Saving Private Ryan. So then I thought I'd trust him and let him off on his own, but no, he was like a mad cunt in and out of the bushes and trees like that kid in Home Alone whilst I stood dabbing my gaping wounds with Dettol. Ruby was giving him the death stare and hissing like the gravedigger in Salem's Lot so I thought I'd try and get him in at this point.
This consisted of me running round the lawn in circles (I don't run. Ever.) with a pink glitter wand with a fucking mouse on the end making the stupid cat talk he normally responds to IN THE FUCKING HOUSE. Apparently outside this language is now obsolete. Worried he'd be off and over the fence never to be seen again I ran gazelle like (stumbled muttering "ginger fucking cunt") back into the house to seize a breast (chicken) from the fridge to lure him in with. In the past I've found this is a sure fire method to attract both cats and men (chicken in both cases) and by crikey it worked. Clutching the breast in one hand and a wriggling, shrieking bastard under the other I stalked back in the house and wondered why the fuck didn't I ever consider having a hamster.
it's on replayplease, please, please god let there be video of this encounter
in my head
fata, you ever considered doing stand-up?