The Isolated Blurt Thread XXVI: Spring Forward

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A lawnmower and the wind gusts that we are getting, would be a dangerous combination, today.


Hats are flying.
 
I tried to put a harness on Pippin today. Bad move.

First of it was like the opening minutes of Saving Private Ryan. So then I thought I'd trust him and let him off on his own, but no, he was like a mad cunt in and out of the bushes and trees like that kid in Home Alone whilst I stood dabbing my gaping wounds with Dettol. Ruby was giving him the death stare and hissing like the gravedigger in Salem's Lot so I thought I'd try and get him in at this point.

This consisted of me running round the lawn in circles (I don't run. Ever.) with a pink glitter wand with a fucking mouse on the end making the stupid cat talk he normally responds to IN THE FUCKING HOUSE. Apparently outside this language is now obsolete. Worried he'd be off and over the fence never to be seen again I ran gazelle like (stumbled muttering "ginger fucking cunt") back into the house to seize a breast (chicken) from the fridge to lure him in with. In the past I've found this is a sure fire method to attract both cats and men (chicken in both cases) and by crikey it worked. Clutching the breast in one hand and a wriggling, shrieking bastard under the other I stalked back in the house and wondered why the fuck didn't I ever consider having a hamster.
 
what game are you watching ?

England v Holland. Ref was awful. He should have given the Netherlands a penalty in the first couple of minutes and England a free kick in the lead up to Holland's second goal.
 
I tried to put a harness on Pippin today. Bad move.

First of it was like the opening minutes of Saving Private Ryan. So then I thought I'd trust him and let him off on his own, but no, he was like a mad cunt in and out of the bushes and trees like that kid in Home Alone whilst I stood dabbing my gaping wounds with Dettol. Ruby was giving him the death stare and hissing like the gravedigger in Salem's Lot so I thought I'd try and get him in at this point.

This consisted of me running round the lawn in circles (I don't run. Ever.) with a pink glitter wand with a fucking mouse on the end making the stupid cat talk he normally responds to IN THE FUCKING HOUSE. Apparently outside this language is now obsolete. Worried he'd be off and over the fence never to be seen again I ran gazelle like (stumbled muttering "ginger fucking cunt") back into the house to seize a breast (chicken) from the fridge to lure him in with. In the past I've found this is a sure fire method to attract both cats and men (chicken in both cases) and by crikey it worked. Clutching the breast in one hand and a wriggling, shrieking bastard under the other I stalked back in the house and wondered why the fuck didn't I ever consider having a hamster.

please, please, please god let there be video of this encounter
 
England v Holland. Ref was awful. He should have given the Netherlands a penalty in the first couple of minutes and England a free kick in the lead up to Holland's second goal.

highlight reel didn't show the first bad call you mention.
but yeah, that foul in the box should've been a free kick. bad call.
 
please, please, please god let there be video of this encounter

If the neighbours were watching from upstairs they'll be putting the For Sale signs up tomorrow.

Well, now you've just spoiled my fantasies of you traipsing around in the buff like this

http://49.media.tumblr.com/18c05d9c1f49aab35f72c92671a8a2ad/tumblr_o1v0u741dj1u22t2co1_400.gif

harumph!

;)

I see no reason for it. It's just silly, excessive behaviour. Unless you're running from a spider. Then it's justifiable and necessary.
 
Ugh, please let this just be my imagination and let my spidey-sense be completely off this time...
 
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