How do threesomes work?

[ChibiFangirl]

I haven't been in actual sexual relationship, aside for RPing, but that barely counts. I'm writing a story for this site and I don't want it to be porn-y, I want to be more realistic. Do couples plan this thing out? Is there usually some conflict? How do you determine who is the third person?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Ah, the age old question.

Do couples plan this thing out?

The few I was involved with weren't planned at all...they just happened. But I understand that sometimes they are planned.

Is there usually some conflict?

Conflict. That depends on the couple and the odd person out. My experience had no conflict at all. We didn't plan it, it just happened. It wouldn't have happen if me and my partner hadn't agreed at the time.

How do you determine who is the third person?

There are two thoughts on that. 1. you go find a stranger, someone you both agree would be nice to be with. 2. you both agree on which friend you will have join you. Either way you talk about it. About who.

Or all this could just be the delusions of an old man in the throws of dementia.

 

[Hard_Rom]

There are some who say a threesome is a FMF thing and a MFM is a gangbang. The FMFs I have been in the girls are besties or were cousins. Girls did a bit of girl on girl but was more giggly than sex sort of thing. More wrestling than sex. Every time girls were very drunk.

No idea and shudder to think about if two guys got it on during. Brother is gay and love and respect him like a brother but still sends shudders up my spine. Wouldn't call myself homophobic by any means.

 

[sssssssh]

So two guys to one girl is not a turn on?

 

[NightL]

This popped up on my FB of all places

So you Want to Have a Threesome...
http://tacit.livejournal.com/616661.html

A lot of writing of the obvious - but if you have never been in such a situation it offers a perspective of the subject from that writer.

Basically you could write whatever you wanted and it would be of the experience of somebody. There is no hidden rule book on the subject - what I have experienced was wonderful, but maybe for another the same situation could have ruined relationships.

Write the outcome you want.

 

[Bramblethorn]

This popped up on my FB of all places

So you Want to Have a Threesome...
http://tacit.livejournal.com/616661.html

Yeah, Tacit (Franklin Veaux) has a lot of good pieces about non-monogamy.

The ones I've been in were with long-term friends, and we talked about stuff well before anything physical happened (mostly safe-sex agreements and other ground rules). I was in a three-person relationship for several years, but even there, threesomes weren't a regular thing; we did them occasionally, and that was a lot of fun, but often it's easier to focus on one person at a time so we often ended up having quality time two at a time.

Tess Mackenzie writes some good stories about nonmonogamy that ring true to me, although it's not always as angsty as hers tend to be.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I never had 3 somes per se, what I got was invited over to fuck the friends wife while he watched.

 

[Eilan]

There are some who say a threesome is a FMF thing and a MFM is a gangbang. The FMFs I have been in the girls are besties or were cousins. Girls did a bit of girl on girl but was more giggly than sex sort of thing. More wrestling than sex. Every time girls were very drunk.

No idea and shudder to think about if two guys got it on during. Brother is gay and love and respect him like a brother but still sends shudders up my spine. Wouldn't call myself homophobic by any means.

I'm totes not a homophobe, but teh gheys are disgusting.

 

[malefica]

Planning is vital - you need to discuss boundaries not just with your main partner, but with the person you are bringing into it as well. Is it a one-off? Will it happen regularly/semi-regularly? What happens if the third person starts developing feelings for one or more of the main partners - will you break it off, or explore ethical non-monogamy? Are you alright with the idea that both of your partners may back out and decide it isn't right for them? Are you alright with your relationship possibly ending? Are you alright with it being either a) spectacular and your partner wanting to spend more time with the other person or b) a failure and there being a rift for a while? Perhaps a more pessimistic look at the potentials but, they are important to consider all the same.

 

[Erochic]

Planning is vital - you need to discuss boundaries not just with your main partner, but with the person you are bringing into it as well. Is it a one-off? Will it happen regularly/semi-regularly? What happens if the third person starts developing feelings for one or more of the main partners - will you break it off, or explore ethical non-monogamy? Are you alright with the idea that both of your partners may back out and decide it isn't right for them? Are you alright with your relationship possibly ending? Are you alright with it being either a) spectacular and your partner wanting to spend more time with the other person or b) a failure and there being a rift for a while? Perhaps a more pessimistic look at the potentials but, they are important to consider all the same.

As a unicorn that has taken part in a few threesomes... panning is vital but don't be so caught up in making sure that everything is okay with your partner that you forget that the third is a person with feelings too (FFS don't talk about me as if I'm not even there) ... And don't plan and stage manage things too much and realise that your third has her own desires ... If you've advertised for a bisexual woman understand that I want to play with your wife rather than worship your cock with her.

 

[ChibiFangirl]

This popped up on my FB of all places

So you Want to Have a Threesome...
http://tacit.livejournal.com/616661.html

A lot of writing of the obvious - but if you have never been in such a situation it offers a perspective of the subject from that writer.

Basically you could write whatever you wanted and it would be of the experience of somebody. There is no hidden rule book on the subject - what I have experienced was wonderful, but maybe for another the same situation could have ruined relationships.

Write the outcome you want.

I like this link, this could be beneficial to me. (bookmarked) Also its MMF, not FFM, just to clarify.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I like this link, this could be beneficial to me. (bookmarked) Also its MMF, not FFM, just to clarify.

The placement of the letters can also imply the arrangement. FFM implies that the majority of the contact will be between the two females, and the 2nd female and the male (think of the letters as people lined up on a bed with the major recipient in the middle) while FMF implies the majority of play will be from females on the male. If that makes any difference to you

 

[malefica]

As a unicorn that has taken part in a few threesomes... panning is vital but don't be so caught up in making sure that everything is okay with your partner that you forget that the third is a person with feelings too (FFS don't talk about me as if I'm not even there) ... And don't plan and stage manage things too much and realise that your third has her own desires ... If you've advertised for a bisexual woman understand that I want to play with your wife rather than worship your cock with her.

Oh I understand that completely already. I guess assuming that someone would acknowledge the third as a kind of obvious thing to do should have been stated as well.

 

[luckyseven]

The ones we've been involved in were with long-term friends. We knew they were like-minded and were open minded enough to want to explore their own sexuality further. We spoke openly about our sexual desires and we all agreed that there are a lot of sensations and activities that are not possible with just two people. During these conversations we agreed what were acceptable parameters in terms of safe-sex and other ground rules.

Despite talking about threesomes/foursomes etc. we have never planned or scheduled for such things, they just happened spontaneously. In my experience we’ve had no conflict at all. We didn't plan it, it just happened. It wouldn't have happened if we hadn't agreed at the time.

There's something delicious about having two sets of hands and lips and tongues on your body that's just amazing. It's fun to be the one receiving that attention, but it's also fun to be participating in giving someone else that kind of pleasure. Threesomes can happen in a wide range of configurations with a wide range of activities that go way beyond the stereotypical porn shoot or masturbation fantasy. They offer virtually unlimited ways for three people to come together and explore.

 

[Hard_Rom]

So two guys to one girl is not a turn on?

Isn't for me. Probably more selfish and don't like sharing.

I'm totes not a homophobe, but teh gheys are disgusting.

I never said homosexuals were disgusting. The thought of having sex with a man makes me shudder. that is me personally. Doesn't make me a homophobe. I did state my brothers orientation and said I love and respect him, Did not add an "even if he is gay'.

And if I hit the close button as soon as the random porn thing turns out to be gay men, does not make me a homophobe.

I'm all for same-sex rights.

Please don't put words in my mouth. Drop the eye roll emoticon and your post reads like many a homophobic troll.

 

[JanneE]

Is for me. Probably more selfish and don't like sharing.

Not gonna lie, I thought you were a guy.

 

[Hard_Rom]

Not gonna lie, I thought you were a guy.

Isn't for me. Probably more selfish and don't like sharing.

Big OOPS! Isn't for me. Sorry.

 

[JanneE]

Your avatar looks like one of those wood cutout things.

 

[JanneE]

Go team!

 

[Hard_Rom]

Your avatar looks like one of those wood cutout things.

Tribal totem and tat

 

[amofiga]

Sad to say I've only been in one threesome but it was indeed planned out. A married lady friend I was seeing also seeing another married guy who lived out of state but travelled her on business. She asked us each individually if we'd be willing to do a threesome with her. Both of us didn't have to be asked twice. She wanted each of the guys to meet ahead of time to make sure we were going to play nice with her. We met for a drink when he was going to be in town for a couple of days. We arranged the rules which were primarily no guy-guy contact and all of her holes were fair game..... actually what she wanted. Then we met at a motel the next day for a little lunchtime fun. It was good, but frankly not fully up to my filthy expectations. She kept things pretty "orderly" and it turned into more of a tag team fuck and suck than a double penetration session which is what I had hoped for.

 

[lovecraft68]

In real life, communication. Between you and your partner to agree, to set rules, to lay down all the guidelines of can and cannot.

Also the search for a partner needs to be taken seriously, a stranger is idiocy. They could have diseases, they could be fucking psycho and that goes for male or female. If you have a friend in mind, best be sure that friend can be trusted completely.

Here on lit people talk about swapping/swinging like its nothing because its an anonymous sex site.

In real life swingers keep it quiet if you don't every guy at your job is busting your balls asking if they can fuck your wife next and if you're the wife, you're called a whore by the catty women crowd.

So the best bet is to meet someone and get to know them only through this. The last time I was in one I was the guy coming into a marriage. I met them on adult friend finder, we met in person for a drink and the three of us talked for two hours, small talk, getting to know each other then about what they wanted and what I wanted and what the limits were.

We didn't do anything that night, we went our separate ways, then he called me a coupel nights later and invited me to their house. Again the first hour was the three of us sitting in their living room over coffee talking again about what was expected and desired.

Then she came and sat with me on the couch and we got a little familiar with each other, very slowly, kissing, some fondling, clothes still on, then from there we went into the room.

Slow and careful is how it should be. Anyone with the "just go for it" attitude and anyone with the idea if one half of the couple doesn't want to its still okay, should be ignored.

 

[amofiga]

Lovecraft has good advice. Best to take it or that gentle doggie in the avatar may come visit late one night. LOL!!

 

[lovecraft68]

Lovecraft has good advice. Best to take it or that gentle doggie in the avatar may come visit late one night. LOL!!

Dog? That's my high school year book pic

 

[NOIRTRASH]

In real life, communication. Between you and your partner to agree, to set rules, to lay down all the guidelines of can and cannot.

Also the search for a partner needs to be taken seriously, a stranger is idiocy. They could have diseases, they could be fucking psycho and that goes for male or female. If you have a friend in mind, best be sure that friend can be trusted completely.

Here on lit people talk about swapping/swinging like its nothing because its an anonymous sex site.

In real life swingers keep it quiet if you don't every guy at your job is busting your balls asking if they can fuck your wife next and if you're the wife, you're called a whore by the catty women crowd.

So the best bet is to meet someone and get to know them only through this. The last time I was in one I was the guy coming into a marriage. I met them on adult friend finder, we met in person for a drink and the three of us talked for two hours, small talk, getting to know each other then about what they wanted and what I wanted and what the limits were.

We didn't do anything that night, we went our separate ways, then he called me a coupel nights later and invited me to their house. Again the first hour was the three of us sitting in their living room over coffee talking again about what was expected and desired.

Then she came and sat with me on the couch and we got a little familiar with each other, very slowly, kissing, some fondling, clothes still on, then from there we went into the room.

Slow and careful is how it should be. Anyone with the "just go for it" attitude and anyone with the idea if one half of the couple doesn't want to its still okay, should be ignored.

Years ago me and a buddy fucked a married girl at lunch (we were phone company). We stopped at her house and did the job.

So I met a girl a few days later, started dating her, and got invited over for Sunday dinner to meet the family. The woman we shagged was her brothers wife.