i grew up in a polyamorous household

[silverwhisper]

i thought this was rather interesting reading since polyamory is a subject that crops up here periodically, and a discussion of the "downstream" ramifications struck me as something some folks may have questions about.

ed

 

[Mick2150]

The link speaks to a London, UK experience & is worth reading. The writer, now an adult, speaks of his upbringing & does so in a very positive manner.

Reality is, especially in N America, the very concept of Polyamory is on a rapid growth path. From my own research over the past 10 years, it is clear to me that defaulting to some kind of 'cultural norm' that you haven't been given permission to question, making assumptions that all will turn out just fine, isn't working for many relationships.

If one is at least open to the concept that monogamy may not work for everyone - even though this is the cultural default/norm - and one looks for alternatives then sooner or later you will trip over the idea of 'ethical non monogamy' of which polyamory is but one version. The key word is of course 'ethical' - and that involves being open, honest, trusting & vulnerable. And really, really good at open communication.

Given that 50% of marriages end in divorce, & it is estimated through research that 80% of the balance are unloving & sexually inactive (that's 90% of the original total!) ..... So, 10% chance that it will all work out in true Disney fashion, 'white picket fence / until death do us part' ??? I don't think those are very good odds!

 

[coati]

This is a really good article. It articulates much of what I have felt for a long time. My experience with sexuality within a monogamous marriage was very difficult, and is best summed up by one of the quotes in the article, "an outdated Victorian sense of human sexuality that conflates desire with property rights." I not only felt as if I were owned, I felt like I was being held exclusively responsible for another person's happiness. 15 years after our divorce, my ex still holds me responsible for her sorry lot in life.

Sexuality for me is not an expression of ownership, but an expression of our common needs. Like the author of the article, I wish non-monogamous approaches to sexuality among consenting adults were not so stigmatized in American society. I live my life as freely and responsibly as possible, but I constantly observe the negative social and political effects of moralistic people.

 

[DesEsseintes]

It was an interesting article - thank you for posting it. But he's wrong about deep dish pizza. Thin crust all the way.

I don't know what that says about my own sexual preferences and, frankly, I don't think I want to know.

 

[Bramblethorn]

i thought this was rather interesting reading since polyamory is a subject that crops up here periodically, and a discussion of the "downstream" ramifications struck me as something some folks may have questions about.

ed

Interesting, thanks! My partner's kid knew we were poly from early on, and as far as I can tell it's never bothered him.

 

[Athalia]

Has there ever been a study on whether children raised in polyamorous households differ from those who are raised in convention households in development, attitudes toward sex, and just plain adjustment to adulthood? I'm keen to know.

I recently read Jill Le Pore's book "The Secret History of Wonder Woman," about the character's creator William Marston. He lived with three women concurrently, and they raised the children more or less in common. They seem to have turned out OK, although two of the children (the ones who were born to his mistress rather than his legal wife) were told that their father was another man who died in the Great War. They were later "legally adopted" by their actual father. Fascinating read, that book.

I know of one child who was raised in a polyamorous environment, and he turned out OK, AFAIK.

 

[silverwhisper]

des esseintes quoth:
it was an interesting article - thank you for posting it. but he's wrong about deep dish pizza. thin crust all the way.

i see we are both discerning connoisseurs of pizza.

ed

 

[Mick2150]

There is an excellent & current book on the subject of children growing up in poly households. Here is a link to the author's home page ....

http://elisabethsheff.com/author/elisheff/