The beauty of submissive men

[Wild_Honey_66]

Somethings we aren't meant to understand definitively. Some answers are only meant to be felt.

*sigh*

 

[Erochic]

does this come back to the question of dominant vs submissive and topping vs bottoming?

I'm thinking that is the case. I think in this case my sub would be topping me because I wanted him too... But I'm the one who is dominant.

That's actually something I needed reassurance from my sub about at first because I felt I wasn't being "dominant" enough.
Now we laugh about the "get back there and do me... And bite me too"

Actually your girlfriend may or may not be comfortable being dominant and taking the reins, but she may be very happy topping you - and that may well be enough and enjoyable for both of you

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Obviously, there is some pleasure to draw from the dominant and submissive aspects of various acts, but I think that the point made earlier was that while one should feel free to enjoy those elements, one should let such things discourage one from enjoying the act for its own sake. Rimming is an example, at least for me. Even before I identified as a switch, I found the idea and reality of licking the anus, buttocks, and crack very sensual and pleasing for its own sake.

stop it. you're turning me on.

 

[The_gladiator]

I'm thinking that is the case. I think in this case my sub would be topping me because I wanted him too... But I'm the one who is dominant.

That's actually something I needed reassurance from my sub about at first because I felt I wasn't being "dominant" enough.
Now we laugh about the "get back there and do me... And bite me too"

Actually your girlfriend may or may not be comfortable being dominant and taking the reins, but she may be very happy topping you - and that may well be enough and enjoyable for both of you

"Yes and this is what we do. I just need her to initiate sometimes that would help me. I just get tired of having to ask or tell everything that I want..."

 

[The_gladiator]

stop it. you're turning me on.

he's not wrong...

 

[Touch_72]

stop it. you're turning me on.

Ditto. ;p

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

stop it. you're turning me on.

Oh, do tell.....

 

[The_gladiator]

Oh, do tell.....

I think you're turning us all on, just sayin

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Thank you...glad to hear.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

*squirms, giggles*


alright, let's get this thing back on track, you pervs.
this isn't the lick, suck or fuck thread, you know.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

True....maybe we can take this part to that thread....hehe...

 

[Erochic]

"Yes and this is what we do. I just need her to initiate sometimes that would help me. I just get tired of having to ask or tell everything that I want..."

Seriously - how about playing games?
It's corny, but it works.

It doesn't even have to be set up as a dominance situation.

Women can be really bad about asking for what they want and taking what they want, even women who want to be dominant.

I remember fairly early on playing a trivia game with my ex - and I think the rule was if you got the question wrong then you had to do what the other person wanted for 2 minutes.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

True....maybe we can take this part to that thread....hehe...

nooo... start a thread in the Cafe'.

Seriously - how about playing games?
It's corny, but it works.

It doesn't even have to be set up as a dominance situation.

Women can be really bad about asking for what they want and taking what they want, even women who want to be dominant.

I remember fairly early on playing a trivia game with my ex - and I think the rule was if you got the question wrong then you had to do what the other person wanted for 2 minutes.

games--yes!

my most recent sub friend and I spent a very enjoyable evening getting to know each other better by playing 'Have You Ever?'

I probably don't need to mention that it was a great form of foreplay as well.

 

[The_gladiator]

Seriously - how about playing games?
It's corny, but it works.

It doesn't even have to be set up as a dominance situation.

Women can be really bad about asking for what they want and taking what they want, even women who want to be dominant.

I remember fairly early on playing a trivia game with my ex - and I think the rule was if you got the question wrong then you had to do what the other person wanted for 2 minutes.

that could be fun. also might build her confidence. I guess I just feel unwanted at times if I always have to be the one to touch her first. sometimes I want to be seduced want her to show she wants me. Perhaps a game like that might let her grow more comfortable expressing wants like that.

 

[Veroe]

As for dominance games I like the pick a number game. Its a bit of a mindfuck the domme asks the sub to pick a number 1 and 5 without telling him what he's choosing. It can be how many orgasms she is going to give him, or how many orgasms he owes her before he can come, or how many strikes from her new cane she's going to give him, or how many of her whips and canes and paddles and floggers she's going to use on him, or how many hours she's going to tease him before letting him come...etc....etc. Sometimes it can be a combination of a few of those together.

 

[The_gladiator]

As for dominance games I like the pick a number game. Its a bit of a mindfuck the domme asks the sub to pick a number 1 and 5 without telling him what he's choosing. It can be how many orgasms she is going to give him, or how many orgasms he owes her before he can come, or how many strikes from her new cane she's going to give him, or how many of her whips and canes and paddles and floggers she's going to use on him, or how many hours she's going to tease him before letting him come...etc....etc. Sometimes it can be a combination of a few of those together.

this also sounds fun.

 

[Apollo Wilde]

I define myself as a switch - it depends on how I'm feeling and the mood by my partner.

For me, the most beautiful thing about having a sub comes from the relationship. He's a man that I know and respect for his intelligence, his power, his masculinity. And the fact that he is willing to place himself at my feet, knowing that I am an extremely flawed individual, because that's how he wants to express his love is a beautiful gift. One that I don't feel entirely worthy of. It's an incredibly powerful gesture that comes from a place of deep love and trust.

To me, that's the most beautiful thing.

Much like the OP, I didn't think of myself capable as being a domme because much of what I saw bordered on flat out cruelty. Not knocking anyone who enjoys that; it's just not my M.O. And even though I would consider myself an "alpha" female in the sense of being capable in my day to day, (I'm told I'm "intimidating and intense" on a fairly regular basis) to be expected to carry on that when you want to hand that over or be vulnerable can be rather...unfulfilling, to say the least.

-A.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

nooo... start a thread in the Cafe'.



games--yes!

my most recent sub friend and I spent a very enjoyable evening getting to know each other better by playing 'Have You Ever?'

I probably don't need to mention that it was a great form of foreplay as well.

For lick, suck, or fuck? I like it.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

this also sounds fun.

Indeed. It can allow a lot of things that someone might be afraid or unsure about trying, and even if they don't like it or repeat it, they can say that they've tried it before knocking.

Another classic is "Truth or Dare" or dice.

Or doors 1 or 2...what's behind each door?

 

[Erochic]

that could be fun. also might build her confidence. I guess I just feel unwanted at times if I always have to be the one to touch her first. sometimes I want to be seduced want her to show she wants me. Perhaps a game like that might let her grow more comfortable expressing wants like that.

Absolutely
I'm getting rather excited thinking about it.

And whenever she tells you what she wants you to do, you can encourage her by telling her how hot it is and how much you like it when she tells you what to do.

And you can always do what my ex did when it was his turn and tell her to ride your face or something.

 

[Erochic]

I define myself as a switch - it depends on how I'm feeling and the mood by my partner.

For me, the most beautiful thing about having a sub comes from the relationship. He's a man that I know and respect for his intelligence, his power, his masculinity. And the fact that he is willing to place himself at my feet, knowing that I am an extremely flawed individual, because that's how he wants to express his love is a beautiful gift. One that I don't feel entirely worthy of. It's an incredibly powerful gesture that comes from a place of deep love and trust.

To me, that's the most beautiful thing.

Much like the OP, I didn't think of myself capable as being a domme because much of what I saw bordered on flat out cruelty. Not knocking anyone who enjoys that; it's just not my M.O. And even though I would consider myself an "alpha" female in the sense of being capable in my day to day, (I'm told I'm "intimidating and intense" on a fairly regular basis) to be expected to carry on that when you want to hand that over or be vulnerable can be rather...unfulfilling, to say the least.

-A.

That's beautiful

Thank you so much for posting and joining the conversation.
I think it's fabulous to hear from so many women here. I'm so so glad that this is a place where we can come.

I love the beautiful things you have written about your sub. That was wonderfully put.

 

[The_gladiator]

Absolutely
I'm getting rather excited thinking about it.

And whenever she tells you what she wants you to do, you can encourage her by telling her how hot it is and how much you like it when she tells you what to do.

And you can always do what my ex did when it was his turn and tell her to ride your face or something.

haha, yes. I am even thinking I could tell her to touch me like shereally wants me or to tease me. but she is also shy about telling what she needs when I'm in control. This might help her there also. I'm pretty good at pleasing in my opinion but just the other day I learned something I didn't know because she finally asked/told me what she needed. I didn't know. This is why I think feedback and communication is so important. I am not a mind reader, if I'm not doing something or if you like something I'm doing and you want more, tell me. Especially since she's not the most expressive with gasps and moans either, again probably her shyness, so getting her comfortable telling me what she enjoys could really help.

 

[Erochic]

haha, yes. I am even thinking I could tell her to touch me like shereally wants me or to tease me. but she is also shy about telling what she needs when I'm in control. This might help her there also. I'm pretty good at pleasing in my opinion but just the other day I learned something I didn't know because she finally asked/told me what she needed. I didn't know. This is why I think feedback and communication is so important. I am not a mind reader, if I'm not doing something or if you like something I'm doing and you want more, tell me. Especially since she's not the most expressive with gasps and moans either, again probably her shyness, so getting her comfortable telling me what she enjoys could really help.

Hell yeah Yeah for your 2 minutes you could even tell her she has to tell you a fantasy or answer your question or show you exactly how she likes something.
And yes...you can tell her to touch you more assertively or tease you.

But with all of it definitely encourage her and give her lots and lots of feedback about how much you enjoy it.

But whatever she chooses to have you do is also okay, even if it's fairly tame - the point is that she's choosing it and listening to what she wants hopefully.

 

[Erochic]

As for dominance games I like the pick a number game. Its a bit of a mindfuck the domme asks the sub to pick a number 1 and 5 without telling him what he's choosing. It can be how many orgasms she is going to give him, or how many orgasms he owes her before he can come, or how many strikes from her new cane she's going to give him, or how many of her whips and canes and paddles and floggers she's going to use on him, or how many hours she's going to tease him before letting him come...etc....etc. Sometimes it can be a combination of a few of those together.

Oh I like this!
What fun indeed

And it really could be anything... And you could keep switching it up for greater teasing.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

For lick, suck, or fuck? I like it.

I was thinking we could put our own spin on it. sayyy... rim, bite or spank?

we should probably move this chat over to the Bondage Barn, so as not to derail Erochic's thread.

linky! http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1140711&page=13