The beauty of submissive men

[1millionsecrets]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/99/6c/f6/996cf6f24a2ee1b6f465dda6fb5573ef.jpg

I love this image.

 

[Touch_72]

In the vanilla world when people humiliate others its out of vengefulness, negligence, or simple ignorance. So why would a domme do so to their submissive on purpose...its not vengefulness, or negligence, or ignorance in that case. That's the side I still don't understand.

Amusement, perhaps? Or because they know it's something the sub enjoys as part of the play / dynamic? I can see where a Dom(me) knowing the sub enjoys certain forms of embarrassment or ways of being demeaned might not do it so much because of what they get out of it as the amusement of watching the sub get something out of it.

Think about it this way in a more vanilla sense...

Everyone probably has one or more things in the palette of sexual possibilities that they're fairly neutral on... that whole "meh, I could take that or leave it and it wouldn't make much difference to me" thing. BUT, ever notice that if a partner is really into one of those things, seeing THEM get off on it suddenly makes that act a bit more interesting? And if it's something a bit unusual or "weird," sometimes there's a little bit of amusement to it... kinda like a "wow, you really love that, don't you?" where even though you are neutral on the actual act, you get something out of the partner's reaction.

I feel like I'm fumbling around trying to put things to words... my brain is slightly tired/hazy.

That's why I always believed before that BDSM was a thinly veiled license for an asshole to act like an asshole towards another human being.

Some do. Too many take it as a license. I swear.

I know when I first popped in here I mentioned not being into the demeaning. That does capture my overall attitude, but it's not 100% true. There is a line and there are some ways and things that can be hot, though I'm not keen on "worthless worm" junk.

I suppose everyone has their perspective on what's embarrassing or demeaning... for example, going through the checkout with tampons was mentioned and that does not phase me one bit. The way I look at that, all it tells the cashier is that I have a significant other and she has a period like most women in my/our age group. Tonight, I bought a bunch of different flavored coffee packets for her... though that's not readily apparent to the cashier, what's the difference?

Since that line varies, I think it's like anything else... everyone has their own person limits and each internalizes different things differently, which is why knowing a partner is important. That way, you can avoid what crosses too far into their personal discomfort in a negative way, but use forms of discomfort that add to it in some way for them.

I think an interesting point above is that to a degree it involves pushing of boundaries and one of the things that some people really enjoy in the power exchange is exactly that: the control involved in tugging someone through the pushing of their boundaries can be erotic. And those boundaries can come in many forms... for some it's pain, for some it's certain types of bedroom scenes... and for some it can be like the adrenaline of pushing boundaries most of us enjoyed during rounds of mischievous "truth or dare" games.

I mean... remember that feeling of "if I take a dare, what am I getting into... am I gonna be butt naked in front of everyone doing something silly" and remember how that was part of the fun of it? As long as it didn't go too far, the butterflies, blushes and feeling of loss of control were all part of it... and, yet, nobody was being really vicious or mean and unless someone crossed too far over, it was all taken as part of the fun.

Well... I guess to some, it's akin to that in a more adult way... that "rush" talked about earlier.

I don't want to ramble on too much, but for me personally, it all depends on what it is and the spirit in which it's approached... and potential risks involved. But, with me, there are things that others may see as "demeaning" but I see differently...

For example, that whole cliche "lick Her boots clean" thing. It falls into that whole "porn image" thing and in that image it's seen as just some hot spank-material thing. It can be seen as extremely demeaning... but, with a softer approach that shows appreciation of it as a demonstration of the devoted gift of submission and willingness to do "even that" it takes a different tone... and to me, used right, it can be a tool to drop me down further into a sub mindset so is less about "that's hot" than being part of the process of dropping deeper and showing willingness.

Know what I mean?

 

[Touch_72]

I love the discussion with the panties - while it may not get the Domme off, it helps to remind the sub about the power exchange all day long. Its no different than a Dom having a female sub not wear underwear or some such (having a difficult time coming up with an example)

I did have a bit of a casual long distance D/s thing that wasn't really a fully locked in D/s relationship recently where she enjoyed the thought of me in panties under my jeans through the day. I was asked to go out and pick up a few pairs, which she helped me choose via description over text, and I did... no big deal... again, who cares what the cashier thinks.

One particular day, she also enjoyed having me periodically mess them with my own cum and it seemed to be a turn-on to her to know I was walking around feeling the cool wetness. Well, hey... I suppose that's a fair turnaround since women who get really wet sometimes have to deal with wearing very damp panties, right? *lol*

It does serve as a reminder, though. It wasn't embarrassing to me... nobody knows what I have on beneath my jeans... and I'm not insecure about who I am. But, especially when it's a distance thing, a thing like becoming aware here and there through the day that those are panties or even cool, wet fabric down there helps reminds. In that sense, it's a tool of sorts with that purpose.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Will everyone please just tie me up and blindfold me already?!?

oooh, doesn't he have nice manners?

Everyone? Okay. Let's tie him up and go out for pizza and beer. All in?

okay, but can we come back and have him for dessert?

*fetches some navy blue rope and blindfold* Yup.

squeeeee!

*looks for the suggestion box*

 

[beardedmariner]

You sound like my wife. Wait... ...nahhhhh...



Everyone? Okay. Let's tie him up and go out for pizza and beer. All in?

That works
For me..

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Laughs maniacally.....

 

[eroticspank]

If and when I do incorporate humiliation into play its more on a physical humiliation/embarrassment level. At that point it is more submitting to my will/desire/control and not about devaluing him or his character. Humiliation or embarrassment might not have been my direct goal but it is a byproduct. There were times in the beginning where I had humiliated Lucian by taking away some of the privacy he would have expected when we prep for play. I didn't stand there in front of him thinking "humiliating him like this is hot" but the overtness of the power exchange in that moment was hot all the same. I would struggle to call it a power trip, but more of a reminder that he is giving all of himself to me which means nothing is hidden. I think that in many ways that is also that eroticspank was talking about in situations like the panties. It becomes a symbol of the power exchange. If I were to send Lucian to work in panties he would be reminded of that power exchange the whole time. Now I don't know if he would call that humiliating in that context but I think that is where perspective comes in again.

So, long story short, everything, especially this, just comes down to each individual's perspective.

Again another fascinating conversation. I've learned so much. I've really shied away from humiliation - because I am vehemently opposed to any kind of bullying or humiliation in real life.

Someone did mention mischievous - and some (a lot of ) my teasing has a mischievous edge ... And while it couldn't be classified as humiliation at all, I could see that there is a similar dynamic in play.

For example - one of my subs is a fairly self-possessed man. I love breaking that down - not for meanness sake but to uncover his raw animal desire, without any thought.

As an example I made him come up with a legal sounding argument as to why he should get a blowjob - and if he stopped or faltered I would stop what I was doing. It was of course a task that he was bound to fail... And yes I did enjoy his confusion and embarrassment as he struggled... But what it was about for me was the power of his desire and arousal and his helplessness before that... Because of what I was doing to him.

I really like this thread. I feel like we are all sitting around on couches with cups of coffee talking about this.

I love these two comments above as a better explanation than I provided earlier. It really is about power and helplessness, and the struggle of the sub to not falter. I can see how Mischievous could be used in place of Humiliation at least in my world, that is why I said earlier I am turned on by a mild form of humiliation it is not mean, but meaningful and usually involves teasing.

If you think about "teasing" it is all about the reaction of the sub. Again teasing is something that can be abused. However if used correctly it can be a fun part of humiliation or Mischievousness as discussed above.

To me there are two main things at play in a D/s relationship. One is service of my Domme and the other is her control of me. For the first part, I just do what she says, rub her feet, cook for her, give her oral, etc. For the 2nd part it is about her control of me, my body, its' arousal, and reactions. She plays me like a violin enjoying all the notes she is able to get me to produce. It excites her to be in control like that and it is a turn on for me to give up that control for her. My struggles, embarrassment, inadvertent erections, moans, stuttering, panting, all are the result of her teasing and sometime Mischievous play.

This type of play works for me because, like being made to wear panties all day, it has a powerful impact on my mind and I am reminded who is ultimately in control, my Domme.

ES

 

[Touch_72]

okay, but can we come back and have him for dessert?

I suppose you can have anything you want for dessert. You're a grown woman.

 

[Touch_72]

I really like this thread. I feel like we are all sitting around on couches with cups of coffee talking about this.

Except that I'm naked.

No... not really.

To me there are two main things at play in a D/s relationship. One is service of my Domme and the other is her control of me. For the first part, I just do what she says, rub her feet, cook for her, give her oral, etc. For the 2nd part it is about her control of me, my body, its' arousal, and reactions. She plays me like a violin enjoying all the notes she is able to get me to produce. It excites her to be in control like that and it is a turn on for me to give up that control for her. My struggles, embarrassment, inadvertent erections, moans, stuttering, panting, all are the result of her teasing and sometime Mischievous play.

I do like this way of putting it.

 

[bailadora]

It's a fascinating discussion about the lack of Dommes - but as a woman who is over 40 and has always enjoyed a fair amount of being dominant and assertive in bed but who has only started using the word Domme in the last few months, I feel the problem is not so much the lack of dominant woman - but the fact that dominant women find it difficult to own it or see a way of being dominant that suits them.

This is back tracking a bit, but in putzing around on the net looking for something else, I found this article and thought it might be worth the read.

 

[eroticspank]

Except that I'm naked.

No... not really.



I do like this way of putting it.

I am sure the women here would not mind you being naked during this discussion.


Thanks, I liked a lot of your comments above. Especially the pushing the boundaries comment and the licking her boots discussion.


ES

 

[sub2DomFemale]

Quick question has anybody here read the book "The Submissive Activity Book"? I'm thinking about ordering and want to know if its worth ordering.

 

[Erochic]

I am sure the women here would not mind you being naked during this discussion.

Indeed no I've already done some very happy perving of his nakedness and enjoyed some very nice play of rope and skin
I stopped myself from drooling too much - but yes he can be naked in my thread whenever he likes

I pissed myself laughing though at his comment because I *was* actually naked when I was reading it

Thanks, I liked a lot of your comments above. Especially the pushing the boundaries comment and the licking her boots discussion.

ES

It was really interesting I've been very turned off by the idea of licking of boots - but a lot of that is probably my discomfort with the attractiveness of my feet and the fact that I detest buying shoes (I have the opposite of a shoe fetish), and I'm uncomfortable that that is the focus of a fetish rather than me.... But from that I can start to see what it is about.

 

[eroticspank]

I pissed myself laughing though at his comment because I *was* actually naked when I was reading it


It was really interesting I've been very turned off by the idea of licking of boots - but a lot of that is probably my discomfort with the attractiveness of my feet and the fact that I detest buying shoes (I have the opposite of a shoe fetish), and I'm uncomfortable that that is the focus of a fetish rather than me.... But from that I can start to see what it is about.

Great! Thanks for sharing that. From now on I think all members of this thread should share if they are typing naked or not

I understand your comment about the boots. The things that we have to get our mind past is very interesting. In a thread like this, when someone explains it from a different point of view, I see it clearer and bam my mind is okay with it.

The foot thing is part of my adoration of you as a sub. Sometimes it is uncomfortable to be adored like that and let that kind of energy in past your wall of safety.

I remember kissing my way down a gf's body years ago. My idea was to kiss every part of her body on the front, turn her over and do the same on the back. When I got to her feet, I thought maybe I should not kiss those, I am not a foot fetishist. Then I thought why not? I am paying attention to every other part of her body, why not her feet? In your case, feeling bad about your feet and their attractiveness is something comes from you. It is your own feelings. But I imagine your feelings might change a bit IF you saw your sub sincerely giving your feet kissing, rubbing, and loving.

"IN TO ME SEE" is intimacy I was told years ago. In a relationship we let our partner see into us and we become closer. That kind of sincere sharing like you did above is exactly what is needed for intimacy and closeness. I imagine your partner would want to kiss,rub, care for your feet all the more after hearing it.


I am in a hotel room so I could be naked, but it is VERY cold in here!


ES

 

[Touch_72]

Indeed no I've already done some very happy perving of his nakedness and enjoyed some very nice play of rope and skin
I stopped myself from drooling too much - but yes he can be naked in my thread whenever he likes

I'm very happy to be perved... as you may have guessed. And drooling is a compliment, isn't it?

I pissed myself laughing though at his comment because I *was* actually naked when I was reading it

Figuratively, I'm sure.

It was really interesting I've been very turned off by the idea of licking of boots - but a lot of that is probably my discomfort with the attractiveness of my feet and the fact that I detest buying shoes (I have the opposite of a shoe fetish), and I'm uncomfortable that that is the focus of a fetish rather than me.... But from that I can start to see what it is about.

I find those most so-called "taboo" places of a body can be the most intimate, in a sense. To be willing to put lips to them is like saying, "yes... even here," and if they bring pleasure, great! To me, they're not taboo or even ugly... they're part of the person and if I'm having sex with the person, I'm having sex with all of that person.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I find those most so-called "taboo" places of a body can be the most intimate, in a sense. To be willing to put lips to them is like saying, "yes... even here," and if they bring pleasure, great! To me, they're not taboo or even ugly... they're part of the person and if I'm having sex with the person, I'm having sex with all of that person.

 

[LucianDevine]

Sadly, I am not naked nearly as often as I prefer these days. I do it as often as I can get away with it though, lol. Sadly not naked right now, because I have to get ready for work.

One of the things that I've found really helps me out, both in relationships and at work, is that I always try to see something from the other person's perspective, as well as my own. I find that it helps avoid pointless confrontations that often come up because of the stupidest little things. I know that I am not my Mistress isn't perfect, and that I'm not perfect. So when a situation comes up where it would be incredibly easy to get offended and/or pissed off, I always take at least a couple of second to try and see how the situation might look like from the other side of the table. 9 times out of 10 their reaction is justified and I gladly let the issue drop. On the occasions that I do feel that their reaction is unwarranted though, I have no problem bringing up the issue while simultaneously treating the other person with mutual respect. Sure, shouting gets the point across, but it is far less likely to help resolve the issue at hand.

As I've often said, and will continue to say, the biggest thing to any relationship is communication. If you have a sub with a foot fetish and you are embarrassed by your feet, for whatever reason, and would prefer, for the moment at least, that they not try to worship them as they might prefer, it would be very easy for the sub to get offended or feel slighted. If they take a second to step back and try to see things from your perspective though, odds are likely that they can help each other avoid offending the other. On a similar note, I would bet that such a person would eventually be able to look past their own feelings on the matter and at let their sub worship their feet the way they've always wanted to. Who knows? They might just like it, and in the end there is really only one way to find out.

Okay, rant over, now it's time for me to get ready for work, lol. I'll see you all in about 9-10 hours or so.

 

[Erochic]

Hehe... I'm not *that* hung up about my feet - it's just interesting because of the whole stereotyped image of foot worship being important in Femdom, because I couldn't see myself doing that.

Actually my feet are very sensitive - I actually get erotic sensations from the soles of my feet.
So my subs do give me foot massages and caress my feet, but it's done in a laid back fairly sweet way - different from what I see as foot worship.
They do it because it will relax me and make me feel good... And because there's a direct line to my pussy.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Not really into feet, but I love to kiss my wife's thighs and calves, and the back of her knees...thick legs, too, plenty of flesh to them. One could call that a submissive act. I don't care what it's called. I just like doing it. I also like to kiss her back all the way down to and including her buttocks and the crack of her ass.

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

looks as if I looked in here at just the right time

I do not worship per say feet, However when I am between my ladies legs kneeling with my cock in her holding her legs up I do love laying my cheek on one of her feet and perhaps turning my lips to her and kissing licking and even sucking toes. I do not crawl around licking her feet but I am not above kneeling down raising her dress and placing my face against her hairy triangle and then kissing her of coming up behind her and doing the same.

I might say being on here and talking to a woman or two has helped me renew this ability. Thanks to you if you see this

 

[Touch_72]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a huge foot fetishist, either... though a nice pair of boots that says "feminine" and "dominant" IS hot, just as a nice, classy pair of heels is.

It's more about where it puts me, though. I think one of the reasons it's part of that image is that it puts the sub in that place... "yes, even my feet."

 

[Veroe]

I don't understand the connection to male submission and foot worship either. Though I can also agree with Touch that doing so can get you into that submissive and worshipful headspace for a Male sub. But to me that's more strategy than foot fetishism.

There's still so much about BDSM I still don't get about the differences between the stereotype and the reality.

 

[eroticspank]

I don't understand the connection to male submission and foot worship either. Though I can also agree with Touch that doing so can get you into that submissive and worshipful headspace for a Male sub. But to me that's more strategy than foot fetishism.

There's still so much about BDSM I still don't get about the differences between the stereotype and the reality.

That is why it is fun to talk about this stuff so we get to see different people's perspective.

However, there is always your perspective, your feelings, and your energy which is most important. Start with what makes you happy in BDSM, how it feels and affects you. Other people's experiences just help you look inside to interpret your own situation. The hardest thing for me is to explain how I feel about stuff on here and other threads. It is not always easy to put in words, but I do it because I have read some great posts on here that have truly helped me see into myself capturing exactly how I feel.


ES

 

[sub2DomFemale]

I don't understand the connection to male submission and foot worship either. Though I can also agree with Touch that doing so can get you into that submissive and worshipful headspace for a Male sub. But to me that's more strategy than foot fetishism.

There's still so much about BDSM I still don't get about the differences between the stereotype and the reality.

Education is the best thing. You see I wish I had a group where I could go to to talk about things I didn't understand when I was younger. It's hard if you don't understand something. I'll be honest it's hard on me to post on threads like this because I feel like people don't want my opinion. I'm trying to overcome my fear to help educate from my experiences.

 

[SultryKitten75]

Education is the best thing. You see I wish I had a group where I could go to to talk about things I didn't understand when I was younger. It's hard if you don't understand something. I'll be honest it's hard on me to post on threads like this because I feel like people don't want my opinion. I'm trying to overcome my fear to help educate from my experiences.

I hope you continue to come out of your shell, and feel more and more comfortable posting. So far, you've given great insight, from your personal experiences.

I also, don't post openly to many serious threads.. But I do read, and learn. Always nice to get as many different takes on a subject, as one can.