My kids are skyping with their Dad in Chicago.

warrior queen

early bird snack pack
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Apart from the odd phone conversation (5 in two years!) this is the first real chat he's had with them since he left Australia.
It's actually kinda sad - they've run out of things to say to eachother in less than 15 minutes :(
They're all strangers. Nothing in cmmon any more, except blood.

It's gut-wrenching. I've had to walk away from the house because hearing the stilted talk was making me shed a tear :(
 
Hopefully it's a beginning.

Hug them.

Love them.
 
Apart from the odd phone conversation (5 in two years!) this is the first real chat he's had with them since he left Australia.
It's actually kinda sad - they've run out of things to say to eachother in less than 15 minutes :(
They're all strangers. Nothing in cmmon any more, except blood.

It's gut-wrenching. I've had to walk away from the house because hearing the stilted talk was making me shed a tear :(

No it isn't.
 
Apart from the odd phone conversation (5 in two years!) this is the first real chat he's had with them since he left Australia.
It's actually kinda sad - they've run out of things to say to eachother in less than 15 minutes :(
They're all strangers. Nothing in cmmon any more, except blood.

It's gut-wrenching. I've had to walk away from the house because hearing the stilted talk was making me shed a tear :(

And hopefully, when you got back to the house, you were doing the "Mom yak" before you even got thru the door with a smile on your face...then started fussing over somebody tracking mud into the house. :)

Familiarity breeds and sustains love.
 
I was away from my Dad, Step mom, and younger siblings in a way. It makes it hard for me to talk to my dad about things other than work. In some ways I picked up where I left off, but sometimes I feel a little left out. I have been spending more time with them lately, so that has helped.

If they just keep at it they will learn more to talk about with each other, but they have to Skype repeatedly. I hope this gets better for you guys.
 
And hopefully, when you got back to the house, you were doing the "Mom yak" before you even got thru the door with a smile on your face...then started fussing over somebody tracking mud into the house. :)

Familiarity breeds and sustains love.

That's why I left and went for a walk.... didn't want to 'hover' and certainly did not want the kids to see me upset.
They've both had a chat to me since, asking how they can make it better. I told them time.
And I told them not to forget that he's the same Dad that they used to love having bedtime talks with.
 
Much better!
Your name shows up, but the pus is gone :)
Like a lanced boil....
 
That's why I left and went for a walk.... didn't want to 'hover' and certainly did not want the kids to see me upset.
They've both had a chat to me since, asking how they can make it better. I told them time.
And I told them not to forget that he's the same Dad that they used to love having bedtime talks with.

You're a good Mom. You can't control what or who their father is but you are obviously holding the door open for them all. The ball is in Dad's court now...I hope he continues the dialog with the kids.

Hope this is the beginning of something good for you all.
 
That's why I left and went for a walk.... didn't want to 'hover' and certainly did not want the kids to see me upset.
They've both had a chat to me since, asking how they can make it better. I told them time.
And I told them not to forget that he's the same Dad that they used to love having bedtime talks with.

I could be positive and hope it's a new beginning of a better relationship with them (Fingers crossed)

But I would be telling them they cant make it better. Dad has a lot of work to do with that little contact and regularly too.

My ex had so little contact with his sons that as adults they acknowledge him as their Dad and nothing else. He hasn't put any effort in even on facebook. He can play facebook games but not even a lol or a like? His loss.

It is beyond sad when any parent has minimal or no contact and 'drifts' out of their kids day to day lives. :(
 
I hesitated to discuss such a personal and emotional time in my life, but Debbie has encouraged me. I know I can be long-winded, so I will make this as brief as possible.

I had known A's father for 3 years before I fell in love with him. She was 5 at the time that her Dad and I moved in together.

Her mother had left her when she was 2 and she had been sent up to Wash D.C. to her grandmother, as her Dad was opening a business and enrolled full time at UT, with no way or other resources to keep her with him at the time.

Her Father and I married 2 years later, when she was 7. She was our flower-girl at the wedding. We drove up to Wash D.C. shortly after to pack up her belongings and move her back down to start our family in Tx.

Her birthday was Dec 23rd. That day I was aware that no package or card had been sent. Also, the day slipped away without even a phone call from her mother.

Christmas Day, no gift, no card, no call from her Mother. I had to excuse myself and shut myself into our bedroom and cried for her.

I wiped my eyes, straightened myself up and walked back out of the room to the sounds of Christmas wrap tearing and her squeals to me...."MOM!!! LOOK!!!

Well, she's 40 years old now, lives 2 miles from us and happily married with a daughter. Life is so damned good.

By the way, I'm only 15 years older than she is so I often stepped into the "big sister pants" when she and her friends needed it during her teen years.

Kids are resilient...they are much stronger than we think. Just love them and be there for them. You will be proud of who they have become. :)
 
Fala, I'm a step Mum to four (I am only 16 years older than the oldest lol)
and grandmama to four. I was 30 when grandbaby no 1 was born and people asked her when she was a little older are you shopping with Mummy? :D


I have heard so many times step Mums are bitches. They play favourites etc.
In our house there was one set f rules for everybody and I love bigreds kids as much as I love mine. We are one blended family and that took a lot of love, patience and hardwork with all the extra parents involved (or not involved as the case may be)

What really annoys me is the nasty stuff some parents do and it hurts the kids. I have never once badmouthed my stepkids Mum and never will. I can go vent about her petty attitude and snotty remarks but I am not going to make the kids feel uncomfortable.

My sons could have had some semblance of a relationship with their Dad if he really wanted to. I was hoping he would see things differently and want to see them without me around. But he would only see them if I agreed to be there.

Shrug. I really did try to get him to spend time with them but it all fell apart and became nasty.

For me I watched my sons and knew it hurt when their siblings hugged and chased and laughed with their Dad.

Hubby has been an amazing Dad in our blended family and my sons have grown into great young men.
 
Fala, I'm a step Mum to four (I am only 16 years older than the oldest lol)
and grandmama to four. I was 30 when grandbaby no 1 was born and people asked her when she was a little older are you shopping with Mummy? :D


I have heard so many times step Mums are bitches. They play favourites etc.
In our house there was one set f rules for everybody and I love bigreds kids as much as I love mine. We are one blended family and that took a lot of love, patience and hardwork with all the extra parents involved (or not involved as the case may be)

What really annoys me is the nasty stuff some parents do and it hurts the kids. I have never once badmouthed my stepkids Mum and never will. I can go vent about her petty attitude and snotty remarks but I am not going to make the kids feel uncomfortable.

My sons could have had some semblance of a relationship with their Dad if he really wanted to. I was hoping he would see things differently and want to see them without me around. But he would only see them if I agreed to be there.

Shrug. I really did try to get him to spend time with them but it all fell apart and became nasty.

For me I watched my sons and knew it hurt when their siblings hugged and chased and laughed with their Dad.

Hubby has been an amazing Dad in our blended family and my sons have grown into great young men.



Debby, I can see how pissed off you are. You hurt more than your own children over all this. I just don't know what to say...

You have always been the voice of reason on this Lit board...without a doubt. Please know your kids appreciate this in you as much as we do here.

Sincerely.
 
My daughter is 20 and my youngest son just turned 18, so they're able to process the logic of the situation.
But neither is able to deal with the emotion yet.

Fala and Debbie..... :rose:s for you both.
 
Debby, I can see how pissed off you are. You hurt more than your own children over all this. I just don't know what to say...

You have always been the voice of reason on this Lit board...without a doubt. Please know your kids appreciate this in you as much as we do here.

Sincerely.

:D I'm not pissed off. Yes, the emotion runs deep when I think of the hurt they had because their Dad was a cruel man who didnt want to change. My ex is the one who has missed out on two fantastic sons who are now very happy, employed and their world is busy and full of potential. :)


I was terrified of my ex (previous physical violence - I tricked him into leaving and had everything organized to hopefully keep us safe)
but he waited for me after court one day and told me when he got access he was going to make sure I never saw our sons again.

I am mild mannered and slow to anger. But I walked up to him (knees shaking) and said to him:
"If you ever try to hurt our sons I will fight back. I will win and you will regret every hurting me and trying to hurt our children."

<Shame face >I also told him if he was on fire I wouldnt even pee on him. :D

My daughter is 20 and my youngest son just turned 18, so they're able to process the logic of the situation.
But neither is able to deal with the emotion yet.

Fala and Debbie..... :rose:s for you both.

Thanks wq, it's a sucky thing to watch. I hope your kids find a way to deal with this emotionally and can soldier on. You never know he might be there from now on and the kids have a better relationship with him.

When my youngest was 16 he tried to make contact with his Dad and at first his Dad was a bit chatty on facebook. Then nothing again. Text. Replies then stopped etc. The boy got so mad and frustrated and he was acting out. In the end I told him somehow he had to come to terms that his Dad might not be a good communicator and some ground rules might help. As in should he keep trying to make contact. Should he give up? Would his Dad pick him up and they could go the movies etc. He tried keeping in contact but there was almost no contact so he decided to cut ties and told his Dad that. :( He was so sad and so angry. Over time he came to be a little more at ease with his decision to cut ties. He sent one last text and one last private message on facebook.

It all worked out in the end. Not like in the books - a happy ending but young people can deal with adult shit and bounce back. It is a shame that some kids dont have a parent present in their lives and they need a verbal kick up the bum.

I am a lucky parent of 2 great kids and several more in our blended family. :)
 
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