The PG Dom/Sub conundrum

[THROBBS]

..... being a woman on here is difficult enough as it is, and when you go around looking for attention, you're bound to find it eventually.

"eventually"

3,2,1

 

[KalIsBack]

"eventually"

3,2,1

*chuckle*

Or immediately, whichever you prefer.

 

[Arianthe]

Most people misunderstand D/s. People think leather and latex, whips and hardcore bondage, etc. etc. And sometimes, that's what it is. But more truthfully, that's not what it's about. I think, on a fundamental level, it's all about stability. Being a Dom/me is only about being that source of stability, whatever that means to the sub. Which is why not all Dom/mes are not compatible with all subs. Stability means different things to different people. It's about providing the measure of control that your sub wants and needs.

This does NOT mean you can't put them on a pedestal. In all honesty, I believe that D/s relationships involve putting women MORE on a pedestal than in any other sort of relationship. An incredible amount of attention goes into caring for a sub. You need to be attuned to her wants and needs, when to be Dominant and when to be a friend and when to be a lover. When to push, when not to push. You have to care, to be a good Dominant. To really care. There's mutual pleasure in there, a pleasure in the attention, knowing that you devote your energy and your attention and your love and you get exactly as much out as you put in. You worship your submissive in the way she needs, and she worships you back the way she knows how. I believe it's incredibly rewarding.

Oh, you've expressed this beautifully!

I was in a 24/7 D/s relationship for a couple of years. The six months we lived together is the happiest I've ever been in my life and I would give anything to find that again. I don't have a submissive personality, but if I agree to submit to a Dom, I submit completely. I don't hold anything back, so I tend to identify more as slave than sub.

 

[feistyphoenix]

I'm sure Fiesty will share some names with you.

Doms aren't flashy because they have nothing to compensate for.

Yeah, no. I don't share names.

A Dom will share his intentions if he trusts you with the information.

 

[THROBBS]

*chuckle*

Or immediately, whichever you prefer.

ha...

not my "preference".

just an observation. A mixed bag, I am sure.
was it Mae West? "Better to be looked over than be overlooked"?

yet... likely, becomes tiresome.

trying to empathize! hahahhaha as if.

 

[KalIsBack]

Doms aren't flashy because they have nothing to compensate for.

I actually have to take argument with this.

We all have something to compensate for. I believe Dom/mes are just more conscious and accepting of it. Indeed, I'd venture to say that more than one Dom/me out there is compensating for a lack of control in some areas of his/her life by being a Dom/me, just as some subs are subs because they need an outlet or a release...

It's probably more due to personal temperament, or just a profound lack of desire for 'that' sort of attention.

 

[KalIsBack]

A Dom will share his intentions if he trusts you with the information.

There you go using that word. 'Trust.'

ha...

not my "preference".

just an observation. A mixed bag, I am sure.
was it Mae West? "Better to be looked over than be overlooked"?

yet... likely, becomes tiresome.

trying to empathize! hahahhaha as if.

lol. Then just the truth, I suppose.

And I don't know how I'd react if some random, strange woman started looking me over.

Alas, I must get back to work. Enjoy your respective days.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Gosh--!! I am just thrilled about what's been happening here since I've been off busy not looking subby.



*giggles*


to all of you who have posted,

and a to Munky for starting this thread.

 

[PrissOff]

Interesting. Might as well throw my spare change in here.

Doms come in so many different shapes. Cut from the same cloth, but so many different variations that it's dizzying. Some Doms are intimidating and quiet and just so overtly *powerful* that it can be a bit frightening. Other Doms are garrulous and enjoyable, but have an underlying, persistent 'aura' that's comforting to their subs. But there's only really one common aspect between all Doms, I think.

Most people misunderstand D/s. People think leather and latex, whips and hardcore bondage, etc. etc. And sometimes, that's what it is. But more truthfully, that's not what it's about. I think, on a fundamental level, it's all about stability. Being a Dom/me is only about being that source of stability, whatever that means to the sub. Which is why not all Dom/mes are not compatible with all subs. Stability means different things to different people. It's about providing the measure of control that your sub wants and needs.

This does NOT mean you can't put them on a pedestal. In all honesty, I believe that D/s relationships involve putting women MORE on a pedestal than in any other sort of relationship. An incredible amount of attention goes into caring for a sub. You need to be attuned to her wants and needs, when to be Dominant and when to be a friend and when to be a lover. When to push, when not to push. You have to care, to be a good Dominant. To really care. There's mutual pleasure in there, a pleasure in the attention, knowing that you devote your energy and your attention and your love and you get exactly as much out as you put in. You worship your submissive in the way she needs, and she worships you back the way she knows how. I believe it's incredibly rewarding.

And as stated by others, being a Dominant and/or a submissive is no more a choice than eating and breathing. It's just something you need.

I'm sure there's more I've missed, but that's what came to mind.

*tips hat, wanders off into the ether.*

This.
Thank you, Kal, for giving a Doms perspective, and in my opinion, being spot on.

 

[THROBBS]

I actually have to take argument with this.

We all have something to compensate for. I believe Dom/mes are just more conscious and accepting of it. Indeed, I'd venture to say that more than one Dom/me out there is compensating for a lack of control in some areas of his/her life by being a Dom/me, just as some subs are subs because they need an outlet or a release...

It's probably more due to personal temperament, or just a profound lack of desire for 'that' sort of attention.

puzzling.

Looking for our missing pieces.
Sometimes we try to hammer a "near fit" into place.

Man (and woman) was not meant to be alone. Sometimes — we just are.

 

[thejabber27]

Yeah, no. I don't share names.

A Dom will share his intentions if he trusts you with the information.

Or not...

I'm honestly surprised that this turn into a great thread, kudos to all the awesome ladies that possible.

As to some not needing to compensate, I never thought about it that way of being more conscious and yet comfortable. That makes sense, I've never been into the strutting around. I'm not a peacock.

 

[KalIsBack]

There was something else I wanted to say on this matter, but I'm on my phone now so I'll get to it later. Might help to clear one thing up for you, Munky... if you're still reading.

I find this subject immensely fascinating.

 

[LusterMunky]

There was something else I wanted to say on this matter, but I'm on my phone now so I'll get to it later. Might help to clear one thing up for you, Munky... if you're still reading.

I find this subject immensely fascinating.

I'm still reading. And thanks to all for your thought provoking comments.

 

[LusterMunky]

I'm honestly surprised that this turn into a great thread, kudos to all the awesome ladies that possible.

Which was sorta my original question. The gurls post, the guyz don't. (Kal excepted)

 

[thejabber27]

Which was sorta my original question. The gurls post, the guyz don't. (Kal excepted)

A true conundrum. we could look at academia which says women are more social creatures. Which could be why they post more about it.

 

[LusterMunky]

A true conundrum. we could look at academia which says women are more social creatures. Which could be why they post more about it.

Or the Guyz/Wannabe-Doms figure they'll just look creepy.

 

[thejabber27]

Or the Guyz/Wannabe-Doms figure they'll just look creepy.

That too, it's easy to come off as creepy on the internet.

 

[elli1]

Or the Guyz/Wannabe-Doms figure they'll just look creepy.

well, kal didn't, did he? and we don't care about the wannabe's anyway

 

[LusterMunky]

well, kal didn't, did he? and we don't care about the wannabe's anyway

I want to be your Dom and teach you how to capitalize.

 

[thejabber27]

well, kal didn't, did he? and we don't care about the wannabe's anyway

True, the wannabe's give the subs so much trouble, flooding their inboxes. Probably why there are significantly less female subs posting personal ads. It's not worth the trouble here.

 

[elli1]

I want to be your Dom and teach you how to capitalize.

i know how to capitalise, i just tend not to do it (i do write Dom and Daddy and Sir, though)

True, the wannabe's give the subs so much trouble, flooding their inboxes. Probably why there are significantly less female subs posting personal ads. It's not worth the trouble here.

word

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

well, kal didn't, did he? and we don't care about the wannabe's anyway

No, he didn't.


Perhaps it goes back to "not having anything to prove"?

or simply not wanting the attention.

 

[sereneone4u]

No, he didn't.


Perhaps it goes back to "not having anything to prove"?

or simply not wanting the attention.

Or him being a natural?

 

[thejabber27]

No, he didn't.


Perhaps it goes back to "not having anything to prove"?

or simply not wanting the attention.

This, speaks for me as well.

 

[LusterMunky]

i know how to capitalise, i just tend not to do it (i do write Dom and Daddy and Sir, though)

Once again: Smartypants