The PG Dom/Sub conundrum

[PrissOff]

Well, people are always changing. And it's a relationship-long process. The point is to help her develop, to be there, to watch her grow and change, to be the catalyst for change.

And fyi.... if you ever truly tame a sub, I think you've done something wrong. I can't speak for all Doms, but I absolutely love that feisty spark in my submissive. Extinguishing that... keeping her trapped down under my thumb... I couldn't imagine a more terrible thing. I always want her to provide a challenge for me, and I know that she always will.

So maybe not breaking.... although I'm struggling to come up with an adequate analogy.

As I said, I push my limits.. doesn't make me bad, it makes me curious... but when I know it's serious, I take it just as that, not a time to fool around, buckle down and listen.

 

[KalIsBack]

Curious is good.

Feisty, but not a brat. See?

And you know, the funny thing is, erm... A year ago, I would have viciously denied ever being a Dom, ever even associating myself with this label. Now it's difficult to imagine myself not exploring this side of me.

Still a fledgling to be sure, but I enjoy my wings.

 

[Thandi]

Wow, this has been a pleasure to read.
Everyone has been so thoughtful and eloquent.
Great thread!

 

[sereneone4u]

Well, people are always changing. And it's a relationship-long process. The point is to help her develop, to be there, to watch her grow and change, to be the catalyst for change.

And fyi.... if you ever truly tame a sub, I think you've done something wrong. I can't speak for all Doms, but I absolutely love that feisty spark in my submissive. Extinguishing that... keeping her trapped down under my thumb... I couldn't imagine a more terrible thing. I always want her to provide a challenge for me, and I know that she always will.

So maybe not breaking.... although I'm struggling to come up with an adequate analogy.

*smiles*

 

[Sundayschild]

Well said KB

 

[snowkitten13]

Curious is good.

Feisty, but not a brat. See?

And you know, the funny thing is, erm... A year ago, I would have viciously denied ever being a Dom, ever even associating myself with this label. Now it's difficult to imagine myself not exploring this side of me.

Still a fledgling to be sure, but I enjoy my wings.

I remember a year ago you asking a question on one of the threads while I was questioning things, too.. I'm glad you are embarking on figuring out what you want. It's a good place for it here, isn't it?

 

[NaughtyRedSiren]

Throwing my hat into the ring... but I already know I'm a sub.

 

[thejabber27]

I keep trying to think of a better analogy than the animal one and all I can up with is a robot vs. cyborg analogy which sounds extremely impersonal. At the same time the animal analogy doesn't work because as my mom told me years ago "A fox makes a great pet until it remembers it's a fox."
A bit of fight is always welcome, someone that can keep you on your toes is great for me personally because it helps me be more creative in my professional and personal life. There needs to be a balance that is not static but stays within a range for flexibility. This allows for growth on both sides ideally. Though the balance will be different for everyone on both sides. And the longer it's kept the stronger it will grow, though holding it for too long can make it fragile (a reason why I have a lot of respect for the 24/7 lifestyle people.)

 

[sereneone4u]

I remember a year ago you asking a question on one of the threads while I was questioning things, too.. I'm glad you are embarking on figuring out what you want. It's a good place for it here, isn't it?

Actually KalIsBack and I have been together for a year in a couple of weeks. We were both figuring out what we wanted and it has been an incredible journey and continues to be one for us both. I never imagined how incredible and fulfilling this type of relationship could be, including the fact that we are best friends in addition to being Dominant and submissive. We are not just Dom and sub on this site, we are hardly on this site anymore. We are Dom and sub period.

I certainly was not looking when he found me but he was well worth the wait.

I know there are several wonderful subs here that have not found the Dominant that is right for them. I hope one day you will each discover what I have found with my Sir, my Master, my best friend, KalIsBack.

 

[snowkitten13]

Actually KalIsBack and I have been together for a year in a couple of weeks. We were both figuring out what we wanted and it has been an incredible journey and continues to be one for us both. I never imagined how incredible and fulfilling this type of relationship could be, including the fact that we are best friends in addition to being Dominant and submissive. We are not just Dom and sub on this site, we are hardly on this site anymore. We are Dom and sub period.

I certainly was not looking when he found me but he was well worth the wait.

I know there are several wonderful subs here that have not found the Dominant that is right for them. I hope one day you will each discover what I have found with my Sir, my Master, my best friend, KalIsBack.

I'm glad for you both. Maybe it was over a year ago now then. I just remembered him asking a question that really made me think, just in general about what I wanted.

 

[KalIsBack]

Snowkitten.... And what question was that? I recall mostly drivel from my previous posts.

And jabber.... I suppose the best analogy I can give is this: the moment when you reach equilibrium with your environment, you're dead. And yet.... all we do is strive to make things fit into our private worlds, to achieve equilibrium. And in a microcosm, there you have D/s. A permanent drama of push and pull, influx and outflux, give and take. Consider it like an orbiting body, captured by a planet. The earth and the moon. Existing in tandem. One snaring, harnessing the other, but never really managing to pull hard enough that the two bodies collide.

And serene. Smiles.

 

[sereneone4u]

I'm glad for you both. Maybe it was over a year ago now then. I just remembered him asking a question that really made me think, just in general about what I wanted.

Yes, snow. He is a curious person and loves to discuss things with various people.

He did not have an interest in it until he met me and I inadvertently opened that door for him and we have never looked back since.

He posted about it in the Daddy thread awhile back. You should check it out.

 

[sereneone4u]

Snowkitten.... And what question was that? I recall mostly drivel from my previous posts.

And jabber.... I suppose the best analogy I can give is this: the moment when you reach equilibrium with your environment, you're dead. And yet.... all we do is strive to make things fit into our private worlds, to achieve equilibrium. And in a microcosm, there you have D/s. A permanent drama of push and pull, influx and outflux, give and take. Consider it like an orbiting body, captured by a planet. The earth and the moon. Existing in tandem. One snaring, harnessing the other, but never really managing to pull hard enough that the two bodies collide.

And serene. Smiles.

playful bites

 

[JennyNo1]

Just a very small interruption here....I have to say this is one of the best discussions I've read on this topic. That includes those in the BDSM thread, where they tend toward the snarky and arrogant. Everyone here has been far more eloquent than I could ever think about being, and in such a congenial manner. I'm finding the whole thread quite absorbing. Kudos to all!

 

[snowkitten13]

Goodness, I can't remember exactly what it was, I thought it was you anyway. Maybe a question about women's perspectives on it? I was exploring a little at the time so I tried to answer made me think a lot. Not sure exactly when it was but it was before I left last fall. I think it was just a question on the ask me a question thread. I apologize if I got it wrong.

 

[sereneone4u]

Curious is good.

Feisty, but not a brat. See?

And you know, the funny thing is, erm... A year ago, I would have viciously denied ever being a Dom, ever even associating myself with this label. Now it's difficult to imagine myself not exploring this side of me.

Still a fledgling to be sure, but I enjoy my wings.

Totally not a fledgling.

A true Master in fact.

 

[sereneone4u]

Goodness, I can't remember exactly what it was, I thought it was you anyway. Maybe a question about women's perspectives on it? I was exploring a little at the time so I tried to answer made me think a lot. Not sure exactly when it was but it was before I left last fall. I think it was just a question on the ask me a question thread. I apologize if I got it wrong.

No worries.

I still find my submissiveness to be a puzzle in different areas and I have talked to quite a bit of people on here and on another site.

I know at one time KalIsBack had a sub friend and he would ask her questions and she would ask him questions about Dominants. It was not you of course.

I look forward to more replies, this is a great thread. Thank you, Munky.

 

[sereneone4u]

Just a very small interruption here....I have to say this is one of the best discussions I've read on this topic. That includes those in the BDSM thread, where they tend toward the snarky and arrogant. Everyone here has been far more eloquent than I could ever think about being, and in such a congenial manner. I'm finding the whole thread quite absorbing. Kudos to all!

Totally agree!

 

[PrissOff]

Congrats to Kal and serene for your upcoming year anniversary.

 

[KalIsBack]

Congrats to Kal and serene for your upcoming year anniversary.

Thank you.

 

[sereneone4u]

Congrats to Kal and serene for your upcoming year anniversary.

Thank you.

 

[SweetSam42]

So let's broaden the discussion: why does a gurl wanna be a sub?

I love interesting threads in the PG - lots of good thoughts out there so far. Good work, Munk.

I don't identify as a sub, but see the appeal in giving over power to someone else sexually on occasion. For me, I am in control of a lot of shit in my life - high-stress job, kid, household, wife, being a grown up mainly, and sometimes, I just don't want to be in charge. Period. I want someone else to take care of me for once. And taking care of me sexually will do just fine.

I also like an alpha male in the bedroom - I'm married to a beta. lol. He's great for many things, but boy, to have some power in the sack - yes, please.

 

[SweetSam42]

I still don't understand the sub thing. For me, I think women should be worshiped, put on a pedestal. Treated as goddesses.

Again, not a dom/sub but I want to comment on this...

My husband feels the same way. He has very high standards when it comes to me. Pedestal, absolutely. His perfect little princess. He works hard to give me everything I want and more. BUT what happens when what she wants tarnishes your perception of what this perfect, innocent, little flower should want? What happens when she masturbates all.the.time and reads "repulsive" stories online? Just sayin' sometimes that pedestal is not all its cracked up to be.

I love how you talked about this, LS. While I like attention (sexual and otherwise), and want to be adored, etc., I think putting a woman on a pedestal makes her inaccessable - makes her separate from her partner. And like LS said, this can lead to expectations about what being a "perfect princess" is - there are expectations and pressures, and that can be quite a weight to bear for the woman.

And frankly, don't we all have enough pressure to be the perfect woman/wife/mother/friend/PTA member/etc from everyone else? I don't want it from my partner.

Just adore me and make me cum.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

*stamps feet and throws stuffie*

But I wanna be on the pedastel! I wanna! Wanna! Wanna!

 

[PrissOff]

*stamps feet and throws stuffie*

But I wanna be on the pedastel! I wanna! Wanna! Wanna!

You can have mine