Wanting a woman 18-74, perfect 10 body, rich and willing to leave all her shit to me

[dutchrain]

I have never seen Duck Dynasty. (Thank God some USA-series don't make it to Europe. Maybe they get shot on the way...)

How come you thought your guy liner could be for my eyes?

 

[IhateClowns]

I have never seen Duck Dynasty. (Thank God some USA-series don't make it to Europe. Maybe they get shot on the way...)

How come you thought your guy liner could be for my eyes?

Duck Dynasty is this awesome soap opera about the University of Oregon. Really puts General Hospital to shame.

As far as I am concerned everyone has a penis on here until Chris Hansen tells me otherwise.

 

[dutchrain]

Duck Dynasty is this awesome soap opera about the University of Oregon. Really puts General Hospital to shame.

As far as I am concerned everyone has a penis on here until Chris Hansen tells me otherwise.

*sigh* Oh dear, in that case I should make an appointment with C. Hansen ASAP.

 

[Riles]

Yes I am an average fellow with a modest sized penis who is looking for a woman who shares simliar interests to myself. Those interests include breathing and well that is about it. I am limiting myself to women between the ages of 18-74 years old because let's face it, 75 is just getting up there in age.

Also you must have a cam and be willing to shamelessly spread eagle whenever I ask you to without the promise of me actually giving a shit after I have my orgasm. As a matter of fact I might "make-up" and excuse as to why my cam shut off at the exact moment of my orgasm, such as a power outtage or my dog ate my power cord.

I think that pretty much sums me up in a nutshell. Where do I sign those Will papers?

Mr. IHC, I haven't read the whole thread, and I don't know if anyone else commented on this, but I just want to say that your commitment to Masturbation has taken on a whole new level with this. I mean the lack of ageism itself is impressive - spread eagle at 74? And yet you figure on going down in a blast of glory? That's dedication. That's work ethic right there by god!

 

[IhateClowns]

*sigh* Oh dear, in that case I should make an appointment with C. Hansen ASAP.

Oh no dear. You don't find Chris Hansen, Chris Hansen finds you. Then he offers you a cookie and asks you why you have condoms and a 4pk of Zima in your hands.

 

[C5MiGuy]

Oh no dear. You don't find Chris Hansen, Chris Hansen finds you. Then he offers you a cookie and asks you why you have condoms and a 4pk of Zima in your hands.

Because Zima doesn't come in a 12 pack.

 

[IhateClowns]

Because Zima doesn't come in a 12 pack.

Spoken like a true Dateline fanatic.

 

[devinity7]

This is too funny, he's been quiet for a while, the meds must have kicked in.

 

[Khadaji2002]

Oh, my goodness! I just about choked on my coffee. Thank you, IHC, for a nice belly laugh this fine Friday.

 

[zimy]

I wouldn't get you hopes up. I have been here since 2005 and only got one pm from somebody asking if I was Bi

 

[IhateClowns]

This is too funny, he's been quiet for a while, the meds must have kicked in.

Not at all. I actually have a job which should be even more appealing to women and unfortunately that takes precedence over this phenomenal thread. Not much more importance but I do have to give the slight edge to feeding myself.

 

[IhateClowns]

Mr. IHC, I haven't read the whole thread, and I don't know if anyone else commented on this, but I just want to say that your commitment to Masturbation has taken on a whole new level with this. I mean the lack of ageism itself is impressive - spread eagle at 74? And yet you figure on going down in a blast of glory? That's dedication. That's work ethic right there by god!

Hey Riles,

Yes it is all mental for me. The labia of a 74 year old is just as attractive as that of an 18 year old virgin. Who are we kidding there are no 18 year old virgins. Plus there are so many things you can do with a 74 year olds labias. You can chew on them and blow them up like bubbles. You can blow into them and play them like a flute. Their musical sound is that of angles. You can grab ahold of each lip and make a pussy puppet although it is difficult keeping a 74 year old woman's pussy balanced on a stool.

 

[IhateClowns]

Oh, my goodness! I just about choked on my coffee. Thank you, IHC, for a nice belly laugh this fine Friday.

I will be the only one laughing as pussies start flying towards me like frisbees. Apparently the women of lit are weekend warriors.

 

[IhateClowns]

I wouldn't get you hopes up. I have been here since 2005 and only got one pm from somebody asking if I was Bi

55 posts in roughly 90 months isn't trying that hard is it? I have made 14k posts in just under 48hrs. Sure carpal tunnel has set in but at least I can steal something witout worry of leaving any finger prints behind.

 

[SimoneLisbon]

Hey Riles,

Yes it is all mental for me. The labia of a 74 year old is just as attractive as that of an 18 year old virgin. Who are we kidding there are no 18 year old virgins. Plus there are so many things you can do with a 74 year olds labias. You can chew on them and blow them up like bubbles. You can blow into them and play them like a flute. Their musical sound is that of angles. You can grab ahold of each lip and make a pussy puppet although it is difficult keeping a 74 year old woman's pussy balanced on a stool.

*wipes tears away*...wrong, so very, very wrong...and now this is image is stuck in my head forever...

 

[IhateClowns]

*wipes tears away*...wrong, so very, very wrong...and now this is image is stuck in my head forever...

It made you sad? Fuck it turns me on. I have the hard on of a 13 year old sitting behind his fantasy crush. Teacher could call my name to the board and I would poke that cheerleader in the back of the head as soon as I stood up. Viagara has nothing on a 74 year old's hatchet wound. Now a 75 year old's vagina is just plain foul.

 

[zimy]

55 posts in roughly 90 months isn't trying that hard is it? I have made 14k posts in just under 48hrs. Sure carpal tunnel has set in but at least I can steal something witout worry of leaving any finger prints behind.

Well I was playing hard to get and mysterious for close to 8 years. Finally gave up on that plan

 

[IhateClowns]

Well I was playing hard to get and mysterious for close to 8 years. Finally gave up on that plan

Yeah hard to get doesn't work on here. I suggest sending out mass cock pics. Women love a random cock in their inbox when they wake up in the morning. I send taint pics. Sometimes I will write their username under my ball sack just to make it more personal for them. Just to let them know I care.

 

[zimy]

Yeah hard to get doesn't work on here. I suggest sending out mass cock pics. Women love a random cock in their inbox when they wake up in the morning. I send taint pics. Sometimes I will write their username under my ball sack just to make it more personal for them. Just to let them know I care.

haha. I guess we should change our screen names to LongDongSilver or slapyousillywithmygiantwoody

 

[dutchrain]

This must be the only over 50 posts thread on personals in which the word 'bump' is only mentioned three (3) times.

*nods head admiringly at the cool guy*

 

[yossi]

Yeah hard to get doesn't work on here. I suggest sending out mass cock pics. Women love a random cock in their inbox when they wake up in the morning. I send taint pics. Sometimes I will write their username under my ball sack just to make it more personal for them. Just to let them know I care.

Oh my god...

 

[mijayoo]

Hahahahahahahahagahahahahahahahagaagagagagagahahagagagahagaghahahahagahagahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

[dutchrain]

Hahahahahahahahagahahahahahahahagaagagagagagahahagagagahagaghahahahagahagahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Maybe you should breath in between the laughter... *looking worried*

 

[IhateClowns]

This must be the only over 50 posts thread on personals in which the word 'bump' is only mentioned three (3) times.

*nods head admiringly at the cool guy*

They say it could not be done so I said hey go fuck yourselves. I can do anything I put my mind to. And lookee there who is the sad individual wasting his time on an erotic internet board....yea that's right mother fuckers: THIS GUY!!!!

 

[IhateClowns]

Oh my god...

That is why I go the extra mile and send taint pics. Sure it takes about an hour to limber up eough to trim that area, but when you can see the flash reflection in my smooth taint skin I know I did an excellent job.