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Wanting a woman 18-74, perfect 10 body, rich and willing to leave all her shit to me

Where be the ho's tonight? I just ate Cheetoh's shirtless and I need someone to lick my orange nipples
 
Well, just make sure you find a dexterous 74 year old and she can feed you Cheetos via the chop stick method.
 
Even simpler, hand her the bag and then when she seizes, catch as many as possible with your mouth as they start flying out.
 
yossariankat said:
Even simpler, hand her the bag and then when she seizes, catch as many as possible with your mouth as they start flying out.
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Oh they aren't epileptic mind you. I am not a sicko. They just shake a lot. I don't think they can gripa Cheetoh
 
Such a nice thread.....

......to come back to lit to! I've been away for awhile and thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread, so here's a bump for you! Please, continue to post. It just makes my day.
 
I'm not female and piss poor broke - so not much use to you, but this is fucking hillarious.
I did meet a guy in his late 30's once who had a 79 year old girlfriend and said the head and sex was the best he ever had. Shit still makes me shivver!
 
This is my favorite thread that I've read on Lit. Seriously. Beats the Music Match Game and Favorite Pussy Type BY FAR. :)

I'm not even really into girls but if one would like to leave me everything and has a perfect 10 body, please do so.
 
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Sorry i haven't posted much today. I have been away all day fucking ho's I have met from here. It is insane how many ladies will meet you just to fuck. Nice clean wholesome loving ladies who just want to fuck without knowing your name. Such a nice treat. The literotica personals section is the greatest place EVER.

I now understand why there are SO MANY GUYS with threads on here saying they will be in a certain, city or place at a certain time and let's meet up. I totally get it now. I always saw it as a bit sad and depressed and now I know that these guys are getting laid left and right.

I am walking like a motor cycle cop now. I have had sex with so many women ranging from 18-74 today.

Just crazy
 
IhateClowns said:
Sorry i haven't posted much today. I have been away all day fucking ho's I have met from here. It is insane how many ladies will meet you just to fuck. Nice clean wholesome loving ladies who just want to fuck without knowing your name. Such a nice treat. The literotica personals section is the greatest place EVER.

I now understand why there are SO MANY GUYS with threads on here saying they will be in a certain, city or place at a certain time and let's meet up. I totally get it now. I always saw it as a bit sad and depressed and now I know that these guys are getting laid left and right.

I am walking like a motor cycle cop now. I have had sex with so many women ranging from 18-74 today.

Just crazy
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So THAT'S where you was! I was standin' on your doorstep, sans Poligrip this time, a Slurpee in one hand and a tub of I Can't Believe it's Not Butter in the other, knockin' on your door with my foot while I balanced on my GOOD leg....and all for nothing! Well, not exactly nothin'.....your neighbor, Butch, he was mighty obliging. He has a thing for fake butter.
 
blackleggings said:
I'm not even really into girls but if one would like to leave me everything and has a perfect 10 body, please do so.
Click to expand...

Hey...if there's a lifetime of wealth in it for you and she's smokin' hot by all quantitative measure...no one could fault you for getting you gay on. :D

(Not that you should be faulted for doing it just for fun either....)
 
softkisses said:
So THAT'S where you was! I was standin' on your doorstep, sans Poligrip this time, a Slurpee in one hand and a tub of I Can't Believe it's Not Butter in the other, knockin' on your door with my foot while I balanced on my GOOD leg....and all for nothing! Well, not exactly nothin'.....your neighbor, Butch, he was mighty obliging. He has a thing for fake butter.
Click to expand...

I am sorry I missed out on what apparently would have been my first butter fisting. I cannot imagine a more relaxing way to get off than being your human puppet. I cry when I have a large bowel movement much less you are doing the Statue of Liberty up my asshole.

Butch is a butter bitch. He claims that it makes the best lube for jerking off. Not only does it make his cock glisten like an Oscar but he claims it makes his cum taste like kettle corn. I doubt it seriously. Then again I have never tasted nor ever will taste cum.
 
I believe women should be held up on a pedestal until it is time for them to get on their knees.
 
Ladies my car is getting low on fuel. I need 1 of you to step up and pay $50 to get to blow me. I will be in front of The Dollar Tree store waiting for your arrival
 
IhateClowns said:
Ladies my car is getting low on fuel. I need 1 of you to step up and pay $50 to get to blow me. I will be in front of The Dollar Tree store waiting for your arrival
Click to expand...

Umm....I only pay $1 for things at the Dollar Tree. Jus sayin....
 
Edensgarden said:
Umm....I only pay $1 for things at the Dollar Tree. Jus sayin....
Click to expand...
Inside the store is very true. That is where I buy my lube and thank you notes. Outside the store I set the prices on what you have to pay to get you some of this tall drink of Nesquick.
 
I am sitting here on my bed. I have lavender candles burning and I am pinching my left nipple. My right hand is fondling my left testicle and my penis is laying to the left against my thigh.

Ladies if this doesn't make your panties go all gooey, then I really do not know what else I can do.
 
Or maybe you could just squeeze some Ben Gay into a tart warmer? Nothing says romance like a little menthol scent wafting through the air.
Oh yeah, the penis flopped over to the left is sexy too.
 
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