Wanting a woman 18-74, perfect 10 body, rich and willing to leave all her shit to me

[IhateClowns]

Yes I am an average fellow with a modest sized penis who is looking for a woman who shares simliar interests to myself. Those interests include breathing and well that is about it. I am limiting myself to women between the ages of 18-74 years old because let's face it, 75 is just getting up there in age.

Also you must have a cam and be willing to shamelessly spread eagle whenever I ask you to without the promise of me actually giving a shit after I have my orgasm. As a matter of fact I might "make-up" and excuse as to why my cam shut off at the exact moment of my orgasm, such as a power outtage or my dog ate my power cord.

I think that pretty much sums me up in a nutshell. Where do I sign those Will papers?

 

[IhateClowns]

OK I know it has been 12 minutes but this thread deserves a big BUMP to get it to the top so all the laydees can see it

 

[IhateClowns]

OK OK OK OK OK It has been 3 minutes. Where the fuck is the vagina around here!!!!!!!!!!

This is some bullshit

 

[C5MiGuy]

PM sent.

(A personal ad wouldn't be complete without some toolbag marking his territory by telling everyone else, "Hey I pissed here, this is my fire hydrant, back off!")

 

[IhateClowns]

PM sent.

You have a vagina and a lot of cash?

 

[IhateClowns]

PM sent.

(A personal ad wouldn't be complete without some toolbag marking his territory by telling everyone else, "Hey I pissed here, this is my fire hydrant, back off!")

Well then where is that woman who is going to squirt all over this virtual bedroom and mark her territory damn it?

 

[C5MiGuy]

You have a vagina and a lot of cash?

I got the cash, and I can get some ballistics gel and make a mold. I'll get my grandmother drunk, and record her voice hooked up to a pressure sensor for aural stimuli. Will that work?

 

[IhateClowns]

I got the cash, and I can get some ballistics gel and make a mold. I'll get my grandmother drunk, and record her voice hooked up to a pressure sensor for aural stimuli. Will that work?

Actually it might. Ballistics gel huh? I pefer silly putt but it is only because I enjoy reading Calvin and Hobbs as I jerk off

 

[IhateClowns]

OK ladies i am going to be in my house for the next 30 minutes. If there are any ladies who are going to be in my neighborhood in the next 30 minutes please stop on by so we can fuck

 

[IhateClowns]

Ok ladies, an update. I will be in the kitchen for the next few minutes making a PB&J. If any of you are around the pantry area let's fuck

 

[IhateClowns]

Well damn. Nothing yet. If you are going to be at Walmart in 5 minutes, let's meet up and fuck.

 

[IhateClowns]

UPDATE:

I am in aisle 3 at Walmart right now. Ladies if you are here and looking for me, I am in the navy blue hoodie holding the family size can of Crisco and some rubber gloves.

 

[IhateClowns]

Bump because it has been almost a whole half hour for God's sake and I need me a womens now!!!

 

[yossi]

Oh, this totally made my day.

Bravo.

 

[IhateClowns]

Oh, this totally made my day.

Bravo.

Ok your profile says you are not to be taken seriously so is this sarcasm? Hmmmm you are holding a snake which can easily be construed as a very large penis and since I have a very mediocre penis you might as well move on so I don't disappoint you in the long run.

However, I will be at Home Depot tomorrow and if the color bright orange gets your juices flowing I will be in the lumber section.

 

[yossi]

Ok your profile says you are not to be taken seriously so is this sarcasm? Hmmmm you are holding a snake which can easily be construed as a very large penis and since I have a very mediocre penis you might as well move on so I don't disappoint you in the long run.

However, I will be at Home Depot tomorrow and if the color bright orange gets your juices flowing I will be in the lumber section.

Your profile isn't filled out which means you are probably a serial killer. Orange is totally my color. See you there, hot stuff. Don't stand too close to the wood though, what with that mediocre penis. Maybe the small appliances...?

 

[IhateClowns]

Your profile isn't filled out which means you are probably a serial killer. Orange is totally my color. See you there, hot stuff. Don't stand too close to the wood though, what with that mediocre penis. Maybe the small appliances...?

I am secure in my manhood. I stay close to the wood in hopes that one day my penis will notice and step up for itself and take a stand.

I will be the one holding the chainsaw and mask. See you there.

 

[JamieB]

God dammit! Quit hogging all the chicks! Leave some for the rest of us!!

 

[IhateClowns]

God dammit! Quit hogging all the chicks! Leave some for the rest of us!!

Hogging all the chicks???? I have had more guys than gals post. This is yet another sad tale of a desperate lonely man in search of his charming little cunt to fuck him without really knowing him so he can move on to his next conquest.

I am a romantic at heart

 

[IhateClowns]

Ok ladies. Where you be at? I am ready for a meaningless hook-up. Oh and just so you know I don't believe in condoms. So be prepared to ride this pony bare back. Giddy up!

 

[luvu4ever]

So are you on the shitter at Walmart? And with feety pj's even? That is damn hot. I am so down for some unsafe fucking with the possibility of being turned into a lampshade.

 

[LadyVer]

You must really be bored. What's new and don't give me a line of bs. Hope your bun in the oven is still baking.

 

[2TitsNoWaiting]

LOL this post is making me laugh til I cry... Such honesty... such sincerity... so refreshing...

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

IHC...this was hilarious, and I so needed it today. You rock my world, Baby..
(psst.. I'm in the gardening section of Lowes, holding the shovel and the compost additive..)

 

[tennman79]

Ihc

LOL this post is making me laugh til I cry... Such honesty... such sincerity... so refreshing...

I agree !! Laughing so hard. Especially the pony part.....very funny dude,Well done.