Anonymous Secrets Thread

[neruda]

I gotta tell you this has been the most entertaining, funny thread in my 5 months here. My favorites so far: 1) ball sack razor--funniest one ever 2) 'Nice' computer guy 3) Woman who peed on the expensive carpet. Thank you for the time you take to make us smile, giggle or laugh so hard we gotta pee

It's my pleasure and thank you. I think my favorite is still the woman that peed on the carpet. I can just see that happening in my mind.

Send something in for post, why don't you.

 

[imemkay]

SWAT team story

so far the best story on this thread! That will have me laughing all night!!

 

[neruda]

so far the best story on this thread! That will have me laughing all night!!

Glad to be of service.

 

[neruda]

- 38, Female - I have 3 best friends that I have had for quite a while. Before we all got married and had kids, we were inseparable during our off time. One night we went to an Italian restaurant to eat. The place served all meals family style. Family style is when each person orders a dish and they bring out everything and sit it in the middle of the table. Everyone shares each others meal as if you were eating dinner at home with family.

One of my friends is very particular about germs and her food, almost to the point of being obsessive compulsive. She did not want to order family style and was willing to pay extra just to avoid doing so. Se didn't want our germs getting on her food. We managed to talk her into getting the meal family style and agreed to let her serve herself prior to us serving ourselves. That way her food would be free from our germs.

While we were waiting for the food to be prepared, we were talking and having drinks. I had a good buzz going and was just about fed up with my friend's anal crap. She excused herself to go to the lady's room. Once gone, I took all her utensils and licked them up and down real good. I even dropped the dinner fork on the ground before placing it back on her napkin....Oops.

She came back to the table just as the meal was served and never knew a thing. Me and my other two friends were rolling the entire time and still to this day joke about it ever so often. My germ-free friend will occasionally mention that night too and how good the meal was.

 

[availableslave2u]

I'm sure everyone else has been here before, but I'm new so I haven't figured it all out yet. Over the last few days I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with this thread, the PMs and the emails. I have been discussing everything from gun cleaning tips to swapping recipes to alcoholism and spousal abuse.

Last night I pretty much avoided the thread and conversations with anyone to give myself a little distance. I even avoided talking to a few of the people that I really feel I have made a connection with.

Work is starting to ramp up again and so I don't have quite as much time to do this as I had last week. When I first started this thread I viewed it as an afternoon's distraction on a slow day, not as a permanent addition. The experiment seems to have gotten out of the lab.

So over the next couple of days I will be trying to do a little restructuring to limit the amount of time I am doing this, but not to sacrifice any of the content. I'm having a blast, but I can't let it interfere with work or real life relationships. I hope everyone here understands that.

Just to give you an idea, Monday I received almost 600 PMs and Emails related to this thread that had nothing to do with confessions, or sex or anything else, just really good conversation. I answered every single one of them (or think i did), but I don't have time to do that every day.

Keep sending in your secrets. Every single one of them that is fit to post will get posted. I'm thinking what I may start doing is posting them in groups 2-3 times a day rather than every time one comes in. How does that sound to you?

I'm also going to have to start limiting my PMing and Emailing. Everyone that sends me a message will still get a response, but I just may not have time to respond 30 times in a day to the same person any more.

Does all of this sound reasonable to everyone? Sound off!

you're doing a wonderful job with the thread neruda. you do what you have to do to make things work in your real life. everyone will be here when you have time, no worries!

 

[neruda]

Okay, this last one has me laughing.

Here is my question for you ladies out there: How have you taking revenge on a snotty or shitty friend?

Points for sexy, double points for funny.

Post them here or send them to me and I will post anonymously.

 

[neruda]

you're doing a wonderful job with the thread neruda. you do what you have to do to make things work in your real life. everyone will be here when you have time, no worries!

Thank you, my dear.

 

[availableslave2u]

This is exceptionally fucked up.

i hope you mean he is fucked up and not me! although, some will say that i am fucked up

I knew you had gotten played Slavey..but I didnt know this was the guy...I only knew of the Irish girl that got it. What a fuckin scumbag.

I guess Im just not bored enough or fucked up enough to spend all that time doing something like that...

thanks cowslinger. he'll get his one day, i do believe that.

 

[neruda]

i hope you mean he is fucked up and not me! although, some will say that i am fucked up

Nope, definitely him, not you.

I could never do that just to "score". It's just not in me.

 

[availableslave2u]

Reminds me of something my grandfather used to say. He used to say "I'm going upstairs and fuck your grandmother." With all due respect to Mr. George Carlin.

your grandfather sounds very profound.

this reminds me of a chinese friend that i had. we were all sitting around drinking one night and he said, that reminds me of what grandpa chow used to say. we all were on the edge of our seats, waiting for some old chinese wisdom and my friend gave us this gem from grandpa chow 'ah, fuck it!'

 

[Aquagal]

Okay, this last one has me laughing.

Here is my question for you ladies out there: How have you taking revenge on a snotty or shitty friend?

Points for sexy, double points for funny.

Post them here or send them to me and I will post anonymously.

I've not taken revenge but I do have some pictures I took of a friend on my last Mexico trip. Just in case she decides to hold a little secret over my head. We went to a bar in town and she paid the hottie bartender $20 for a lap dance...on her. He was down to his undies stradding her as I'm taking pics as her hands can be seen in the crack of his ass. Her shirt unbuttoned. She went back for seconds. Her boyfriend is a control freak so I know he'd be pissed if he discovered these.

 

[availableslave2u]

Foul!

I'm sorry, bad puns are not allowed on this thread.

Next time there will be a spanking.

*trying very hard to come up with a bad pun* :caning:

 

[PlayfulLittle1]

your grandfather sounds very profound.

this reminds me of a chinese friend that i had. we were all sitting around drinking one night and he said, that reminds me of what grandpa chow used to say. we all were on the edge of our seats, waiting for some old chinese wisdom and my friend gave us this gem from grandpa chow 'ah, fuck it!'

Best fatherly advice I get. And I get it regularly. "You know what I always say...."Fuck 'Em!'"

Got the advice so much I cross stitched it and framed it and gave it to him for Christmas. He loved/s it, and showed everyone, including my (only slightly horrified) grandmother.

 

[RNJAG]

Scribeded again

 

[xBuxombabex]

Neruda - I thought you were fabulous before but after the sexual harassment squad story your are now promoted to Legend!!

 

[wooodyme]

Sorry to see the fight, too, but bad puns should always be welcomed in every posting. Got to have something to groan over! Keep it going, buddy.

 

[Ellafun]

Hey, Neruda...isn't it funny how real life gets in the way? (Says the girl who actually put on her "to do" list today: Stay off Lit!).

Thanks for all you do. Love your SWAT story, btw!!

 

[neruda]

Scribeded again

Awesome. Glad for the loyalty.

 

[neruda]

Neruda - I thought you were fabulous before but after the sexual harassment squad story your are now promoted to Legend!!

I will humbly try to live up to legend status.

 

[neruda]

Sorry to see the fight, too, but bad puns should always be welcomed in every posting. Got to have something to groan over! Keep it going, buddy.

I would like to maintain this as a pun free zone.

 

[neruda]

Hey, Neruda...isn't it funny how real life gets in the way? (Says the girl who actually put on her "to do" list today: Stay off Lit!).

Thanks for all you do. Love your SWAT story, btw!!

Gracias

 

[Edensgarden]

Neruda,

I had my doubts at first, but you have done an awesome job here. Thanks for the laughs!

 

[neruda]

Neruda,

I had my doubts at first, but you have done an awesome job here. Thanks for the laughs!

Thank you, ma'am. I'm basing it all on two things: 1) Be Polite to people like I would in real life. 2) Honor my word, like I would in real life.

 

[deehere]

Hey Neruda

You asked for posts telling how they got back at someone. My Mom did this. Her boyfriend was being an asshole. After a really bad fight she approached all smiles and sweetness asking if he wanted lunch served him a tuna sandwich which was disguised tuna cat food. Halfway through before he noticed the paper napkin on it.

 

[neruda]

You asked for posts telling how they got back at someone. My Mom did this.. Her boyfriend was being an all around asshole. After a particularly bad fight she approached him all smiles and sweetness asking if he wanted lunch, served him a tuna sandwich. He was halfway through before he noticed the paper napkin on it.

Was there anything on the napkin?