Satan Cursed Me... Plz Help

[Hellbox]

My life story:

Hi my name is shawn. I'm 24yrs old. When i was small my cousin molested me & make me to sck his penis whenever my family visited their home. After his mother died we stopped going there.

When i was younger my drunk uncle raped my ass and told me not to say anything abt this to anyone.

When was a little older my other uncle friend raped me.

They turn me into sex beast so i raped one kid. After then i thought i'm becoming a gay person so i started concentrated on woman. And started masturbating while watching them from the window.

After Then i started watching porn movies like a mad man (straight p*rns not gay p*rns). Then after some years i started loosing my hairs and with my hairs i also loosed my confidence.

Then i started doing drugs and become very thin. During that time a fucked a gay person with my friend.

Then i cleaned myself up and quited drugs then i find a spiritual master and i started doing meditation. Now i'm controlling this sex beast. But last it all went wrong

after a while, i tried to fck my elder married sister. Then after few years i tried to fck my mother. Now sometime i have suicidal thoughts on my mind but i can't do it becoz i'm pussy (coward type of person)

I don't like my friends even though they all are good i hate every human being on this earth. I rarely go out of the house spending all day on the internet. I consider myself ugly. Plz help what to do?

 

[Stella_Omega]

I know a troll when I read one.

 

[Hellbox]

I know a troll when I read one.

i swear on God i'm not trolling i even asked this question on yahoo answers but some people reported it.
So i thought i would get some views on this site
plz help i'm not a troll

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well then you need to talk to a therapist.

I'm sorry, your problems are far too deep to be fixable on the internet.

 

[seela]

I'm just trying to guess his native language based on what he wrote in English.

I'm that boring. And bored.

 

[Hellbox]

Well then you need to talk to a therapist.

I'm sorry, your problems are far too deep to be fixable on the internet.

i'm a shy kind of person i can't tell anyone abt this. I choose internet coz personal identity is secret over here.

 

[Hellbox]

I'm just trying to guess his native language based on what he wrote in English.

I'm that boring. And bored.

Sorry my english is not that good... Maybe for you it's a subject of laugh but i'm living this fucked up life.

 

[Stella_Omega]

i'm a shy kind of person i can't tell anyone abt this. I choose internet coz personal identity is secret over here.

The internet is such a crap shoot. No one here is really qualified to counsel you, and there is no way that even a qualified counseller could give you the best help they are possible of. Asking random strangers , you will not get the help that you need-- and you deserve to be helped, believe that!

 

[seela]

Sorry my english is not that good... Maybe for you it's a subject of laugh but i'm living this fucked up life.

I'm not laughing. That's just a game I play, because it's something I'm interested in. I also found it curious you came to the BDSM forum with this question, but that's beyond the point.

But I really don't think anyone could offer you any advice beyond what Stella already said: professional help.

 

[Hellbox]

The internet is such a crap shoot. No one here is really qualified to counsel you, and there is no way that even a qualified counseller could give you the best help they are possible of. Asking random strangers , you will not get the help that you need-- and you deserve to be helped, believe that!

whenever i reminisced about this stuff it makes me feel very bad from inside.
I ask God why this all happened to me? What i had done that i'm facing this? Why can't i live a normal life like other boys/girls. I hate my life...

 

[Hellbox]

Thanx 4 giving your Precious time signing off

I'm having this Fear in my mind that my mind thoughts would change me into Some Serial Psycho Killer.

 

[Pelagie]

You need to go to a therapist. The internet is a wonderful thing but it can't help you with this. What happened to you is not your fault and you shouldn't feel shame or embarrassment. I hope you get the help you're looking for.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Hey hellbox, I have nothing to new add, but I urge you to listen to the others here and seek professional help. The internet is a wonderful place to be anonymous, but, in the end, that alone can't help you.

BUT! What you just did here is already a good start to helping yourself. Talking about it, even anonymously, can give you the strength to talk to a professional and get some real help.

I hope you can find some peace with yourself and what has happened to you. Finding some professional help that can do better than us is a good start

 

[Stella_Omega]

whenever i reminisced about this stuff it makes me feel very bad from inside.
I ask God why this all happened to me? What i had done that i'm facing this? Why can't i live a normal life like other boys/girls. I hate my life...

You are asking the wrong person. GOD is an imaginary friend, and He only can tell you what you already know.

And you are asking the wrong question. The question is not "WHY" did this happen, but HOW can you heal from it. WHY is because some adult men were fucked up assholes and they fucked you up. HOW you are going to get yourself fixed-- that's a whole different story.
There are people who can help you answer it, but you have to reach out to them.

I'm having this Fear in my mind that my mind thoughts would change me into Some Serial Psycho Killer.

I admit, you scare me that way too. I am very sorry for you.

 

[His_pet_slut]

On the off chance you are sincere, as others said, get professional help now. If you think you might harm another human being in any fashion, you do not need to be soliciting opinions on what to do on the internet, you need to be receiving intensive help. The alternative is too sad to think of.

If on the other hand, you are a person that thinks it is jolly fun to pull something like this on sincere people that go out of their way to assist others in their journey through life, shame on you.

 

[eastern sun]

What happened to your spiritual practice?

 

[4bidnfruit]

My life story:

Hi my name is shawn. I'm 24yrs old. When i was small my cousin molested me & make me to sck his penis whenever my family visited their home. After his mother died we stopped going there.

When i was younger my drunk uncle raped my ass and told me not to say anything abt this to anyone.

When was a little older my other uncle friend raped me.

They turn me into sex beast so i raped one kid. After then i thought i'm becoming a gay person so i started concentrated on woman. And started masturbating while watching them from the window.

After Then i started watching porn movies like a mad man (straight p*rns not gay p*rns). Then after some years i started loosing my hairs and with my hairs i also loosed my confidence.

Then i started doing drugs and become very thin. During that time a fucked a gay person with my friend.

Then i cleaned myself up and quited drugs then i find a spiritual master and i started doing meditation. Now i'm controlling this sex beast. But last it all went wrong

after a while, i tried to fck my elder married sister. Then after few years i tried to fck my mother. Now sometime i have suicidal thoughts on my mind but i can't do it becoz i'm pussy (coward type of person)

I don't like my friends even though they all are good i hate every human being on this earth. I rarely go out of the house spending all day on the internet. I consider myself ugly. Plz help what to do?

I’m always fascinated by those that put their most inner secrets and shame on the net because they feel it’s anonymous. I can’t control the audience so sharing such things makes me feel as though I am wearing a neon sign with my true identity. In any case, there are times that I read some of these secrets and consider replying but I have to step away and check myself. I did that but this time, I return with the same anger that i felt when i first read.

I’ve spent too many years fighting the darkness that makes people become what they hate. If what you say is true, it is a battle you have lost and I don’t have enough goodness to give you sympathy. You claim to have raped a child and it appears your greatest concern is whether or not you’re gay? Getting screwed (no pun intended) by people in life doesn’t give you the right to do the same thing to others.
You are ugly! If you fucking cared about what you have become (don’t fool yourself, you have become what you claim you don’t want to be) you would get professional help rather than crying oh poor poor pitiful me.

 

[DVS]

i swear on God i'm not trolling i even asked this question on yahoo answers but some people reported it.
So i thought i would get some views on this site
plz help i'm not a troll

While I agree that you should ultimately talk to a professional about what you've been through, I also think it might make you feel better to get this all out of your system. You've had all of this stuck inside of your head and you need to let it out. If you want someone to listen, we are here to listen. We can't help you in a professional way, but we can at least listen to what you have to say.

Sometimes, if you don't talk to someone about what you're going through in your head, you can create a monster within yourself. You close yourself off to people who care for you and it can make you do drugs and drink alcohol to excess. But, once you start to talk about the monster inside you, he doesn't have hold of you like he once did. You take charge of your life again and he just fades away. You gain strength again, and confidence in yourself.

No, it's not an alternative to professional help. It's just a kind of release valve that you can use to chase off the monster and help get things straight in your head. You need people to listen and you've got a lot of people here who will listen. The only requirement is you must be honest with us and honest with yourself. OK, it's up to you, now. What are you going to do?

 

[Etoile]

Age references removed (Indian system of "standards" or grades).

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

I am so sorry for all that you have had to endure, but I am also proud of you for reaching out for help!

There are ways to receive anonymous assistance beyond a forum like this one that can get you the kind of help you are needing. I don't know where you are but there are organizations that have hotlines you can call who are more familiar with resources that may be available to you. In the US there is a group called RAINN that you could contact and at the very least could maybe point you in a direction. I also think that if you are seeking community to discuss these specific types of struggles, there are plenty of boards that would welcome and support you. Pandora Project is one that was easy to find, but I am sure there are many others. Of course, linger here if it helps you as you are welcome.

My best wishes to you to find what you are looking for.

>HUGE HUG<

Also, DVS, I just have to say your post was wonderful to read.

 

[YourCaptor]

I am so sorry for all that you have had to endure, but I am also proud of you for reaching out for help!

There are ways to recive anonymous assistancebeyond a forum like this one that can get you the kind of help you are needing. I don't know where you are but there are organizations that have hotlines you can call who are more familiar with resouces that may be available to you. In the US there is a group called RAINN that you could contact and at the very least could maybe point you in a direction. I also think that if you are seeking community to discuss these specffic types of struggles, there are plenty of boards that would welcome and support you. Pandora Project is one that was easy to find, but I am sure there are many others.


>HUGE HUG<

Word.

 

[YourCaptor]

i'm a shy kind of person i can't tell anyone abt this. I choose internet coz personal identity is secret over here.

You may be shy but you have to get up and do the work.

Nobody is going to to come to you, give you a hand and erase all your problems. That simply is not the reality of this world.

You have to chose to take the hard road in order to improve your life. Write letters and call professionals that can help you, then complete your therapy, and apply everything you learn in it.

If you chose not to work because it is too difficult, your situation can only change for the worse.

People here have already offered tips on how to start improving yourself. Now you have to go and do it.

Tell us your location and we can give you more specific tips.