Why do I want her to impregnate me? How do I further stimulate her dominant side?

[FG666]

Hey there,

So, bear with me, please, as I am feeling a bit confused and have many questions/ doubts.
I will keep as objective as I can, though.

I'm 30F and I have recently started seeing someone who is 40F.
Both of us have no experience in BDSM but there are things we really would like to explore.

I have always knew I lean much more to the submissive side in my intimacy, despite being someone very independent and dominant in other spheres of life.

This person is quite dominant, a bit arrogant, self assured, can be slightly egocentric and sometimes condescending to me. These things are mostly turn ons, despite sounding bad in any other context, but I will explain better below. Besides, she is caring too, she will always look for my well being, and clearly likes me a lot.

Going to the point.

So, she can be a bit commanding and with anyone else I would fight back. With her I didn't...and it felt liberating to me. I never thought that giving out my agency and control to someone else could feel this way. Yet, here I am, wishing to submit to her wishes, opening up both mental and physically to her, allowing myself to feel vulnerable, trusting her, feeling the actual need to obey... Performing tasks that normally bore me and doing them for her the best I can, seeking her approval, creates a sort of sexual tension that is amazing in our intimacy...and I feel not only liberated but much more in control of myself when in any other situation.

Sex with her is mind blowing to me.

I love begging her to own me, to make me hers, to make a good wife of me. I love when she tells me how incredibly feminine and sexy my body feels, how she never had any woman like me before and how she will make me do anything she asks of me...
This sounds quite banal but for me it's not. Let me say way...I have always despised stereotypical feminine roles (good housewife, motherhood, skirts and other types of clothing etc). But with her I like feeling very feminine...I put on lingerie, I like to use make up, and take on traditional feminine roles at home and she loves it and makes me feel really desired. enjoy being able to already antecipate her needs.

Now something that really surprised me.

Not far into our relationship I have found myself begging her to impregnate me. I know it's biologically impossible and something I would not even want rationally..But there I was...feeling like I needed to be submitted and used in such a "permanent" way, perhaps to show off to everyone I belong to her.. The desire was overwhelming...and yet I was a bit afraid of speaking it out loud... As I didn't want to freak her out.

Thankfully she loved it..it's something that truly excites her. Everytime we do it, she fingers me really deep, sometimes slow and deliberate, sometimes hard..and I beg her to give me her own secretions...so she penetrates me with that and I feel so wet, with both hers and mine...She always orgasms several times on my legs while deep inside me. And me too..like I never thought I could...the feeling of her in me like that it's exhilarating, almost an spiritual experience (if I believed). I truly feel like I belong to her, mind and body, and she does keep saying I'm hers, while barely choerent anymore...

Another time she found herself begging to nurse from me..she too was feeling a bit ashamed of that. Yet, to my surprise, my reaction was of excitement. The idea of lactating so she could do that instead of making me dysphoric, actually excited me so much...

What is the psychology behind this? Why would she want that and why do I? What sort of dynamic is that? Is it related to DS or something else?

I generally don't enjoy to be bound, humiliation, rough sex without an important psychological background..etc. When I search about DS it often comes with the ropes and spankings and that is not exactly what I'm looking for. I think I enjoy that dynamic of good housewife / good Christian husband and the discipline it entails but I haven't find much literature separated from the religion.

I really want to explore our dynamics but without much background yet it may be more difficult. I wonder how to proceed to uncover our desires without freaking out her.

I say this because she seems not to want to physically discipline me, as she doesn't want to cause me any "harm". Sometimes I write some erotic texts to her, expressing what I want us to do or reminding a good moment we had. Last time I asked if she would control a bit my breathing but that made her feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was too much. I think I would like her to just grab slightly my throat while penetrating me with her fingers, so she could feel me contracting, and I would not fight back her hands despite the urge, as a way of submitting. However, I understand it can be something dangerous or at least visually scary if not done well.

Do you have any ideas of things we could try that would allow me to experience a similar sense of submission without the physical pain component?

I do enjoy pain..for example, I would love her to spank me with her hand as a discipline but, even if that is something she could like, it may be too early.
If she is doing it only for me it won't excite me. What truly excites me is her pleasure and being the source of such intense sexual experiences..I want her to lose control, to feel raw desire and just act on it on me.

 

[Escierto]

It’s possible for her to put her hand or hands on your neck, not so hard that it’s dangerous but just there so you feel her possessing you.

You could give her permission to take you in the night while you sleep and then she pulls off your panties and wakes you up while taking you for herself. My lover does that - I go to bed early and it’s amazing waking up feeling her tearing my underwear off.

I don’t think you should overthink the dynamics between the two of you. Just enjoy it for what it is - you want to submit to her completely and she wants your submission. Let her use your body for her satisfaction - for me, all I care about is my lover’s satisfaction.

 

[Escierto]

One other thing that I thought about is receiving a golden shower from my lover. We have never done it but we have talked about it - my being on my knees looking up at her while she pisses on me. Obviously it’s not for everyone (and I am not sure if we will ever do it) but I love the idea of letting her do that to me. Just a thought!

 

[FG666]

Thank you both for your replies!

It’s possible for her to put her hand or hands on your neck, not so hard that it’s dangerous but just there so you feel her possessing you.

Yes, I do think that I can start with her just putting the hands over my neck..and then we will see if that excites her or not. As in your case, my pleasure is very dependent on hers. If it's just for mine I simply don't care, doesn't matter how supposedly good it should feel from a physical point of view. The golden shower is also something that I find alluring but I wonder if she would ever consider it!

So what you're discribing sounds more like what I've heard called funishments. Its not actually discipline you want it to happen, it's masochistic.

That is a good point of view but I'm not entirely sure it's not discipline what I really want. I really love the idea of being "broken down", submitted..just the pain "for the pain" might not be so thrilling. The thing with me, which makes it more complicated (like I mentioned above) is that my pleasure is almost completely dependent on hers. So if she truly doesn't enjoy inflicting any sort of pain or discomfort it is tricky.
I like the idea of introducing it to her as something that pleases me so much and not as something bad.

 

[FG666]

You may like ovipositor toys that are able to let her "impregnate" you or using a dildo that can squirter cum lube to let her give you a cream pie!

Ah, yes, that has crossed my mind but I figured out that it has to be her secretions (i.e. vaginal fluid). Anything else can't excite me. She gets very (very!) wet, so we can play a lot with it. I feel I belong to her by having it inside of me, my body absorbing it..and I like the way it still soaks my underwear next day, reminding me of her all the time.

 

[IrisAlthea]

This sounds quite banal but for me it's not.

Isn’t that love and romance in a nutshell though? All the laughable klichés suddenly become profound when it’s about yourself.

You describe the feelings very well and that is a gift - to be able to describe it so others understand that profound feeling.

relationship I have found myself begging her to impregnate me

Another time she found herself begging to nurse from me.

What is the psychology behind this? Why would she want that and why do I? What sort of dynamic is that? Is it related to DS or something else?

Intimacy, bonding, connection and on a physical level, the hormone oxytocin.

I think I enjoy that dynamic of good housewife / good Christian husband and the discipline it entails but I haven't find much literature separated from the religion.

I have found that if you can ignore the fact that the writer had a different audience in mind and in some cases wouldn’t be very accepting of you and your situation, it is way easier to find information that is relevant and useful.
That is a general observation that I have found true for myself in several situations and not just about this topic.

What truly excites me is her pleasure and being the source of such intense sexual experiences..I want her to lose control, to feel raw desire and just act on it on me.

Again, you describe it very well, so telling her about that might be helpful.
Be aware though that losing control is scary and/or uncomfortable, even more so in a situation where you want to be in a dominant position. And sometimes there are feelings in the mix that the other person really doesn’t want to let loose and possibly neither do you.

We often talk about the need for trust and a safe space for the submissive but I think it can be just as true for the dominant.

So if she truly doesn't enjoy inflicting any sort of pain or discomfort it is tricky.
I like the idea of introducing it to her as something that pleases me so much and not as something bad.

If it is the discipline thing you are after, the pain might not be the main focus at all but rather the control, the dominance, the roles implied.
Not wanting to hurt people you care about isn’t a bad thing really, so framing it differently might help getting you what you want, if you can do it without her feeling pushed.

 

[FG666]

We often talk about the need for trust and a safe space for the submissive but I think it can be just as true for the dominant.

You are absolutely right. I can't put myself in her shoes but I can imagine how strange it might feel to explore feelings/desires that can feel so contradictory. She might feel like a bad person or just scared of her own wishes, etc. It is certainly important to thread carefully.

Thank you so much for your insights, I appreciate them a lot

 

[LustyScribe]

I think I can address this in just 5 words: Quit thinking and enjoy yourselves! You've got a marvelous thing going with this woman you seem to care for, and it appears mutual. Revel in that! Here's what you DON'T need: 1. A label for it, or you, or her, or your relationship..2. A "Diagnosis." 3. Permission. 4. Approval. 5. A pet rattlesnake. (I just threw that in to make sure you're paying attention AND because NOBODY should have a pet rattlesnake. IMHO) So go and have wonderful, fun, fulfilling sex and quit making me jealous! LOL

 

[FantasySharer1]

Even if you cannot have her impregnate you, you can get a sense of deep bodily connection and ownership through bodily fluid play.
1. Swallowing her saliva or having her spit in your mouth.
2. Swallowing her piss (have her drink a lot of water so the taste is comfortable, and watch out for medicines that travel in urine)
3. Licking her body clean after a run.
4. Lots of being "marked" by her pussy juice, perhaps using it as a face lotion or in your hear (when the scent is not an issue and youre not going out etc)
5. Drinking her breastmilk if you can induce lactation.

These things, especially involving her saliva, urine, and milk - literally cause her to become A PART OF YOU, in a way paralleling being impregnated. Of course, totally and completely different but the *knowledge* that some of the water in your body literally came out of her a few hours ago, or that some of the fat/protein/carbs that are literally being used to make your cells were LITERALLY her breastmilk a few hours ago. That her saliva is mixed with your food. All of this brings you closer and closer to the idea that she has "released herself" into you and made herself a part of you.

My wife and I have played with this A LOT. Feel free to DM for more details or ask here on what we did if this is a direction that you're interested in going.

 

[sinfulchaoticdesires]

I think I can address this in just 5 words: Quit thinking and enjoy yourselves! You've got a marvelous thing going with this woman you seem to care for, and it appears mutual. Revel in that! Here's what you DON'T need: 1. A label for it, or you, or her, or your relationship..2. A "Diagnosis." 3. Permission. 4. Approval. 5. A pet rattlesnake. (I just threw that in to make sure you're paying attention AND because NOBODY should have a pet rattlesnake. IMHO) So go and have wonderful, fun, fulfilling sex and quit making me jealous! LOL

I am going to get a pet rattlesnake to Amp up my sex life...

But seriously it's something that I've craved... I loved someone so much.. I told them.. that id be willingly to get pregnant by them.. they were surprised and loved that..

But then they went and picked someone who was more important and my world shattered

Just talk with your partner. Always

 

[Yankee0717]

Hello , newbie, any advice will be appreciated.