pain confusion

[knot_sweet]

Dear all...

First off, it's great to finally find a "kink" site that appears to be populated by intelligent, insightful, experienced people. I've been lurking for about a week before deciding to post here.
Although only new to the site, I already have a lot of "stuff" that I hope some of you might be able to clarify or explain. Thankyou in advance for you tolerance with the noob...

My first question is about pain. Although I don't physically enjoy pain while it's happening, the emotional and endorphic high that occurs immediately afterwards puts me in a sub space haze that lasts almost all day. Even after the session is finished. I often wish M/M would push my boundaries a little further regarding the infliction of pain, but He is reluctant due to some negative reactions I had much earlier in our relationship. I've tried expressing my willingness to be pushed further, but He doesn't seem to think that's a good idea. I know He enjoys the place He puts me in when He plays harder with me...How can I tolerate pain better so He feels more comfortable "hurting" me?

 

[ponysslave]

When I begin reaching the point of thinking I can't take anymore, focused breathing usually works for me as a way to distract my brain from the pain.

 

[knot_sweet]

Thankyou ponysslave for the advice.
The reading I have done suggested the same thing, but it's is nice to know it works in real life.
I don't seem to have mastered the art of breathing through it yet so any other advice would been welcome.
Otherwise I guess I'll just have to practise more.
Aw, how terrible, what's a poor subbie to do!?

 

[His_pet_slut]

Thankyou ponysslave for the advice.
The reading I have done suggested the same thing, but it's is nice to know it works in real life.
I don't seem to have mastered the art of breathing through it yet so any other advice would been welcome.
Otherwise I guess I'll just have to practise more.
Aw, how terrible, what's a poor subbie to do!?

I embrace it for what it is. It is pain, but it is also a vehicle if you will. Something that transports me. I narrow my focus to only the pain. No other noise or interior dialogue. It truly is one of the only things that will fully shut down this inner dialogue that seems to be continually going on for me.

Of course, M~ says I am a bit of a pain slut, so that might not work as well for you.

 

[YourCaptor]

Hmm, you know I never suspected that so much is going on behind the curtains when you beat her ass.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hmm, you know I never suspected that so much is going on behind the curtains when you beat her ass.

Education can happen at any time.

 

[StrayKat]

Aw, how terrible, what's a poor subbie to do!?

I say "that fucking hurts so kindly stop NOW".
But I am anything but a poor subbie

 

[knot_sweet]

I say "that fucking hurts so kindly stop NOW".
But I am anything but a poor subbie

I had a giggle at this.

Rest assured my "complaint" was anything but!

I like that M/M would take His time to inflict careful, tender pain on me. I like that He wants my hurt as much as my need to have my mouth permanently wrapped around His cock. I like that He is willing to kiss away the tears and soothe the tremors, both emtional and physical that He has wrung from me.

I just need to find a way to deal with the pain better so He can reap the rewards.

Focusing on it may help. I haven't tried that yet. Usually my thoughts scatter like butterflies at the first hint of pain.

So, focus, breathe... a combination of the two may work.

Thanks ladies.

 

[blackfire87]

This one's a hard one for me to answer.. I tend to give myself over to the pain, I release myself and let myself scream or even cry and it makes it able to go so much farther. Screaming is a wonderful release of pain and allows you to take more, which is why I think women can handle childbirth. You'll never know a pain like childbirth and trust me you can easily start screaming during it and make it through . Is He okay with you making noise? And do you have your safe word that He honors?

 

[knot_sweet]

blackfire87 - I have had a child so yes I understand about screaming.

Unfortunately, neither M/M or I are turned on by lots of really loud noise in scene.

Perhaps if I scream into a pillow that might muffle the sounds enough for us both to keep focus.

Or scare the crap out of the neighbours...

 

[StrayKat]

You'll never know a pain like childbirth and trust me you can easily start screaming during it and make it through

That would vary from woman to woman, no?
I can say you will never know what true pain is until the disc in your back ruptures out in pieces and presses nerves in your spine. Even worse than that was myelography, for me. I had two kids, I had a cervix rupture with my first I literally bled to death from, was a miracle they managed to save me. Yet I never made much more sound than loud panting. I believe I had worse toothaches in life.
/shrug

 

[blackfire87]

That is understandable, every person has a different threshold of pain. I understand about the difficut child birth, my first son was emergency c-section due to getting stuck and it took weeks of bedrest to be able to even move, but the second had to be csection and I was up and about next day. I can stand being beaten until after it breaks skin but I make a fuss when I slam a finger or twist my ankle xD. I am truly sorry you've had some bad bad things happen to you and I'm glad you're okay . Now to knot, have you tried biting something? Like biting on a pillow or if He likes to be bit is something you two could try to help give you focus from your pain so you can take more

 

[IrisAlthea]

As for handling pain better, I want to put in another vote for focused breathing. You might want to look into the Lamaze technique if you haven't already.
On the other hand - pain is our body trying to tell us something, so keep an extra close eye on your reactions and talk to him about it too. That might help him feel more comfortable with the situation, knowing that you both are aware and addressing his worries.

 

[napebaf]

Aside from screaming, you might actually want to try swearing. Mythbusters actually tested it, and they confirmed that swearing does make it easier to handle pain, even when compared to yelling out non-swears. It still will require making some noise, but not as much as a full-out scream.

Whether this is a turn-on or turn-off for you and your master is another matter, of course.

 

[FurryFury]

I love pain as a sensation when wrapped in an erotic moment.



I don't enjoy pain such as abscessed teeth, stubbed toes or kidney stones. Now maybe if someone was pushing my buttons during all of these, I would! I have been delirious with pain and thinking about sex. I'm just wired that way.

 

[His_pet_slut]

I love pain as a sensation when wrapped in an erotic moment.



I don't enjoy pain such as abscessed teeth, stubbed toes or kidney stones. Now maybe if someone was pushing my buttons during all of these, I would! I have been delirious with pain and thinking about sex. I'm just wired that way.

I'm wired much the same way. I like that about me.

 

[ponysslave]

Now to knot, have you tried biting something? Like biting on a pillow or if He likes to be bit is something you two could try to help give you focus from your pain so you can take more[/QUOTE]

Ha - I can't even imagine the repercussion of biting my M.

 

[ponysslave]

That is understandable, every person has a different threshold of pain. I understand about the difficut child birth, my first son was emergency c-section due to getting stuck and it took weeks of bedrest to be able to even move, but the second had to be csection and I was up and about next day. I can stand being beaten until after it breaks skin but I make a fuss when I slam a finger or twist my ankle xD. I am truly sorry you've had some bad bad things happen to you and I'm glad you're okay . Now to knot, have you tried biting something? Like biting on a pillow or if He likes to be bit is something you two could try to help give you focus from your pain so you can take more

Ha - I can't even imagine the repercussion of biting my M.

 

[knot_sweet]

To StrayKat and blackfire87 - I'm sorry that you experieced such awful things during childbirth.

To blackfire87 and ponysslave - biting M/M is soooo not an option. However biting a pillow could work. I'll add its to my "try this list".

To FurryFury and His_pet_slut - I wish I could get into it for it's own sake like you ladies.

To napebaf - Swearing isn't a bad idea. Right now I use the phrase "ow bugger fuck cramp cramp" to great effect. And I love Mythbusters...

To IrisAlthea - The lamaze method makes me giggle and add train noises. But I appreciate the suggestion. Yes we have communicated about this. M/M is just very careful due a couple of bad emtional reactions very early in our relationship.

I've also noticed I handle pain better when I'm lying down. I suspect this is because my muscles are less tense. Why I take pain better when M/M uses our collar is not something I understand. Any advice about these two points?